Strangest one in a while

[bukowski_merit]

Long story short:

Banged this girl last week. Had minimal contact with her after. She called me Sunday and hinted she wanted to hangout. I told her I'd be home later, invited her over for some wine. Got, "Well.... uhhmmmm.... I'll think about it; it's kind of a long drive and I have to work the next day blah blah."... Talked about it for like 2 minutes before I said "you do or you don't?" .... Literally 30 seconds of silence from her (i could hear half words that her brain could push out). After 30 seconds - I just hung up the phone. My tolerance for stuff like that from women is slowly being reduced to 0.

She called back, i didn't answer.

She sent me a message saying that was rude, and I ignored it.


Life goes on.


Last night she messaged me. "I'd like to come over tonight."

I messaged her back, "I'm not available tonight."

I then Said, "how about tomorrow night?"

She agrees...

----



Just got this text message about a hour ago: "Hey. I'm having second thoughts. It's a bad sign that we're already arguing with each other about things."


If you guys could have seen my face when I read that! I'm looking around for a hidde camera!


I don't even know what she's referring to. What I'm guessing is she's referring to me hanging up on her as being equivelent to an argument. That... Or she has me mistaken for a different guy.

The best i can muster for what she's trying to get from this is that she's trying to get me to apologize for hanging up on her. But maybe that's giving her too much credit.

----

Just thought I'd share. I'm not above getting advice so feel free to offer it; negative or positive. Although, my best guess is most guys are just going to say "run!" which... is probably the correct respnose.


Note: No matter how many women I bang; date; interact with.... They still make me scratch my head from time to time.


PS: No, I didn't respond. Not sure I am.

 

[Ronaldo7]

Don't respond. Don't apologize either. The type of people that try to waste your time need to be cut loose immediately. Well played on hanging up on her. Maintain your position in this situation. It is her turn to move. If she doesn't, you win by default. On to the next then.

 

[apprenticedj]

She made a "fight" out of that? *****es be crazy. She obviously likes, no I take that back, she craves drama. The general rule of thumb is of course to not respond and it may be correct but in similar situations I've always replied with a simple "no problem". If feel like not responding, even just a basic reply, makes it seem as you're butt hurt or sore about it. Obviously she knows I received the message so I'm purposefully not responding which IMO implies that I care.

You've been around these parts for a while and you're by NO MEANS a stranger to the BS women spew out on a daily basis. On to the next one, dime a dozen.

 

[JoeMarron]

I think she's just trying to get you to chase. Most men would try to salvage the situation after she said that. It's irritating her that she doesn't have the same power over you that she does with other men.

 

[6stringer]

You're bein a little dishonest with yourself here. Whatever you choose to do is no big deal but you admite yourself that you hung up on her after giving her a curt ultimatum of "yes or no?". Lets not pretend thats not a sign of someone being pissed or buthurt. If a person hung up on you you'd think you'd had a disagreement as well.

What you feel like putting up with is up to you, so if you decided not to put up with indecision, thats cool.. but admit two things 1. you care enough to want to f^^^ her, thus you still engaged after hanging up on her and 2. that her assessment of there being some disagreement or "argument" is actually true.

I think she was just trying to get you to show her she's not just some cheap slut. She was just looking for some soothing of her ego so she wouldn't feel cheap coming over.

 

[gravityeyelids]

im not saying you're in the wrong completely...but i mean show her a little more respect. I mean you banged the girl, she wanted to hangout, you suggested a time...she gave you a legitimate excuse "it's a long drive and i have to work early".

You didnt make a counteroffer, instead giving her a "yes or no?"
You then hung up on her before she could answer (pretty rude for a girl you just met and banged last week)
You then ignored her trying to call you (pretty rude, again)
You then ignored her text saying you're rude (i probably wouldnt have responded to her or apologized either to be fair, but still)

You basically banged her and kept ignoring her repeatedly. Then sent her a mixed signal by offering to hangout. She said okay but then realized she had to salvage what little dignity she had left by saying it wasnt gonna work with you guys.

