Strange with gf of 3 months.

[sazc]

in my experience, there is always a honeymoon phase to every relationship. you get between 3 and 6 months of perfect behavior and then the real people start to emerge. it could be that the honeymoon period for her is over and the distance is too taxing. it could be that she's playing a game and NCing you to see how long it takes for you to chase her. it could be that she is getting cold feet realizing that you ARE moving from dating only a short time to being a real committed couple, and she's unsure if she's ready to be vulnerable with someone.

I remember vividly the moment I started questioning if I really wanted to be in an LTR with my guy. It was about 3 months in. He was great, good to me, compatible, etc - and I was questioning if I really wanted to continue to date him. I decided that I might just be worried about letting someone in and that I needed to give myself time and (essentially) fake it till I made it. I told myself no action was needed and that I wold eventually know if I didnt want to be with him, but I needed to stick with it 'for now'. It ended up being cold feet caused by fear of vulnerability. I did not go NC on him tho. I wouldnt disrespect anyone like that. We're still together and happy. She could be getting cold feet and it's easier to just NC then deal with it.

you family is advising you to call her because they are viewing it a a long term relationship that is based on maturity. their mature vantage point tells them that there must be something wrong and that is why she isnt calling. the problem is that mature people communicate when there are issues. she absolutely should have sent you a text by no later than day 3 if there was an emergency. she didnt leave her phone somewhere and she has 30 seconds while peeing to send you a text.

For now please understand - there is nothing you did that caused this. there is nothing you could have done to change/prevent this. in terms of a mature relationship, this behavior is flawed. thi behavior does not make for a good LTR female. she's probably doing you a favor.

 

[narcissist]

Don't listen to your family, they are only telling you what you want to hear. They are going to make you give in to your emotions, which is the last thing you need to be doing. And for the love of God, do not call her. You have already reached out to her. Anymore, would be needy.

Man you need to relax, and meditate. Go out with friends. Go to the gym. Turn off your phone. Listen to some boss music. Stop analyzing what this could be. The equation is simple: Ghost her until she contacts you.

Then determine whether it is worth it to date someone that is pulling this sh1t. My answer would be a resounding no it isn't worth it. But I feel as though you will choose the opposite because you are attached.

I get it though. I am attached to my girlfriend too. However, there are certain things that require you to man up and overcome your attachment, and being disrespected like this is one of those times.

 

[GetFit66]

Doesn't seem high quality to me... seems weak dumb and submissive

 

[narcissist]

Doesn't seem high quality to me... seems weak dumb and submissive

Submissive is not bad. But weak and dumb is.

 

[xstang77]

She is the submissive type,Tuesday was the last time we talked on the phone,she told me how her daughter cried about wanting me there and was gonna call me but then fell asleep,she apologized the next day and we talked a little through text then the following night no call then Thursday night texting told her I loved her got a simple i love you in return 3 hours later,then I said I missed her and said babe...no response and no call then the next morning I texted,well I hope your doing ok let me know if you wanna talk sometime,nothing then Friday night I messaged "are you ok or can you let me know what's going on? I'm worried about you. My messages say delivered but still nothing Thursday was the last text, not to sound like a wuss but I'm starting to really feel hurt especially after the things she told me days before and now it's like she's ghosting,think that's the worse part,at this point I could even go for a simple **** you from her then atleast I'd have a straight answer,she even told me Monday she bought her daughter toys for Christmas that her and I could play together.

 

[sazc]

She does not deserve you

 

[xstang77]

I played this one safer then my past relationships the biggest thing that's getting to me is the ghosting,I let her say the first I love you etc this just doesn't seem like her especially for her to have me connect with her child then pull away.

 

[xstang77]

Safe? It was only 3 months.

You connected with the kid, and started becoming a member of their family unit. Started even planning to be a part of Christmas day.

You told her that you 'loved her', and started planning a living together situation.

This is not playing it safe. This is being all in.

You allowed yourself to become completely seduced and dragged in to this woman's world in a very short time period, and now are left bewildered without her.

