sup all

[Xptboy]

Hey everyone. I'm new to these forums and am 19 in my senior year of HS (yeah a little old I know). This'll be a bit of a story pst a guess... Anyways what I'm really looking is for self improvement in my physique, confidence, social life and hobbies. I really don't care about my education at the moment, I'm so damn smart I don't need to study one bit to get the grade average.

So anyways, I've been moving around the world every 3 or 4 years because my dad's a diplomat. I've gone through several stages in my life, and I have found that a lot of it is based around the people I end up spending the most time with. For example, when I was young (like 8 years old), my mom went to her home country for the funeral of my grandfather, whilst I was with my dad; who is an AFC and insecure I gained a lot of weight and went from an average sized kid to being the fattest guy in my class in 3 months. This took me 5 years to get rid of the fat (when I finally said, alright i'm gonna quit listennin to my parents 24/7).

Fast Forward - 4 years ago (15-18 yrs old). I had just shred off my fat and had actually become quite athletic. I was living in Africa and for 3 years I was one of the most popular kids in town, I knew almost everyone at almost every party or whatever the hell I went to, had a **** buddy and had great friends who I loved chillin with. They always said I was kinda crazy n weird in a good way nd everyone loved me and I was extremely happy and everyone could tell.


fast Forward - last year (I turn 18)
Anyways, to end my highschool, my dad decided to go back to Belgium last year. And last year was just about the worst year I've had since I shred off my fat. I dunno what hapenned, but as soon as I enterred Belgium I started playing video games online 24/7 (I couldn't do that in africa cuz the internet was too slow). I mean, I even like got serious and was in a "pro team" for a while. I went out a few times but only got a chic once, and that chic is pretty much a $lut so it's nothing to talk home about. I'd drink often and smoke only at other's houses if it was offered (I'm talkin bout weed, I've never touched a cig before... OK I have, but I took one puff before coughin n throwin it away)

When I arrived, I made friends with this cool guy (since I hadn't changed TOO much when I arrived), who's still my friend but he got this gf about 2 months after I met him, so we don't chill as much anymore, I've befriended this other dude who's cool though. BUT, some of the friends I made were horrible, I made friends with some potheads and I got into the whole druggie thing, so basically my days went like this: wake up, go to school, smoke up, play video games, sleep. And it was pretty horrible. Around may I kinda broke down (by myself... noone knows this not even my parents). But I took a long ass walk into a parc and went into a foresty area and just started crying for no reason and shouting out how I hated myself for becoming the monster that I became. At this point... I really did consider suicide because I really hated what i'd done to myself (yeah everything was my fault... I'm not the type of person to blame anyone else).

My physique went from slender (I guess it looked like an olympic swimmer's body or something) to pretty ****ing ugly. My face still looked alright but my body had no more definition to it and I walked around so hunched everyone could tell I was depressed n ****. After I broke down in the forest I decided to quit that lifestyle I hated and decided to renew myself. It was really hard at first, but I really didn't wanna become a super pothead dude who'd never be able to get away from drugs. So I joined a gym... and quit soon after cuz my body just couldn't take it because I was still playing video games. So I quit my "pro team" by telling them the truth I would focus on my real life more and the vidgame nerds wished me luck.

I found myself real bored since I wasn't playin video games or going to the gym or on a sports team, so I finally started going out again, but it was really awkward when I would go out. I had like 4 good guy friends who I could trust to take me out n ****, so I'd go out with them (1 of them's a complete pothead btw, but he knows that I don't wanna smoke anymore so it's good). The coolest friend of mine would take me out n show me the girls n all, but I'd feel real awkward. I wasn't comfortable like I used to be and it felt weird going out, when before I was pretty much the life of the party and now I became this dude standing by the walls lookin at all the HB's dance n ****. I was like... Holy ****... I need to reeducate myself and make myself better like before.

