Hey everyone. I'm new to these forums and am 19 in my senior year of HS (yeah a little old I know). This'll be a bit of a story pst a guess... Anyways what I'm really looking is for self improvement in my physique, confidence, social life and hobbies. I really don't care about my education at the moment, I'm so damn smart I don't need to study one bit to get the grade average.
So anyways, I've been moving around the world every 3 or 4 years because my dad's a diplomat. I've gone through several stages in my life, and I have found that a lot of it is based around the people I end up spending the most time with. For example, when I was young (like 8 years old), my mom went to her home country for the funeral of my grandfather, whilst I was with my dad; who is an AFC and insecure I gained a lot of weight and went from an average sized kid to being the fattest guy in my class in 3 months. This took me 5 years to get rid of the fat (when I finally said, alright i'm gonna quit listennin to my parents 24/7).
Fast Forward - 4 years ago (15-18 yrs old). I had just shred off my fat and had actually become quite athletic. I was living in Africa and for 3 years I was one of the most popular kids in town, I knew almost everyone at almost every party or whatever the hell I went to, had a **** buddy and had great friends who I loved chillin with. They always said I was kinda crazy n weird in a good way nd everyone loved me and I was extremely happy and everyone could tell.
fast Forward - last year (I turn 18)
Anyways, to end my highschool, my dad decided to go back to Belgium last year. And last year was just about the worst year I've had since I shred off my fat. I dunno what hapenned, but as soon as I enterred Belgium I started playing video games online 24/7 (I couldn't do that in africa cuz the internet was too slow). I mean, I even like got serious and was in a "pro team" for a while. I went out a few times but only got a chic once, and that chic is pretty much a $lut so it's nothing to talk home about. I'd drink often and smoke only at other's houses if it was offered (I'm talkin bout weed, I've never touched a cig before... OK I have, but I took one puff before coughin n throwin it away)
When I arrived, I made friends with this cool guy (since I hadn't changed TOO much when I arrived), who's still my friend but he got this gf about 2 months after I met him, so we don't chill as much anymore, I've befriended this other dude who's cool though. BUT, some of the friends I made were horrible, I made friends with some potheads and I got into the whole druggie thing, so basically my days went like this: wake up, go to school, smoke up, play video games, sleep. And it was pretty horrible. Around may I kinda broke down (by myself... noone knows this not even my parents). But I took a long ass walk into a parc and went into a foresty area and just started crying for no reason and shouting out how I hated myself for becoming the monster that I became. At this point... I really did consider suicide because I really hated what i'd done to myself (yeah everything was my fault... I'm not the type of person to blame anyone else).
My physique went from slender (I guess it looked like an olympic swimmer's body or something) to pretty ****ing ugly. My face still looked alright but my body had no more definition to it and I walked around so hunched everyone could tell I was depressed n ****. After I broke down in the forest I decided to quit that lifestyle I hated and decided to renew myself. It was really hard at first, but I really didn't wanna become a super pothead dude who'd never be able to get away from drugs. So I joined a gym... and quit soon after cuz my body just couldn't take it because I was still playing video games. So I quit my "pro team" by telling them the truth I would focus on my real life more and the vidgame nerds wished me luck.
I found myself real bored since I wasn't playin video games or going to the gym or on a sports team, so I finally started going out again, but it was really awkward when I would go out. I had like 4 good guy friends who I could trust to take me out n ****, so I'd go out with them (1 of them's a complete pothead btw, but he knows that I don't wanna smoke anymore so it's good). The coolest friend of mine would take me out n show me the girls n all, but I'd feel real awkward. I wasn't comfortable like I used to be and it felt weird going out, when before I was pretty much the life of the party and now I became this dude standing by the walls lookin at all the HB's dance n ****. I was like... Holy ****... I need to reeducate myself and make myself better like before.
Two weeks ago I finally decided to rejoin the gym since I really wasn't proud of my body, I mean it used to be so nice and athletic n now it was like skinny n I couldn't even walk with a nice posture, so I'm workin out now and it ****ing hurts but I gotta go through the pain to make it. I haven't gone out or met any friends for 2 weeks though and I feel very lonely... I wish I could have made more friends last year so that I could be less bored... right now I'm pretty much goin to the gym, on the computer and watchin rented DVD's the whole day (Oh and I'm also reading some books, atm I'm reading The game by Style which I really find funny and interesting).
