Tales of Progress: "Wimp to Pimp"

[~attrACTION~]

I am feeling better lately. Confidence is up a little, and I feel more hopeful. I thought I would start a thread to outline my progress from now (zero) to dating multiple women. To get started, I wrote down my obstacles, so I know what I'm going to have to deal with:

Fear of Approaching / Rejection
I'm not that bad, it's just sometimes I freeze up and wonder 'what would I say' to her. I also need to loosen up, relax, and be more 0utwardly focused, since I've realized it is me that is making women nervous.

Lack of Kino / Escalation (on Approach)
In clubs/bars, I do great at kino because it is natural to stand close/lean. But outside of the nightscene environment, I have been at a loss. It seems I am always standing or sitting too far away from her to initiate kino.

Lack of Phone Game
I generally don't enjoy talking on the phone.

Not Expecting Success
I don't have any condoms in my room right now. Moreover, my room should be made more conducive to sexual activity - I need to spruce it up a bit for bringing girls over. I need to have some good music to play, dimmer lighting, candles, bubble bath soap, etc.

I also am terrible at time management in that I just fill all my free time with working on my business. I really should make a fixed schedule so I can't make excuses and think I don't have time when I actually do have time but would rather be a work-aholic than call up a girl.

Out of Shape
I really should get back in shape. I've lost weight (I was skinny to begin with). Over break I will start to eat a lot more and do some Combat Conditioning (I got a book by Matt Furey). I'll hit the gym (for weights) when I recover from a slight injury I have at the moment.

Overall this thread is a result of me being FED UP with my current situation. I haven't had sex in a year. But rather than whine and rant about it, I want to do something, finally. It's about being social, about taking action once and for all, doing something about the opportunities. I will be results oriented to some extent because otherwise I won't be pressed to push myself. At the same time, I will focus on being happy and having fun, because that's what helps me succeed.

I was hesitant to make a thread like this - some may wonder why would I need to. I have realized from my experience on another forum, that posting goals in a community helps you to get them accomplished faster, like having a public support group. Just in case, to anyone who may flame me for making this thread, I already thought of what I would say to you in advance: Fvck you.

Okay, so to help with some of these things, I got a copy of Gunwitch Dynamic Sex Life. I will also read posts in the Mature Man and Tips forum to keep me motivated.

It's been said that after 21 days of repeating something, it can become a habit. I'm going to do 21-day missions each with a daily or end goal, and increase difficulty for each mission.

Mission #1 (21 days to complete) - Talk to 21 women who I do not know and have no "reason" to talk to other than finding them attractive (ie, no cashiers, waitresses, etc.) - this first mission is just for talking and getting into a rhythm to face and overcome my approach anxiety

I'll be posting updates as I make them happen.

 

[Last Man Standing]

]Mission #1 (21 days to complete) - Talk to 21 women who I do not know and have no "reason" to talk to other than finding them attractive.

Shiat - If I can only find 21 girls that I have been attracted to in 21 years I would be happy - 100% fat hors preominate in my line of sight daily!!!! I must move to another planet!!

 

[Nasman]

Wow me and you are in a similar position lets help one another. I also had an injury...

Ok let me give you tips.
1. Fear of approaching. this is the toughest part of the game. I suggest u go to bars, nightclubs, get introduced through friends,meet girls at work, school. As far as cold approaches at bookstores,coffee shops,library,mall they can help your confidence and help your skill. But to be honest out of the 28 girls I stated I only approached 1 in that manner and that was walking outside after leaving same nightclub. However I recommend doing it, but don't expect to get a lot of dates from this. I do well with getting digits, but they usually flake one me when I cold approach.

2. Kino is tough to do with total strangers unless your in bar or club. You can put arm around girl. grab her hand stuff like that, and dance. At work or school you can be like whats up in enthusiastic manner and give them high five, and if they seem receptive can give them a hug afterwards. As far as cold approaches street contact it is hard to develop kino.

3. Talking on the phone is boring but easy. talk about work,family,school,dating,workingout,travel. let it flow. write down some topics on piece of paper if you don't know what to say.

4. Dude pimp out your pad. buy some condoms, candles, keep room clean, buy some nice boxer shorts. keep place smelling good. You need to make this thing a big priority in your life.

5. You say your skinny this is my workout routine for skinny guys.
MON-Chest
Tues-Back
weds-Legs
Thurs-arms
Fri-shoulders
rest on weekend. work out hard because your only doing one body part a week. also drink protein and creatine shakes. you will gain weight with this routine. will also feel stronger and sexier, and confident.


