Tease

[Fruitbat]

Total novice here, AFC most of my life, now working out the game.

Girl I have a massive horn for & actually really like (imagine she knows) gets in touch out of the blue with some low level flirts. No real "come and get it" but def showing some interest.

In relationship but complains he isn't good for her.

Flirted over email/sms for a bit, negs etc, but wasn't sure if ****teasing. Called her out and asked her out. It's all gone quiet now. Funnily enough she started negging me first! Not sure what to make of that, never had that before.

While I am getting the idea I am being ****teased 90%, I am wondering whether I have done the right thing. I was pretty blunt and to the point, without being sleazy, but I did say I liked her without kissing ass too much

Some say do the whole "not available" thing, but the decision I made was just to call her out and just ask her out, BF or not.

Is this how you deal with a potential ****tease or are there better ways of dealing with it?

Is there a chance she is not ****teasing?

 

[Uncharted]

I can't understand what you are saying. Did you ask her out? Did she say yes? If not, then I don't think she's interested.

Best way to measure interest level is to see if she will meet up with you.

 

[balance33]

I can't tell what happened after you asked her out. Anything other than "yes" means that you should go NC, at least until she comes crawling back.

 

[Fruitbat]

Total silence for 3 days. this is via email.

Obviously if she dont get back then its a no, but I am more interested in if I handled it correctly - i.e. if attached women you like flirt, just call them out. The other option being to ignore them and dont persue, or just to keep flirting.

 

[balance33]

Yea, she is not interested and she is using you to make herself feel like she has options while she stays in a relationship that she doesn't like. Have some self respect and never talk to this girl again.

 

[Fruitbat]

In general I am getting confused with persistence V just walking away. The two seem to contradict each other, how can you be persistent without being a chump who chases, fulfilling her emotional need to get mens interest.

I am thinking I just do what I did (bluntly explain how I feel without getting wussy), ask out, and ignore from now on.

I was expecting a "things are difficult", "too complicated" "I am flattered" or a "yes", but total ignore for this long is strange and I don't know what to make of it. Suffice to say, I am thinking the worst possible thing to do is to contact again.

 

[Fruitbat]

FFS Balance, why do women do this? She must know I like her, how ****ing cruel they are.

Well, at least I had a go. She knows the score, if she starts with the casual flirts I guess it's just ignore or 1 word answers until she gets that I am not going to be foreplay for her BF

 

[Fruitbat]

The problem is balance I really like her, srs. Would you suggest just explaining that I don't want to be just friendly and to come back if she is single, or just to ignore?

 

[balance33]

FFS Balance, why do women do this? She must know I like her, how ****ing cruel they are.

Well, at least I had a go. She knows the score, if she starts with the casual flirts I guess it's just ignore or 1 word answers until she gets that I am not going to be foreplay for her BF

She is using you to boost her self-esteem because she is in a relationship that she doesn't like. She is saying to herself: "Look, I can make this chump Fruitbat chase after me, so I've still got it." Once you asked her out, she won, so she doesn't need to text you anymore to get validation. However, once you go NC with her she will probably send out a few text "feelers" to make sure that you haven't moved on (again, trying to boost her ego). Don't even give her a one word reply.

The problem is balance I really like her, srs. Would you suggest just explaining that I don't want too be just friendly and to come back if she is single, or just to ignore?

I understand that you like her. She knows that you like her. You have no chance with her (read: zero), it is already too fu'cked up. Even if you did have a chance with her (you don't), explaining a chick your "feelings" is always a bad idea.

Please for the love of god never talk to this girl again.

****EDIT: I'm at my posting limit, so I will respond to your below message here. Asking her out was a good idea. It was better than just letting her tease you. It forces her to show her cards: is she attracted or not? But, how did you ask her out? In person is always better as it shows confidence. I got the sense it was via email or sms. It's good to minimize email/sms. Sure, it's easier for her since you are always available through SMS/email and she is just looking for some validation while she keeps sucking the di'ck of a guy she doesn't like but can't break up with. But, being always available (e.g., through SMS/email) is unattractive. You should be busy living your own life.


****EDIT 2: In response to your second post below, I was referring to your plan to "explain that I don't want to be just friendly...". This is suicide to attraction. She knows man, you asked her out. She knew even before then.

 

[Fruitbat]

Hang on, but if I didn't ask her out, I would have been an AFC though....I guess you are saying that by her actions, I could never win anyways.....could I have done anything different or have I just been singled out for a bit of fun, and I could have responded with the greatest game of all time and still lost? Thats what bothers me. Could I have done better.

"boosting her self esteem" - at my ****ing expense. I know this isn't a new phenemenom but every time it happens, it always happens with the girl I really want. and I guess that says it all in a way.

 

[Fruitbat]

She is using you to boost her self-esteem because she is in a relationship that she doesn't like. She is saying to herself: "Look, I can make this chump Fruitbat chase after me, so I've still got it." Once you asked her out, she won, so she doesn't need to text you anymore to get validation. However, once you go NC with her she will probably send out a few text "feelers" to make sure that you haven't moved on (again, trying to boost her ego). Don't even give her a one word reply.



I understand that you like her. She knows that you like her. You have no chance with her (read: zero), it is already too fu'cked up. Even if you did have a chance with her (you don't), explaining a chick your "feelings" is always a bad idea.

Please for the love of god never talk to this girl again.

No no no! I am not that stupid man! There were no "feelings", it was more "we should meet up to see where this goes" - no poems or ****!

