If one is expecting to find a quality woman with ease, then they are setting themselves up for unhappiness. What is unhappiness really? For me it’s a mental position where your expectations and your reality consistently fail to reconcile, leading to a sense of frustration and failure. In that respect it is simply a state of mind influenced by three things. Your value, the world around you and your expectations. Your value influences what you can obtain from the world around you, and your expectations determine whether you are content with the result. Of course, your value and the world both influence the likelihood of your expectations becoming reality. And your expectations are developed from both your perception of your value and the world itself. So, it’s almost like a circle.
But expecting to find a quality woman with ease in a metropolitan city is not easy. We live in a society where women are actively encouraged to ride the c*ck carousel and where the link between actions and consequences is extremely tenuous for women of all ages. Because of this I have decided to concede the idea of meeting a quality woman in this day and age while simultaneously acknowledging they do in fact exist. Because they do. Most of my friends are in LTRs or married to such women. In the vast majority of cases they met at university, which brings me to an important observation. I remember during my master’s degree taking a political economics class and the lecturer making a joke about how people didn’t appreciate just how comparatively easy it was to meet likeminded members of the opposite sex at university. He ended the joke by saying that if we hadn’t met anyone by now then we may as well just give up.
Although it would be ludicrous to agree with the statement entirely there is some value to embracing it. Let’s be honest here.
I would say the probability of finding a woman who is attractive, reasonably intelligent, health conscious, non-feminist, single AND interested in a relationship is actually MUCH higher at university. Add to that I flat out won’t consider anyone above 30 for an LTR and you see my predicament.
In the 6 years I have been in London I have dated a lot of women and that’s in spite of being monogamous for half that time. I would honestly say I’ve met a total of five women that I would have considered for an LTR but every single one of them had something missing. One was the first gf I had in London, which failed because of our inability to handle a mature relationship and internal issues (on both sides) that came to the surface.
The other three were cool, clearly saw LTRs as an option at their early ages (all were 23 or younger), just not with me.
The final one is the girl I’m seeing now. Although she sees us as being in an LTR on paper, she is not IMO mentally committed to building something long term right now. She just doesn’t think that way and likely never will until she has a significant shock to the system –hits the wall, her best friends all get married or have kids, she gets tired of just coasting through life. Sadly, I doubt this will happen till she’s comfortably in her 30s. Right now, she is late 20s. I see this mentality amongst women all the time.
For the last couple of years, I have firmly believed that with enough effort and willpower you can accomplish anything you set your mind to and so ultimately you can control the outcome of your own life. Having this mentality got me to where I am today and will continue to propel me forward. But I look at the amount of energy I’d need to put in to just pursuing women in the hopes of finding that needle in the hay stack, with no guarantee of a positive outcome and I don’t think I have the fight in me anymore. It isn’t even about the dating and filtering process (which is an unbelievably time-consuming venture). It’s the mental space it occupies, it’s the rejection, it’s the frustration, it’s the male enablers, it’s having to deal with yet another chick who thinks she’s above you because tinder has distorted her perception of her own value to such a wild degree. But this all part of being a Don Juan they say. In all honesty, the real problem is the woefully low return on investment. I am turning 30 in a few months and this is what has prompted this bit of introspection. So many hours wasted.
It’s a long post but I needed to write this to put to rest the idea of pursuing the quality of women. I think combining the philosophies of “women as sex and entertainment” and “build it and they will come” with the belief that some quality women (by your own personal definition) do in fact exist, allows you to appreciate the present moments with plates that perhaps are fun to be around but not LTR worthy, while still focusing on self-improvement and recognising that becoming a better man (which is of course great for yourself and your capacity to enjoy life) is also going to help you in attracting the highest quality women, should you happen upon them. Till then, it’s time to enjoy life and let the chips fall where they may.