Two weeks ago I finally decided to rejoin the gym since I really wasn't proud of my body, I mean it used to be so nice and athletic n now it was like skinny n I couldn't even walk with a nice posture, so I'm workin out now and it ****ing hurts but I gotta go through the pain to make it. I haven't gone out or met any friends for 2 weeks though and I feel very lonely... I wish I could have made more friends last year so that I could be less bored... right now I'm pretty much goin to the gym, on the computer and watchin rented DVD's the whole day (Oh and I'm also reading some books, atm I'm reading The game by Style which I really find funny and interesting).

Anyway, some of my friends I made last year finally came back this week and an even cooler thing is this girl is vsiting Brussels this year and came today as well. She's SO COOL, like, even cooler than I was when I was cool... lol Maybe not... anyway, we facebooked eachother our numbers so we should meet up soon so I'm happy about that. I don't have any feeling for her or anything (actually come to think about it... I've only had feelings about girls before I meet them... afterwards I find something of them that turns me off), but I really love her, I love her as a friend, not as an object of sex (even though she's real hot, and a lot of my friends back in africa went out with her/wanted to **** her) or anythgin so i'm planning on just having a blast with her. Not really sure what i'm gonna do with her though, but I'm sure we'll have a good time just being us two lol (maybe you guys could suggest a cool idea).

i'm gonna keep on visiting these boards n reading all the **** cuz I wanna relearn everything I once knew and more. After I meet up with my chicfriend I dunno what i'll do, I should prolly call some dude to chill with em but I dunno how they'll view me. I was such a freak and nerd and depressed last year... I dunno how i'm gonna be accepted because their image of me atm is horrible and I have to change that image and that's SO much harder than being new and creating a good image.

Everyone in school (or most) thinks I'm some pothead retard (well actually a lot of ppl like me...but not as much as in africa or nothing). They all think I smoke weed 24/7, but I quit weed ages ago. Whenever I go out, the guys are all like YO WASSUP DUDE, which is cool, but I was always kinda depressed last year so I got quiet and wouldn't be brave enough to go up to the girls. I got serious Approach Anxiety, the girls I do know are the girls who approached me first (because i'm kinda cute). I can tell that they do wanna get to know me but I'm too much a ****in ***** and so are they so we just keep our distance from eachother... this needs to friggin change, I ****in need some ***** again lol, I've become more horny than I've been for years now.

Also, I'm 19, and a lot of these girls are like 15 or 16 and I think it's just wrong to go try **** around with them cuz like... they're so young... so I wanna learn how to get girls from other schools when i'm at a nightclub or something. i'm guessing this all comes with self improvement, a path which i'm already taking the road down.

OK... Here's a weird thing about me... I'm super horny and wanna **** like all the hot *****es out there and i'm super scared to approach them but I'm not emotionally attached to any of them, I'm not like "man, I need to get this one girl tonight and keep her forever" I'm more the type of guy who's like "alright, ten *****es here... let's get em all..." lol if that makes any sense... I'm just tryin to be happy again n live my youth.

If anybody botherred to read all... or any of this thanks for readin it, and feel free to add your own comments or ask me any questions if u wanna help me... Or you could even tell me what a loser I am... I really don't care atm... I'm just trying to be happy again and never ever again consider suicide.

(btw this username came from my gaming name, yeah it's kinda nerdy... but I think it's cool... like electronic sounding you know?? lol anyways... holla.)

 

[Xptboy]

OK. I think i'm gonna make this thread like a kinda journal. I read over some other guy's journals and found them pretty interesting. So, since atm I'm pretty damn dissapointed with my life I think I'll let you guys get a glimpse of how miserrable my life is and hope I can really make myself a changed and better person soon.

Anyways, For the past 3 weeks I've pretty much stayed in my house and apart from going to the gym and doing some errands I haven't really met any strangers. Yesterday I finally talked a while with a bunch of people on msn and have arranged to be going out on friday and probably also saturday.

My best chicfriend still hasn't called me so i'm kinda pissed at her about that, she better call me soon otherwise i'ma ****in break her neck... OK not really but i'll be pissed since i always thought we were tight, she's prolly gonna call on friday n be like "hey let's go out tonight", i'll prolly end up bringing her wherever the **** i'm goin lol.

