Summoning all DJs - I need help!

[Alpheta]

I made a thread yesterday about a girl I'm with and how I overreacted with her by deciding to ignore her as she failed to mention meeting up for a while. I say an overreaction as I could have dealt with it better and not come across like a b1tch.

After ignoring her for 2 weeks with her begging me to respond for 1 of those weeks (and then going ghost for the remainder) I decided I should contact her (yesterday.)

I thought I'd just talk casually and then arrange a meet up. No butt hurt. I was wrong.

After sending her the text, it took her a few hours to respond. Lol. She tells me on the phone that she had her family over. Bear in mind she never responds to my text later than 5 mins.

After realising her texts were so bland and disinterested, I decided to call. Once again with the intention to stay calm and arrange a meet.

I was wrong. Her demeanour and signals of lower interest infuriated me leading me to go in to tangents and whining. I controlled myself but I guess it was too late. I felt like she was disrespecting me as she started cussing (not swearing) as I did too. It was jokey but still it never really happens.

In the end SHE ended the convo (it was 2am.) I did get to arrange the meet which is a few weeks from now.

I feel like I too a huge L (loss.) However, I won't stress too much as what's done is done. What I wanted to ask you guys was what can I do to redeem myself. What's the best form of action? I am working on spinning plates but what should I do for this specific situation?

Thanks.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Two points, as is TMK's way....

-Long distance relationship....? Bad idea. I would go as far to argue that there's actually no such thing. Take your own situation as a perfect example; you're meeting 'in a few weeks'. That's not a relationship bro, that's a hook up (you hope) with someone you know quite well. You can't/don't conduct a 'relationship' over the telephone.

-You're playing this very badly, especially given the facts: yes, she does seem to be losing interest, and there is distance between you - both of which, I draw your attention back to my first point. And, if she has exams, she has exams. Either she does or she doesn't. And, if she does, you need to respect that. From a third party point of view, you're coming of as needy and playing in to her frame of reference.
One minute you're doing two weeks no contact (ignorance and no contact are very different things by the way - both parties are usually privy to the no contact status, whereas ignorance is just ignorance). Next minute you're blowing her phone up with calls and texts, when she's telling you she has stuff on. There's no happy medium nor consistency to your 'game'.


As you see, or at least now see, women are inconsistent. Many even understand this about themselves. That's why it is imperative that a man remains consistent. And this is why being a 'DJ', as opposed to an authentic man doesn't wash. A DJ is trained like a dog to know what to do in the spur of the moment. An authentic man just is who he is and doesn't rely on juvenile mind games to get what he wants. Who he is begets what he wants.

Being a 'DJ' is not the final destination. Game, or 'DJ-ing' as you put it, is not about becoming some sort of confidence trickster that will lure any and every woman in to your clutches. It's about learning the behaviours of a successful, desirable and authentic man.

If you want my advice, quit while you're (just about) still ahead, before you end up doing something stupid and ruin it forever. There is a chance that something might be salvaged one day, should you live in the same vicinity as this girl. Until that time comes though, do both of you a favour, be a man and call it a day.

 

[Alpheta]

Two points, as is TMK's way....

-Long distance relationship....? Bad idea. I would go as far to argue that there's actually no such thing. Take your own situation as a perfect example; you're meeting 'in a few weeks'. That's not a relationship bro, that's a hook up (you hope) with someone you know quite well. You can't/don't conduct a 'relationship' over the telephone.

-You're playing this very badly, especially given the facts: yes, she does seem to be losing interest, and there is distance between you - both of which, I draw your attention back to my first point. And, if she has exams, she has exams. Either she does or she doesn't. And, if she does, you need to respect that. From a third party point of view, you're coming of as needy and playing in to her frame of reference.
One minute you're doing two weeks no contact (ignorance and no contact are very different things by the way - both parties are usually privy to the no contact status, whereas ignorance is just ignorance). Next minute you're blowing her phone up with calls and texts, when she's telling you she has stuff on. There's no happy medium nor consistency to your 'game'.


As you see, or at least now see, women are inconsistent. Many even understand this about themselves. That's why it is imperative that a man remains consistent. And this is why being a 'DJ', as opposed to an authentic man doesn't wash. A DJ is trained like a dog to know what to do in the spur of the moment. An authentic man just is who he is and doesn't rely on juvenile mind games to get what he wants. Who he is begets what he wants.

Being a 'DJ' is not the final destination. Game, or 'DJ-ing' as you put it, is not about becoming some sort of confidence trickster that will lure any and every woman in to your clutches. It's about learning the behaviours of a successful, desirable and authentic man.

If you want my advice, quit while you're (just about) still ahead, before you end up doing something stupid and ruin it forever. There is a chance that something might be salvaged one day, should you live in the same vicinity as this girl. Until that time comes though, do both of you a favour, be a man and call it a day.

