Surviving the harsh climate

[anonymous12345]

The amount of ghosting from female acquaintances, rejections, flaking of dates, and girls’ entitled behaviour really takes a toll on me. As I’m rigged right now I often develop some kind of enthusiasm, investment or hope, even in something as little as a conversation going well. As of now this mean rehab every third or forth day, after having consumed some ****tail consisting of pain and almost anger.

The problem here is that it affects my game. I leave prospects because I expect the defeat, for instance. I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game.

I workout, debrief with my friends, leisure, but it still steer me in my game. How do I survive it?

 

[SW15]

Dealing with the modern mating environment can affect one's psychological well being. Everything you're feeling is normal. I had to go to therapy to cope with some of the emotional damage of the modern mating environment. The ghosting, flaking, entitled behavior, and everything else is bad.

 

[anonymous12345]

I've been suspecting some attachment issues (think Bowlby) from my side, i.e. ambivalent attachment or so. But maybe you're right, maybe it's all normal. On the other hand, some seem more sturdy, like @DEEZEDBRAH's or @darksprezzatura's escapades for instance, on top of my head.

It kinda feels like one can't get rid of a negative reaction to something negative that matters to oneself.

Preferably I'd develop some kind of "robustness" or higher degree of "indifference". Can anything be said about what such therapy should have as end goal (attitudes? self image?), what components it will touch, what is the source of the problem, etc., what not?

I've engaged a web therapist a month ago but I don't know if I see that much value in that CBT-thing.

 

[SargeMaximus]

A good
Exercise I still do to this day is purposefully blow out with a girl and in OLD I block any girl that isn’t showing the enthusiasm I want.

 

[wifehunter]

Why date the devil?

 

[Konada]

Sounds like you're burnt out. I suggest you take a break from dating and focus on enjoying the things that make you happy.

Maybe come back with a more neutral attitude. I wouldn't be surprised if the burnt out energy is leaking into your interactions and turning women away.

 

[darksprezzatura]

The amount of ghosting from female acquaintances, rejections, flaking of dates, and girls’ entitled behaviour really takes a toll on me. As I’m rigged right now I often develop some kind of enthusiasm, investment or hope, even in something as little as a conversation going well. As of now this mean rehab every third or forth day, after having consumed some ****tail consisting of pain and almost anger.

The problem here is that it affects my game. I leave prospects because I expect the defeat, for instance. I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game.

I workout, debrief with my friends, leisure, but it still steer me in my game. How do I survive it?

Listen man, kudos for sharing your experience.

Disregarding a few disordered exceptions, all of us have a reaction to rejection.

The weight of the rejection depends on the number of your options.

Focusing on your own life and self, fitness, health, wealth, daily routine while making dating secondary like a sport helped me.

The more options you acquire, further more options you start to acquire.

Sometimes all the plates collapse and it's back to desperation unless you have a rock solid daily routine.

Habits is all.

Check out @DEEZEDBRAH 's posts on wealth, working out, crypto and game. He knows what he's talking about.

Take it easy, it's a sport. Level up.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

I've been suspecting some attachment issues (think Bowlby) from my side, i.e. ambivalent attachment or so. But maybe you're right, maybe it's all normal. On the other hand, some seem more sturdy, like @DEEZEDBRAH's or @darksprezzatura's escapades for instance, on top of my head.

It kinda feels like one can't get rid of a negative reaction to something negative that matters to oneself.

Preferably I'd develop some kind of "robustness" or higher degree of "indifference". Can anything be said about what such therapy should have as end goal (attitudes? self image?), what components it will touch, what is the source of the problem, etc., what not?

I've engaged a web therapist a month ago but I don't know if I see that much value in that CBT-thing.

You should work on your mental game more. Meditation is the best thing you can do. But self growth knowledge is really important too. It gets you to let go of your attachment to outcomes.

A basic concept is that you need to control your mind. If you think about negative stuff then your going to make yourself unhappy but you could just as easily think the word "the" 30 times. Your actually choosing what to think about.

Everytime you start thinking about negative stuff just say to yourself 'thinking' then make a note of what you were thinking about and think about something different.

This concept works well in many ways. Use different words for different things. Do you fidget? Say "moving" make a note of what you were doing then do something else.