I mean she put herself out there by making a blatant gesture by calling you up and suggesting you guys hangout. You didn't make her a counteroffer when she said it might not work that night. She wasnt giving you sh!t...maybe she just didnt intend for yiou guys to hang out THAT NIGHT. She might have just been in bed already and didnt have time to get up, get changed, get pretty for you, and go over to your place.

And don't hang up on people. That's just straight garbage. You hang up on me in any other context other than a joke... thats incredibly rude and disrespectful, and i'm probably cutting you outta my life pretty quick here.

And while it might not have been an "argument" per say..she's basically just saying you're being difficult and you guys are disagreeing. i believe she's completely in the right by saying that if you're going to be this difficult in something as simple as making plans (hanging up on her and sh!t), then it doesnt bode well for you guys hanging out on the regular.

I mean it's one thing to play hard to get and do the whole DJ thing by being cool and unresponsive, but you're being flat out cold and rude to this girl. I mean cut her a break for christsakes. She probably just wants to feel some type of connection. From what i can tell, you're treating her like an annoying little fly buzzing around your head.

Not trying to hate on you or anythning. But just look at it from her POV

 

[VladPatton]

Wouldn't of it been better to just let her come over so you can rail her again? Maybe she wanted some pounding to vindicate her indecision from earlier on? She may also feel a little used. I would of just made her bring me some food and taken her to Nastyville.

Either way, the fact that you interacted minimally with her and she still stated it as an argument, and that ''it's not a good sign'', blah blah, does reflect a drama-making personality. For now, take it for what it is, but if you get into an LTR with her you can bet your ass this'll be commonplace.

 

[VikingKing]

I think she's just trying to get you to chase. Most men would try to salvage the situation after she said that. It's irritating her that she doesn't have the same power over you that she does with other men.

^this, imo.

Remember that 30 yo indian lady i met on pof a while back, she paid my rent for a month and what not?

She tried similar tactics as this.

She is trying to get you to beg her and/ or give more attention and/or make you chase a bit before she gives you what you want.

To get the indian girl to come see me seemed difficult at first. I tried to talk to her about it and just be straight up, but then she threw contingencies in my face.

Now I was drinking a lot at this time, so I don't remember what i said exactly.

I basically told her "well nevermind, your probably right lets just end this now then."

It worked.

What i would have done in your situation is when she said "we are already arguing about things already..." Is said "yeah your right, welp good luck"

She will do a 180.

I she is saying sh!t like the above, it shows she is invested in you like that already.

So just agree, amplify and do what ever it is you do in your free time. Either she will call or not.

 

[Greasy Pig]

If I had zero interest in the girl apart from banging, I'd be similarly dismissive.
I don't want drama, I don't want to have to convince her to come over, I just want to deal in blacks and whites.
When I was sarging regularly and banging a lot of chicks, I acted similarly. Not as hard core as the OP, but still very harsh on attempted mind games and bvllsht.
Any sign of drama, I'd go ghost and find a new girl.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

With the exception of gravityeyelids and 6stringer, the rest of these responses are WAAAAAAY off the mark. Can we ever get through a post without guys thinking that, because she turned dude down, that she's only starving for attention and trying to cause drama? 'Cause, believe it or not, sometimes YOU - yes, YOU, guy - can be the cause of the drama going on in your life.

What happened here is very simple: you banged her (congrats), had minimal contact with her (kudos), and then, when she hit you up again, you basically invited her over to bang again (no bueno). This girl may like you, but she's also not trying to feel like the only times you want to see her is for sex only. She called you to see if you wanted to "hang out," as in ACTUALLY DO AN ACTIVITY WITH HER OUTSIDE THE HOUSE SO SHE COULD JUSTIFY, IN HER HEAD, HER REASONING FOR SLEEPING WITH YOU SO SOON. Whatever that reasoning was (and there could be a MILLION different ones), the reality is she wanted to feel as though you hooked up with her because you LIKE her, not just to get another lay. Proof? If she wasn't, she would have said "soooo.... can I come over to your place again?"