LDR- I know this is cliche but the girl isnt a sl*ut from what i know. When I met her, she was a virgin. She isnt a stunner and I prefer that. She is brought up from a strict religous family so she has good boundaries. I hope to move in with her in the near future. What im saying is, I cant see many girls around me who are virgins or at least hold some principles. Every girl I know is feminist etc. However, this being a LDR always crosses my mind. You are correct in saying telephone calls aren't relationships.

 

[Desdinova]

I overreacted with her by deciding to ignore her as she failed to mention meeting up for a while.

It's your job to arrange the dates, not hers. If she contributes to ideas, that's a bonus.

After ignoring her for 2 weeks with her begging me to respond for 1 of those weeks

Punishing a girl through text shouldn't last more than a day. A few hours is usually enough to get her emotions running.

I did get to arrange the meet which is a few weeks from now.

Wow, I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Don't be surprised if she ends things either on that day or before it.

Learn from this experience and fine-tune how you interact with women. This one is probably a lost hope.

 

[Alpheta]

It's your job to arrange the dates, not hers. If she contributes to ideas, that's a bonus.



Punishing a girl through text shouldn't last more than a day. A few hours is usually enough to get her emotions running.



Wow, I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Don't be surprised if she ends things either on that day or before it.

Learn from this experience and fine-tune how you interact with women. This one is probably a lost hope.

Bold: well thats probably the reason why i made this thread. How do I redeem myself until the meet? I know I came across needy, so whats the fix? Are you saying i call off the meet?

 

[Alpheta]

It's your job to arrange the dates, not hers. If she contributes to ideas, that's a bonus.



Punishing a girl through text shouldn't last more than a day. A few hours is usually enough to get her emotions running.



Wow, I'm sure she's looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks. Don't be surprised if she ends things either on that day or before it.

Learn from this experience and fine-tune how you interact with women. This one is probably a lost hope.

I would also like to add that I gave her the option to come on the date or if not we'll meet up "some other time" she agreed to meet up. I also asked her to come see me rather than the other way round.

 

[JonnyD123]

Let your ego go sometimes man. Something I've had to learn, and continue to learn everyday is that part of being a man is owning up to your mistakes and admitting when you're wrong. It's amazing how defusing it can be in a heated argument, literally takes all of their power and hatred and all of the animosity away. And that's exactly what this is for you, a power trip. I do the same exact thing man. You get some sort of pleasure from her groveling, but once she moves on you realize the mistake. Then you get mad at her for moving on. It's a little immature. Grow up. Be a man. Talk to her if you actually want her in your life, otherwise you're giving her the signals that you don't when you choose to ignore her.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I hope to move in with her in the near future.

Ha. Oh dear, dude.... you are nowhere near this stage at the moment. In one breath you speak of her declining interest in you, the next you start talking about moving in together.

My friend, you need to take a step back and start seeing reality for what it is.

How do I redeem myself until the meet? I know I came across needy, so whats the fix? Are you saying i call off the meet?

This is why you're not really in a relationship. You have no idea where you stand, nor what to do and you're certainly not being the cool, calm and collected guy that this girl is going to be attracted to. You've basically got oneitis for a girl you never even see and it's going to be a long way back from that place.

Here's what to do, step by step.

-You're going to need to wait until the 'meet up' (whatever that is), that you've basically forced her in to (not cool man, not cool).
-Until that time, keep conversations light, causal and fun. You're acting fcking weird, man. Just chill the fck out and go on living your life in her absence.
-Whenever the time comes for your 'meet up' (whatever the fck that is), causally shoot her a text the day before telling her to meet you at *time and *place and you are looking forward to seeing her.
-If she turns up, keep things light, causal and fun. Girls don't like serious guys who aren't in control of their emotions. Whatever you do, certainly DO NOT (repeat DO NOT) bring up the relationship, or her behaviour towards you or anything that is going to make you sound needy and weak. Ever.

-Lastly, moving forward, don't make dates more than a week in advance. You've basically turned this 'meet up' in to some kind of huge national holiday type event and I agree with Desdinova that she may very well cancel on you; meanwhile, you've spent 'weeks' building up to this 'event' in your own mind. Then, if/when she does cancel, you'll have a meltdown.

In the mean time, I'd start doing a lot of reading and go out a bit and start talking to other females. You clearly need the practice.

Have fun with it man. Life and women are not supposed to be as serious and complicated as you're trying to make it.

 

[Dash Riprock]

I made a thread yesterday about a girl I'm with and how I overreacted with her by deciding to ignore her as she failed to mention meeting up for a while. I say an overreaction as I could have dealt with it better and not come across like a b1tch.

After ignoring her for 2 weeks with her begging me to respond for 1 of those weeks (and then going ghost for the remainder) I decided I should contact her (yesterday.)