My doctor told me that if they do a brain scan on you and then for 5 weeks you meditate for half an hour every day and then they do a brain scan on you again... they can see how your brain is "physically optimizing" itself. Your negative emotion centre's will be smaller and your positive emotions areas will be bigger.

It also teaches you how to control your thought pattern. Increases concentration. And if you do a Google search : "iq boost from meditation" you will see that the average meditator has an iq boost of 23 percent.

So the lesson here is that self growth work makes you smarter and happier. It even increases different electrical waves in your brain such as gamma waves. If you want evidence of this Google about monks and gamma waves. I didn't do the search but it's something like that. Buddhist monks brains are crazy.

Anyways your in charge of your happiness. If your looking to external things to feel happy you won't be. Happiness is a feeling you generate from inside you. Think about a positive event you feel happy. Think about something negative you feel sad. Your not controlling your mind it's just chaos. It's up to you if you want to be happy.

Note : meditation is something you have to do every day to make it change your brain. Doing it once a week for 5 hours won't do anything

 

[Dr.Suave]

I get it op. Last summer my ltr of 4+years broke up with me. I started getting matches on OLD, at the beginning it was bad, most girls would ghost or flake, and there were a few that actually showed up but I didnt like them enough.

One day I said f0ck this. After a few more matches I started planning dates I was actually gonna enjoy regardless and also I started triple booking girls. If none of them cancelled I would go out with the hottest one and bail on the others.

This made me very outcome inddiferent and guess what, soon enough I found a great girl.

 

[Striker_93]

You should work on your mental game more. Meditation is the best thing you can do. But self growth knowledge is really important too. It gets you to let go of your attachment to outcomes.

A basic concept is that you need to control your mind. If you think about negative stuff then your going to make yourself unhappy but you could just as easily think the word "the" 30 times. Your actually choosing what to think about.

Everytime you start thinking about negative stuff just say to yourself 'thinking' then make a note of what you were thinking about and think about something different.

This concept works well in many ways. Use different words for different things. Do you fidget? Say "moving" make a note of what you were doing then do something else.

My doctor told me that if they do a brain scan on you and then for 5 weeks you meditate for half an hour every day and then they do a brain scan on you again... they can see how your brain is "physically optimizing" itself. Your negative emotion centre's will be smaller and your positive emotions areas will be bigger.

It also teaches you how to control your thought pattern. Increases concentration. And if you do a Google search : "iq boost from meditation" you will see that the average meditator has an iq boost of 23 percent.

So the lesson here is that self growth work makes you smarter and happier. It even increases different electrical waves in your brain such as gamma waves. If you want evidence of this Google about monks and gamma waves. I didn't do the search but it's something like that. Buddhist monks brains are crazy.

Anyways your in charge of your happiness. If your looking to external things to feel happy you won't be. Happiness is a feeling you generate from inside you. Think about a positive event you feel happy. Think about something negative you feel sad. Your not controlling your mind it's just chaos. It's up to you if you want to be happy.

Note : meditation is something you have to do every day to make it change your brain. Doing it once a week for 5 hours won't do anything

Good stuff, this is deep.

You should make a thread on this

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

The amount of ghosting from female acquaintances, rejections, flaking of dates, and girls’ entitled behaviour really takes a toll on me. As I’m rigged right now I often develop some kind of enthusiasm, investment or hope, even in something as little as a conversation going well. As of now this mean rehab every third or forth day, after having consumed some ****tail consisting of pain and almost anger.

The problem here is that it affects my game. I leave prospects because I expect the defeat, for instance. I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game.

I workout, debrief with my friends, leisure, but it still steer me in my game. How do I survive it?

Big ups at captain red beard rsd ty. He suggests meditation. I highly recommend it. Learn transcendental meditation. I explore consciousness. I reset in nature. I took up hiking. I reconnect the best way I can. The path is about duty. That being shoot your shot. For better or worse. Freedom from outcome + intent - ty

Lastly, the Gita take about right action. That being unattached to the fruits of your labor. Whether I pull or get rejected, it's irrelevant. The duty is to go for it. Female logic is crashing and burning. Keep moving. Calibrate after the fact. Cultivate being.

