Strategies dealing with a girl who fights for the frame.

[filerfiler]

Been seeing this girl lately. Some facts:

1. We have an age gap (41-28).
2. She is undeniably hot , 9/10 (a model), and it's quite clear she hasn't had a relationship where she didn't firmly hold the reins and had "yes men" all her life. I don't think she's used to "No" and it clearly both freaks her out and attracts her.
3. She, by her practices, is looking for something long term - I've slept with over 10 girls last year, and she is standing out as the one who genuinely asks questions about me and my two children in a way that says she's interested in more than just my ****, which is the impression i get from other girls. She has also been cooking for me, and all in all I get the impression she's a family girl
4. I don't mind something long term, but in the right frame. And in my view it's way too early to contemplate anything like that just yet.
5. Why does she like me? she was the one to hover around me because of my social status being a trainer in a local event. Plus I fit her "hot" archetype i guess.
6. We have met 6 times. k-close 1st time, heavy LMR snd time, f-close 3rd time + . All of this in the last 3 weeks.

Face to face and when we're meeting she's happy as a clam. The pattern when we meet is she is super feminine, we have some fun activity together, we cook some kind of meal, and have some mind blowing sex, the next morning she sends me a bunch of messages about how she's happy and about her day etc...

Then over the next 2 days until we meet again I sense that she freaks out that she's not in control of the relationship, and starts attempting to bargain. She explicitly asks whether I'm seeing other people and clearly wants exclusivity. Then she says she wants me to be more responsive over text, and to call her over the phone, etc...

This happened twice, when she asked for exclusivity I insisted this was something we talk about f2f. When we met I told her I'd like things to progress naturally, I told her I'm not here to screw her or anything like that. I also strongly hinted to her that I find being demanding extremely unattractive and to knock it off. I also told her any discussion like this will never happen over text and to be f2f.

After this we met and again the sense of attraction was off the charts, even more submissive and happy in bed.

We were meant to meet tomorrow, and she's been sending me pictures of herself etc (classy stuff).. and i told her to cook again when we meet tomorrow.

Today though she completely freaks out again, I wake up to a bunch of messages about how I'm confusing her with my signals, because I'm not that responsive to her over text, and I don't call her, and I don't take her out, she says "honestly I do not know what you want you're confusing me".

She then throws the ultimatum that we can't meet tomorrow. Then she says may may be if I'm better with her on text. I don't have the time for that.

I recognize all of these ultimatums and tantrums for what they are, declarations of loss of control. So I shut her out because I've had enough, i told her:

* it seems that we're getting too attached here, let's stop meeting until we have some control over our emotions".

She replies back ... no worries, I did not realise you feel this way, followed by a sad emoji.

So at this point I'm thinking I'm not going to reach out again, but I'm curious in your thoughts about how I handled this and how it should be handled going forward.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The higher you go up in terms of levels the more bullsh!t you have to put up with since these women are used to being able to get most guys to do anything for them just to be with them.

Just be aloof and don't put her on a pedestal. It will drive her crazy that she can't control you like she does every other guy.

Until you "break her" so to speak of that, you will be facing a ton of sh!t tests until she gives up after realizing none of it is going to work.

Also, let's be honest. The main reason you are considering her for an LTR is because she is smoking hot. Most guys screen with their d!ck and eyes only and that's why so many get into trouble.

 

[jhonny9546]

Women have emotional responses to everything.. It's normal.

The second day is her emotional response to what happened before..

Most of them will do and tell you these things..

But if they persist, they are playing or they're damaged.

 

[Gamisch]

BITG is right.

If she wasn't a "9/10" but a 6 you wouldn't be dealing with this bs. She is batshyte crazy and that will haunt you.

Recreational use only. Be mentally prepared to Parr ways with her at ANY given moment. Meanwhile ,ofcourse you treat her like a lady and be the best you can be but as you're witnessing that might have zero do with how she responds.

If she does cave in however, that's great. But tbh I wouldn't count on such a PERSON to suddenly become sane .

Recreational use only

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

The best way to handle her at the moment is to back off and observe what she does next. Silence & Distance. If you search there are some good threads here about this topic.

She as others have stated is accustomed to men bending over backwards because she is hot. You don't, which is good. So how to manage the tantrums.....

When she reaches out saying manipulative things to try to get you to comply, call her out on it. Tell her you are a man, unlike the boys she's had before, you already have children and that you are not going to tolerate manipulative, childish behavior from her. Something in your own voice/way that deals head on with her BS and lets her know to knock it off.

Tell her she's got to bring more to the table than looks and sex because that is easy for you to find and you expect (whatever traits you value) as examples.

This is a girl you are going to have to check hard or let go.

Often times women who are hot are also insecure to the point of neurotic. So when you are not blowing up her phone like every other guy she tries to check you, when that does not get the desired reaction she doubles down. You literally must break her of this behavior but you cannot chase after her to take her to task.

Women like her are exactly what women like me (hot but chill) love to compete against. Girls like her blow themselves out of consideration with desirable men because in time men will calibrate to her beauty, and sex, but once a man becomes accustomed to hot women then personality and behavior makes ALL the difference.

Some women never learn this lesson. They become unbearable to deal with, super hot or not.

Not saying she isn't salvageable, but you are going to have to enforce your behavioral boundaries in a matter of fact way and be willing to walk (sounds like you are) if she cannot or will not comply.

You attracted her, you can attract others. I dated a male fashion model in my 20s. Stunningly handsome man; terribly insecure & neurotic. I dropped him although I really liked him as a person. Models are judged constantly on looks and often are rejected. That is hard on their psyches.

 

[SW15]

She explicitly asks whether I'm seeing other people and clearly wants exclusivity.

That's a good sign, especially from a very attractive woman.

This happened twice, when she asked for exclusivity I insisted this was something we talk about f2f. I also told her any discussion like this will never happen over text and to be f2f.

This is a good boundary to have.

I think too many people try to do too much over text message in relationships rather than in-person or phone calls. The de-emphasization of the phone call in interactions has been a problem in the last 15-20 years.

I recognize all of these ultimatums and tantrums for what they are, declarations of loss of control. So I shut her out because I've had enough, i told her:

* it seems that we're getting too attached here, let's stop meeting until we have some control over our emotions".

She replies back ... no worries, I did not realise you feel this way, followed by a sad emoji.

So at this point I'm thinking I'm not going to reach out again, but I'm curious in your thoughts about how I handled this and how it should be handled going forward.

Hold frame and don't give into ultimatums. However, these ultimatums and tantrums suggest that she is not likely to be a good longer term fit for you. @BeExcellent identified this as well in her quote below.

Not saying she isn't salvageable, but you are going to have to enforce your behavioral boundaries in a matter of fact way and be willing to walk (sounds like you are) if she cannot or will not comply.

You attracted her, you can attract others.

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Women like her are exactly what women like me (hot but chill) love to compete against. Girls like her blow themselves out of consideration with desirable men because in time men will calibrate to her beauty, and sex, but once a man becomes accustomed to hot women then personality and behavior makes ALL the difference.

Some women never learn this lesson. They become unbearable to deal with, super hot or not.

It's difficult to find women who have top tier looks and don't cause drama with their personalities. Those very attractive women who have more pleasant personalities (defined as rarely causing drama) are always going to be in demand.