Taking a break from dating

[andreihaha]

Lately it's been tough getting quality women. While the environment and the pool of women online are poor, I realize there are things to do about myself as well.

We're kind of in a lockdown at the moment and women I meet online are low interest/low quality.

So I decided to take a break from dating for a few months, maybe until the beginning of the next year. I started getting in better shape, but I want to put some more muscle on and loose some of the extra body fat. Didn't need to get a car so far, but I'd really use it now, so getting my driver's license is a must as well. Also want to read some more of the books often mentioned on this site, get better at investing, saving some money and improving a few things around the house.

Obviously if an interesting woman would start pursuing me, I wouldn't blow the chance. But I'm not interested in approaching women right now for dating reasons, be it in real life or online.

Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Lately it's been tough getting quality women. While the environment and the pool of women online are poor, I realize there are things to do about myself as well.

We're kind of in a lockdown at the moment and women I meet online are low interest/low quality.

So I decided to take a break from dating for a few months, maybe until the beginning of the next year. I started getting in better shape, but I want to put some more muscle on and loose some of the extra body fat. Didn't need to get a car so far, but I'd really use it now, so getting my driver's license is a must as well. Also want to read some more of the books often mentioned on this site, get better at investing, saving some money and improving a few things around the house.

Obviously if an interesting woman would start pursuing me, I wouldn't blow the chance. But I'm not interested in approaching women right now for dating reasons, be it in real life or online.

Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.

I did plenty of times in the past. And currently in one.

Being alone is extremely powerful. Most men don't realize that because either:

1) They are p***y whipped
2) Are afraid (not fully enjoy) of their own company

You don't realize the amount of freedom and power that comes from walking your own path and not getting distracted. In time, you will realize this. And in time, it will make sense when you cross paths with that person on that same wavelength. But you must be in it first. Emerge yourself in it.

Modern Man Advice

 

[firstbornunicorn]

I did take a break. But then I realized that during that break I essentially had no expectations, which made it a great time to meet a lot of people with no sexual/romantic expectations. The result is what you'd expect. Made new friends and new lovers.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Being alone is my default state now. I only have sex/dates when I'm intentionally looking for them, usually only for a few months out of the year, or a couple weeks at a time here and there.

All I can say is to make sure you keep yourself sharp around women and maintain a sort of "killer instinct" for opportunities that arise when you're not actively looking.

I truly love being alone, and if you are the same way, then that's something you should embrace. I have genuine friendships with guys that trust more than anyone else, which I think is the most important in life. Women are merely an afterthought.

 

[andreihaha]

All I can say is to make sure you keep yourself sharp around women and maintain a sort of "killer instinct" for opportunities that arise when you're not actively looking.

Exactly what I was thinking, good stuff.

 

[xplt]

I decided to take a break from pursuing and dating about a week ago.

I ended things with the last woman about three months ago and found such joy in my solitude, that I didn't thought about dating for about the first month after the breakup. I have to say she was very erratic and emotional uncontrolled and she just exhausted me. I just wanted to take time for learning, sports and being productive in general, then I thought it would be a good time to throw myself out there again.

So for about six weeks or so I looked around, checked Tinder again and got numbers. But every time I got to the point of having a date I lost complete interest. I always found a reason not to go out and spend my time otherwise, with the buddies, studying, visiting my family. I felt like I'm tired of dating or women in general, but the main reason I think is that I haven't found a woman to form a genuine connection with since my last LTR breakup about two years ago. I'm sick of the emptiness and shallowness of casual and online dating. It's not hard for me to find someone for sex, but it's hard for me to find someone who really stimulates and interests me. Women bore me fast. There's one girl in another city I have an on and off FWB thing for about one and a half year now, I'm not in the modd to see her either. I was on and off on OLD for the last two years and I always come back to the realization, that it just doesn't feel natural to me and that it's just the same like online shopping and straming services. Instant gratification.
So last week I decided to leave it be for the moment. I'm relocating in the next few months if everything goes well and I want to spend that time preparing for my new role and focusing on me alone.
If something good comes my way I don't want to waste a chance, but I'm not in the mood right now to search or pursue something.

 

[sangheilios]

I haven't been on a date in over 2 years and I can't even remember the last time I asked a woman out or even approached one, it was definitely late summer-early fall of 2019. I was getting burnt out due to all of the bad experiences I was having and took a break. Then COVID hit and through 2020 I put way more time and effort into expanding other things in my life. I essentially maintained this through 2021 and have honestly no real desire to go back into the game. I'll here and there check out OLD sites and apps and I'm honestly not at all interested in what I've seen. I've also been witness to some really crazy stories regarding what other men had been going through with women in my area and it's really turned me off to the idea of dating.