I thought I'd just talk casually and then arrange a meet up. No butt hurt. I was wrong.

After sending her the text, it took her a few hours to respond. Lol. She tells me on the phone that she had her family over. Bear in mind she never responds to my text later than 5 mins.

After realising her texts were so bland and disinterested, I decided to call. Once again with the intention to stay calm and arrange a meet.

I was wrong. Her demeanour and signals of lower interest infuriated me leading me to go in to tangents and whining. I controlled myself but I guess it was too late. I felt like she was disrespecting me as she started cussing (not swearing) as I did too. It was jokey but still it never really happens.

In the end SHE ended the convo (it was 2am.) I did get to arrange the meet which is a few weeks from now.

I feel like I too a huge L (loss.) However, I won't stress too much as what's done is done. What I wanted to ask you guys was what can I do to redeem myself. What's the best form of action? I am working on spinning plates but what should I do for this specific situation?

Thanks.

You F'ed up big time. Cut her loose and start over with someone else. Learn your lesson here.

 

[Alpheta]

Ha. Oh dear, dude.... you are nowhere near this stage at the moment. In one breath you speak of her declining interest in you, the next you start talking about moving in together.

My friend, you need to take a step back and start seeing reality for what it is.


This is why you're not really in a relationship. You have no idea where you stand, nor what to do and you're certainly not being the cool, calm and collected guy that this girl is going to be attracted to. You've basically got oneitis for a girl you never even see and it's going to be a long way back from that place.

Here's what to do, step by step.

-You're going to need to wait until the 'meet up' (whatever that is), that you've basically forced her in to (not cool man, not cool).
-Until that time, keep conversations light, causal and fun. You're acting fcking weird, man. Just chill the fck out and go on living your life in her absence.
-Whenever the time comes for your 'meet up' (whatever the fck that is), causally shoot her a text the day before telling her to meet you at *time and *place and you are looking forward to seeing her.
-If she turns up, keep things light, causal and fun. Girls don't like serious guys who aren't in control of their emotions. Whatever you do, certainly DO NOT (repeat DO NOT) bring up the relationship, or her behaviour towards you or anything that is going to make you sound needy and weak. Ever.

-Lastly, moving forward, don't make dates more than a week in advance. You've basically turned this 'meet up' in to some kind of huge national holiday type event and I agree with Desdinova that she may very well cancel on you; meanwhile, you've spent 'weeks' building up to this 'event' in your own mind. Then, if/when she does cancel, you'll have a meltdown.

In the mean time, I'd start doing a lot of reading and go out a bit and start talking to other females. You clearly need the practice.

Have fun with it man. Life and women are not supposed to be as serious and complicated as you're trying to make it.

LMAO. That was hilarious. Thanks for the blunt response and advice. I will certainly take it on board.

 

[Desdinova]

Are you saying i call off the meet?

I'm saying don't be surprised if she either cancels or uses it as a meeting to break up with you. If she fvcks you on that date, consider yourself lucky.

I would also like to add that I gave her the option to come on the date or if not we'll meet up "some other time"

Women don't like options. They like to be told what your plan is.

 

[Thorninmyside]

You didn't stick with your instincts, then you basically handed her the script and asked her to flip it. Now you're playing her game. I'm with @Desdinova. My money is on her shlt-canning this next meetup right before it happens.

Get other options in the meantime.

 

[sph21]

She has a very low IL and you chased her like there's no other girl. Forget her. You'll only be wasting your time and you might break your own heart because of this.

I did an LDR once and it was the worst decision I had ever made. Forget LDR. Forget moving closer to her place.

LDR is bad because you are putting her on a pedestal. Think about it. You're meeting her after traveling a long distance. She'll think of you as trying too hard. If you move closer to her house, it will also implying that you are chasing her just to get her pvssy. Both aren't attractive.

If you do LDR or moving closer to her house, she'll that no other girl wants you. Women want a how is wanted by other women. Its just how they value a man.

No matter what you do, you can't save this 'relationship'. She will most probably cancel the date because she's not comfortable with you.

Accept rejections like a man and move on with your own life.

Learn how to be not desperate. Read DJ Bible. At first, it might be weird to implement any material from DJ Bible, but it will be like a second nature to you once you understood the mindset.

More than a week set up for a date is way too long. Next time, don't accept it. Say something like, "I'm quite busy. Let me check my schedule first." Even if you aren't busy, pretend like you are. By doing this, you're creating a value in her mind that your time is worthy and she needs to appreciate more the time you spend together. This is assuming that she has a high IL towards you.

Next time, lead her. Once the relationship is working for a few months, then you can relax a bit and let her decide what to do occasionally. This will tell her that you are not a control freak and you value her opinions.

Girls really can drive us nuts. Because of this I reminding myself that I need to judge by her actions and her words. Do it and you'll save many heartaches