You need to use this as a platform to improve your life, and be stronger. Or, you will get ripped to shreds.

Yea I was using guidelines this time and made sure she invested etc. but I guess it is what it is,Just wanna know if she's dead or alive,do you think she will even contact me again with nc being it's a ldr?

 

[Thatfeel21]

Yea I was using guidelines this time and made sure she invested etc. but I guess it is what it is,Just wanna know if she's dead or alive,do you think she will even contact me again with nc being it's a ldr?

She will. She knows how you feel about her. Ball is in her court, trust me she KNOWS that you are dying to hear from her.

 

[xstang77]

Oh I will most certainly not be drawn right back in after this, I was thinking a phone call would then make it so that I tried 100% just to know if she's dead or alive telling my family the story they say it just doesn't add up with everything she said just days before and she's not that type of person but I also feel those texts I sent were enough.

 

[xstang77]

I recently dumped a girl abruptly. She made a phone call. It makes her look bad, and me feel akward.

I'm sure it looks worse for men. Don't do it.

Also listen to what people say about family. I ignore 95% of advice from family members. It's typically wishy-washy woman's stuff (even the majority of advice from men).

People who are telling you to call sound like they are worried about her health or something. Typical of old people's advice.

Did you atleast tell her it's over lol? Like I said I could even go for a screw off so I'll atleast have a definite from her.

 

[narcissist]

Okay this is becoming another one of those mental masturbation threads. There comes a time when you have been given enough advice that is sufficient for the next week or two. But you keep posting on here like you are looking for a specific answer. You want someone to tell you what you want to hear, which is that everything will be okay and that you should call her. Simple truth is, she doesn't fvcking respect you, you "played it safe" until she showed a little affection and then you invested WAYYY too much back into her, and scared her off. Now she went ghost, and this thread should be closed now, because you know exactly what to do.... THE BALL IS IN HER COURT, LET HER CONTACT YOU, AND TELL HER THIS SH1T IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Jesus. Its like you are deceiving yourself or something. You are dying for someone to tell you to contact her. You already know what our advice is. If you want to call her that bad then just fvcking do it. You will see after wards that its a bad idea.

Come on now man. We are sincerely trying to help you. But its impossible to help someone that only wants to hear what will make them feel better. I try hard on here to be nice because I understand that a lot of these topics and situations are emotionally taxing, but I feel like I waste my time when people search for an answer, instead of take the advice they ask for.

 

[xstang77]

Okay this is becoming another one of those mental masturbation threads. There comes a time when you have been given enough advice that is sufficient for the next week or two. But you keep posting on here like you are looking for a specific answer. You want someone to tell you what you want to hear, which is that everything will be okay and that you should call her. Simple truth is, she doesn't fvcking respect you, you "played it safe" until she showed a little affection and then you invested WAYYY too much back into her, and scared her off. Now she went ghost, and this thread should be closed now, because you know exactly what to do.... THE BALL IS IN HER COURT, LET HER CONTACT YOU, AND TELL HER THIS SH1T IS UNACCEPTABLE.

Jesus. Its like you are deceiving yourself or something. You are dying for someone to tell you to contact her. You already know what our advice is. If you want to call her that bad then just fvcking do it. You will see after wards that its a bad idea.

Come on now man. We are sincerely trying to help you. But its impossible to help someone that only wants to hear what will make them feel better. I try hard on here to be nice because I understand that a lot of these topics and situations are emotionally taxing, but I feel like I waste my time when people search for an answer, instead of take the advice they ask for.

Well this escalated quickly, I appreciate all the advice and I will follow it, as far as searching for answers it's a struggle for me just the way my mind works guess it's why I'm good in the automotive field,anyways thank you and I will lay low.

 

[narcissist]

Well this escalated quickly, I appreciate all the advice and I will follow it, as far as searching for answers it's a struggle for me just the way my mind works guess it's why I'm good in the automotive field,anyways thank you and I will lay low.