I actually posted a thread about my experience with this, so you are not alone and there are tons of other men going through something similar. I really have the feeling that COVID has really changed the tone for young adults in regards to dating/relationships. I have this strong feeling that many of the affects on the social environment that the lockdowns have had are here to stay. People are increasingly isolating themselves, a trend that was somewhat growing but then accelerated, and I don't really see this changing. Women over the years have been growing increasingly pickier and ever more narcissistic. I believe that the lockdowns made this even worse due to all of the socially isolated and thirsty men feeding into the egos of even land whales.

Overall, it's just not a great time right now and I believe that if a man is experiencing feelings of wanting to focus on other things there is a reason they exist and should not be ignored. I personally would be totally open to meeting a woman that was attractive and into me but I know that I'm not going to find it without putting in a ton of effort.

 

[TheCharmingGuy]

I did plenty of times in the past. And currently in one.

Being alone is extremely powerful. Most men don't realize that because either:

1) They are p***y whipped
2) Are afraid (not fully enjoy) of their own company

You don't realize the amount of freedom and power that comes from walking your own path and not getting distracted. In time, you will realize this. And in time, it will make sense when you cross paths with that person on that same wavelength. But you must be in it first. Emerge yourself in it.

Modern Man Advice

Reminds me of back in middle/high school when another guy would come up to you like “who do you like”. Saying “nobody” was unheard of. You didn’t just like nobody. Everybody liked somebody. Then, when we became adults (or for some of us, during high school), we realized: “crushes” are for kids. And “liking” girls specifically just limits your options. And makes you a simp.

 

[andreihaha]

So for about six weeks or so I looked around, checked Tinder again and got numbers. But every time I got to the point of having a date I lost complete interest. I always found a reason not to go out and spend my time otherwise, with the buddies, studying, visiting my family. I felt like I'm tired of dating or women in general, but the main reason I think is that I haven't found a woman to form a genuine connection with since my last LTR breakup about two years ago. I'm sick of the emptiness and shallowness of casual and online dating. It's not hard for me to find someone for sex, but it's hard for me to find someone who really stimulates and interests me. Women bore me fast. There's one girl in another city I have an on and off FWB thing for about one and a half year now, I'm not in the modd to see her either. I was on and off on OLD for the last two years and I always come back to the realization, that it just doesn't feel natural to me and that it's just the same like online shopping and straming services. Instant gratification.

I'm going through the exact same thing.
Hopefully with some hard work, we'll have the same good fate.

 

[HaleyBaron]

I did plenty of times in the past. And currently in one.

Being alone is extremely powerful. Most men don't realize that because either:

1) They are p***y whipped
2) Are afraid (not fully enjoy) of their own company

You don't realize the amount of freedom and power that comes from walking your own path and not getting distracted. In time, you will realize this. And in time, it will make sense when you cross paths with that person on that same wavelength. But you must be in it first. Emerge yourself in it.

Modern Man Advice

Every woman Ive been with hates me being busy. My mother is the one that I have to literally ignore cause she feels I have to call her every week or so. They want me to be this whipped man who goes on dates, takes pictures, and gets dragged around so she can brag to their family and friends about me. No. I got better things to do. They don't get that all the things I do, if I were to stop doing them [money, networking, career], they will hate me cause I will lower in quality of all the things they like about me. Literal irony.

 

[BadBoy89]

You don’t need to take a break from dating, it’s not like gambling. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep an eye for hot girls.

The hottest 25 year old walks in the elevator and asks you out. “Sorry, I’m taking a break from dating hot young girls.”

Come on.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Same, sick of wasting time and money trying to impress a girl with a Disney mentality

 

[xplt]

You don’t need to take a break from dating, it’s not like gambling. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep an eye for hot girls.

The hottest 25 year old walks in the elevator and asks you out. “Sorry, I’m taking a break from dating hot young girls.”

Come on.

It‘s not a waste of opportunities, but stopping the waste of time and effort for worthless relationships

 

[sangheilios]

You don’t need to take a break from dating, it’s not like gambling. Just keep doing what you are doing and keep an eye for hot girls.

The hottest 25 year old walks in the elevator and asks you out. “Sorry, I’m taking a break from dating hot young girls.”

Come on.

That's not really how it works though haha. I agree, if you find yourself in a situation or set of circumstances where you happen to be in the right time at the right place and with a woman that you are attracted to that is into you.....common sense answer. However, most men are not this lucky and they generally have to put in effort in order to meet women. This is the reason why your social network, or lack thereof, is probably the biggest indicator of your dating success. The reality is most men do not have this going for them, especially as they get older, so they have to put in the effort. Whether that be using dating sites, going out to a bar or cold approaching women. They don't just fall magically into your lap unless you have what I mentioned earlier.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Why not both self improvement and dating? You can go to a meetup to improve your job network but at the same time meet new women.

If you attend a gym and see a cute girl giving you a IOI, why not chat to her?

You go to a bookstore, why not ask the girls there for some good book recommendations.

