The sites in question are SeekingArrangement.com and SugarDaddyForMe.com
I had a 'relationship' with 6 women over 2 years. 4 local (I live in San Fran) and 2 in LA. This might seem like a lot, but I think for better or worse, it's pretty easy to understand these relationships while comparable in some aspects are very very different from anything traditional. Ironically, I've recently decided to no longer use the sites anymore - not because of any one particular bad event. I actually would consider my opinion after it all to be neutral as far as a good idea or not, and as an experience I consider it to have been very positive.
Pros
- It's honest. I know it's hard to understand, but I believe a major contributor to relationship struggles is firstly understanding what it is you want, and secondly asking for it. You are almost forced to think about and openly discuss these things very early on. This also has the side effect of making future discussions about expectations much easier, which can be sticky topics normally
- (this might be a con for some) The concept of 'where is this relationship going' is non-existent. I have no idea why. It never came up. Ever. I could speculate all year and not know. Shrug. Mysterious. This advantage is, for me, the most important. Bigger better deal never became an issue, because if it did, you moved on. Almost all of the encounters ended on a positive note, and I have to say with a care-free relationship, things are a lot funner and the between the sheets aspect was very very unforced and easy. I never felt like I had to push and they never felt obligated to put out.
- Once you get a feel for how things work, it's very very very easy to spot a waste of time vs quality. I can tell you right away by a profile if a person is self aware and knows what they want and would be a good match, and compared to a normal site like okcupid or whatever you can determine the possibility and strength of a match much much faster.
- (again not a pro for all hehe) The girls message you =] I rarely messaged anyone, and I think all 6 of the people I met messaged me first. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit I think I kept the membership on a few times when I didn't need it just to log in now and then and see messages =] shallow I know, but man I tell ya. It never happens anywhere else =[ This might have something to do with my multiple profile pics of me in sexy shirtless mode, but whatever. hehe.
Cons
- While the 'costs' of these agreements can vary, you should assume a cost will exist =] There are a fair number of guys who love to run with the 'Fake it till you make it' approach, but many of the members of the site have gained skill in spotting that approach heh.
- While not always the case, I ran into what I call 'Paid like a pro but treated like a princess' where even with clear arrangements in place there were more than just a few people who expected all the same things as one would in a traditional relationship. This mostly has to do with things like 'who else are you talking to' and such. I will add a caveat that I am kinda a dog, and the age range average of my encounters is probably younger than what you would think it would be, and as such a little age based immaturity should be assumed.
- It's very rare to meet a person on the site who really knows exactly what they want. Hell it's hard to meet someone anywhere who knows that actually. This can be a problem especially if people feel it's ok to change what they expect based on day to day criteria.
All in all, if you feel there are more to relationships than what you've already tried and you have the means and the stones to try something new, it's very very interesting, and without having to say if it's a good idea or not I still feel I learned a great deal about myself and what I want. Adopting a different perspective provided a new data point in which I could compare all the traditional events I had from the past which is the primary factor in my consideration of the experience to be a positive one overall.
Lastly, I decided to omit a large part of the message where I went into detail discussing my idea of a 'pay to play' society and where I believe relationships to be today with my motivations for giving this a shot in the first place, as it really didn't contribute much information. I might post it in a reply I think. Or not? Or whatever.
Also, I've decided this site is cool! So you can all stop worrying if I'm going to stick around or not
I had a 'relationship' with 6 women over 2 years. 4 local (I live in San Fran) and 2 in LA. This might seem like a lot, but I think for better or worse, it's pretty easy to understand these relationships while comparable in some aspects are very very different from anything traditional. Ironically, I've recently decided to no longer use the sites anymore - not because of any one particular bad event. I actually would consider my opinion after it all to be neutral as far as a good idea or not, and as an experience I consider it to have been very positive.
Pros
- It's honest. I know it's hard to understand, but I believe a major contributor to relationship struggles is firstly understanding what it is you want, and secondly asking for it. You are almost forced to think about and openly discuss these things very early on. This also has the side effect of making future discussions about expectations much easier, which can be sticky topics normally
- (this might be a con for some) The concept of 'where is this relationship going' is non-existent. I have no idea why. It never came up. Ever. I could speculate all year and not know. Shrug. Mysterious. This advantage is, for me, the most important. Bigger better deal never became an issue, because if it did, you moved on. Almost all of the encounters ended on a positive note, and I have to say with a care-free relationship, things are a lot funner and the between the sheets aspect was very very unforced and easy. I never felt like I had to push and they never felt obligated to put out.
- Once you get a feel for how things work, it's very very very easy to spot a waste of time vs quality. I can tell you right away by a profile if a person is self aware and knows what they want and would be a good match, and compared to a normal site like okcupid or whatever you can determine the possibility and strength of a match much much faster.
- (again not a pro for all hehe) The girls message you =] I rarely messaged anyone, and I think all 6 of the people I met messaged me first. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit I think I kept the membership on a few times when I didn't need it just to log in now and then and see messages =] shallow I know, but man I tell ya. It never happens anywhere else =[ This might have something to do with my multiple profile pics of me in sexy shirtless mode, but whatever. hehe.
Cons
- While the 'costs' of these agreements can vary, you should assume a cost will exist =] There are a fair number of guys who love to run with the 'Fake it till you make it' approach, but many of the members of the site have gained skill in spotting that approach heh.
- While not always the case, I ran into what I call 'Paid like a pro but treated like a princess' where even with clear arrangements in place there were more than just a few people who expected all the same things as one would in a traditional relationship. This mostly has to do with things like 'who else are you talking to' and such. I will add a caveat that I am kinda a dog, and the age range average of my encounters is probably younger than what you would think it would be, and as such a little age based immaturity should be assumed.
- It's very rare to meet a person on the site who really knows exactly what they want. Hell it's hard to meet someone anywhere who knows that actually. This can be a problem especially if people feel it's ok to change what they expect based on day to day criteria.
All in all, if you feel there are more to relationships than what you've already tried and you have the means and the stones to try something new, it's very very interesting, and without having to say if it's a good idea or not I still feel I learned a great deal about myself and what I want. Adopting a different perspective provided a new data point in which I could compare all the traditional events I had from the past which is the primary factor in my consideration of the experience to be a positive one overall.
Lastly, I decided to omit a large part of the message where I went into detail discussing my idea of a 'pay to play' society and where I believe relationships to be today with my motivations for giving this a shot in the first place, as it really didn't contribute much information. I might post it in a reply I think. Or not? Or whatever.
Also, I've decided this site is cool! So you can all stop worrying if I'm going to stick around or not
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