Never associate your self concept based upon anything that bleeds for a week and doesn't die. SRS

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Dealing with the modern mating environment can affect one's psychological well being. Everything you're feeling is normal. I had to go to therapy to cope with some of the emotional damage of the modern mating environment. The ghosting, flaking, entitled behavior, and everything else is bad.

The most ironic part is that it is not you. The SMP is a dumpster fire. The part of the brain that once cared is severed a long Time ago. It goes for pulling, ghosting, flakes, rejection etc. This life is ruthless. If anything has been evident the past few years, the state has been the obstacle to the home, weaponizing women, feminism in government education, and the divorce courts/child custody. It's not the courts haven't caught up. It's more evil and intentional. Knowing is half the battle. I have zero sympathy for the wave of spinsters in the future. Good riddance.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

The amount of ghosting from female acquaintances, rejections, flaking of dates, and girls’ entitled behaviour really takes a toll on me. As I’m rigged right now I often develop some kind of enthusiasm, investment or hope, even in something as little as a conversation going well. As of now this mean rehab every third or forth day, after having consumed some ****tail consisting of pain and almost anger.

The problem here is that it affects my game. I leave prospects because I expect the defeat, for instance. I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game.

I workout, debrief with my friends, leisure, but it still steer me in my game. How do I survive it?

To paraphrase the Duke of Wellington: ‘The only thing worse than having a woman. Is not having one.’ Don’t make your happiness dependent on others.

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

Good stuff, this is deep.

You should make a thread on this

If I do you guys need to ask questions. I took the route of just trying to make myself as strong as possible by learning about myself. Figured all my reactions would be better and it worked amazing but it's been 20 years since I started

 

[IKO69]

" I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game. " This is the problem. You are trying too hard and attaching too much importance to this (getting women). What else are you doing? Your enthusiasm and passion for that should exceed your pursuit of chicks. When that happens, things click. You take them off the pedestal and it'll come through in your interaction (they'll like that you are a go getter)

The best thing you can do is RELAX

 

[anonymous12345]

You should work on your mental game more. Meditation is the best thing you can do. But self growth knowledge is really important too. It gets you to let go of your attachment to outcomes.

A basic concept is that you need to control your mind. If you think about negative stuff then your going to make yourself unhappy but you could just as easily think the word "the" 30 times. Your actually choosing what to think about.

Everytime you start thinking about negative stuff just say to yourself 'thinking' then make a note of what you were thinking about and think about something different.

This concept works well in many ways. Use different words for different things. Do you fidget? Say "moving" make a note of what you were doing then do something else.

My doctor told me that if they do a brain scan on you and then for 5 weeks you meditate for half an hour every day and then they do a brain scan on you again... they can see how your brain is "physically optimizing" itself. Your negative emotion centre's will be smaller and your positive emotions areas will be bigger.

Note : meditation is something you have to do every day to make it change your brain. Doing it once a week for 5 hours won't do anything

Yeah, I practice transcendental meditation, like @DEEZEDBRAH. Took a course in it in Oslo years ago, cost some, but worth it. Cool people like The Beatles and David Lynch do it. It has some religious bs, my instructor started talking about energy fields in the walls and stuff like that (lulz), but I snitched the psychological components and am happy with that. If I've understood correctly, the components, these days called mindfulness, that has been scientifically verified are picked up within treatment/hospitals.

I often need to remind me to meditate. Sometimes I go periods without, but when I do, I realise how much I need it. Some periods I did it daily. I'm very restless, so it can be demanding to set that time aside. TM is great if one has less control over one's thoughts.

 

[anonymous12345]

" I’d say I’m heavily emotionally invested in my game. " This is the problem. You are trying too hard and attaching too much importance to this (getting women). What else are you doing? Your enthusiasm and passion for that should exceed your pursuit of chicks. When that happens, things click. You take them off the pedestal and it'll come through in your interaction (they'll like that you are a go getter)

The best thing you can do is RELAX

Well, I don't know. It's one of those usual comments, if you're on your "purpose"/"mission" they like you; David Deida writes "she doesn't want to be your number one", etc., etc.

I've been on my "purpose" most of my life. I've built insane amounts of competence/cultural capital/career/education and I realise how irrelevant it is. A slut at a club or fancy bar these days can barely master her language -- I have to watch out so my background isn't become a burden for me, such as over qualifying. I would say one fifth of my value would have been sufficient. One career, one hobby. I could have cut at least ten years of my life and had fun, instead of studios/workshops/labs/libraries/etc. A bit of pain here.