 

[Fruitbat]

I just thought - drop the bull****, come out or **** off! I cant see how I could have played it differently, other than ignore the girl making advances on me (dumb) or keep flirting with a girl with a BF (dumb). Surely I made the best of a bad lot - OK - we would be good together, come out, if no reply, silence.

I don't really care about the result, just that this was played correctly.

Its total blank from now on unless she says/does something good.

FFS why do they always pick me to do this **** on.

 

[VladPatton]

You don't need to explain everything just for the sake of communicating with her and off putting your inevitable loss. She played, you asked her out, she ignored, you move on. It really is that simple. Happens to all of us. It is when you don't get the hint that you're a true chump-diggity. Plus, she has a so called bf. She's gotta get rid of him before she doesn anything with any other guy.

In short, she is loving the attention and falsely baiting guys that are willing to chase to make herself feel busy due to her boring, incompatible current relationship.

These girls do nothing but eat your emotions and waste your time.

 

[Fruitbat]

Can anyone explain how you avoid getting pissed off with these girls? It's a trap, no ****....and there is no way of knowing whether it's a trap or genuine, I guess until you just ask them out. Then you find out. Philosophical about it now, I actually pity someone who is that low in self esteem that she needs to do this **** to a decent guy, who never did **** to her, except for like her from afar. If I could take it back, I would, to remove her satisfaction but I can't. Can't help feeling like I have been mugged....and the worst thing of all is I can't even tell her what I now think of her, that would just give her some fresh emotions for this vampire to feed off. There is no way you can get revenge, god this sux.

DJs probably laughing at my oneitus, but I have had oneitus for this chick for a long time. More fool me. No mercy with any of these ho's in the future.

 

[goundra]

hey, I always heard that LordByron, the poet, scored a LOT. Dont knock poetry or ANYTHING that works, guys. Singing, playing music (if you really ARE good, is priceless for scoring.

 

[VladPatton]

Can anyone explain how you avoid getting pissed off with these girls? It's a trap, no ****....and there is no way of knowing whether it's a trap or genuine, I guess until you just ask them out. Then you find out. Philosophical about it now, I actually pity someone who is that low in self esteem that she needs to do this **** to a decent guy, who never did **** to her, except for like her from afar. If I could take it back, I would, to remove her satisfaction but I can't. Can't help feeling like I have been mugged....and the worst thing of all is I can't even tell her what I now think of her, that would just give her some fresh emotions for this vampire to feed off. There is no way you can get revenge, god this sux.

DJs probably laughing at my oneitus, but I have had oneitus for this chick for a long time. More fool me. No mercy with any of these ho's in the future.

This is precisely why you cut to the chase and you don't play girl games from the beginning. You don't text incessantly from the beginning. You don't comply to her demands...from the beginning. If you want a strong house you lay down a solid foundation first.

Unfortunately you gotta get burned a little to get a sense for this büllṣhit. When you recognize the patterns next time, you will know...'aaah...time to Next this one".

And yes, they do this for sport.

 

[Megaman XIV]

^^^Read this again!^^^

Your princess is teasing you from another castle. If she won't meet, drop her ass. Simple ass facts.

Get equipped.

 

[floydb25]

Can anyone explain how you avoid getting pissed off with these girls? It's a trap, no ****....and there is no way of knowing whether it's a trap or genuine, I guess until you just ask them out. Then you find out. Philosophical about it now, I actually pity someone who is that low in self esteem that she needs to do this **** to a decent guy, who never did **** to her, except for like her from afar. If I could take it back, I would, to remove her satisfaction but I can't. Can't help feeling like I have been mugged....and the worst thing of all is I can't even tell her what I now think of her, that would just give her some fresh emotions for this vampire to feed off. There is no way you can get revenge, god this sux.

DJs probably laughing at my oneitus, but I have had oneitus for this chick for a long time. More fool me. No mercy with any of these ho's in the future.

Never have this mindset with people. Just because YOU wouldn't intentionally harm others - doesn't mean they won't. In fact, predators, bullies, manipulators, etc, specifically SEEK OUT decent folk who will put up with their ****, not realize they're being disrespected, used, and toyed with, won't fight back, etc. They have no remorse or empathy, and aren't good people. And yes, they do suffer from low self-esteem, insecurity, and other issues. Bad people do exist.

That's why this girl is probably disatisfied with her assumingly ******* of a BF - because she's an ******* herself. It's why she's stringing you along and giving you false hope - knowing you'll fall for it.

I used to be the same way... completely naive, gullible, and oblivious to everything. People took me for a ride, and predators exploited the **** out of me. You need to be aware of what's going on, and not fall prey to losers - because that's all they are. Don't give ANYONE the benefit of the doubt, or assume they're genuine and have good intentions, or care about you and how you feel. There's a lot of selfish *******s out there.

 

[Fruitbat]

For sure, I just fall into the trap too easily I guess. My only concern is I played the hand too strong, I was pretty obvious about why I wanted to meet (didn't want to get FZ'd from the start, or waste time being a sideshow)

But, I guess there are all these whatifs, at the end of the day, if it was serious interest she would have jumped at the chance to meet in any context.

Taking heart from the fact I kept my self respect, had the balls to just go for it rather than keep playing the game and hoping (have often chickened out on this **** in the past "I have SOME contact, I must keep hold of that and not scare off"

Oneitus is gone now, this whole episode has underlined why this was the wrong one to have the oneitus for. I actually laughed thinking about this last night, why would a amazing dude like me want a woman who does this?

OK so I still have the hots for her but that just puts her level with 50% of most young women anyways.

Thanks for the help guys.