Had you suggested an actual activity for you two to do outside your apartment, her feelings would have been satisfied and it would have led to her willingly going back to your place. But what did you do instead? In her head, your response was "You want to hang out? As in actually DO something besides sex? HA! Look, just come over here and let me get you drunk so we can hook up again, 'cause right now that's all you're good for to me." That's the reason she went from "I want to see you" to "ummm, it's a long drive...": she's not trying to drive out all that way for some d*ck no matter how good she may think it is.

And then, you gave her an ultimatum! Which, translated loosely to her, basically said: "Look, I'm not trying to get to know you, I just want to bang - if you're cool with this then come over; otherwise, kick rocks!" Oh man, you know how much girls LOVE ultimatums like that - such a turn on! And then you went and justified her thoughts about it by hanging up on her - almost as if you were a little boy who didn't get what he wanted and decided to throw a tantrum!

In short: this girl did nothing to cause the drama. All she wanted to do was get to know you and not feel like she was becoming your c*m deposit box. There's nothing wrong with banging a girl so early on, but there's also nothing wrong with her wanting to be taken out so she won't feel awkward about that decision. The only "second thoughts" she's having at this point is about whether or not you actually want her beyond her body. So, assuming you actually DO like this girl for more than that, hit her up and ask her out on a proper DATE, one where you're NOT focusing on trying to sleep with her afterwards. I swear, man, the dating game really is NOT this hard, but you guys make it that way sometimes...

 

[bukowski_merit]

I've always replied with a simple "no problem"

I didn't have time to respond to anything yesterday, but I did send this reply. She sent me a frowning face back and that was it.



----

Now to address a few of the other comments:

1. you care enough to want to f^^^ her, thus you still engaged after hanging up on her and

I don't need much "care" to want to fvck her! When a woman is giving me poor behavior and I ignore/go nc/or do something "rude" like hang up on her - it's not uncommon for her to return a few days or weeks later and fix whatever the issue was (normally only for short term). This normally results in a few more bangs before she blows herself out or I get bored with her.

So yeah I don't mind reengaging a woman after disengaging her. As long as she seems to have fixed the behavior that brought on the disengagement.


---

im not saying you're in the wrong completely...but i mean show her a little more respect. I mean you banged the girl, she wanted to hangout, you suggested a time...she gave you a legitimate excuse "it's a long drive and i have to work early".

You didnt make a counteroffer, instead giving her a "yes or no?"
You then hung up on her before she could answer (pretty rude for a girl you just met and banged last week)
You then ignored her trying to call you (pretty rude, again)
You then ignored her text saying you're rude (i probably wouldnt have responded to her or apologized either to be fair, but still)

I don't disagree that it was rude. But that's the easiest way for me to handle situations where i feel like im being tooled.

I kept the story short; but I'll explain it in greater detail here.

It was about 6pm when she called and was hinting that she wanted to hangout (and she was clearly suggesting she wanted to hangout THAT night). I told her I was at my dads and would be home about 7 and we could hangout. She's 45 minutes away. I'm sure she wasn't ready to leave at that second. So if she got ready (let's say that takes 15-30 minutes) the earliest she could have been at my house is 7. Which lined up perfectly which when I'd be home.

So...
1. She suggests she wants to hangout... When she does it's about 6pm. She lives 45 minutes away.
2. I suggest we hangout at 7 which is the earliest time she could have got to my house anyway.
3. Suddenly she's back pedaling. And I start feeling like she was just trying to get me to show i wanted to hangout with her so she could claim some sort of power... Or like Joe said - get me to chase her.

This is where I disengage.



---

Then sent her a mixed signal by offering to hangout. She said okay but then realized she had to salvage what little dignity she had left by saying it wasnt gonna work with you guys.

This could be the truth. I often feel like most things women do that don't make a lot of logical sense are done in the name of gaining dignity/power back.

