Strange with gf of 3 months.

[Rainman4707]

From what I've been told, one is just setting themselves up for disappointment going for LDR's They just don't work.

Oh well, it's good news that you've grew from this experience. Good luck in future

 

[xstang77]

You're in a horrible feedback loop...


Counselor sure that's hilarious

I was in that loop trying to figure it out. The counselor part is true she would occasionally see an abuse counselor due to her ex whom she has a restraining order against.

 

[xstang77]

I had one that worked ok but it was a cluster B idealization phase that actually kept it together as long as it did... not the firmest Foundation to base my perspective on lDR's but if I were to meet someone that showed very high interest and very high quality I would risk it again within reason.

That's why I took the leap on this one she was a quality girl and that's not just speaking through rose colored glasses,or atleast up until now.

 

[Desdinova]

she needs to work on herself

Such a classic break up line. It ranks up there with "I love you like a friend" and "I need time for myself" and "it's not you, it's me" and "I need to think things over" and "I need to find myself". Sometimes I think women look at a card with all these generic reasons and randomly pick one to use.

She's probably been back in contact with her abusive ex and has feelings for him again. The man at the top of her high score list is ALWAYS the priority. You will be c0ckblocked by him every time she's starts making contact with him again.

If she actually is seeing a counsellor, it's probably because you're a nice guy BUT she still has feelings for the abusive ex. Women find it unexplainable, but it's just the reflection of her high score list.

 

[Roober]

After being here a few weeks and seeing all of these threads pop up about girlfriends getting distant, I am beginning to how we end up viewing these women as "high quality". Is that a symptom of oneitis? I mean, my ex was banging her ex long after he was re-married, and flirted with me before I got divorced. That right there constitutes a low quality woman...

Sticking around and seeing a new guy pop in here every day in very similar situations is actually very therapeutic... and also a bit depressing at what women (a good majority?) really are...

 

[narcissist]

This girl is in the lowest bracket of women. Not high quality AT ALL. You need to work on yourself for the next 5 years before you get into another relationship.

Here is my prescription:

1. approach 1 thousand girls a year. (or 3-5 a day)
2. go the the gym 4 times a week and start eating healthier
3. start a journal on this site
4. pick up a hobby, perhaps a martial art like muay thai or jujitzu
5. watch every RSD video on youtube

If you dont do these things then you are not serious about fixing your (not to sound harsh) pathetic life.

Good luck.

 

[xstang77]

Honestly it's not a case of oneitis it's just the out of the blue part and when we were together she truly was a quality woman,I pretty much lived on this site over the summer after my bpd ex, it does stink of the classic it's not you it's me line though. Either way I was respectful since she was no bs in the time we were together. Been a crappy year for me fellas and this is ****ty around the holidays. I do appreciate everyone's replies it certainly helps to have extra people to talk to at times like these.

 

[Roober]

Honestly it's not a case of oneitis it's just the out of the blue part and when we were together she truly was a quality woman,I pretty much lived on this site over the summer after my bpd ex, it does stink of the classic it's not you it's me line though. Either way I was respectful since she was no bs in the time we were together. Been a crappy year for me fellas and this is ****ty around the holidays. I do appreciate everyone's replies it certainly helps to have extra people to talk to at times like these.

Agree on the holidays! Good part is there are plenty of singles looking for "companionship" during this time

 

[xstang77]

At this point considering what she said i would assume I won't hear anything with the nc, so instead of leaving it all accepting and probably never seeing her again because of the distance would anyone agree to just say whatever I want kind of like an honest guilt trip about how it makes no sense and the it's not you it's me is bull,feel like I deserve more with all the driving I did though I know I'm not entitled to ****.

 

[narcissist]

At this point considering what she said i would assume I won't hear anything with the nc, so instead of leaving it all accepting and probably never seeing her again because of the distance would anyone agree to just say whatever I want kind of like an honest guilt trip about how it makes no sense and the it's not you it's me is bull,feel like I deserve more with all the driving I did though I know I'm not entitled to ****.

What specifically would you say. Write out the text here.