Anyway, some of my friends I made last year finally came back this week and an even cooler thing is this girl is vsiting Brussels this year and came today as well. She's SO COOL, like, even cooler than I was when I was cool... lol Maybe not... anyway, we facebooked eachother our numbers so we should meet up soon so I'm happy about that. I don't have any feeling for her or anything (actually come to think about it... I've only had feelings about girls before I meet them... afterwards I find something of them that turns me off), but I really love her, I love her as a friend, not as an object of sex (even though she's real hot, and a lot of my friends back in africa went out with her/wanted to **** her) or anythgin so i'm planning on just having a blast with her. Not really sure what i'm gonna do with her though, but I'm sure we'll have a good time just being us two lol (maybe you guys could suggest a cool idea).
i'm gonna keep on visiting these boards n reading all the **** cuz I wanna relearn everything I once knew and more. After I meet up with my chicfriend I dunno what i'll do, I should prolly call some dude to chill with em but I dunno how they'll view me. I was such a freak and nerd and depressed last year... I dunno how i'm gonna be accepted because their image of me atm is horrible and I have to change that image and that's SO much harder than being new and creating a good image.
Everyone in school (or most) thinks I'm some pothead retard (well actually a lot of ppl like me...but not as much as in africa or nothing). They all think I smoke weed 24/7, but I quit weed ages ago. Whenever I go out, the guys are all like YO WASSUP DUDE, which is cool, but I was always kinda depressed last year so I got quiet and wouldn't be brave enough to go up to the girls. I got serious Approach Anxiety, the girls I do know are the girls who approached me first (because i'm kinda cute). I can tell that they do wanna get to know me but I'm too much a ****in ***** and so are they so we just keep our distance from eachother... this needs to friggin change, I ****in need some ***** again lol, I've become more horny than I've been for years now.
Also, I'm 19, and a lot of these girls are like 15 or 16 and I think it's just wrong to go try **** around with them cuz like... they're so young... so I wanna learn how to get girls from other schools when i'm at a nightclub or something. i'm guessing this all comes with self improvement, a path which i'm already taking the road down.
OK... Here's a weird thing about me... I'm super horny and wanna **** like all the hot *****es out there and i'm super scared to approach them but I'm not emotionally attached to any of them, I'm not like "man, I need to get this one girl tonight and keep her forever" I'm more the type of guy who's like "alright, ten *****es here... let's get em all..." lol if that makes any sense... I'm just tryin to be happy again n live my youth.
If anybody botherred to read all... or any of this thanks for readin it, and feel free to add your own comments or ask me any questions if u wanna help me... Or you could even tell me what a loser I am... I really don't care atm... I'm just trying to be happy again and never ever again consider suicide.
(btw this username came from my gaming name, yeah it's kinda nerdy... but I think it's cool... like electronic sounding you know?? lol anyways... holla.)
So anyways, I've been moving around the world every 3 or 4 years because my dad's a diplomat. I've gone through several stages in my life, and I have found that a lot of it is based around the people I end up spending the most time with. For example, when I was young (like 8 years old), my mom went to her home country for the funeral of my grandfather, whilst I was with my dad; who is an AFC and insecure I gained a lot of weight and went from an average sized kid to being the fattest guy in my class in 3 months. This took me 5 years to get rid of the fat (when I finally said, alright i'm gonna quit listennin to my parents 24/7).
Fast Forward - 4 years ago (15-18 yrs old). I had just shred off my fat and had actually become quite athletic. I was living in Africa and for 3 years I was one of the most popular kids in town, I knew almost everyone at almost every party or whatever the hell I went to, had a **** buddy and had great friends who I loved chillin with. They always said I was kinda crazy n weird in a good way nd everyone loved me and I was extremely happy and everyone could tell.
fast Forward - last year (I turn 18)
Anyways, to end my highschool, my dad decided to go back to Belgium last year. And last year was just about the worst year I've had since I shred off my fat. I dunno what hapenned, but as soon as I enterred Belgium I started playing video games online 24/7 (I couldn't do that in africa cuz the internet was too slow). I mean, I even like got serious and was in a "pro team" for a while. I went out a few times but only got a chic once, and that chic is pretty much a $lut so it's nothing to talk home about. I'd drink often and smoke only at other's houses if it was offered (I'm talkin bout weed, I've never touched a cig before... OK I have, but I took one puff before coughin n throwin it away)
When I arrived, I made friends with this cool guy (since I hadn't changed TOO much when I arrived), who's still my friend but he got this gf about 2 months after I met him, so we don't chill as much anymore, I've befriended this other dude who's cool though. BUT, some of the friends I made were horrible, I made friends with some potheads and I got into the whole druggie thing, so basically my days went like this: wake up, go to school, smoke up, play video games, sleep. And it was pretty horrible. Around may I kinda broke down (by myself... noone knows this not even my parents). But I took a long ass walk into a parc and went into a foresty area and just started crying for no reason and shouting out how I hated myself for becoming the monster that I became. At this point... I really did consider suicide because I really hated what i'd done to myself (yeah everything was my fault... I'm not the type of person to blame anyone else).