---

I mean it's one thing to play hard to get and do the whole DJ thing by being cool and unresponsive, but you're being flat out cold and rude to this girl. I mean cut her a break for christsakes. She probably just wants to feel some type of connection. From what i can tell, you're treating her like an annoying little fly buzzing around your head.

You got me here. That's more or less how I felt about her.

And i think a lot of women end up blowing themselves out of my life because I don't give them the "connection" feeling (unless we're together). I don't like to do that because I don't want to lead them on to believe I'm interested in them in that way.

 

[cordoncordon]

You got me here. That's more or less how I felt about her.

And i think a lot of women end up blowing themselves out of my life because I don't give them the "connection" feeling (unless we're together). I don't like to do that because I don't want to lead them on to believe I'm interested in them in that way.

Then you can't possibly be upset at her in the slightest for doing what she did and for saying what she said.

Put it this way, if this girl was Megan Fox or someone you were really really into, would you have acted that way towards her? No. So to be perturbed with her for wanting more than to feel like a warm body with a hole is not a good way to go here. You had your bang. If you aren't interested in more than that and she is? Best to just let her go now. Honestly I would apologize to her for acting the way you did, tell her you are not interested in anything more than a fwb, and if she goes for that? Great. If not, you at least acted like a mature, has his act together kind of guy.

BTW I thought you were seeing an Asian girl pretty seriously?

 

[SgtSplacker]

You're running a fine game there bud, just flawless in my eyes. But don't take it too far, you do have to show some sympathy towards her. Then turn the diick right back on again.

Lots of posters here taking her nonsense way too seriously. Women in general do not have good heads on their shoulders. They must be guided to your bed, trying to make her be logical will never work. You have to understand whats going on in their heads. Ignore what they say and pay attention to what they do. She was interested but unsure, OP laid down the law and gained interest, now it's time to cash in.

1
2
3 go!

Easy and simple...

-Interested but unsure.

-OP made gina tingle with not giving a fuuck.

-Interest confirmed.

-I'll leave this step to your imagination.

 

[Mr Wright]

These posts are quite hard to judge unless you really know what you want from the woman. What are you looking for? F*ck buddy? More casual dating? Long term?

 

[jurry]

These posts are quite hard to judge unless you really know what you want from the woman. What are you looking for? F*ck buddy? More casual dating? Long term?

I think if youve followed bukowskis earlier posts about how he goes about meeting girls itll be pretty clear what hes looking for

 

[Mr Wright]

I think if youve followed bukowskis earlier posts about how he goes about meeting girls itll be pretty clear what hes looking for

Oh the sly doooog

In that case then he did the right thing, who wants to put effort into a girl you've already slept with just to sleep with her again. If she doesn't want to play ball, she can go elsewhere.

 

[6stringer]

There seems to be alot of projection going on here. This whole idea that there was any manipulation involved on her part is really, truly a perfect example of projection. You basically just want to bang her..cool enough.. but you can't sem to just be straight about it so you are trying to do it through a sort of sly manipulation that many here seem to do- play it rude, cold etc in an effort to "raise interest" etc.
Look, I had a very similar situation recently.. I was banging this much younger girl and she wanted me to spend nights over etc. I simply told her straight up, not really interested in that.. but I was cool about it, understood where she was coming from and made it FUN for her to be my f/b. Got her into a little s&m stuff too.. in short I became her outlet to experiment. No muss, no fuss.. she is back in her home state and I got enjoy a bunch of ood hot lays with no dates- and she left with us being cool.

That is what its about.

For all the talk about DJing here there really isn't much DJing at all. ITs all "next" and "bang" but no fun, no seduction no nothing really. It takes little to no skill to meet a girl and get laid- thats a number game. Its the ability to seduce, to convince, to open her up and to do so in a way that is hot and exciting that takes skill. Any ghetto loser can pull off the dogging women.

Is that really all this place is about? that hardly seems worth the Don Juan label, and why bother with all these posts anyway then?

 

[bukowski_merit]

I initially posted expecting everyone to also think it was strange that she randomly says we were arguing when we never had.