 

[Desdinova]

After being here a few weeks and seeing all of these threads pop up about girlfriends getting distant, I am beginning to how we end up viewing these women as "high quality".

I don't think there is such a thing as a "high quality" girl. You cannot find women who are naturally high quality. You should be looking for malleable women; Women who are willing to shape their lives to match yours.

when we were together she truly was a quality woman

If that cvnt was truly "high quality", she would have been discussing her plans to move closer to you. She discussed NOTHING.

Again, don't look for women who are naturally "high quality". Look for women who are malleable.

would anyone agree to just say whatever I want kind of like an honest guilt trip about how it makes no sense and the it's not you it's me is bull,feel like I deserve more with all the driving

Your time and gas money is a write-off. You take the risk of losing those two things when you're dating a woman. Tearing a strip off her isn't going to get you those two things back. You've flushed them down the toilet. The only thing you're going to get if you try reaching down into the toilet to get them back is a 5hit-streaked stream of toilet paper.

Leave it be, learn from it, and carry your new-found knowledge into the next woman you encounter. Eventually, your wasted time and money will be drastically reduced.

 

[narcissist]

Look I also agree with everyone else. You should definitely not send her anything. You should go no contact for good.

However, I still think it would be a cathartic activity to write out exactly what you would say to her on here. Believe me, once you write it out, you will not want to send it. You have to get those pent up emotions out into the world, so better to do it here than tell her.

So once again, write out exactly what you would send to her. The outcome will be that you will probably not want to send it after you write it all out.

Look up the psychologist Pennebaker. He has lots of studies showing that just writing out your feelings solidifies them and allows you to move on. So write out exactly what you want to say here. We wont judge you. We understand that this is a sh1tty situation for you. We want to help you brother.

Ps. I feel bad for yelling at you. We gotta stick together. I sincerely want you to become a better man with us. Join the party.

 

[oOh Nasty]

In a few months, you'll be thanking this thread.

It's time for you to see yourself in a totally different light. Good luck.

 

[xstang77]

I understand now from experience that there's nothing more I can do,I've learned after many hard lessons that once a girl leaves once she always will so I'm accepting it's done for good,I'm just working on closure and acceptance and the fact that this is so out of the blue,I know that's woman but not to sound like a wuss it still sucks especially with the fact that I'm losing 2 girls technically meaning her daughter,I know don't date single moms but hey I did and it is what it is. As far as saying anything it's understandable she doesn't wanna be friends or anything but would just be nice when we usually talk on the phone every night,pertaining what I would say I'm not sure it keeps changing when I think about it,it's hard to say if she even feels sad about it since it's through text but I would mention all the things she said just a few days before and why wait until her child becomes attached,my sister is a therapist and I've talked to her about it and she mentioned for what it is her explanation for breaking it up is somewhat understandable given her past. As far as chasing other woman and not dating I know that's usually the game plan for good reasons on here but I'm just more of a relationship going to sleep with someone every night and enjoy the companionship,I know most will say this makes me weak etc but I know I'm not alone on feeling that way on here due to my past it's what I yearn for. If I didn't learn the things I did on this site I would never have been able to even get a girl like this so for that I am grateful.not to sound vain but I'm proud of the improvement I've made with this one compared to what I would put up with pertaining my bpd ex.

 

[xstang77]

I don't think there is such a thing as a "high quality" girl. You cannot find women who are naturally high quality. You should be looking for malleable women; Women who are willing to shape their lives to match yours.



If that cvnt was truly "high quality", she would have been discussing her plans to move closer to you. She discussed NOTHING.

Again, don't look for women who are naturally "high quality". Look for women who are malleable.



Your time and gas money is a write-off. You take the risk of losing those two things when you're dating a woman. Tearing a strip off her isn't going to get you those two things back. You've flushed them down the toilet. The only thing you're going to get if you try reaching down into the toilet to get them back is a 5hit-streaked stream of toilet paper.

Leave it be, learn from it, and carry your new-found knowledge into the next woman you encounter. Eventually, your wasted time and money will be drastically reduced.

Yea I guess using that line was more of emotional manipulation pitty, she was avidly discussing moving out here with me but perhaps I became to pushy with it.