A few last tips. my best advice would be to try to pick up girls at bars,clubs,work,school,friends. pickups at starbucks, shopping, bookstore don't work as well in getting end result. but if you approach 100 and get 3 dates that is pretty good.

One more tip. I am not saying to bang fat chick or ugly chick. but if a girl is 5 or a 6 just do her. This will get your confidence up since you have been out of game for a while.

I wish you best of luck
keep me posted after newyear i may also start a thread similar to yours.

 

[Taviii]

This is the first step that all the AFC should make: write down the solutions to their problem and start solving them instead of complaining.:trouble:

 

[jonwon]

I am feeling better lately. Confidence is up a little, and I feel more hopeful. I thought I would start a thread to outline my progress from now (zero) to dating multiple women. To get started, I wrote down my obstacles, so I know what I'm going to have to deal with:

Fear of Approaching / Rejection
I'm not that bad, it's just sometimes I freeze up and wonder 'what would I say' to her. I also need to loosen up, relax, and be more 0utwardly focused, since I've realized it is me that is making women nervous.

Lack of Kino / Escalation (on Approach)
In clubs/bars, I do great at kino because it is natural to stand close/lean. But outside of the nightscene environment, I have been at a loss. It seems I am always standing or sitting too far away from her to initiate kino.

Lack of Phone Game
I generally don't enjoy talking on the phone.

Not Expecting Success
I don't have any condoms in my room right now. Moreover, my room should be made more conducive to sexual activity - I need to spruce it up a bit for bringing girls over. I need to have some good music to play, dimmer lighting, candles, bubble bath soap, etc.

I also am terrible at time management in that I just fill all my free time with working on my business. I really should make a fixed schedule so I can't make excuses and think I don't have time when I actually do have time but would rather be a work-aholic than call up a girl.

Out of Shape
I really should get back in shape. I've lost weight (I was skinny to begin with). Over break I will start to eat a lot more and do some Combat Conditioning (I got a book by Matt Furey). I'll hit the gym (for weights) when I recover from a slight injury I have at the moment.

Overall this thread is a result of me being FED UP with my current situation. I haven't had sex in a year. But rather than whine and rant about it, I want to do something, finally. It's about being social, about taking action once and for all, doing something about the opportunities. I will be results oriented to some extent because otherwise I won't be pressed to push myself. At the same time, I will focus on being happy and having fun, because that's what helps me succeed.

I was hesitant to make a thread like this - some may wonder why would I need to. I have realized from my experience on another forum, that posting goals in a community helps you to get them accomplished faster, like having a public support group. Just in case, to anyone who may flame me for making this thread, I already thought of what I would say to you in advance: Fvck you.

Okay, so to help with some of these things, I got a copy of Gunwitch Dynamic Sex Life. I will also read posts in the Mature Man and Tips forum to keep me motivated.

It's been said that after 21 days of repeating something, it can become a habit. I'm going to do 21-day missions each with a daily or end goal, and increase difficulty for each mission.

Mission #1 (21 days to complete) - Talk to 21 women who I do not know and have no "reason" to talk to other than finding them attractive (ie, no cashiers, waitresses, etc.) - this first mission is just for talking and getting into a rhythm to face and overcome my approach anxiety

I'll be posting updates as I make them happen.

I wont give you any tips, it is clear you know what you need and the actions to make it happen.

I will only say i can see alot of success in your methods, it will all come back around and quash that 1 year dry spell.

GL with it but i feel you dont really need it, the application when applied will sort the rest.

I have read some gunwitch he has some very good advice then anyone can apply.

I have no idea why you have been single for a year though, only thing i can imagine you have put up these cages or walls and now your making an effort to tear them back down. Well done, success is on its way.

I like the part about making your room, ready for an eventuality.

I would suggest making effort to restrict motives for backing out.
What i mean is get condoms in, make sure you have a bottle of wine in.
Make sure your room is clean and presentable each time you go out, so if it does happen you wont find an excuse as you have your bases covered so to say. Dont rely on blind luck especcially with stuff like condoms, buy them in advance, there is nothing worse then trying to get them last minute and realizing there is no place to buy them and you have missed a good opportunity that may not come around again.

Only tip i think you need, the rest you know how to handle.

 

[~attrACTION~]

Thanks Nasman for your tips, even though you are banned.

jonwon, I did put up "cages or walls" in my own head. I was so pissed off nearly everyday for the past couple months, that I got used to always being angry. Now that I think back, it was such a waste of time. Being angry accomplished nothing.

