Stupid online dating phrases that women use

[Luveno]

1. No head games - this tells me she has a victim mentality and does not take responsibility for her own actions.

2. No players - this tells me she's attracted to players.

3. No cheaters/liars/"insert unfavorable trait here" - this tells me she jumps too quickly into long term relationships. It also tells me she's an idiot; really, what kind of man reads that and says to himself " I'd better not message her because I'm a cheater"???

Can you think of any others?

 

[Clash113]

When women say those things I know they have a long history. Usually their older women so they are legitely looking for guys that aren't players because their asses can't attract them anymore.

 

[Mr. Me]

When they cite "shopping" as one of their favorite activities. I have NO idea how they think that attracts a guy.

 

[Colossus]

3. No cheaters/liars/"insert unfavorable trait here" - this tells me she jumps too quickly into long term relationships. It also tells me she's an idiot; really, what kind of man reads that and says to himself " I'd better not message her because I'm a cheater"???

EVERYBODY lies.

When they cite "shopping" as one of their favorite activities. I have NO idea how they think that attracts a guy.

Lol, ridiculous!! Or 'makeup and fashion'. I'm going to come back to this thread and post some good satire.

 

[Truman181]

A few extra pounds = quarter tonner

nice personality = homely as my dog's butt

adventurous = horny

adventurous and thrill seeking = horny + slvtty

mature = old

must love dogs = in to bestiality

looking for a nice guy = desperate

seeking prince charming = I'm a princess so you better fvcken worship me

looking for Mr. Right = looking for Mr. Right Now

social butterfly = I want to look good to my friends so you better be good looking or rich

kind of a Tom boy = kind of manly

shy at first but warm up quickly = I want you to lead

tired of games = plays games

tired of the bar scene = biological clock is ticking

 

[classy broadside]

Ha! Thanks for getting this thread started. I'm sure we all have a few. This should also be archived for its amusement value.

Here are mine:

"Loves to laugh" = Yeah, no sh!t airhead. I mean, who doesn't like to laugh?

"Loves shopping" = As in spend all my money? Sign me up! I'd love to give you my credit card so you can buy 23 pairs of shoes. I have a shoe fetish, you know.

"Fun girl" = Airhead. Wants to dance all night and not cook me dinner.

"Likes movies" = That's... helpful?

"I love music" = Even more helpful.

"I'm looking for someone to make me laugh" = ...As opposed to making you... cry?

"Lots of energy, loves to go out, but can enjoy a night on the couch watching a movie" = I sure want to date someone who's as interesting as this!

"Independent" = So let me get this straight. You want to spend my money and not have to give a rat's ass about me? Hell yeah!

"Looking for an equal" = ...but I'm more equal when it comes to paying the bills.

"I really am at a point in my life where I don't want to go to bars to meet men" = "I had sex with 34 other guys, four of them at the same time, my pvssy feels like a cavern, I am really jaded. But on the plus side, my genital warts have made me barren! So you don't have to worry about using a condom!" Hooray!

 

[poster_guy03]

About shopping.....

When they cite "shopping" as one of their favorite activities. I have NO idea how they think that attracts a guy.

Shopping has to include some reference to "lingerie modeling", leather or "toys" to attract my interest..........

 

[Magma]

Likes to Travel
Translation: "I want you to take me places and pay for it. When we're there, I'm going to bang one of the bell hops. Okay then?"
Likes Music
Who doesn't? I mean, come on. Do any of you know someone that just says, "You know something Bob? I really HATE music. I just...LOATHE music. When I hear music, I want to smash my head with a ball peen hammer. Yep! Can't stand it."


Body Type

Curvy = Fat
Average = Fat
A few extra pounds = Fat


Social Drinker, maybe a couple a week
Translation: "I love to drink, but the stigma at my age is too much. So I'll just say that I only go out a couple times a week. Which really isn't a lie because I go out on Friday and Saturday night. Unless I get really really wasted on Friday night. Then I'll spend Saturday night on the couch watching a movie, which is what I said earlier about liking to occassionally to spend night on the couch watching movies."

 

[DJDamage]

I have a nice personality - I am fat.

I am looking for a guy who has ambitions - Someone with money I can spend.

I am very honest and looking for the same - I am such a good liar.

Looking for someone with an open mind - I have a child and I will drop this bombshell on you in due time.

I am attractive - I have high standards.

Down to earth - I am on medications or seeing a psychiatrist

I am smart - smarter then you.

I am tired of the night club scene - I already fvcked half of the town.

I hope you can keep up with me - My ego is huge and I can be a real b1tch if I don't get what I want.

I recently got divorced/out of relationship - I have baggage and may be looking for a rebound.

I am looking for a soulmate- I am looking for a sucker to marry.

 

[edger]

2. No players - this tells me she's attracted to players.

So true.

 

[mrRuckus]

I hope you can keep up with me.

What does that even mean?

How do you keep up with someone?

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Wow.

You guys actually read what they write?

I just look at the pictures.

