Taking too long

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Although I'm already seeing another girl I have another one I'm seeing as I plan on being flexible and single. And this girl in particular, let's call her Nat, has been not so easy lately.

Let's get into a lil background. I met her at the horse races and a few times at the club and her friend happens to be a good friend of mine too. She admits having a lot of fun chilling with me. So after hearing what we thought about each other from this mutual friend we exchanged phone numbers. Nat is fairly shy and inexperience from the lil info I have. I think shes a virgin too.

We planned on doing stuff a while back, chilled out a few times for a good couple of hours and seemed to be going ok. I even kissed her too which was a bonus. The problem is that she is taking too long to reply to my msgs and never returns my phone call. But seems to like it when Im spending time with her or talking to her on the fone. Sometimes she takes a couple of days to reply to my msg or missed call. She just doesn't use her fone much and turns it off most of the time, so she is pretty elusive even to her friends. She is also a pain in the a.ss to return fonecalls to her friends.

So this really aint a huge problem, but i don't like to be wasting time when I could be going for other girls as I have on a few occasion. I am not sure if she's just being cautious and nervous about us or just generally a pain in the a.ss. I do like her ( im a sucker for shy n quiet girls).

Should I next'd this girl or just wait patiently for her to reply. How do I get her to be more "phone-conscious" so people can actually contact her. I am not that good wth DJing but how do I sense if something is being silly and need to call on her bulls.hit?

 

[flexion_]

I don't really see a problem here. She does actually return your calls. If you want to see her say Saturday then just call her Wednesday.

You have other women going on so it shouldn't matter if you only see her once a week right?

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Shes never actually called me but msgs me instead but as everyone knows, text msgs are pain in the a.ss.

The thing is that I'm happy to see her once or twice a week, call her once or twice and this would just be grand. But the problem is that I call her many times because I can never get through and I look desperate trying to call so many times but I only want to get through one time. If she answers her fone I wouldn't have to try to get hold so much so much. Things would go so well if she's got her **** together. She prefers that I take the lead but how can I when I'm left out in the cold.

I know I'm seeing another girl and this one's great. Doesn't waste my time, she satisfies me and doesn't **** tests me AT ALL. The best thing is that she doesn't mind if I see other girls. Sad thing is shes an international student and leaving for good in 3 weeks time.

I know this problem with Nat is only a small one but I'd like to get on top of it and get the most of her while I'm at it. I just need ideas on how to make it work for me.

We are meant to be doing something today or tonight but I've been waiting for her reply for a couple of days time. I'm startin to think she was a turtle in her previous life. I'll be a lil peeved off if she blows me off and maybe I might just next her then.

Man I sound like a sissy over one girl (one of the girls I'm seeing lol) but I'd like to know how to make it work and get better at it.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Hahahaa Im laughing while I'm writing this......she just called me now for the first time(so much for writing about how she never calls me)...I was teasing her about it too. Today's plan got cancelled but we are meeting at the uni club tomoro night tho. It's good this way because I am extremely hungover today and just wanna be useless for the day and just read sh.it

 

[DaKidS3]

Originally posted by Rudy_TubeSteak
Hahahaa Im laughing while I'm writing this......she just called me now for the first time(so much for writing about how she never calls me)...I was teasing her about it too. Today's plan got cancelled but we are meeting at the uni club tomoro night tho. It's good this way because I am extremely hungover today and just wanna be useless for the day and just read sh.it

Dude, you were teasing her for not calling you enough?

Act like you didn't even notice, that you were too busy with other things to take notice.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Nah I was just teasing her for the fact she actually called me for the first time. teased her about she has finally money to call and i like that in a girl.

But yea you're right I should have just act like I didn't notice.

Learn from my mistakes hey lol.

Looks like I was trying too hard to cover up what bothered me in the first place.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Man I must have stuffed up something bad...


I was at the club...she didn't contact me but i know we are going to bump into each other at the club. We've talked about how we were going to catch up over there.

Meanwhile at the club.....