I really enjoy working out now. My muscles are starting to get used to going to the gym and I can eat way more than I usually do and I still end up looking better the next day. I mean, today I've eaten two burgers, and half a pizza, and I'm currently eatin some ice cream wile writing this it's great, and am planning to eat a full pizza for dinner tonight. (Dunno why but I never tend to get fat nowadays... btw I look pretty good atm, not an ugly **** like before). I kinda wish I was like Michael Phelps who eats 12000 calories a day lol.

Anyways, when I go out, Inever end up getting a girl... OK sometimes a slut will come up to me, but I want to be able to pick the girl. I'm one of the better dancers so I normally end up gettin wasted, chill with the dudes n just have fun dancing... I can't get the courage to go up to girls though. I'll try approach some random girls this weekend, something I haven't done for over a year... update whenever the next time is I go out and can report back with something.

Oh, btw I really love some of the newer songs that are coming out. This year I really kinda hated the music coming out but atm there's a lot of good **** coming out that I can really enjoy dancing to and stuff. lolli lolli by 36mafia and elevator by florida are two of the songs i'm really digging atm. The beats are simply insane, lolli lolli's beat is similar to the theme song of SAW which is just crazy.

OK... go me and my self improvement journey.

 

[Xptboy]

Alright, so have continued going to the gym and I feel better everytime i go, my confidence is definitely higher.

Last night, I called some guys and met up with some of my school buds. A lot of them were sophomores though and they are SOOOO immature, the only cool guys were the guys who had graduated or the seniors. Ended the night at this karaoke bar which was retarded... all the sophomores were like, yeah nm it was retarded. Went upstairs to the dancefloor after and met some gus I never met before. When I got on the dancefloor I exchanged like a 3 second stare with this super hot Asian looking chic... but I was too p**** to do anything about it and my night ended up just takin a cab home....

Anyways, it was aactually pretty fun chillin wit some of the guys last night, jus talkin n watchin the retarded sophomores sing... There were also a bunch of sophomore girls... whom are also WAAAY too immature for me lol, they're like 15 and i'm 19... so a pretty big age difference too... I highly doubt I'm gonna try get any girls in my hs this year, will prolly end up going for girls when i'm out of school, just need to get over my approach anxiety... which is HUGE atm. I was one of the hotter guys at the bar last night, n couldn't approach any girls apart from the ones I knew and had no interest in. Ohno wait... I said hi to the immature sophomore girls... but that doesn't count, I need to grab my balls n go talk to the older girls I dunno. (man I wanna go to college...)

Anyways, im gonna keep working out. I also quit drinking alcohol on nights where nothing special's going out (karaoke bar). I didn't touch a cig or blunt last night and am continuing m no smoking policy. I ate 2 pizzas today... but that's not too bad I guess... I guess I can take a cheat meal once in a while. Gonna try approaching more often in the coming weeks and get over my approach anxiety... I really think I could do wellwith girls if I only get over my approach anxiety.

 

[Xptboy]

I swear I'm the biggest ****ing ***** on Earth.I'm looking a bit better physically btw... i'm no longer skinny to the bones but am finally startin to get some tone which is nice, gotta keep on workin out regularly, started rippetoes program.

I should've gone out on Fri and Sat, turned out I only went out on Sat, anyways. First I went out solo n met up with some guys and we et these random Americans (I live in Belgium), and since we go to the international school we got along well and had a few beers while we waited for the rest of our crew to come. Left the stranger's we met and went to this bar and hung around until more people came. Then like a horde of ****ing girls came (like 20) I didn't know ANY of them... I ended up just saying hi to everybody I already knew and kinda ignored the girls... they all go to my school anyways and I'm really not interested in gettin into a school relationship unless it's a girl I actually care about. I was bein' kinda quiet... and felt really nervous for A LOOOONG TIME.

After a while we went to a bar/club and just kinda had a beer or two there. It was pretty boring... and nothing to do, so we went to one of these regular bars of ours, but before this as I walked out I saw this really cool girl in my school but I was so ****in nervous I just like pointed in the direction I was walkin and like stuterred a few words like "oh hey... I'm goin to blabla"... I should've stayed n talked a bit.