You are right, the most important thing is to have everything prepared in advance so I don't have any excuses to back out. I recently made a thread on "best alcohol before sex" to get some ideas of what to buy. I also bought some glasses, and a new nightstand for my room, which I needed.

I make notes on my own and post them here on occasion. Here is my latest:

12.20.06

I talked with my folks about bringing girls over. I still live at home, yeah, but free rent is very good. Anyhow, I made clear to them that I will be bringing over girls "to make-out with, which will naturally lead to other things," and I don't want any interruptions or being surprised. It was a wee bit awkward explaining, but this has been one of my 'excuses' to myself that they would not be cool with it. Turns out they are cool.

I also bought some new shirts, boxers, and a laundry hamper.

12.26.06

Feeling awesome lately, and I don't know why. These past few days I've been spending time with family, laughing non-stop until it hurts. It's been very relaxing. I love my family. Being happy rocks, and I feel so naturally confident and in the zone again. I'm looking forward to going back to school to meet lots of girls in classes, etc. In fact, this semester, I want to make it a goal to talk to every girl in all my classes at least once. I'm just eager to get to know everyone. I can't believe I was so angry and down this past year, what a waste of my life.

I had in mind to move out, but my folks offered me a bigger room, so I've decided to stay. I still want to buy a few things (some more necessary than others):

-alcohol and glasses
-condoms

Someone on here once dared other posters to go to the grocery store and put a six-pack of beer and some condoms in their basket. Then go to the cutest cashier girl, look her in the eyes and ask what she's doing after work. Hehe. I would like to attempt that soon.

1.09.06

I'm feeling incredible lately. I mean extremely happy to the point where I cannot keep but to smile at everyone. I would like to revise my first Mission because I haven't yet attempted it (but I am edging closer).

I said that I would talk to 21 girls who I find attractive. Unfortunately, not being very social for the past several months has made this Mission a little more difficult to start than I imagined. It is actually not that hard once I get some momentum going, but I need to "warm up" a little.

I have instead been making more eye contact with women, and maintaining it longer. This is something good to get back into the habit of doing. I'm also making an effort to say what's on my mind, rather than hold it in. I usually have witty stuff to say, but for a long time I had been keeping it all to myself. I think getting into the habit of expressing myself more freely will prepare me to think on my feet when I am around a girl that likes me.

Although I haven't done any approaches, I think simply becoming happy has been a big leap forward. I will start talking to new women very soon.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

are you really happy or are you becoming content?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

5. You say your skinny this is my workout routine for skinny guys.
MON-Chest
Tues-Back
weds-Legs
Thurs-arms
Fri-shoulders
rest on weekend. work out hard because your only doing one body part a week. also drink protein and creatine shakes. you will gain weight with this routine. will also feel stronger and sexier, and confident.

Quite possibly the WORST workout advice for a naturally skinny guy. Naturally skinny dudes have a fast metabolism and need to focus on heavy weights, low reps and lots of REST!! Remember you grow in the kitchen not in the gym.

Try focusing on all your body parts, but workout out every other day. The day of rest in between is KEY for your growth.

And get on a good eating program. Without a ton of calories you won't grow no matter how hard you workout.




PIMP

 

[~attrACTION~]

1.16.07

Last night I decided to take a different approach to this goal, and on my life. I've been too passive all along. What I really need is to GET a life. I have to get out there and do stuff, live with a passion. I hit my lowest point near the end of 2006, and I'm surprised I didn't die from overdrinking this past weekend.

Microphone Fiend: Good question, at this point in life, I have never been less content. It's no longer about being happy, it's about me getting involved in life rather than sitting on the sidelines. I will embrace challenges and failure. No more whining. No more ups and downs, only up.

Today felt really good. I was very productive and did almost everything I set out to do. Everyday will be like this, only better. I'm going to fly.

Next time I update this journal I'll have approached at least 15 women.

 

[Microphone Fiend]

sucks to hear about the overdrinking...I think 15 might be a little steep if you havent got one under your belt recently. Im not sayin you cant do it, but its not just about setting goals, its about setting realistic goals....crawl before you walk before you run. ya dig?

 

[thefonz]

I look forward to reading your progress

Have fun doing this, take your goals seriously but don't take yourself seriously

 

[WC2]

Quite possibly the WORST workout advice for a naturally skinny guy. Naturally skinny dudes have a fast metabolism and need to focus on heavy weights, low reps and lots of REST!! Remember you grow in the kitchen not in the gym.

Try focusing on all your body parts, but workout out every other day. The day of rest in between is KEY for your growth.

