Talked to an attorney today

[R.U.G.]

How do we address this issue?

1) Place all assets in a irrevocable trust prior to having offspring or marriage. (Trust should be in New York, Delaware or Nevada. Delaware is the best, but the most expensive to maintain). No law requires you to disclose this to your "partner" or spouse. However, if you co-mingle, you invalidate those funds and they become marital property. A Judge has no legal authority to break the vail of the trust for the benefit of your "partner", spouse or off spring. There usually is a waiting period of 1 - 3 years before the vail is solidified. Delaware is good because they are pro asset protection. New York is pretty good too if you can last 3 years. As long there is no fraudulent covalence or co-mingling of assets, you are golden. Please note, you need to pay the trust assets' expenses through the trust. You cannot use marital assets to pay for trust expenses or the vail is compromised. However, again, IANAL, and you need to check with a elder law attorney. I can only state what I've done and has worked through my divorce.
2) Co-habitation agreement prior to moving in with each other.
3) Transferring title of your house to an irrevocable trust prior to moving in, marriage and offspring production
4) No co-signing of any loans for your "partner" or spouse. NONE.
5) Earn LESS than what your "partner" or spouse earns. Easier when you are self employed.
6) Separate bank accounts. Always. Therefore, your "partner" or spouse cannot clean you out.

 

[R.U.G.]

It’s not against you at all. The court has the child’s best financial interest in mind, not yours and only the mothers as it pertains to raising the child properly… It’s the reality of that situation.

If that was true, then BOTH parents would have control of the child support, not one. I know so many women who've used child support for their own means. Example. Ten years ago, I dated this single mom (yea, I was naive, but great sex). She was married twice, now three times and that one is on the rocks now too. She had a child with the first man, and he ran off to Cali and pays no child support. She got the second man to not only marry her, but legally adopt her kid. She divorced him three years later and forced both of themselves into bankruptcy because he bought a house for them that they could not afford. He's on the hook for child support til 24 plus college for a kid that is not his DNA. Plus, the kid gives him no respect. She calls him (again, this is years ago) by his first name, not Dad. He is in his 50's and lives back with his parents.

This is why I say, most modern women are worthless. Sorry, Be Excellent, it's the norm now. If men want to have children, the safest way would be through a surrogate or adoption w/o a wife or partner. Therefore, you have full 100% control over the well being of the offspring.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Lawyers tell you what you need to hear so that you will give them your money. That is the most important skill in being a lawyer.

 

[R.U.G.]

Simply put, the gov't should stay out of relationships. Keep money and assets out of a relationship and then you can build on something. Now, it's just too big of a gamble for a person to get married and risk them with a bias family court Judge or greedy lawyers. My short marriage cost myself and my ex-wife close to 30k in legal fees. Granted, I only took that route because she wouldn't divorce or sign a separation agreement (which would had been 90 bucks). The true fact of the matter is people get married to better their own lives, not to compliment or grow with one another. The lawyers make things worse, not better. It's just better to not involve them at all.

In the end, relationships are now temporary. It sucks and I'd rather it not be that way, but that is how the world is right now. Once no-fault divorce came in to play, all bets are off. The only ones who win are the lawyers. Yet, the two parties who are actually married do not understand this. All they want to do is stick it to the other one. I recall my ex-wife trying to fight over marital assets (wedding gifts and such). My response, take it all. I just wanted to get out of that kangaroo styled marital contract where it would had only gotten worse. I do not blame her. It was my fault in agreeing to marriage. Second biggest mistake of my life. I corrected it, but it was costly and has changed me as a person. Therefore, I can only recommend that people NOT get married. It's so true, the woman who you marry is not the woman who you divorce. She used to call me evil to all her family, co-workers and friends. She even made me serve her at her desk at her work to gain sympathy with others. Yet, I didn't fight any one of her demands except to extend medical insurance. She pushed the divorce process for 2 years (six months longer than the actual marriage). She did that so I'd incur legal fees. So, who's the evil one?

Boys and girls, just do not marry. It's not worth the lost of money, time, emotions, etc. You come out a different person.

 

[Spaz]

Boys and girls, just do not marry. It's not worth the lost of money, time, emotions, etc. You come out a different person.

I'll have to disagree with this ^.

Marriages r important towards children's development, most of you will notice that an absence of a father figure in a child's life will have a huge impact on society.

I think many men here would be in a better position to efficiently lead his wife/kids if he follows a simple rule before tying the knot; a man's future wife MUST display an EQ LOWER then his.

I've given this advice to many of my friends (who divorced and later remarried) over the years and many has agreed it works out - generally lesser fights, more loving relationship, all around positive vibes in the household that extends out into work and social life.

 

[R.U.G.]

I'll have to disagree with this ^.

Marriages r important towards children's development, most of you will notice that an absence of a father figure in a child's life will have a huge impact on society.

I think many men here would be in a better position to efficiently lead his wife/kids if he follows a simple rule before tying the knot; a man's future wife MUST display an EQ LOWER then his.

I've given this advice to many of my friends (who divorced and later remarried) over the years and many has agreed it works out - generally lesser fights, more loving relationship, all around positive vibes in the household that extends out into work and social life.