Anyways when we arrived there, it was karaoke night so I decided to sing a couple songs... which was kinda embarassing but it was fun lol. Had another beer (so that makes like, some shots that other's bought me, and 2 beers which is what I stayed on for the rest of the night). Went upstairs to the dancefloor and saw one of my best friends who I decided to chill with. Then I saw this girl eyein' me and like smilin' at me but I was too ***** to do anything... I left the bar with my best friend and his gf and another good friend, and was like **** IM SUCH A *****... lol anyways

hopped to this danceclub but the bouncer was bein a ***** and didn't let us in which was just ****in bs, so we went to this other club which we never go to normally... it was actually kinda fun n we danced a lil. Then I saw some friends I hadn't seen for a year so I decided to leave my best friend who was goin home n chill wi them but they also ended up goin home so I also ended up goin home after saying bye to some of the new girls at my school... whom I never talked to before...

so yea... I feel like a gigantic ****in ***** for not being able to go up to girls and say hi. Anyways apart from that. i started school last wednesday and have actually had a bunch of fun. I'm much less depressed than last year and people can tell. I've made friends with almost all the new guys (not girls) which is cool. But I dunno any of the girls... I've gotten closer to the girls that I did know last year though. I'm gonna try and get to know some of the girls I dunno well this week and just try be more comfortable... and less nervous, and quit thinkin that everyone else thinks I'm weird or depressed or whatever.

All the guys were actually really friendly to me when I tried talkin with them... so I guess they actually do like me... I always thought that everyone thought I was a freak last year.... but I guess maybe it's only the girls... or who knows, maybe the girls actually like me too but they want me to approach first... i dunno loL.. Or maybe they thought I was a freak last year but like me now... OK I really don't care right now... i'm just pissed off at myself for not bein able to be more confident like I was back in Africa... man... I miss Africa

 

[War Against Betaism]

I almost finished the first post, decided to see what others have said about you, and found out it's just more of your life story. I find your story interesting, but isn't there a better way to sum up your life and all your problems? It seems you want answers but with the amount of words you've already typed up it could make a 2 hour screenplay.

 

[Xptboy]

lol, I'm just doing this for myself, if anyone wanna read then you can. This could be looked at more like a blog I guess.

 

[Georgey]

i just finished reading ur first post n realized u're writing more n more bout ur life story...quite intresting and i guess if i keep writing, i'll be writing the same words that war against betaism wrote, so i'll have to add what i have to say.
first off, u're in the right place, doing the right stuff now: u wanna become someone. actually most of the guys here had similar life in the past, im one of them. i'd say u've had quite much of experience in life, i mean u have friends, u went out, ure good at school , smoked weed, played video games.
now those goddamn videogames r life killers, theyre like suicide to a human's personality. u did the right thing to quit this online game and ur pro team.
now u say u wana have fun, which is great, so go for it, go for fun, meet the hotties because u wana have fun. u say this chic rejected me last night, i say she's dumb.
i say go for fun even if u get nothin, do it for urself becasuse that's what u want.. if the girls reject u tonight, enjoy ur time with ur friends, the guys. drink and dance..have fun, u know.
now for ur friend who's coming soon (i dont know if she came in ur last posts), call her meet her somewhere to swim or walk in a festival.. there are loads of activities, shouldnt be necessary a restaurant and a dinner.
plus, i dont get it, u say u wana **** so hard, but u dont want to **** that hot chic ur friend, make up ur mind, she's a girl and she won't be any different from any other girl u meet out there. because first when u see a chic u say i wana **** her, then u meet her, she becomes someone else..no man, theyre all the same.. pretty faces, sexy bodies and horrible personalities that guys love.

thats what i can say for now and uh..an advice, we heard story of ur life, u dont need to write all that, just the important shiit and make it small.
Happy DJing!