I like this dicussion though. As I said - I'm never above getting advice from other posters.


Lots of good replies here.... I only have about 10 minutes, so let me just hit a few...

With the exception of gravityeyelids and 6stringer, the rest of these responses are WAAAAAAY off the mark. Can we ever get through a post without guys thinking that, because she turned dude down, that she's only starving for attention and trying to cause drama? 'Cause, believe it or not, sometimes YOU - yes, YOU, guy - can be the cause of the drama going on in your life.

What happened here is very simple: you banged her (congrats), had minimal contact with her (kudos), and then, when she hit you up again, you basically invited her over to bang again (no bueno). This girl may like you, but she's also not trying to feel like the only times you want to see her is for sex only. She called you to see if you wanted to "hang out," as in ACTUALLY DO AN ACTIVITY WITH HER OUTSIDE THE HOUSE SO SHE COULD JUSTIFY, IN HER HEAD, HER REASONING FOR SLEEPING WITH YOU SO SOON. Whatever that reasoning was (and there could be a MILLION different ones), the reality is she wanted to feel as though you hooked up with her because you LIKE her, not just to get another lay. Proof? If she wasn't, she would have said "soooo.... can I come over to your place again?"

Had you suggested an actual activity for you two to do outside your apartment, her feelings would have been satisfied and it would have led to her willingly going back to your place. But what did you do instead? In her head, your response was "You want to hang out? As in actually DO something besides sex? HA! Look, just come over here and let me get you drunk so we can hook up again, 'cause right now that's all you're good for to me." That's the reason she went from "I want to see you" to "ummm, it's a long drive...": she's not trying to drive out all that way for some d*ck no matter how good she may think it is.

And then, you gave her an ultimatum! Which, translated loosely to her, basically said: "Look, I'm not trying to get to know you, I just want to bang - if you're cool with this then come over; otherwise, kick rocks!" Oh man, you know how much girls LOVE ultimatums like that - such a turn on! And then you went and justified her thoughts about it by hanging up on her - almost as if you were a little boy who didn't get what he wanted and decided to throw a tantrum!

In short: this girl did nothing to cause the drama. All she wanted to do was get to know you and not feel like she was becoming your c*m deposit box. There's nothing wrong with banging a girl so early on, but there's also nothing wrong with her wanting to be taken out so she won't feel awkward about that decision. The only "second thoughts" she's having at this point is about whether or not you actually want her beyond her body. So, assuming you actually DO like this girl for more than that, hit her up and ask her out on a proper DATE, one where you're NOT focusing on trying to sleep with her afterwards. I swear, man, the dating game really is NOT this hard, but you guys make it that way sometimes...

I like this...

This all makes a lot of sense. And when I look at the women I've actually been in relationships with - there certainly was elements of this. But, I am not interested in relationships at this point in my life. I mean, I have fvck buddies on occasion, but I really prefer to be able to do what I want with my life. Without someone elses happiness relying on me. This means some months I won't attempt to talk to any women and will be doing all the fun things I prefer to do. Then the next month I might bang 5-6. A few of them more than once.

I don't have any fear that if I dedciate myself to getting a relationship that I'll be able to find one. I just don't know if I'm built for one. Especially one that involves living together or spending a lot of time together. I just can't imagine liking a person that much. I'm a loner man...

But... I could find the right one some day and It could happen though.

BTW I thought you were seeing an Asian girl pretty seriously?

I've only had sex with 2 Asian women. Both within a few weeks of each other (just a coincidence). One was a one night stand, the other was a 2 night stand (that should have been kept a one night stand because the second night was way more boring than the first). So, I think you might have me mistaken with someone else.