I think as long as you don't go out for the sole purpose of approaching, and just live your life its fine. You will always come across women so why not approach them along the way?

You don't need to turn into a Celibate Monk to do self improvement.

 

[xplt]

Why not both self improvement and dating? You can go to a meetup to improve your job network but at the same time meet new women.

If you attend a gym and see a cute girl giving you a IOI, why not chat to her?

You go to a bookstore, why not ask the girls there for some good book recommendations.

I think as long as you don't go out for the sole purpose of approaching, and just live your life its fine. You will always come across women so why not approach them along the way?

You don't need to turn into a Celibate Monk to do self improvement.

Your point is right. At least from my standpoint, I‘m sick of the modern dating game for now and I just wait for things to happen naturally, mutual and smooth. Like something on a natural wavelength, hopefully with some substance.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Your non-sexual attention should be restricted, those who give it away might get the goods once or twice but its not for a m plate, you have to qualify her for your non-sexual attention, because then it gets exciting for her

 

[SW15]

Why not both self improvement and dating?

You don't need to turn into a Celibate Monk to do self improvement.

Agree, life is too short. It's possible to self improve and date simultaneously. People have sexual needs.

If you attend a gym and see a cute girl giving you a IOI, why not chat to her?

This needs to be an automatic approach. IOIs are not easy to come by. Millennial women are notoriously poor at signaling, something I learned in the early 2010s. I doubt Gen Z's are any better at this.

I think as long as you don't go out for the sole purpose of approaching, and just live your life its fine. You will always come across women so why not approach them along the way?

The problem with this is that most men won't run into enough women this way. For instance, if a man grocery shops as normal, he won't see enough women to approach in the 20-30 minutes it would take to grocery shop, even if he selects a grocery store in a singles dense area. He must slow it down to take at least 1-2 hours.

At a gym, a man will typically have better results going to a fitness class than on the general gym floor. When you go to a fitness class, you're taking a "loss" of 45-60 minutes for the 5 min window before and 5 min window of after classes to approach. The "loss" of attending a fitness class isn't a bad loss because you will get in a solid workout during those 45-60 minutes. It might not be your ideal workout because it's not typically going to be a heavy lifting class. Additionally, not all women are sociable at classes (a small percentage area) but that small percentage is better than the closed off, earbud wearing women typically on the gym floor. Classes themselves are often 65-80% women (great ratio) depending on the class format. A lot of the women already have boyfriends/husbands and are not actively looking to replace, even if you use boyfriend destroyer lines.

most men are not this lucky and they generally have to put in effort in order to meet women. This is the reason why your social network, or lack thereof, is probably the biggest indicator of your dating success. The reality is most men do not have this going for them, especially as they get older, so they have to put in the effort. Whether that be using dating sites, going out to a bar or cold approaching women. They don't just fall magically into your lap unless you have what I mentioned earlier.

Cold approach is a more difficult path to achieve relational goals than social circle introductions, especially if your goal is some sort of extended relationship (6 months or more). Men with social networks typically deal with less aggravations in their efforts to get laid and get laid consistently. Let's note that it is easiest for most men to get laid consistently within a relationship. Men with social networks tend to be more blue pill men with long term relationships, even marriages. A man's social circle will get annoyed in feeding him prospects if most of his interactions are one night stands and casual sex. Additionally, these short term interactions have a tendency to damage social networks. If a guy is able to get 1-3 years out of most interactions, the social circle is less likely to get pissed off. Often times, the social circle setups result in 5+ year relationships with marriages and babies.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I did plenty of times in the past. And currently in one.

Being alone is extremely powerful. Most men don't realize that because either:

1) They are p***y whipped
2) Are afraid (not fully enjoy) of their own company

You don't realize the amount of freedom and power that comes from walking your own path and not getting distracted. In time, you will realize this. And in time, it will make sense when you cross paths with that person on that same wavelength. But you must be in it first. Emerge yourself in it.

Modern Man Advice

You're never alone if you are comfortable in your own skin.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Lately it's been tough getting quality women. While the environment and the pool of women online are poor, I realize there are things to do about myself as well.

We're kind of in a lockdown at the moment and women I meet online are low interest/low quality.

So I decided to take a break from dating for a few months, maybe until the beginning of the next year. I started getting in better shape, but I want to put some more muscle on and loose some of the extra body fat. Didn't need to get a car so far, but I'd really use it now, so getting my driver's license is a must as well. Also want to read some more of the books often mentioned on this site, get better at investing, saving some money and improving a few things around the house.

Obviously if an interesting woman would start pursuing me, I wouldn't blow the chance. But I'm not interested in approaching women right now for dating reasons, be it in real life or online.

Did you take such a break before? How was/is it? Do you have any tips?
Any feedback is welcome.

G.e.t. s.h.i.t. d.o.n.e.
(Which takes you where you want to be. No distractions to stop you).
That's my advice.