 

[Georgey]

o btw, go the tips section and read some stuff, plus get the bible n read anything for pook

 

[Xptboy]

o btw, go the tips section and read some stuff, plus get the bible n read anything for pook

yeah, I'm doing that

anyways, at school I've actually got a lot of people to chill with. Including the american jocks who a lot of them are just friggin *******s -.- ... I'm a lot more active than last year and a lot of the guys think I'm ****in funny as ****, guys are startin to love me, n i crack the girls up so it's all good.

went out yesterday again. People are startin to notice me in my school now cuz I'm actually lilke goin out n stuff. first met up with a good buddy of mine, then we had a drank before I met up with some 11th grade girls. I knew them kinda well, so I chilled with them before goin to the bar where everyone was. When I got in the bar, I kinda said hi to everyone even though I didn't know everyone, and i was not feeling that nervous or anything.

i think acting drunk is the worst thing to do... I mean seriously, why the **** would I ever act drunk just because some random ***** is acting drunk at me. Anyways, I tried to pull some moves on one of the 11th grade girls, but that didn't work... I lost my game lol, we were buying eachother drinks... I think overall I lost like 5 euros on her since I ended up buying the last drink. (I wuold've hit on other girls but they were all either ugly or way too young for me... I wanna go cubbin n pick up a random girl lol)

A lot of it has to do with voice tone and composure I think, I was kinda actin like all the other guys in the club who were just kinda acting like idiots lol I should just be me on my game (cuz when that happens I'm a ****in pimp). So yeah, anyway, since I couldn't get any girls I decided to just like dance with the guys then go home kinda early at like 1 AM which was not too bad, I'll see if anything's hapenin tonight too. and life here's pretty boring in the night tbh, before when I went out I'd have a ****in awesome time everytime i went out (by either getting a girl or by being in love with my friends lol), over here I haven't made lifetime friends yet and my game suxx, so I'm workin on this crap... it'll come

 

[Aragon034]

whoa, i'll have to bookmark this thread and read it tomorrow. I'll edit this post then and give my thoughts.

 

[Xptboy]

K went out again yesterday. Met up with one of my AFC friends then went to a bar where we saw like 20 freshman but we didn't go talk cuz well we're AFC's lol. Anyway, we decided to bar hop since it was kinda boring but I saw one of the new guys who's cool and another dude from last year who I never hung out with last year but who's also cool dude, so I talked to them and I like completely forgot about my AFC friend (who tried to enter another bar with all the fresman babies but got rejected cuz they looked to young).

Anyway, the sister of the new guy was there, and she was real cool so we got to talkin a lot. She's 20 (Im 19). We went to the beer festival but it closed early so we hopped to the bar which my AFC friend couldn't enter (obviously we got in...) and I met one of my bus buddies (let's call him E). I saw E and J with J's gf, then later on some other random people from our school joined but they're not important. cool new dude bought me a beer (small glass), and then his sister bought me a pint. I was talkin to the sister and told her how I was like really depressed last year n was like single for a year. N she was like "aww, you're so cute, blabla, you don't look like the type of guy who's lonely". N I was like "yeah... i'm kinda shy" n she was like "Well maybe u shud get ur confidence up" then E joined in and was like "yea, get confidence n all the girls will luv u man, blabla" and it was a pretty fun conversation and we like ended up talkin about how none of us have ever had buttsex ever before hopping back to the bar with all the sophomores.

The bar was more filled tho n there were more people this time. Ppl were singin karaoke n havin fun. the new guy (lets call him NG) went with this girl to have some alone time with her lol. So I was kinda left with the sister alone, I found out she had a boyfriend for 4 years so I was like... "oh ****, that's a long ass time" lol. it's funnt, cuz after that I made sure I wouldn't try hook up with her even though she kept on givin me IOI's and bought me some more drinks (lol I didn't buy a single drink last night).

E was upstairs on the dancefloor so I joined him, he introduced me to a new girl in our school who's a junior. She's real cute! n like came from NYC n her sister goes to hofstra which is where my best friend is goin and i might end up there. She came with the girl NG was hookin up with so I kinda chilled with her too.. I remember NG sayin that he wanted to hook up with this girl too though so I was always like "god, I shouldn't make a move on her cuz otherwise NG will get pissed at me", so we just like talked... she was like "I'm named after a goddess" which cracked me up lol (but it's tru tho she's named after a greek goddess). Anyway I did kino her a bit, and when she had to leave (cuz she was sleepin at her friend's and her friend was leaving) she rememberred to say bye to me (by like walkin to the other end of the bar and sayin bye), which was cool... since last year, people would just like forget about me or not notice me.