 

[narcissist]

I understand now from experience that there's nothing more I can do,I've learned after many hard lessons that once a girl leaves once she always will so I'm accepting it's done for good,I'm just working on closure and acceptance and the fact that this is so out of the blue,I know that's woman but not to sound like a wuss it still sucks especially with the fact that I'm losing 2 girls technically meaning her daughter,I know don't date single moms but hey I did and it is what it is. As far as saying anything it's understandable she doesn't wanna be friends or anything but would just be nice when we usually talk on the phone every night,pertaining what I would say I'm not sure it keeps changing when I think about it,it's hard to say if she even feels sad about it since it's through text but I would mention all the things she said just a few days before and why wait until her child becomes attached,my sister is a therapist and I've talked to her about it and she mentioned for what it is her explanation for breaking it up is somewhat understandable given her past. As far as chasing other woman and not dating I know that's usually the game plan for good reasons on here but I'm just more of a relationship going to sleep with someone every night and enjoy the companionship,I know most will say this makes me weak etc but I know I'm not alone on feeling that way on here due to my past it's what I yearn for. If I didn't learn the things I did on this site I would never have been able to even get a girl like this so for that I am grateful.not to sound vain but I'm proud of the improvement I've made with this one compared to what I would put up with pertaining my bpd ex.

It's not wrong to want to be in a relationship. I am currently in a 10 month relationship with a pretty fvcking awesome chick. Never fight. Never argue. I lead. She loves it.

But you have to realize that to be successful in relationships you first need to be successful while you are single. This is because when you are in a relationship you need to be able to walk away at any time and be GOOD ON YOUR OWN. You should not be in a relationship if it is what you use to complete and define you. It is necessary to be successful with women while you are single so that you are not dependent on any girl you are in a relationship with. That is why I said you are not ready for a relationship.

You will never be happy in a successful relationship unless you go through the trenches of being single and talking to a crap load of women. I know it might not be your ideal situation. But sometimes the things we least want to do will inevitably be the best for us.

You will be controlled by women for the rest of your life if you don't do what makes you uncomfortable. You don't really want that do you?

 

[Thatfeel21]

It's not wrong to want to be in a relationship. I am currently in a 10 month relationship with a pretty fvcking awesome chick. Never fight. Never argue. I lead. She loves it.

But you have to realize that to be successful in relationships you first need to be successful while you are single. This is because when you are in a relationship you need to be able to walk away at any time and be GOOD ON YOUR OWN. You should not be in a relationship if it is what you use to complete and define you. It is necessary to be successful with women while you are single so that you are not dependent on any girl you are in a relationship with. That is why I said you are not ready for a relationship.

You will never be happy in a successful relationship unless you go through the trenches of being single and talking to a crap load of women. I know it might not be your ideal situation. But sometimes the things we least want to do will inevitably be the best for us.

Facts. Ive jumped from woman to woman the past 6-7 years, with barely any time being single. Ive almost forgotten what its like to do what I want when I want. Seems like I either have 3 or 4 women interested in me at once or NONE. Right now Im in the midst of a drought, I can feel it. Last few women ive talked to have been a complete waste of my time. Oh well. Time to work on myself. That reminds me, gotta get some sleep, the gym is calling me.

 

[xstang77]

Yea I hear where your coming from,I did the jumping from girl to girl when I was younger and I turned 21 just when I became single so I did all the stuff I wanted to back then and felt I had it out of my system including the bar scene. The thing that's nice about this being a ldr it aided in helping me sustain living independent,I've technically been living alone for 7 months now. I guess the part that sucks is the out of the blue and how much of an improvement she was compared to my bpd ex. I do deal with co dependency issues stemming from growing up without a father and him being physically abusive when he was around so I work on that daily. I mean I guess I wasn't really at much fault or ignored anything as it could happen to anybody even married couples all the time,just one day someone feels different.

 

[narcissist]

True. Good luck.

 

[xstang77]

Well the phases are kicking in and I'm feeling pretty pissed that she broke up with a text.the most rude and disrespectful way,really making it difficult to not give a piece of my mind and the fact that I went along with it and replied gave her closure making it ok for her.