Until you go through it yourself, you have no idea what it is like. People change. Nothing can protect you from that.

 

[Spaz]

Until you go through it yourself, you have no idea what it is like. People change. Nothing can protect you from that.

I've been through it many many many moons ago.

Had children with a legally married wife and also kids that never been my wife in 3 other countries.

They all raised my kids rather well with good new husbands, I didn't pay any child support except when they visited me and stayed over during the holidays, don't think that counts as child support.

 

[R.U.G.]

It's a different game now buddy.

 

[Spaz]

It's a different game now buddy.

U can't let the past pave ur future path brother.

But I do understand the need to concentrate on the present moment and right now that mindset u r having is medicine u need.

Cheers !

 

[CMNILS87]

1. Does child support and alimony take into account any bills, mortgage, etc that you have every month?

2. Do most single mothers actually use child support money for the kids or for themselves?

3. Is it worth it anymore to have kids? The risks seems to high, especially if she runs off or loses passion.

 

[Dingo]

I don't get it...

You owe a whole bunch of child support and are not happy that you're being told to pay up ?

Why should the state (us) support the kid ?

Pay up.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't get it...

You owe a whole bunch of child support and are not happy that you're being told to pay up ?

Why should the state (us) support the kid ?

Pay up.

You obviously didn't read what I said . I said our state calculation is based off two recent pay stubs. If you are a contractor or seasonal worker they will hit you as if you are still making a high salary. So it's overpayment .

You can't go after over payment more than a year old.

And to change the order requires an attorney which costs money.

Anyways. I see you think our systems don't have holes or errors .

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You obviously didn't read what I said . I said our state calculation is based off two recent pay stubs. If you are a contractor or seasonal worker they will hit you as if you are still making a high salary. So it's overpayment .

You can't go after over payment more than a year old.

And to change the order requires an attorney which costs money.

Anyways. I see you think our systems don't have holes or errors .

Anyways I can't go back more than 1 year to have reviewed so I need to pay up and stop complaining. It's a waste of energy.

I was pointing out the system to show that for the unaware you will get took. This is the same for the girl/dating game, if you don't know the system you will get took.

 

[R.U.G.]

U can't let the past pave ur future path brother.

But I do understand the need to concentrate on the present moment and right now that mindset u r having is medicine u need.

Cheers !

I assure you, I do not live in the past, however, it has opened my eyes to the true nature of women when dealing with them in sexual relationships. That is all. I know my limits and what I can do and can offer. I've learned to forgive, but I will never forget. I hold no grudge against anyone. After all, it was me who filed for divorce and pushed the court to end that horrid sham of a marriage. I have no issues with LTRs and co-habs (with a written agreement recorded with both attorneys present), or even kids. However, I will never sign another marriage contract again. No chance in heaven or hell.

 

[R.U.G.]

1. Does child support and alimony take into account any bills, mortgage, etc that you have every month?

2. Do most single mothers actually use child support money for the kids or for themselves?

3. Is it worth it anymore to have kids? The risks seems to high, especially if she runs off or loses passion.

1) No. The court couldn't care less about your own personal bills. If you cannot provide an adequate living arrangements for your children, they will take away your custody with no issues.

2) Mostly for themselves. The child support money is not regulated nor tracked. Back before no fault divorce, the men were the one's who controlled child support. Everything has flipped around.

3) Depends. If you can find a good, trustworthy and loyal woman, then yes. Or, just hire a surrogate. Then you do not have to worry about the courts or child support.

 

[Spaz]

I assure you, I do not live in the past, however, it has opened my eyes to the true nature of women when dealing with them in sexual relationships. That is all. I know my limits and what I can do and can offer. I've learned to forgive, but I will never forget. I hold no grudge against anyone. After all, it was me who filed for divorce and pushed the court to end that horrid sham of a marriage. I have no issues with LTRs and co-habs (with a written agreement recorded with both attorneys present), or even kids. However, I will never sign another marriage contract again. No chance in heaven or hell.

Okay brother, somehow I know you'll be fine

 

[Bible_Belt]

2. Do most single mothers actually use child support money for the kids or for themselves?

To elaborate on RUG's answer, there really is no line. Rent, car payments, food in the fridge - all of that is close enough to being "for the child." So they never check anything.

One thing I don't think I have read on this thread is that the rationale for court-ordered child support is that if the father doesn't pay, then the state will have to support the mother and child with welfare and taxpayer money.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

To elaborate on RUG's answer, there really is no line. Rent, car payments, food in the fridge - all of that is close enough to being "for the child." So they never check anything.

One thing I don't think I have read on this thread is that the rationale for court-ordered child support is that if the father doesn't pay, then the state will have to support the mother and child with welfare and taxpayer money.

If she has a job that won't happen in my state.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If she has a job that won't happen in my state.

I can't speak to the specifics of every location, but a single mother with a minimum wage job, even if it is full-time, will still usually qualify for many forms of state subsidies.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

He already said he’s behind on his payments. It carries the risk of jail time with that behavior. It’s his responsibility to live within the law…

If they put us in jail nobody gets nothing . While we're employed support flows normally, and if on unemployment it flows at a reduced rate proportionate to the amount earned .