I saw her so I came over and said hi to her and told her our friend was downstairs and that we should go and said hi to her. So we went down and damn....she was in IGNORE MODE...She was just a drunken fool and NOT acknowledging that I was there having a conversation. (playing hard to get???) She just looked like in lalaland and I was playin around with her like stealin her handbag n stuff and being playful like usual but she was unresponsive. When I got distracted she walked away with her friend.

Later on I bumped into her again and motioned her over but she shook her head like she didn't wanna leave her friends. So I went on dancing with other girls doing my business.

When the club closed down I saw her again sitting on the grass so I went over and talked to her and her friend. MAn she was being rude and swearing and acting like a drunken fool. I just felt like I didn't wanna be there and when they all got picked up and didn't even say goodbye. I dunno whether to dismiss this as a drunken blunder on her behalf. The other times I saw her with her friends she was in a snobbish mode as well so maybe shes acting all different when shes with her friends...Shes great when shes alone with me though.

Man I'm in a mess already...Got other things on my head I need some kind of help (or damage control and keep my backbone).

I've already typed in a text msg for her but haven't sent it yet because I thought I'd post on here before doing a stupid thing...

This is what I wrote "I used to like you better when I first met you. Last night you were just so rude and a *****. I don't think I'd want to see you anymore. Have a good day Nat."

Do you guys have any other ideas on what to do or should I just move on not waste anymore time. Maybe I've f.cuked up along and just didn't realise it so if you guys could be helpful and point it out for me. And also should I just ignore what happened last night and maybe she will realise what she did and try to explain what happened cos maybe she had a horrible time with something else that didn't have anything to do with me.

Lol I can't sleep cos I'm still buzzin from the caffeine and still cut up about a recent death of a friend so I'm not really 100% at the moment.

Thanks lads

 

[Desdinova]

Put the chick on the backburner and don't contact her. Don't even acknowledge that she was being a 5hithead. She's degraded herself, so why bother making her a priority? When and if she calls, set up a date for the hell of it. If she never calls again, big fvcking waaah. Go find another chick to take over your spot number two. This chick isn't deserving of it. She's a flake.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Shouldn't I let her know that she was being rude and I won't put up with it?

My friend has known her for over 5 years and says that shes a nice, quiet shy girl. So this is a bit out of character and maybe needs to be put in place.


I'm just a lil angered because a friend took his own life and theres speculation that he did it because of his girl...He left a little baby girl behind...I'm so angry by it.

When I wake up maybe I'll be in a better mood...Thanks lads

 

[Desdinova]

Shouldn't I let her know that she was being rude and I won't put up with it?

You've been putting up with her 5hit all along. Have you even gone out on an official date with her yet? There's no point in calling a woman on her bull5hit if she's not even serious about you. She's not even worth the energy you want to put into calling her on her 5hit.

 

[BrotherAP]

Sorry to hear about your friend.

As for the girl, you were trying a bit too hard there. I know the feeling, this girl is supposed to be all about you but when you show up she's apparently got something else on her mind. You're talking to the side of her head and it may as well be a brick wall. She's blowing you off, and you're just trying to get her attention. You're not going to get her attention. It may seem like she's lost in space, but she's perfectly aware that she's ignoring you. It's all one big elaborate shyt test. So what do you do?

You ignore her also. I mean, you try talking to her, and if she's treating you like that just forget about her for the night. Let her see you leaving with a group of people as you laugh your way out the door, and pretend to not even notice her. Then don't call her, don't talk to her, just go on with your life.

If she was interested at all to begin with, she'll be trying to get your attention back. You will not come off as angry, just disinterested. Like you could care less either way. Let her talk you into hanging out again.

The point is - she was acting like a biitch. You don't have time for biitches. Some girls, however, have learned that a guy who likes them will put up with their shyt, and so they pull stunts like that just because they know they can. By not giving her the reaction she was fishing for, you've disarmed her. She then knows that she could lose you at any moment if she doesn't treat you well.