Anyways, since the night was over, and people were leaving left, right n center I decided to go home with E's sister (who's a friend i guess) and another new girl who's getting hit on by so many guys in our school it's not even funny. We split the cab fee n I got back home n was like, hmm I actually felt pretty good tonight, n i'm makin friends everyday n all's good.

 

[Aragon034]

all i can say is "wow"

definately interesting and i'll be reading up on this every so often, keep posting and asking questions.

sucks about the age thing though. It sucks royally when you start getting some good game and the only targets around are jailbait, especially if they start to notice you and start coming on to you though you're only 4 years older, that's not a huge difference. you might want to conside at least getting their numbers and MAYBE considering chilling with them.

i wouldn't worry too much about a friend who says he wants to hook up with GirlB, while he's hooking up with GirlA. You've got the opportunity and he's not lacking any so i'da gone for it.

about the girl with the boyfriend, meh, don't escalate the situation, but if she starts anything, just reciprocate equally.

 

[Xptboy]

woah, I got some readers of my blog!! LOL, thx for it. I'm literally feeling like a better person everytime I wake up.

no chance with the girl with a boyfriend now since she left the country, she was only here for a night... if she was here longer I might've tried escalating.

so anyways, Today I had like 4 frees in a row in school (ok it was, free, assembly, lunch, free)... My best friend, or one of my cool friends that i've been a friend with since I arrived last year decided that he'd go off campus (I'll prolly post a lot more of him so let's give him a fake name... Bob, he's rea cool cuz he's real n i like him more than most other's cuz he's 18 which is pretty much my age). So, me and Bob go off campus with his girlfriend (who's real cool too, they're like a perfect couple)

Off campus we meet up with 2 girls... one is pretty hot... like HB7.5 (i'll call her HBpothead, the other's just average and dresses like an emo but is actually kinda cool (i found after hangin out with her today). So anyway HBpothead (who's turnin 16 in like 2 months...) decided to buy a 4 pack and some smirnoff ice and since noone else wanted to drink on a school day she gets kinda drunk. OK... Bob and his gf leave cuz they don't have enough money to buy lunch outside so they gotta go back to eat at the cafeteria in school.

I'm left with HBpothead and emo in a park... So anyways, we like start off by just makin photo's n crap n like havin' fun. Then HBpothead (who's pretty wasted by now btw) has to take a piss, so I'm like "OK... u should go in the bushes", and she's like "OMG!! that's so smart... can u come with me n make sure noone's watchin?"... At first i'm like no, but then after I'm like yea. So I take her in the bushes and when noone can see us, i'm like "I don't think anyone can see us here " and she looks at me like "OK thanks you can go now" n I'm thinking wtf?? r u serious? so Im like "are u sure??" n then she like gives me a hug and says "yea"... So i like walk back to emo like super confused... When she comes back we make fun of HBpothead for being so drunk n stuff and also she had some retarded videos of her on her phone so we also made fun of those.

Then we had to get back to class after all that so we start walkin back... but HBpothead can't walk straight so she like... grabs my arm n is like "can you carry me?!?!"... so then we walk back and me n her are like walkin arm in arm and holdin hands (n that felt weird since emogirl is with us). After a while i'm fed up though so I hand her over to emogirl who's like "OK thx..." lol. Then I tell them I'm gonna get me some lunch (they had class but I still had one more free after lunch) n before that HBpothead hugs me n then brushes some of the dirt off my back (we were lying in the parc).

then I see HBpothead in my art class who's still pretty drunk n crackin everyone up in art class, even the teacher was like lol everytime she said something (but she's cool so whatever). Then HBpothead tells me she's gonna smokeup after school with another pothead/potheads (he's actually also a pretty good friend of mine since me n him smoked up a lot together last yr... but he knows I quit this year n isn't pressurin' me or nething which is cool" n I'm like... "cool hf, cya tomora or whenever"... I should've prolly tried to get her number, but that really doesn't matter since we see eachother like real often...

