Tell a joke...!!
- Thread starter RawkinKaoticStyle
- Start date
heteropedro
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2003
- Messages
- 255
- Reaction score
- 0
whose there
RawkinKaoticStyle
Senior Don Juan
doc toar my insides out. hahaha WTF
RawkinKaoticStyle
Senior Don Juan
anymore jokes? DJs need to smile
Ded_Skin_Mask13
Banned
Here's a couple for your jokeless asses:
When I asked her to the prom...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to dance...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. . When I asked her to kiss me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to make love to me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to move in with me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled When I asked for her hand in marriage...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to bear my children...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. That's when I realized, she was a retard.
There was this woman that had no arms and no legs. She was sunbathing on the beach one day. There was a man that lived on the beach who was going out for his routine daily walk. He walks by the woman and she says,"Excuse me Sir... I've never been kissed by a man before. Would you kiss me?" The man says,"O.K.", and he kisses her. On his way back to his house, the woman is still on the beach and says,"Excuse me Sir...I've never been groped by a man before. Would you grab my breasts?" So, the man says,"Sure, Why not?" He grabs her breast. Finally the man is going out for his evening walk to once again be confronted by the woman with no arms or legs. She sees the man pass and says,"Excuse me Sir... I've never been ****ed by a man before. Would you?" The man says,"Yeah. I'll **** you. So he walks over picks up the lady, throws her in the ocean and says,"There, now you're ****ed."
25 Signs You've Grown Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.
Here's one more for your *******s:
22 Things To Never Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No donut!
9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?
14. I pay your salary!
15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!
17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.
19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
I've got a sh*tload more that I've saved up, and I might post em if you like these, but there are also some that will offend some of y'all so I probably won't those unless you queers say you wanna read em.....Smoke Acid!
When I asked her to the prom...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to dance...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. . When I asked her to kiss me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to make love to me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to move in with me...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled When I asked for her hand in marriage...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. When I asked her to bear my children...She just looked at me, giggled and smiled. That's when I realized, she was a retard.
There was this woman that had no arms and no legs. She was sunbathing on the beach one day. There was a man that lived on the beach who was going out for his routine daily walk. He walks by the woman and she says,"Excuse me Sir... I've never been kissed by a man before. Would you kiss me?" The man says,"O.K.", and he kisses her. On his way back to his house, the woman is still on the beach and says,"Excuse me Sir...I've never been groped by a man before. Would you grab my breasts?" So, the man says,"Sure, Why not?" He grabs her breast. Finally the man is going out for his evening walk to once again be confronted by the woman with no arms or legs. She sees the man pass and says,"Excuse me Sir... I've never been ****ed by a man before. Would you?" The man says,"Yeah. I'll **** you. So he walks over picks up the lady, throws her in the ocean and says,"There, now you're ****ed."
25 Signs You've Grown Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that this doesn't apply to you.
Here's one more for your *******s:
22 Things To Never Say To A Cop
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!
5. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.
7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
8. Bad cop! No donut!
9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
10. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
11. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?
12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?
14. I pay your salary!
15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?
16. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!
17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.
19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.
22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
I've got a sh*tload more that I've saved up, and I might post em if you like these, but there are also some that will offend some of y'all so I probably won't those unless you queers say you wanna read em.....Smoke Acid!
On_the_Top
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2003
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
- 0
Q. What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What's better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy
Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.
Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...
Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of ****ing time.
Q. Why is a woman's ***** like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged
Q. What is the Difference Between ***** and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They're going to call her Old Spice.
Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running ****
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
A. They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
Q. How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A. When his hand caught on fire.
Q. What's better than a rose on your piano?
A. Tulips on your organ.
Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. Stand back, I don't know how big this thing gets!
Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy
Q. Why don't witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?
A. Better traction.
Q. What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A. Push it aside and keep on eating...
Q. How do you say 69 in Chinese?
A. Twocanchew (two can chew).
Q. How do you teach a blond math?
A. Subtract her clothes, divide her legs, and square root her.
Q. What did the pedophile say when he got out of jail?
A. I feel like a kid again!
Q. What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before he leaves the factory?
A. Two test tickles
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period?
A. A bloody waste of ****ing time.
Q. Why is a woman's ***** like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
Q. What is the first sign of AIDS?
A. A pounding sensation in the ass.
Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gagged
Q. What is the Difference Between ***** and Apple Pie?
A. You can eat your mom's apple pie.
Q. Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
A. Place to hang their air freshener.
Q. Did you hear Cher is joining the spice girls?
A. They're going to call her Old Spice.
Q. What is the difference between a clever midget and a venereal disease?
A. One is a cunning runt, and the other is a running ****
Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.
Q. What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.
On_the_Top
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2003
- Messages
- 396
- Reaction score
- 0
. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the **** is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't **** on the floor.
Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A **** that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!
Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"
Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a ******* from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don't look down.
Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?
A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops ****ing you after you're dead.
Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.
Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the **** is she doing out of the kitchen?
Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't **** on the floor.
Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.
Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.
Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.
Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A **** that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.
Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.
Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.
Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!
Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.
Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.
Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.
Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"
Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri
Q. What does tightrope walking and getting a ******* from Grandma have in common ?
A. You don't look down.
Q. Who can make more money in a week, a drug dealer or a prostitute?
A. The prostitute because she can wash and resell her crack.
Q. How are women and linoleum floors alike?
A. You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q. How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
A. The prostitute stops ****ing you after you're dead.
Q. What has one hundred balls and screws old ladies?
A. Bingo
Q. What is a zebra?
A. 26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.