As for your current situation, I'd just stop calling her / messaging her alltogether. Just move on. If she calls you back, whatever, otherwise you're done.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

So do you guys think the best thing I can do is just walk away without having to tell her that her behaviour last night was unacceptable not just to me but to other people as well?

She might not be fully aware of what she's done last night but she might just realise how bad she got when shes realise I don't have time for sh.it like this.

 

[BrotherAP]

It's not your job to correct her behavior. Behavior change is a glacial process, and you aren't going to speed it up by yelling at her. All you'll accomplish is pissing her off come off as touchy and overly concerned with what she does.

This early in the game, you either put up with her or you don't. Guage your openness to her with her behavior and how much you like it. Think of your attention as her reward. When she does something that you don't like, she gets no reward and you withdraw attention. When she does something good, you reward her with attention. In either case, you are happy. If she's pissing you off, then you could give a sh!t less what she does. That's it. No calling her to ***** at her. She should be able to figure out in her head "Hmm, I was a bytch and he stopped calling me." As for her doing this to other guys - well, that's their problem. You can't fix this girl, and you shouldn't waste your time trying.

Girls are used to manipulating the amount of attention that guys give them. It's instinctual for so many guys to try and get a girl's attention by giving her attention. The more she withdraws, the more they try and go into damage control mode by kissing her ass more and more. This behavior encourages her to act like she was. It's a huge mistake, but girls subconsciously expect it from a guy. That's why being aware of the amount of attention your giving a girl and being willing to walk away when you are unhappy is so powerful; it forces her to pay attention. You're not behaving like she's used to guys acting, and because of that you will confuse her. You keep her on her toes.

You can call her and lecture her if that'll make you feel better, but in the end it makes little difference. If you've been calling her, and texting her, and now you stop, I garauntee she will notice. She will work, intially, to get that attention you have removed. Give it to her, and she feels safe and confortable in having figured you out. You have to make her feel unimportant - that means you can't tell everyone how you're made at her, and ignoring her. Just do it. If somebody asks you about her, shrug and say "I dunno, haven't heard from her." Make her feel unimportant without seeming bitter. Be friendly, just be busy, and put her at the bottom of your priority list. If she asks to hang out, put something else trivial ahead of her ("I can't hang out thursday, I'm doing my laundry/balancing my checkbook/grocery shopping/washing my car/cleaning my apartment/checking myself for testicular cancer/shaving my dog/trimming my nose hair") But be nice anyway. THIS WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY.

And only if she apologizes (with no prompting from you) for her jackass behavior do you *reluctantly* set some time aside for her again - maybe say "Oh, ok... if you give me a back massage. After that, drop the issue, it is dead. Playfully remind her "You owe me a back massage." She is being good, reward her with attention.

So, summary

she does something you like ----> give more attention
she does something you dislike -----> take away attention

Your emotional state should not change - just how you treat her. Remove your attention by giving it to somebody else, not by sulking. Have fun, with or without her. Make her work for your approval.

BrotherAP

 

[scott44]

When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and realize that this hoe isn't worthy of you. You will instantly forget about her and move on to concentrate on other women.

For christ's sake would you want to be seen again with a bytch that act's a fool, and swears aloud in her public drunkeness?

I only date women with class.

next, next, next, next, next

She's already seen how desperate you act toward her. Cut all contact immediately. Anything more is just a waste of time.


SNAP!!

 

[Dr Box]

Hey bud if she acts like that when she is drunk why would you want to be with her? This is why I hate overly drunk chicks, double standards I know but chicks should not drink it is just bad. Anyway because she was drunk you dont have to totally next her just back off from contact.
The only time I would pull her up on it is if she asks you why you havent spoken to her in a while but dont do it in a mean way just explain to her you tolerate that behaviour and it is fine if she is going to be that way but she will have to do it with out you in her life. If she doesnt ask you why you havent spoken to her in a while then I hate to say it but her IL 's were not that high.
Good Luck
P.s. What part of QLD are you in?

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea I'm going to back off and follow your advice.

I thought that her being a nice, quiet shy girl meant I'll have to be a bit more AFCish and more nicer but I guess everyone's different.