Another thing is, before walkin to the bus I see the new girl I met on saturday (the girl who NG wanted to get with, let's call this girl Cyprus btw since that's where she's from). I'm kinda talkin to one of my friends, n she's talkin to her friends, but she looks at me, then looks away n then looks at me again smiling, so I just smile back... I didn't do anything, but I feel like I shuld've just grabbed her n took her away from her group lol. I'll try to get to speak with her tomorra or the day after cuz HBcyprus kinda turns me on (even tho I hate her friend that NG was hookin up with)... Don't think NG will be too pissed about it or anything.

 

[Xptboy]

I went to a school football game yesterday... I was supposed to be recording thegame but noone had a camera -.-... So I ended up talkin with the guys on the sidelines cheering and stuff. Talked with HBCyprus, tried getting her to go out but couldn't since she's lame. Afterwards, I arranged with NG and another dude to go out tonight. (looks like me and NG could be chillin a lot this year btw, which is cool since I got some cool friends now)

anyway... before leaving the football game I also talked to this girl who NG is hitting on (he's tryin to get a lot of girls lol).. she's actually really open, n we had some laughs... errm I dunno why, but I'm ending up talkin with NG's girls a lot now lol... so anyways game ends, I go workout, take a shower n go out

meet up wit some guys, smoke some sheisha, get drunk, go to the bar and meet up wit everyone else... I see HBGer who's in my Art class, ignore her at first but I end up somehow getting a cab with her and NG to this guy's houseparty which I wasn't invited to... me and her talk to eachother in the cab... NG's tellin me to try hook up with her. We get out the cab, and she doesn't know anyone at the party (I actualy know quite a few people even though I woudn't consider them friends) so she hangs around me. She tells me she wants to get drunk so I try find the drinks... after when she has a drink I try to isolate her n get her alone but she resists, so I give up... I'm not attracted to her either, she's not my type of girl even though she is hot. We somehow separate and another guy starts talkin to her... dunno what they ended up doing...

I dance n talk to other people... I actually introduced myself to a few girls that night, it was fun... I was pretty wasted by now, so I'm doing this electronic dance called tecktonik lol, everyone's like havin fun n crap. I see this girl I recognize... Me and her a real close friends and she has a boyfriend but she comes up to me starts grindin on me and then when I walk away outside (because I don't wanna start anything with her), she comes outside, follows me, and comes to me starts talkin bout how sexy I am whilst licking my ear and rubbin my shoulders/back/chest/arms... I tell her we can't do this since I consider her a friend and she has a boyfriend who I know, so I think she got the point then.

Later HBGer comes back to me and tells me her dad's gonna pick her up. She lives near me and says that she can gimme a ride home... I'm thinking, "does she wanna bring me to her place or is she just being for real?" I end up bailing... I dunno why... I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I haven't done anything with a girl for a year (apart from one or two exceptions). I'm so scared of becoming popular again and being one of the guys who always gets a girl every weekend again, I've already been there, and now it's like... I can be there again if I want to, but what if I don't want to. I think I'm gonna have to go out a bit more before getting comfortable doing anything with girls again.

I end up goin home with NG and sleepin at his place.

My confidence is like... skyrocketing right now... I'm pretty much as confident as I was in my old school... It feels great and people are opennin up to me. When I go out now I'm not one of those guys who just stands there and does nothing anymore, I'm actually talkin with people. At the start of this year, I went out and I coudn't feel the rythm on the dancefloor but now I feel it so well. I'd be the quiet dude looking and listennin' awkwardly to the conversations but now I join in the convo's. I'm still nowhere near as hot as I could be but I'm workin on that in the gym and I'm definitely not ugly so whatever... I'm still nervous about ****ing a girl though... I know I can do it now, I just haven't done it in ages I feel like a virgin who's scared ****less of his firt try. Been watchin some porn... but that doesn't seem to be helpin much lol.