And get on a good eating program. Without a ton of calories you won't grow no matter how hard you workout.




PIMP

I agree.

An experienced gym-goer may be able to pull off the one muscle group a day sort of thing, but for a beginner you need to start with a basic push-pull system and eat protein like you're eating box. 8 Hours of sleep, multivitamin, and small frequent meals.

 

[~attrACTION~]

sucks to hear about the overdrinking...I think 15 might be a little steep if you havent got one under your belt recently. Im not sayin you cant do it, but its not just about setting goals, its about setting realistic goals....crawl before you walk before you run. ya dig?

Thanks. I understand what you mean, but it's as if the other night was my lowest of lows. I know I set a goal of 21 approaches a while ago and backed out, but I really FEEL positivity oozing over me.

1.17.06

I feel awesome. I made an effort to socialize more. I got to know more of my classmates. I have a new goal of trying to at least briefly get to know every one of my classmates in every class this semester. Today I grabbed my balls and approached 3 girls.

Approach #1: I was about to pass by this brunette girl studying on a park bench. In that split second, it was as if my goals flashed before my eyes, and I just had to do it. I opened her with "what are you studying?" and then proceeded to make fun of her huge sunglasses. I asked if she was single, she said yes, so I asked if she was looking and she jokingly said yes. So I asked if she would like to go for coffee and number closed. It's simple approaches like these that make me second-guess myself because I feel that if she was really interested she would have been more interested in me? She only asked me one question, but she was smiling, so who knows. I'll call her tomorrow.

Approach #2: Asked an asian girl what she was reading. "Is that the school paper?" is what I opened with. She said no, and seemed bored. I didn't know what to continue with. I would rather not be routine or just go for numbers for the sake of it. We made eye contact another time and exchanged a smile when someone dropped a dish nearby. I just couldn't think of much to talk with her about.

Approach #3: Girl from one of my classes from last semester caught my eye then quickly looked away (she was sitting about 20 feet away). I walked up and tapped her on the shoulder from the side. This is the girl who always seemed scared to death by me, and I just said "hey, you were in my class last semester." She was playing aloof, of course. I made brief small talk, while she pulled at her hair as if going crazy. I should have made her smile because she always seems so serious. Her being so nervous made me nervous so I just wished her luck with classes and walked away.

Thoughts On Today's Approaches_
I know I said I would update after 15 approaches, but I just wanted to post about this little progress. Overall, I'm really starting to feel confident again. What I need to improve on is taking advantage of opportunities that arise, and be quick on my feet. Cold approaches (meaning without prior nonverbal flirtation) are good practice, but my best closes will come from 'warm approaches' where the woman is giving me flirtatious signals before the approach. Right now I will just take action as much as possible to be prepared for those moments.

Yes, having fun is definitely one of my goals. I would like to note something. Since last night, I have been writing down my to-do list for the next day and visualizing myself completing it. I also write a short paragraph describing what I enjoyed about the current day and what I want to happen the next day. I have been meditating in mornings and evenings for a couple minutes to clear my mind. In addition, each morning I have been listening to high-energy, motivational music to get me pumped. Lastly, this morning I kept telling myself that no matter what happens, today will be the best day of my life. Tomorrow will be even better.

:rockon:

 

[~attrACTION~]

1.18.06

Another quick update before I forget.

Approach #4: Standing in line at Starbucks to get some coffee, a brunette chick standing behind me seemed extra close. I turned to her and asked "so what's good here?" She said "yeah..." and I made fun of her for being so out of it. Got an answer out of her and then teased her for being so boring in her choice.

Went up to order and joked quite a bit with the cashier, made her laugh and it was fun. I wanted to talk to the brunette chick again but I didn't see her.

Later, at the grocery store, I joked around with another female cashier who was complaining about a broken nail, boo hoo.

Overall, I'm loosening up a lot and letting conversations flow at will. I'm really enjoying myself a lot more. Today I also met another guy from one of my classes. I was extra busy today, but hopefully tomorrow will be smoother.

I've decided these first couple updates/posts will be about approach practice and getting back in the zone. Once I'm feeling good again, I'll stop reporting about "approaches" and elaborate on the follow-through.

 

[Heyjose25points]

"so what's good here?"
Keep forgetting to use this line, i'll keep it in mind.

Yea bud, once ur in the zone...there's no stopping u...keeping the no stop attitude is the hard part. What awaits tonight for u?

 

[~attrACTION~]

"so what's good here?"
Keep forgetting to use this line, i'll keep it in mind.