Man I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I see it too often where people ask for advice and then they just do what they wanted to do anyways, and I feel as though I wasted my time, and they are simply a lost cause, which ultimately is an upsetting realization that certain people can't be helped. Sometimes you have to yell at these people to get it through their head. It is very hard to calm your emotions down, I understand that, I have been in your position, and it really is your emotions that will lead you to calling this girl. But trust me, the grass is greener on the other side. Please, we want to help you, so let us.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

The answer depends on your current state of being. Can you handle leaving her or being told off by her? Can you get another woman right now to be your girlfriend or fvck buddy or fwb? How independent of her are you? If you can easily live without her, call her up one last time and if she does not pick up, then no voicemail or anything; just ghost her. If she wants to come back to you she can, but you do not initiate. If you cannot live without her, then I would suggest to hold off for a couple days before making the phone call. If she does not pick up, then leave a voicemail saying how you will take this as a breakup and wish her well. Then, never contact her ever again even if she tries to start something up again.

 

[dude99]

hey fellas haven't been on here in a while but I've found myself in an interesting spot and figured I'd share. I've been doing a somewhat ldr with a genuine girl for over 3 months (I know ldr not good) but we've been making it work, seeing each other atleast weekly etc. she lives a little over 2 hours from me and even drove out to only spend 4 hours with me one day before she had to go to work when my pet died. Otherwise she seemed like a high quality girl,cooked for me,bought me drinks and food for the house and wanted to take care of me. She showed proper high interest always calling and texting me everyday,respectful when we're together etc. she has a 3 yr old daughter from her past abusive relationship whom I've become closer with, I last saw her this past Sunday and she was in tears about me having to leave,called me when I got home right away to make sure I was ok and Monday night we had a great talk to where she messaged me afterwards being lovey saying I was gods plan for her etc, we talked briefly the next day but she took longer to reply and the phone calls ceased then one last text on Thursday,I've sent her a few asking if she was ok but haven't overdone it but no word since. I just find this behavior strange out of the blue as she fit the profile of a quality woman. Any opinions aside from negative trolling gentlemen? Family has mentioned to try calling but they find this extremely wierd as well and I feel at this point if she wanted to talk she would,otherwise the girl has just pretty much gone cold turkey no word.

Chicks have to be getting attention from someone. They just won't go cold turkey unless they sre getting attention from a new guy. The fact that you are LD made it easy for her to just disappear.

This is why i always say, in a LD situation you don't have a girlfriend. You have a penpal. You just happened to visit your pen pal often.

 

[Roober]

Man I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I see it too often where people ask for advice and then they just do what they wanted to do anyways, and I feel as though I wasted my time, and they are simply a lost cause, which ultimately is an upsetting realization that certain people can't be helped. Sometimes you have to yell at these people to get it through their head. It is very hard to calm your emotions down, I understand that, I have been in your position, and it really is your emotions that will lead you to calling this girl. But trust me, the grass is greener on the other side. Please, we want to help you, so let us.

What he said. I was in a similar predicament about a month ago and the guys told me the same thing... "burn it to the ground and work on yourself"... It is your emotions getting the best of you. These things are very hard to save once they are headed downhill. Often times they are the signs that you need to break up, but you are too emotionally attached to do it.

My first post should have been "I just broke up with my gf because..." But instead, I tortured myself for 2 weeks and held on to something that was gone already

Take off the rose-colored glasses and go with your gut. If there is anything I learned more than anything, trust your instncts! We ignore them wayyyyyy too much.

 

[xstang77]

Well I got a message today finally,we are over,said she's been seeing her counselor and has issues she needs to work on herself and she wishes me the best etc,didn't wanna be friends or anything,into the depressing abyss again,wish I had some
People Around here to hang out with,guess all I can do is let it go she tried to make a clean brake,atleast it's only been 3 months and not a few years.

 

[Rainman4707]

I avoid LDR's as a rule.

If you had also had this as a rule you woud'nt be in this situation.

 

[xstang77]

I avoid LDR's as a rule.

If you had also had this as a rule you woud'nt be in this situation.

There's not much selection out here man,I'm still grateful for the experience she was a good girl and it showed me an example to set my standards to, not the trashy ex's I've had before.