Sudden Divorce Syndrome

[MatureDJ]

http://men.msn.com/articlebl.aspx?cp-documentid=5873934

Sudden Divorce Syndrome

Divorce may be the worst thing that can happen to a man's health, finances, and emotional well-being. Yet one in four men who will get divorced this year don't have any clue that it's coming. Here's how to avoid the surprise.

This is scary:

Long before his wife came along, a frame-store owner named Jordan Appel, 55, had built a fine house for himself atop West Newton Hill in one of the fancier Boston suburbs. He loved bringing in a wife and then adding two children. "It felt so wonderful to say 'my wife' and 'my children' and feel part of a community." He volunteered for the preschool's yard sale; his wife took up with a lover. Sometimes she slept with him in Appel's own house; in time, she decided to divorce Appel. As these things go, he was obliged to leave the house, and, as it happened, the community too. Money was so tight that he ended up sleeping in a storage room above his frame shop two towns away. His ex-wife works part-time on the strength of Appel's child custody and alimony payments, and spends time with her boyfriend in Appel's former house. She lives rather well, and he has to make $100,000 a year to support her and the children, which amounts to 70-hour workweeks. One day, he went back to his house and discovered many of his belongings out on the sidewalk with the trash. "My body feels like it's dissolving in anger," he says. "I'm in an absolute rage every single day."

 

[Luveno]

What a horrible article.

The article doesn't mention pre-nups, and it only glances over avoiding marriage.

The solutions and preventative measures that are offered are passive, giving the woman power over the man. They are, as simple as this may sound, "AFC".

 

[Mr. Me]

From the article this important nugget of universal truth:

The warning signs are usually there, claims Buckley, but the male mind is simply not very adept at recognizing them. "When women make up their mind that the relationship is over, they stop talking about the relationship," she says. "Men interpret a woman"s lack of complaining as satisfaction. But more often, it's because she's simply given up."

Now I want to show its application here:

When you see threads on sosuave where a guy's talking about how his woman is complaining or nagging him, and a chorus of alleged DJs are telling him to stand firm in his resolve to do his own thing, remember the above universal truth, that by thus neglecting her and minimizing her concerns instead of acknowledging legitmate complaints and working on them, he's helping kill her love for him.

 

[##17]

Wow. I mean, that is just so effed up. I don't know what else to say, except that I'm glad I'm single...

 

[Warrior74]

If that story is true, I expect that house to burst into flames one day while the kids are at school.

 

[Real_Deal]

If that story is true, I expect that house to burst into flames one day while the kids are at school.

Nah a massive termite infestation would be a lot more costly in the long run. Darn little buggers can show up and keep showing up with so little effort.

 

[ElChoclo]

Sounds totally believable, in fact, so believable that I am pretty sure that this story is being repeated in maybe tens of thousands of cases in various industrialised countries which have made the mistake of adopting US style divorce laws.

The warning signs are always there. But, just like the neighbours never figure out that they are living next to a serial killer, the average man never figures out that his wife is up to no good. But they would, if they only took the time to look.

 

[romangod]

Marriage for a man in today's Matrix is a trap door waiting to be sprung at his "loyal" wife's whim. Some do get lucky and she never pulls the switch. At its best a man will marry a benevolent master who'll allow him a somewhat happy existence. At its worst it is a speedy drop into the abyss of the Matrix which might be impossible to get back out of. Cheers!

 

[KontrollerX]

Yep avoid marriage like the plague DJ's.

Its completely and totally worthless in todays world.

 

[Latinoman]

Oftentimes, men have a divorce sprung on them in midlife, when their kids are more self-sufficient and they've finally started to think they were over the hump. Like Martin Paul, they could start to relax. But that's exactly the time of life when the instance of divorce begins to swell (another occurs shortly after marriage). Joe Cordell, of the law firm Cordell and Cordell, which specializes in representing men in domestic cases, attributes this to wives deciding as they approach age 40 that it's now or never for getting back into the marriage market.

That's very true. However, the problem here is that thanks to the Internet and Websites such as this...men are starting to AVOID like the plague women that are divorced (e.g. women that INITIATED divorce) or at the very least pay attention to their past.

 

[Latinoman]

"Marriage changes men more pervasively and more profoundly than it changes women," explains sociologist Steven Nock, author of Marriage in Men's Lives. "The best way to put it is, marriage is for men what motherhood is for women." Marriage makes men grow up. Nock observes that many men before marriage are indifferent workers, and, after hours, are likely to be found in bars or zoned out in front of a TV. After marriage, they are solid wage earners, frequent churchgoers, maybe members of a neighborhood protection association. But divorce takes that underpinning away, leaving men strangely infantilized and unsure of their place in the world. They feel like interlopers in the stands at their children's soccer games or in the auditorium for their school plays.

Compounding this pain, men find the deck is stacked against them. The divorce system tends to award wives custody of the children, substantial child support, the marital home, half the couple's assets, and, often, heavy alimony payments.

EXACTLY! Men lose more in marriage (and for that matter divorce), because marriage has a greater impact on us.

 

[mrRuckus]

Marriage makes men grow up. Nock observes that many men before marriage are indifferent workers, and, after hours, are likely to be found in bars or zoned out in front of a TV. After marriage, they are solid wage earners, frequent churchgoers, maybe members of a neighborhood protection association.

Wage earners: slaves making money not their own

Frequent churchgoers: become illogical and believe in things with zero proof to make their wife happy

Maybe members of a neighborhood protection association: wtf does this have to do with anything? might as well list something else completely arbitrary



How are these things growing up?

Growing up = becoming stupid, working harder for money that i don't get to keep, believing in magic man, and doing not fun things? Pass.

But divorce takes that underpinning away, leaving men strangely infantilized and unsure of their place in the world.

What men? Make your own place in the world. Don't stand around waiting for people to tell you your place. Sheesh.

Oh nos, no woman to direct me what to do. I guess I will just be aimless and float like a feather in a tornado.

This may come as startling news to a public that has been led to believe that women are the ones who suffer financially postdivorce, not men.

Startling news? People actually believe that? How can they even begin to come to that conclusion? Jeepers, nuke the whole world and let's start over.

 

[thedeparted]

He should've called her his wife, bought her a ring -- and never signed the paperwork. Marriage is just a way for women to take your wealth. Simple as that.