Strategy Help

[homey72]

Hey fellas need some help here.

I've recently reconnected with a girl that I had a short but intense experience with. we both got close very fast, very intense, but it didn't work out. To be honest, she wanted to break it off. The funny thing is, we have an amazing time together, challenge each other, have great conversations, and just in general enjoy each others company.

Unfortunately, she is afraid of being close to me. She didn't like the fact that I challenged her, didn't play into her perception of what she wanted, an AFC to be exact. She wanted someone to dote and basically give her everything she wanted.

Well, now that we have reconnected the spark is there but she constantly reminds me to not "try" anything. She wants all of our future meetings to be in groups with our mutual friends so that nothing does happen. Funny thing is, I don't have to try, I could very easily get her to shag me but that is not what I want from her.
To be fair, there are others in the pipeline, none of them really drive me the way she does. To be fair to her, I know there are others in her pipeline as well.

I see really three options, 1.) stuggle through the "friends" bit until it becomes that (I see this as an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish) 2.) do whatever I have to and stay away from her (which would be difficult considering our mutual friends) until that "thing" between us goes away 3.) find a way to move out of this space into something more intimate (have no idea on this one, but really would require some work)

So I put it to you all, what would you do in this situation. Any and all ideas and options that haven't been considered are appreciated.

-Homey

 

[Gpaq]

Look, do not become an AFC, even if she wants you to. Continue being a DJ and if she can't handle it, thats too bad for her.
If she wants a supplicating chump, she can have one- and then she will drop him.
The worst thing to do is to become her friend. Personally, I would give her an ultimatum and then cut all contact and move on. Don't let her string you along...

 

[Gpaq]

BTW, did you ever thought of the possibility of another guy in the picture? Maybe she holds you as a backup, till she clears up the situation with him. Mean, I know, but that's what many *****es do. If she really wanted you, she would be with you. Simple.

 

[Mister Big]

Originally posted by homey72
She didn't like the fact that I challenged her, didn't play into her perception of what she wanted, an AFC to be exact. She wanted someone to dote and basically give her everything she wanted.

I see really three options, 1.) stuggle through the "friends" bit until it becomes that (I see this as an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish) 2.) do whatever I have to and stay away from her (which would be difficult considering our mutual friends) until that "thing" between us goes away 3.) find a way to move out of this space into something more intimate (have no idea on this one, but really would require some work)

So I put it to you all, what would you do in this situation. Any and all ideas and options that haven't been considered are appreciated.

-Homey

How about 4.) Move on and don't worry about what she or anyone else thinks. Who cares if you play to what she wants? You are the prize not her. That's the basic premise here. Stop caring about what she wants and don't compromise yourself. She is just a good fling that can't accept her role in your DJ world. She has not qualified herself except in a negative way bar some limited but good sex and some ok conversation where she was not even comfortable. This is not enough to consider her seriously, so please NEXT her. She won't change and deal. She did a big favor to you by showing her real self this soon.

 

[Slickster]

Your post is somewhat confusing. You're basically saying you don't know what you want with this woman. There's no way we can tell you what you want is there?

It sounds like this is a case of she just wants to be friends and you want more. Am I correct? I think I am, otherwise you probably wouldn't be posting about her.

If you can live with being friends then let it be. There's no difficulty there especially if you enjoy each others company.

If you want her as a girlfriend or whatever then quit pVssy footing around. Pick your moment and go for a kiss. If she's into it then you're happy. If she reacts negatively then simply walk away. Chances are she'll come around eventually. Either way you've laid your cards on the table and there is no more playing games or wasting time.

Good luck

 

[Juan Valdez]

Be her friend.

Help her understand what she needs from a man, what she deserves.

Talk to her about the men she is interested in and why...oops they fell short, hmm ...too bad she deserves more,
maybe she should look elswhere?

maybe here, maybe there? no, they all fall short....wait a minute, since you know what she needs maybe she should give you a chance?

 

[DonRob]

Originally posted by homey72
Hey fellas need some help here.

I've recently reconnected with a girl that I had a short but intense experience with. we both got close very fast, very intense, but it didn't work out. To be honest, she wanted to break it off. The funny thing is, we have an amazing time together, challenge each other, have great conversations, and just in general enjoy each others company.

Unfortunately, she is afraid of being close to me. She didn't like the fact that I challenged her, didn't play into her perception of what she wanted, an AFC to be exact. She wanted someone to dote and basically give her everything she wanted.

Well, now that we have reconnected the spark is there but she constantly reminds me to not "try" anything. She wants all of our future meetings to be in groups with our mutual friends so that nothing does happen. Funny thing is, I don't have to try, I could very easily get her to shag me but that is not what I want from her.
To be fair, there are others in the pipeline, none of them really drive me the way she does. To be fair to her, I know there are others in her pipeline as well.

I see really three options, 1.) stuggle through the "friends" bit until it becomes that (I see this as an incredibly difficult thing to accomplish) 2.) do whatever I have to and stay away from her (which would be difficult considering our mutual friends) until that "thing" between us goes away 3.) find a way to move out of this space into something more intimate (have no idea on this one, but really would require some work)

So I put it to you all, what would you do in this situation. Any and all ideas and options that haven't been considered are appreciated.

-Homey

Trap #1

We tend to see what we want instead of reality as it is.

Trap #2

We tend to buy what a woman says instead of verifying what she says with what she does.

With all due respect you fell for both of these traps.

If the woman breaks it off its becuase there is another man in the picture, or you werent the challenge you thought you were.

you said things became intense, fast.... thats man speak for " I was seeing her all the time..." Thus you became less of a challenge.

You couldn't get her to "shag" you because you have been LJBF'd and the sad thing is you cant even see it!

 

[averagejoe]

Read Mister Big's post again. That is the exact attitude you should have. Not only with this one but with all of them. This is your life man they exist in it only if they show they are worthy.