Taking it slow?

[Warrior74]

Now, you guys here can tell me if this a quality post or not....but having been thru the ringer on a bunch of relationships tell me what you think about this. My coworker came by last night at about 12 after being out with her gay roommate (she ditched the gay guy to come see me). We talked about politics and religion, had a few drinks, she was impressed that I was a man who reads books and borrowed a couple. We end up making out at the door before she left. I got the vibe that I could have had more, but I sent her home. In fact I told her...you better go before you get in trouble tonight.

Usually I would have gone for it. But I think that's half my problem. I decided to do the opposite and send her home wanting more. I have the gut feeling that I should take things slow with her and see where her head is at and what she is really all about. I haven't done that with a woman in a long time. This was only our second time hanging out and her first time coming to my place.

She's been sending me texts today telling me how she loved kissing me and how I'm a bad influence. I am spinning plates. I have one FB right now and an old FB who wants to get back in the picture.

What do you guys think?






btw. Here are my other threads on the coworker.

When I first thought about asking her out.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=153951


First Date field report.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=154215

 

[window]

sounds like you're on a winner if you're attracted to her and enjoy spending time with her...I'd keep taking it slow and let her bring up sex. She'll give the signs out how far she wants to go.

 

[Knight's Cross]

Ruckus and Amante have it correct. She wants you to take her. Now, there's the fine line. You have to play it cool, yet keep her interested at the same. While I shun texting, it's at least a gauge that she's interested in you. I'd say 1 more out on the town fun date, then get her back to your place to cook together/ smooth segue into the bedroom. As Amante said, they all have libido, and you just fired hers up. Nice work, and keep us posted.
In the mean time keep spinning and getting #'s.

KC

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Warrior,
Yes you have played this well,and she sounds good relationship material,I would go out on a limb and say it is your mind she is interested in more than anything else,to get it it she will throw in the rest....Read up a little on the subject areas that interest her,go to the library and borrow a couple of coffee table books on a few of these topics,leave them lying around.Remember once you have steered the conversation into an area you are comfortable with,let her do the talking,just smile and nod,let her do the talking....The meal,great Idea KC,have the ingredients ready prepared in little dishes a man that can cook really impresses a Lady,if the meal is complicated write down some step by step instructions with a time scale,easy to get distracted in such a situation and ruin the dish or forget some essential ingredient....Lighting,subdued,candles are good,slip a bit of alcohol into her and she will be yours...Good Hunting.

 

[Jeffst1980]

"Taking it slow" in this case is going to drive her interest in you way up with anticipation. When you communicate to a girl that you're not desperate for sex, it really throws them for a loop. She was probably all set to give you some LMR speech and you just diffused that.

Even if a chick is begging for it, you can set a good precedent for the relationship by continuing to qualify them. Most guys wouldn't give a second thought to this, but it really gives you a strong frame and subcommunicates incredible value. The idea is to turn the tables and really make her work for it.

 

[Warrior74]

So we went to the bookstore after work the other night. I had to find a reference I needed...afterwards we went to our neighborhood bar. She kept throwing back the beers and after each one saying, "I don't want you to think I'm a lush". I kept my limit to three drinks. She opened up about her dating past. Apparently she moved to my town with her boyfriend, he ended up cheating on her with about 4 different girls. She ended up dating his frat brother, hilarity ensued. He still sends her "mean" text messages and they have been over 4 months ago. She also told me about how she had her "wild days" in college, but know she's wiser and she thinks sex is to serious to just have with anybody. LOL! Then she says that she's not having sex without a commitment and how we would have to date three months before there was anything physical.

I had to restrain myself from laughing in her face. I told her that sex did not have a time constraint. We are both grown adults and if the time is right I see no problem with a physical relationship. I told her arbitrary deadlines mean nothing to me. We are still going to be the same people in three months or three years if we have sex today or sex three months from now. Basically a counter. She said she is looking to settle down and she wants to do it right. Three months. Oh brother. I took all of this in a non judgemental way, on the outside. But I ticked off a few checkmarks in the "watch this one closely column".

She decided she wanted to borrow book I was telling her about and wanted to go to my place. I was thinking...damn that's one of my moves - the old "I have something at my crib I want to show you bit". We get there, have a glass of wine, I give her the book, we talk and then start making out. I kept pulling back and stopping and she got more and more aggressive, but the moment I grabbed her ass while kissing her she basically hopped up and said she had to go. I kept it cool and told her to have a good weekend (she's going to see her mother). She texted me when she got there tonight.

I talked to my coworker who used to work with her. Apparently she pulled the same thing on a friend of ours. Went out a few times, good convo, got a bit drunk, and the minute the makeout when from kissing to the next level she bounced. After that he said she started acting all funny and didn't want to go out with him anymore.

I'm not going to worry about it. Going out tonight with the fellas. Got a date lined up for tomorrow night and hopefully something else lined up for Sunday night. I'll let her call me when she gets back in town Monday.

 

[betterthandead]

"I'm renting a Ford but I also have a Porsche and a Honda in the other garage."

She's been sending me texts today telling me how she loved kissing me and how I'm a bad influence. I am spinning plates. I have one FB right now and an old FB who wants to get back in the picture.

 

[jophil28]

I talked to my coworker who used to work with her. Apparently she pulled the same thing on a friend of ours. Went out a few times, good convo, got a bit drunk, and the minute the makeout when from kissing to the next level she bounced. After that he said she started acting all funny and didn't want to go out with him anymore.