I don't give a damn of a girl's "intellectual capital", and it's just a problem: the pretty girls fully understands that they are appreciated for their looks; while the ugly ones realise they aren't, so they go somewhere else, become good at ceramics by hiding in a workshop, or whatever.

I don't think doing your purpose is enough, you need game competence and you need to game too.

These days I study jazz piano at a school, and I do that; I attend my commitments and I enjoy it. I do like it, but I do think you have a point, my heart is not invested in this yet-another-project, so to speak. It might very well be girls pick up on this.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Yeah, I practice transcendental meditation, like @DEEZEDBRAH. Took a course in it in Oslo years ago, cost some, but worth it. Cool people like The Beatles and David Lynch do it. It has some religious bs, my instructor started talking about energy fields in the walls and stuff like that (lulz), but I snitched the psychological components and am happy with that. If I've understood correctly, the components, these days called mindfulness, that has been scientifically verified are picked up within treatment/hospitals.

I often need to remind me to meditate. Sometimes I go periods without, but when I do, I realise how much I need it. Some periods I did it daily. I'm very restless, so it can be demanding to set that time aside. TM is great if one has less control over one's thoughts.

I took it from rsd Ty and read ecky. The rsd book list is fire. I like the tripping and exploring consciousness. I'm doing more in nature. Reconnect outdoors. I spent the past two years training in the woods or calisthenics parks. I took up hiking. The positive side effects outweigh the time spent. I sleep better. I'm hitting it hard in life so, it's ideal to really recharge. Most found this path following a divorce or some catastrophic life events. A tea ceremony in Peru isn't for everyone. I do that. Out of chaos comes order. That ability to disassociate from mental noise in your head and life rather than run on autopilot. Something far too commonplace for modern women.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Well, I don't know. It's one of those usual comments, if you're on your "purpose"/"mission" they like you; David Deida writes "she doesn't want to be your number one", etc., etc.

I've been on my "purpose" most of my life. I've built insane amounts of competence/cultural capital/career/education and I realise how irrelevant it is. A slut at a club or fancy bar these days can barely master her language -- I have to watch out so my background isn't become a burden for me, such as over qualifying. I would say one fifth of my value would have been sufficient. One career, one hobby. I could have cut at least ten years of my life and had fun, instead of studios/workshops/labs/libraries/etc. A bit of pain here.

I don't give a damn of a girl's "intellectual capital", and it's just a problem: the pretty girls fully understands that they are appreciated for their looks; while the ugly ones realise they aren't, so they go somewhere else, become good at ceramics by hiding in a workshop, or whatever.

I don't think doing your purpose is enough, you need game competence and you need to game too.

These days I study jazz piano at a school, and I do that; I attend my commitments and I enjoy it. I do like it, but I do think you have a point, my heart is not invested in this yet-another-project, so to speak. It might very well be girls pick up on this.

Deida is a book that every man should read regardless of what rubbish any house husbands throw his way. Glad you took something from his work.

 

[sangheilios]

@anonymous12345

I was experiencing something very similar to you a while back, when I was getting nothing but flakiness, rejection, first dates leading to nothing, etc. I eventually gave up and stepped away from the dating market, this was around fall of 2019 after another flake from a woman I wasn't even that into, and I haven't been back since. For me, one of the biggest issues was that I was even going for women I had little to no interest in and still getting poor results.......I can't really explain the feelings associated with it but it made me question why I even bothered.

Most men are going through stuff like this, especially since the pandemic began. If a man is talking about having some great dating life and bragging about it I can guarantee you that he is lying or at the very least greatly exaggerating. When fat women believe that they are entitled to a man that is 6'+ and ripped you know the current dating market is completely broken.

In regards to how to "survive". Men should have activities, hobbies, pass times and a life purpose that they are working on. For me that is working a good amount and investing/saving heavily, I'm looking to be a multi millionaire within the next 5 years or so. I also go to the gym a lot and love training, it's something I've been really good at for my whole adult life. I also do a bit of hiking and recently got into poker, I'm already a winning player at live cash games.