Success Stories and Lessons Learned

[wakingup]

Some of you may recognize me as I've been posting on here for 6 months or so. Just got divorced last year, I'm 32 years old, and was with my ex wife since I was 25. It's been a learning experience discovering these websites and learning how women operate based on a biological, survivalist imperative. I wanted to share some recent success stories that illustrate many of the maxims I've learned from you posters on this site. I've been spinning plates since February and I've been focusing more on one in particular because she seems to be balanced and healthy, compared to the others.

1. Women are Attracted to Men who are Desired by Other Women. My main plate found out about a former plate, her response to me was "look at all the cute girls goin after you." she said this in a very kind of exaggerated and playful way that allowed me to respond with a "yep, its a hard life but I get by." I could tell it turned her on, and she never pryed or asked follow up questions.

2. Women are Attracted to Men who Stay True to Themselves. The other night I was out with my main plate with several mutual friends and I told her before meeting up that I would only be out til a certain time because I had to work in the morning. At that certain time I hugged her goodbye, and she was visibly upset and made a few attempts to guilt me into staying. I did not get mad but just said that it was time for me to end my evening and I went home. The next morning I wake up to a text from her. She said "sorry about giving you a hard time about leaving early last night. I'm happy that you take care of yourself, its one of your qualities I admire most. Hope you have an efficient day at work." Another aspect of this maxim is that when I have been really tired, stressed, or just feeling "off" I have refused to hang out with women. This is because for me, I find that in these moments I'm more likely to complain or be boring, or be unable to really be "present" or give my full attention to a woman. Once I even broke plans I had made because I knew I would not be 100%. I told the girl "trust me, we will hang out on X day and it will be much more fun that today would have been." I did get some additional flack for breaking plans, but regardless of how she felt, I knew it was my best move to cancel on that particular day so I have no issues with it.

3. Women are Attracted to Men who Go After What they Want. This one was the most "unlike me" until I started reading up on attraction and women. I've changed from asking girls if they want to do this or that, to flat out telling them what we're doing, and so far I have not been told no. Some of the interactions that come to mind are first learning when they are free, then saying something like "ok I'll pick you up when I get off work around 630 and we'll go to dinner at one my favorite places."

 

[resilient]

Congrats wakingup, you're living life for yourself balanced and not needy. I like reading posts like these that show growth, experience... and wisdom. From what you wrote and your main plate's responses, you're conveying genuine confidence and not neediness.

I'm similar to you in some ways. Although I can tell you've learned the lessons I'm now faced with as I adapt to my solo life ahead. I got married at twenty six and I'm currently in the process of divorcing amicably as possible after nine years dating together (married for nearly seven). For me it was mostly an unwanted divorce, yet I'm taking the time now during and post-divorce to ask myself what I want out of life and more importantly where I'm going.

Success stories like these give me hope that there's hope and happiness on the other side of divorce.

 

[wakingup]

Thanks resilient, I shared because I too was helped by other men who posted similar lessons so I thought I would pass it on.

Sorry to hear about your divorce, it sounds like your next steps are going to be positive ones. I did the same as you after our separation on 9/19/2014. I didn't go out and party, I didn't watch TV or play video games, I sat in silence most of the time, or took walks or bike rides without headphones or music, and just let the weight of my life as I knew it come crashing down on me. The first realization that was painful was that my life as I had anticipated it to be (with this one particular woman for the rest of me life), would never happen - it was over. A few months later, I began coming back to who I was before my relationship, which for me was being a musician, gregarious, and free-spirited. In my marriage I became a sort of caretaker (mentally) for my wife, ditched music and many friends, and became this homebody who was on eggshells desperately trying to be there for my wife, who was sad a lot of the time towards the end of our relationship. What I'm trying to say is that while at first it was like "my life is over", it soon became "I get to be me again, and I like it, my family/close friends like it, and WOAH, plenty of women notice it and they like it." Since then I have had more confidence than ever, and when I run into people at a bar or on the street, these people know I just got divorced, and most people make some comment like "you seem so upbeat and confident." It's a strange life, to be so down then so up, to have your marriage ripped from your chest by the woman you swore and KNEW in your heart you could love forever, only to see them "change their mind" seemingly overnight, walk out, and never look back.

I wish you all the luck on your journey to start your new life. It's scary and its also awesome once you get far enough from the past.

 

[TheSplat]

You are going to experience heartbreak, dissapointment, and loss in your life in all aspects. On the flip side, you are going to experience joy, love, happiness, fulfillment, and ecstasy in your life as well. One of my favorite sayings is an old Chinese one that says:

All sun and no rain makes a desert.

Just think about that. This heartbreak is to help you experience the joy in life later. In the meantime, some ways to help alleviate the pain of a breakup are to:

Stay distracted. Get so busy that you can barely think. Join groups on meetup or craigslist. Go to a yoga/drawing/painting/spin class. Try and learn a new language. Go to the library and grab a good fantasy novel. There are millions of free resources you can use to do any of these.

Change your surroundings. Re-arrange your room. Throw out the jacket that she loved. Change your hairstyle (or shave your head bald! That's what I did on my last bad breakup). Basically reinvent yourself so that you're not constantly reminded of the good times.

Obviously, delete all contact, including social media. You don't need those sad feelings coming up.

Remember that we view the past through rose colored glasses, and that you guys broke up for a reason. In a year, you won't even remember why you were so crazy about her.

Let me know if I can help anymore.