.

You are her new leading man in this latest re-make of her life movie.

Do they still use the words "c0ckteaser" ?

 

[STR8UP]

She also told me about how she had her "wild days" in college, but know she's wiser and she thinks sex is to serious to just have with anybody. LOL! Then she says that she's not having sex without a commitment and how we would have to date three months before there was anything physical.

I heard the same thing months ago from a chick WHO I HAD ALREADY HAD SEX WITH in the past.

It's either a power play/ sh!t test, or she has no desire to sleep with you. My guess is that it is the former, as a woman generally isn't going to have a candid conversation about having sex with you (not to be confused with gratuitous c0ckteasing) unless she is at least open to the idea.

I replied similar to the way you did. I said that timeframes are bullsh!t, relationships aren't "negotiated", blah, blah, but it just fell on deaf ears.

As with many things with women the only thing you can really do is shut your mouth and proceed as if she had never said it.

With women you talk, you lose. Action, action, ACTION. Her response to your proactive approach is the only thing that matters.

 

[squirrels]

Every time I've tried to "take it slow" it's backfired on me.

 

[Jitterbug]

You are her new leading man in this latest re-make of her life movie.

Often the leading man in movies gets laid!

I know some women who pull the same BS to the main guys they're publicly dating but "a girl can't go without" and so they call their d!cks-in-glass FBs over after they tell the main guy to go home at the end of a date with BS like they want to take it slow. I've been a d!ck-in-glass emergency FB before so I don't buy that BS.

 

[edger]

So we went to the bookstore after work the other night. I had to find a reference I needed...afterwards we went to our neighborhood bar. She kept throwing back the beers and after each one saying, "I don't want you to think I'm a lush". I kept my limit to three drinks. She opened up about her dating past. Apparently she moved to my town with her boyfriend, he ended up cheating on her with about 4 different girls. She ended up dating his frat brother, hilarity ensued. He still sends her "mean" text messages and they have been over 4 months ago. She also told me about how she had her "wild days" in college, but know she's wiser and she thinks sex is to serious to just have with anybody. LOL! Then she says that she's not having sex without a commitment and how we would have to date three months before there was anything physical.

I had to restrain myself from laughing in her face. I told her that sex did not have a time constraint. We are both grown adults and if the time is right I see no problem with a physical relationship. I told her arbitrary deadlines mean nothing to me. We are still going to be the same people in three months or three years if we have sex today or sex three months from now. Basically a counter. She said she is looking to settle down and she wants to do it right. Three months. Oh brother. I took all of this in a non judgemental way, on the outside. But I ticked off a few checkmarks in the "watch this one closely column".

She decided she wanted to borrow book I was telling her about and wanted to go to my place. I was thinking...damn that's one of my moves - the old "I have something at my crib I want to show you bit". We get there, have a glass of wine, I give her the book, we talk and then start making out. I kept pulling back and stopping and she got more and more aggressive, but the moment I grabbed her ass while kissing her she basically hopped up and said she had to go. I kept it cool and told her to have a good weekend (she's going to see her mother). She texted me when she got there tonight.

I talked to my coworker who used to work with her. Apparently she pulled the same thing on a friend of ours. Went out a few times, good convo, got a bit drunk, and the minute the makeout when from kissing to the next level she bounced. After that he said she started acting all funny and didn't want to go out with him anymore.

I'm not going to worry about it. Going out tonight with the fellas. Got a date lined up for tomorrow night and hopefully something else lined up for Sunday night. I'll let her call me when she gets back in town Monday.

NEXT

This inhumane b*tch is a c*ckteaser.

 

[Warrior74]

Thanks for the great feedback guys. I ended up going out friday night and pulling three numbers at a house party. And hung out with another chick saturday night. The coworker just texted me this morning saying she was sick with the flu so I won't see her at work for a few days. Just gonna let it drift away so I don't have any problems at work. Stay friendly and polite and leave it at that.

 

[wjh]

Just gonna let it drift away so I don't have any problems at work. Stay friendly and polite and leave it at that.

I wish you the best on that one!

 

[STR8UP]

I wish you the best on that one!

This really depends on the girl.

When I bartended I dated several of the waitresses/hostesses and never really had a problem. Of course if you are the CEO of a fortune 500 company I would think twice about getting involved with your secretary (I would hire the ugliest competent woman I could find) but like I said, it really depends a lot on who you are involved with.

 

[NewMan]

Sh1tt1ng where you eat si a bad idea.

Let her down genetly unless you want drama to ensue.

 

[Warrior74]

I wish you the best on that one!

Sh1tt1ng where you eat si a bad idea.

Let her down genetly unless you want drama to ensue.

Fellas. Read the links on the first post. I really don't think it will be a problem. But i promise you guys honesty and if it is drama I will be man enough to admit it. I'll continue to update this post with whatever happens.

 

[Warrior74]

"I'm renting a Ford but I also have a Porsche and a Honda in the other garage."

I just saw this...lol. :nono:

 

[Yce]

Whichever way you treat a woman, she will respond in kind. If you treat her like the "good girl" image she's socially compelled to display externally, that is exactly what you will get. And if you treat her like the kinky freak that she REALLY is, a kinky freak you will get.

You set yourself up for this one. Chalk it up to experience and don't make the same mistake again.

 

[guitaronfire411]

So is there any way out of this? It looks like I'm in the same boat.