 

[decades]

1. No head games - this tells me she has a victim mentality and does not take responsibility for her own actions.

2. No players - this tells me she's attracted to players.

3. No cheaters/liars/"insert unfavorable trait here" - this tells me she jumps too quickly into long term relationships. It also tells me she's an idiot; really, what kind of man reads that and says to himself " I'd better not message her because I'm a cheater"???

Can you think of any others?

no head games

translation: I am a drama queen who will play so many head games I will make yours spin. Only don't play them better than me because I hate to lose head games. I feel awful.

no players

translation: I have no idea why but I can't resist players and Ladies Men because I know you got the goods, so don't respond and tempt me to do something I have no power to say no to.

no cheaters liars

translation: I love love love BAD BOYS who lie and cheat. I can't get enough of the bikers with tatoos and chains. But that has just landed me here, on MATCH.COM and I know you guys (who I adore) are bad for me. DON"T go responding to me because I can't resist you and I will F my life up again!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

'I need to be treated like a princess'

Read this thread. Quite possible the funniest one ever created on SS.

 

[Colossus]

Props. Truman, that was hilarious. :crackup:

Here's my take:

Great personality = obnoxious

adventurous = entertain me!

adventurous and thrill seeking = entertain me and fvck me in the butt!!

mature = old

looking for a nice guy = desperate

seeking prince charming = Histrionic

looking for Mr. Right = I will never be satisfied

social butterfly = I'm a massive flake and get all my validation from other people.

kind of a Tom boy = not feminine

Love to shop= Love to spend money and incur debt

Love the Patriots/cried when they lost the super bowl= Get a grip.

Love my girls!= Has a council of hens she must consult for all decisions

Really outgoing= annoying

Tired of games= she just got owned in one

No liars or cheaters= got a taste of her own medicine

Average/curvy/plus/full-figured= FAT

Tired of the bar scene= cant get any attention from good looking men at the bars

 

[DJDamage]

What does that even mean?

How do you keep up with someone?

Its usually B.S written by a woman who is full of herself.

Any woman who writes " I hope you can keep up with me" is disqualified in my book.

 

[SoCalMike]

Good posts. :crackup:

Here is a recent one I found online from a 21yo college student. Yes, she's only 21, but bloody hell...


Title of ad: Bronze goddess seeks surfer

To Whom It May Concern:

Are you a surfer?
Do you speak Spanish?
Do you like to learn different skills and knowing more about the world around you?

I am currently looking to meet new and interesting people to share my life with. I would really like to meet and hang out with people who enjoy surfing because it is something I am learning and very passionate about. I am always looking for people I can surf with and learn from.

A little bit about me:
I just graduated from *DELETED* with BAs in History and Communications--I went to live in South Africa this summer, and since I've been back all I can think about is moving to Costa Rica to surf and teach english. I love to travel, create, read the news, watch the Daily Show, drink Arizona green tea, and learn different languages. I am in a very transitional time in my life and I could use all the positive energy and influence from those who can give it. I like to have friends or boyfriends that I can always learn something from.

The kind of guy I'm looking for:
- surfer
- goal oriented
- MUST be madly in love with the beach
- openminded
- cultured
- globally aware
- NOT looking for a serious relationship
- interested in other cultures and languages
- funny
- fit
- level headed
- easy going

So many things to choose from... where to begin? LOL

I'll take a stab...

SURFER? He *has* to be a fvcking SURFER?

And "NOT looking for a serious relationship" = I'm a slut who wants to bang as many dudes as possible.

 

[SoCalMike]

Its usually B.S written by a woman who is full of herself.

Any woman who writes " I hope you can keep up with me" is disqualified in my book.

Agreed. She might as well say "I'm a stuck up selfish cvnt, we do what I want when I want, if you can't deal with that fvck off"

And the meaningless babble phrases "love to laugh" "love to have fun" make me want to gouge my own fvcking eyes out with a rusty blunt instrument.

 

[SoldMySoul]

'I need to be treated like a princess'

Read this thread. Quite possible the funniest one ever created on SS.

I looked back over this 5hit and laughed my cute a$$ off!! This was what I remember this forum being about!! It has changed some last few years!! I even noticed that I posted on the thread! The reversal of the profile and women responding was absolutely like crack falling from the sky for the crack user that needed a fix!! GREAT Dig up Rollo!!!!!

This must be done again for 5hits and giggles!!!! Please do it again!

 

[Mr. Me]

"I'm not skinny but I'm not fat either".

You know, the only women that don't write vague statements about their weight are slender women. They are the ones most likely to be direct about their shape and happily offer up things like "I'm 5'5", size 2. I weigh 105 pounds" because there's nothing that needs to be fudged.

"Want kids: Definitely"

IOW, everything that she just wrote about the adventure and exciting journey in life that she wishes to have a special man accompany her with hand in hand, any fun things that she's described that she likes to do such as taking in the city and nightlife and traveling and entertaining friends and romantic weekend getaways... forget it because she wants babies and once she gets what she wants, she's going to be tired, can't get a babysitter, don't wanna leave the kids with a babysitter, the kids will be the priority, can't get rid of the 50 pounds she gained during the pregnancy and all your hard earned money will go to diapers, mortgage and a four door family sedan.