Here's what I did to possibly turn her off.
1. Her phone was always either on silent or not with her at the time. This meant that I get hold of her 1 times out of 5. And yes for once I only want to get hold of her there is about 5 missed calls on her phone. That seemed desperate.
2. I totally misjudged what I was planning on doing. I modelled how I was going to DJ by the way I DJ'd other shy girls. Back then it worked like magic for the other shy girls but not this one. Different strokes for different folks.
3. I dont know how but I may have put her up on the pedestal. I chased her to the point I have developed oneitis. Even though I was seeing other girls and making out with other new ones it didn't change the way I acted as if I never had other girls.
4. I should have at least got her to cooperate by making an effort to have her phone with her all the time and told her when I was about to call. Then we wouldnt have any slip ups and missed calls.
5. Keep on seeing other girls. I have missed so many good opportunities only to get a chance with this girl who was in the end a total waste of time.
6. Get her to chase me instead of the other way around. I don't know how but I better learn how to.


Anything else I miss out on?

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Wow...I never realised the full power of taking attention away from the girl.

Tonight she msg'd me. The incident was last thursday and tonight is sunday.

"Hi XX, im so sorry about thurs night, actually I'm sorry about everything. I don't expect a reply I just wanted to apologise. Have a good night now and I'll see you around sometime. - Nat"

I'm glad she apologised after her drunken and bi.tchy behaviour. I'm also glad I just played it cool instead of pulling her up on it. By not contacting her she realised I've pulled the plug on giving her attention. Now I guess she will have to work for her attention.

There's a few things I do not know about though. When she said "actually I'm sorry about everything" Does she mean I'm sorry for leading you on OR is it for not putting on her best behaviour if she wanted me.

Also should I msg her and "reluctantly" set up another date (as mentioned by BrotherAP). OR should I completely ignore her until she contacts me again asking why I haven't replied yet.

So far I haven't done anything and not replied. I need a clear head to do things wisely. We also have exams so I don't want to compromise anything.

Thank you brother

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Anyone?

I was going along by saying

1. Apology accepted. But wat exactly do you mean by sorry for everything?

2. ok thats cool. (and yea that it..keeping it simple)

3. sorry for leading me on or sorry for playing up

4. forget about it. lets just move on (and then ignore her until she contacts me again)

5. ok and how are you going to make it up this time.

I haven't done anything yet so far...I'm doing study at the moment. I just like to see what you guys can elaborate and work out from these certain responses to her. Im just analysing these response not just for this girl but also for future references.

Thanx

 

[scott44]

Make it known that you do not accept that behavior.

U will sound like a sissy, don't even fvcking think about saying "oh, that's cool."

Be in charge, show her who's boss.

Why don't you try being more elusive to this beeotch? It seems like you've got her on the pedestal.

I'd say its OK to hang around her again, but I wouldn't go out of my way for this drunken, slurring, cursing cvm dumpster.

I'd even tell her that she needs to make that up to you.

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

She’s either trying to save all that convo when you have those little awkward silence together in person

Or just not a phone person

Or just doesn’t really like talking to you that much

From experience, long time ago I had a shy pretty gf which everybody thought was really really strange considering how I’m the very opposite. I’m very out going and can talk to just about anybody and make them laugh and what not. She was quieter then a mime. (Stupid me)

Well I too felt I wanted more from her.

I wanted more and longer convo on the phone.(stupid me)

BIG MISTAKE!!

Few weeks done the road it killed it. We started to run out of things to say real quickly.

It started to take away the mystery from both of us. The excitement started to go away and what I thought was really bad was that I started to feel like it was a choir to call.
I had go in so much of a routine that if I didn’t she got worried.

So so what she is taking awhile to return your phone calls that weren’t that important because all you wanted to do was to say what’s up.

Stop being needy

Stop with the Instant Messenger, emailing, the text messaging, smoke signals and whatever else.


Phone is for making dates and just seeing what’s up casually 3 mins tops and not every day.


Save those convos for another time in person.

Have a life, stay busy, be mysterious, like she is doing.