There seems to be alot of projection going on here. This whole idea that there was any manipulation involved on her part is really, truly a perfect example of projection. You basically just want to bang her..cool enough.. but you can't sem to just be straight about it so you are trying to do it through a sort of sly manipulation that many here seem to do- play it rude, cold etc in an effort to "raise interest" etc.
Look, I had a very similar situation recently.. I was banging this much younger girl and she wanted me to spend nights over etc. I simply told her straight up, not really interested in that.. but I was cool about it, understood where she was coming from and made it FUN for her to be my f/b. Got her into a little s&m stuff too.. in short I became her outlet to experiment. No muss, no fuss.. she is back in her home state and I got enjoy a bunch of ood hot lays with no dates- and she left with us being cool.

That is what its about.

For all the talk about DJing here there really isn't much DJing at all. ITs all "next" and "bang" but no fun, no seduction no nothing really. It takes little to no skill to meet a girl and get laid- thats a number game. Its the ability to seduce, to convince, to open her up and to do so in a way that is hot and exciting that takes skill. Any ghetto loser can pull off the dogging women.

Is that really all this place is about? that hardly seems worth the Don Juan label, and why bother with all these posts anyway then?

To make this clear: I'm not losing any sleep over this girl. I found her statement that we had had an arguement baffling. Some guys have shined light on it and said they could see how it could be seen that way. Fair enough.

Did I hang up on her hoping she'd come back for a few more go's? Possibly, somewhere deep down. But I also know a lot of times when I just NEXT a girl like that, that I won't hear back from her. Eventually, that's the way it is with all women you NC.

I do know that it sometimes results in the woman returning and, as I said, can result in fixing the problem for a short period. It can be used for manipulation; but i would never advise some new guy to do it expecting the woman to return. In fact, you'll find me in most NC threads saying NC is not a technique to be used expecting her to come crying back to you - it's a technique to move on easier; to stop having to deal with BS. And I move on with the best of them. If this was BS or not that she did on both accounts - seems to be split between this board. And I was defintely expecting everyone to see it as BS; so the fact some don't see it that way - is actually cool.

As far as the rest.... I just dont agree. There's no SS rule that says you must build meaningful relationships with women and not just bang random women..... And if there was - I wouldn't care. Some guys are here to build relationships with their gf/wife, some guys are here to find and keep a gf/wife.... I don't run in those guys threads saying "man this isn't what being a DJ is all about. you guys should be out banging 4-5 girls a month or you're not a DJ!"

But I have no more time....

 

[jurry]

in the OPS case, i think this girl is very used to tooling guys around and probably feels she can bring him to his knees if she pulls the push-pull game on him. shes looking for kinks in his armor. testing the waters for control of the frame. clearly not gf material (2 lays at best). this woman strikes me as toxic if she is displaying this behavior this early.

this one is an obvious pump and dump. no need to make her a FB or attempt any serious seduction

Everybody is playing a game to some extent. I dont see how a girl trying to control the frame and avoid feeling like a prostitute makes her "toxic". Its great the rationale people use on here.. A guy needs to put up a defense and be detached and not be beta, but a girl should just let a guy bang her and dump her and make her feel like **** because, why exactly? Y'all need to learn a bit of compassion as 6stringer described. Great thread though!

 

[6stringer]

I have to disagree a bit. Its these lines that trip me out "i think this girl is very used to tooling guys around and probably feels she can bring him to his knees if she pulls the push-pull game on him. shes looking for kinks in his armor. testing the waters for control of the frame."
Sorry, there just isn't anything there. Are women always playing a game? yeah, duh, so is the OP and every guy on the planet. This idea that its all some control game is just weak sauce. Most women, like most men, are simply trying to get their needs met. Here si the thing.. this chick WANTS to be his lay.. she just doesn't want to be made to feel cheap about it. We're not talking about a woman who doesnt want it.. she has shown that she does want to bang him.. again and again, obviously. Literally.. no drinks no date, had he handled it smoother it was a freebie.

I get that women can be devious, that they can be manipulative, that we don't want to get tooled, or chumped.. I also get that its all a game etc etc.
But this situation barely rises to all that. My main point is just be honest.. he wanted to dog her, did, and doesnt want to expend so much as an iota of energy on it.. all cool by me. But lets not pretend its HER drama, thats just lying to ourselves.