My physique went from slender (I guess it looked like an olympic swimmer's body or something) to pretty ****ing ugly. My face still looked alright but my body had no more definition to it and I walked around so hunched everyone could tell I was depressed n ****. After I broke down in the forest I decided to quit that lifestyle I hated and decided to renew myself. It was really hard at first, but I really didn't wanna become a super pothead dude who'd never be able to get away from drugs. So I joined a gym... and quit soon after cuz my body just couldn't take it because I was still playing video games. So I quit my "pro team" by telling them the truth I would focus on my real life more and the vidgame nerds wished me luck.
I found myself real bored since I wasn't playin video games or going to the gym or on a sports team, so I finally started going out again, but it was really awkward when I would go out. I had like 4 good guy friends who I could trust to take me out n ****, so I'd go out with them (1 of them's a complete pothead btw, but he knows that I don't wanna smoke anymore so it's good). The coolest friend of mine would take me out n show me the girls n all, but I'd feel real awkward. I wasn't comfortable like I used to be and it felt weird going out, when before I was pretty much the life of the party and now I became this dude standing by the walls lookin at all the HB's dance n ****. I was like... Holy ****... I need to reeducate myself and make myself better like before.
Two weeks ago I finally decided to rejoin the gym since I really wasn't proud of my body, I mean it used to be so nice and athletic n now it was like skinny n I couldn't even walk with a nice posture, so I'm workin out now and it ****ing hurts but I gotta go through the pain to make it. I haven't gone out or met any friends for 2 weeks though and I feel very lonely... I wish I could have made more friends last year so that I could be less bored... right now I'm pretty much goin to the gym, on the computer and watchin rented DVD's the whole day (Oh and I'm also reading some books, atm I'm reading The game by Style which I really find funny and interesting).
Anyway, some of my friends I made last year finally came back this week and an even cooler thing is this girl is vsiting Brussels this year and came today as well. She's SO COOL, like, even cooler than I was when I was cool... lol Maybe not... anyway, we facebooked eachother our numbers so we should meet up soon so I'm happy about that. I don't have any feeling for her or anything (actually come to think about it... I've only had feelings about girls before I meet them... afterwards I find something of them that turns me off), but I really love her, I love her as a friend, not as an object of sex (even though she's real hot, and a lot of my friends back in africa went out with her/wanted to **** her) or anythgin so i'm planning on just having a blast with her. Not really sure what i'm gonna do with her though, but I'm sure we'll have a good time just being us two lol (maybe you guys could suggest a cool idea).
i'm gonna keep on visiting these boards n reading all the **** cuz I wanna relearn everything I once knew and more. After I meet up with my chicfriend I dunno what i'll do, I should prolly call some dude to chill with em but I dunno how they'll view me. I was such a freak and nerd and depressed last year... I dunno how i'm gonna be accepted because their image of me atm is horrible and I have to change that image and that's SO much harder than being new and creating a good image.
Everyone in school (or most) thinks I'm some pothead retard (well actually a lot of ppl like me...but not as much as in africa or nothing). They all think I smoke weed 24/7, but I quit weed ages ago. Whenever I go out, the guys are all like YO WASSUP DUDE, which is cool, but I was always kinda depressed last year so I got quiet and wouldn't be brave enough to go up to the girls. I got serious Approach Anxiety, the girls I do know are the girls who approached me first (because i'm kinda cute). I can tell that they do wanna get to know me but I'm too much a ****in ***** and so are they so we just keep our distance from eachother... this needs to friggin change, I ****in need some ***** again lol, I've become more horny than I've been for years now.
Also, I'm 19, and a lot of these girls are like 15 or 16 and I think it's just wrong to go try **** around with them cuz like... they're so young... so I wanna learn how to get girls from other schools when i'm at a nightclub or something. i'm guessing this all comes with self improvement, a path which i'm already taking the road down.
OK... Here's a weird thing about me... I'm super horny and wanna **** like all the hot *****es out there and i'm super scared to approach them but I'm not emotionally attached to any of them, I'm not like "man, I need to get this one girl tonight and keep her forever" I'm more the type of guy who's like "alright, ten *****es here... let's get em all..." lol if that makes any sense... I'm just tryin to be happy again n live my youth.
If anybody botherred to read all... or any of this thanks for readin it, and feel free to add your own comments or ask me any questions if u wanna help me... Or you could even tell me what a loser I am... I really don't care atm... I'm just trying to be happy again and never ever again consider suicide.
(btw this username came from my gaming name, yeah it's kinda nerdy... but I think it's cool... like electronic sounding you know?? lol anyways... holla.)