Yea bud, once ur in the zone...there's no stopping u...keeping the no stop attitude is the hard part.

Yes, I have to keep up that momentum, definitely.

1.19.07

Approach #5: Was in the elevator about to go up then as the doors were closing a chick just squeezes through and says "5." So I say "...please" and smile at her. It was apparently 'one of those days' and I we chatted for maybe 4 seconds before I got off. Before I did, she said sorry for not saying please, and I told her I was just joking.

Approach #6: Sitting in a computer lab, noticed the girl to my left glancing at me. When I looked over at her, I noticed she was sucking on her highlighter almost like giving head to her highlighter, while staring at the blank desktop. I said "just staring at the screen, eh?" She laughed/smiled and turned red and looked at me. She was really bashful. Should have talked more with this one.

Called the girl that I got the number from the other day. I said if she's not doing anything she should come to the bookstore with me to have coffee. She was having dinner and said she's busy all weekend. I take that as a rejection, but who cares really. I called her after playing 1-on-1 basketball, so I was feeling so good that nothing matters. She said she would call back sometime, which I doubt. Chalked it up already.

I have this really cute teacher for a science lab/course. I was just about to say how she seems to be coming onto me, but maybe I just have a one track mind.

What awaits tonight for u?

I would have gone out to the bookstore myself tonight and then clubbing but I'm so tired it's not even funny. I have to rest.

Looking back, this week was probably the best week I have had in a year. I have absolutely NO REGRETS from this past week. When I was headed home tonight, I saw some guys playing ball and just joined them. I just feel great having fun and being spontaneous. One of my problems is that I sometimes think about yesterday. I try to push the thoughts out of my head now, because yesterday can never come back. Worry is worthless.

By the way, life really is short. My cousin's roommate's boyfriend was outside of a Walgreens today, and he got shot in the head from a drive-by (he was just an innocent bystander, not the target). Doctors say he won't make it. His life was cut short, and it's really sad. A guy my age, only in his mid-twenties and a whole lifetime ahead of him - gone, forever. Even though I never met him, my heart goes out to his family and friends. Now I think about all the people that die everyday from similar incidents. You don't feel it until it hits close. Just turn on the TV and there's at least a dozen killed in every major city.

Here are a few quotes that have been keeping me going this week:

”Live as you will have wished to have lived when you are dying.”
- Christian Furchtegott Gellert

”If we only work on days when we feel good, we will never be productive.”
(forgot who this was by)

”Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent
of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.”
– Buddha

No matter what happens, tomorrow is not promised and yesterday is gone, so all I have is today - I will live it like it is my last. Honestly, I felt high all week. A couple times I seriously questioned my own sobriety and thought I was on something because I was feeling so good.

 

[qweretyuiopas]

damn bro u have a great additude, ima like this thread.

here are some more quotes for ya. I know they will do you good

- "The definiton of hell is when the person you are meets the person you could have been"

- "Sing like nobody's listening. Dance like nobody's watching. And live like it's your last day of living."

- "Every flower must grow through dirt"

- "Not every thing that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

- "If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

- "A diamond is nothing but a lump of coal that has responded positively to extreme pressure."

- "While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior."

- "Sometimes there is no next time, no second chance, no time out, sometimes its now or never."

- "It is quite possible to work without results, but never will there be results without work."

- "If you aim at nothing, you will hit it everytime"

- "Live as you will have wished to have lived when you are dying."

and read the quote in my sig below

 

[d9930380]

You seem to have the positive attitude back, the most important thing however you are holding back a little probably because you don't want failure to ruin it. That's understandable but you need to make the next step. Why do I say you are holding back? Well your approaches don't really seem like approaches, you are talking to the girls in a friendly happy way (that's good) but without any real intention to actually step up and close the deal therefore not risking rejection.

I think it's because after the first approach where you seemed to indicate that it might make you doubt yourself, well I think it did and since then you haven't asked for any more.

But it's definately more positives than negatives, just don't let doubt creep it.

"Don't focus on your failures, learn from them and move on!" - That's by me ;-)

 

[Heyjose25points]

By the way, life really is short. My cousin's roommate's boyfriend was outside of a Walgreens today, and he got shot in the head from a drive-by (he was just an innocent bystander, not the target). Doctors say he won't make it. His life was cut short, and it's really sad. A guy my age, only in his mid-twenties and a whole lifetime ahead of him - gone, forever.

=-o This post has hit me hard! Something like that could happen to each and every one of us...and then right at that moment of death, we would then say, "Oh why couldn't I had done more with my life before this very moment?"