Strange Situation: Assualt/Rape

[English_Bloke]

Rape is totally uncool, its what an AFC who snaps carries out - pathetic. I heard about it the painful way today. Usually im a pretty easy going guy, and although I wont jump on a girl, im not prude either. With my latest girlfriend I have been having some issues: everything clicks and my skills have worked except it comes to us doing everything but sex. So I casually bring it up, and it turns out when she was 14 she was assualted and raped (some faggit probably couldnt take her short skirt any longer).

Well I wasnt totally suprised because she always gave me all the right signals just didnt carry them out because she has this 'phobia' if you will of sex I guess. Just like if a guy gets bitten by a dog as a kid, he grows up to have a phobia of dogs.

Obviously as a DJ I know what I want: sex, but should I push this or leave it - because I feel kind of bad. Maybe I can break her phobia? I dont think the bible has anything on this, so i need some serious advice. Thanks.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Its impossible to be anxious and comfortable at the sametime. Look up systematic desensitization. Its a type of therapy that counterconditions phobias. I would try to explain it but its late.

 

[KillaCam]

If she is having trouble dealing with it still, or it's affecting her life and relationships, she needs to seek professional help about it. It may open up old wounds sure, but in the long run she will be better off.

Try not to push it too hard man, obviously she's been through a traumatic experience, getting your end off isn't worth destroying a chick over.

 

[jessup]

Agreed, I have a girl friend who went through that when she was young.

This sucks for you because it is totally out of your control. I mean, an emotional rollercoaster will DEFINITELY kick into her. Seen this from the experience.

A lot of wounds were opened up, in my case the girls parents didn't even know. It was a very tough time for everyone, but they all got through it and she is better because of it.

You need to give her some guidance. Professional help is the best way.

 

[life_of_a_legend]

No offence guys but i don't think Professional help will do her a lot of good basically because she might think something is wrong with her; that she's not normal for not wanting sex/affraid to get intimate etc.

I think the best way is not to pressure her into anything sexual but just tell her how special she is/how much she means to you because she really needs this kind of stuff especially because she's quite fragile. ya feel?

Anyway if you like/love this girl then you shouldn't make your goal with her be about sex, but instead make your goal: to get to know her better.

Trust me time will heal wounds and if you stay with her long enough then you should get what you want.

 

[English_Bloke]

Thanks for the responses guys. I think the fact that she told me all of this shows she does trust me alot, so I wouldnt want to break it by jumping into bed with her a day later. Im a little nervous about professional help, so I will try and bring it on slowly by building up our relationship and then trying. If after being togethor for a longer time and showing that im not in it for one night and that doesnt work I think this would be really outside of my control as Jessup said I then think professional help will be needed.

 

[KillaCam]

No offence guys but i don't think Professional help will do her a lot of good basically because she might think something is wrong with her; that she's not normal for not wanting sex/affraid to get intimate etc.

I think the best way is not to pressure her into anything sexual but just tell her how special she is/how much she means to you because she really needs this kind of stuff especially because she's quite fragile. ya feel?

Anyway if you like/love this girl then you shouldn't make your goal with her be about sex, but instead make your goal: to get to know her better.

Trust me time will heal wounds and if you stay with her long enough then you should get what you want.

Fact is, something is wrong. Admittance that there is a problem is the first step to healing. Perhaps she will grow out of her phobia in time, and yes time does often heal, but the majority of situations like this need to be dealt with thoroughly.

It's good to see you stick by her English_Bloke. Although constant re-assurement will help her state of mind, you can't let her become dependent on you. When she starts relying on you to stay stable, you have a problem arising. God forbid, but what if you two were to break up? suddenly her reliance on you is gone, and she will be worse off than before. Be there for her, but professional outside intervention is often the best method. Always keep that option in mind.

 

[Zerotwoonenine]

sht i have never reallised this is a common problem, dont you lot just want to take a gun and shoot those rape guys in the head?(fcking sick bastds, they should all burn in hell).
About your problem, i agree with the other DJs, i think she needs professional help also, as this site said, girls are emotional and fragile creatures.
I also think that you should avoid touching on this subject, how would you feel if you have been raped and your girlfriend keeps bringing it up?
so tell her to seek professional help if she hasen't done so, the chances are that she hasn't told her parents or anyone else about this, and it would have probably burned inside her for several years now, if she still cant get over it after her treatment, then i suggest stay off sex and give her some privacy, remember time is the best healer, just make sure you dont push her. In the mean time do some research on the internet, learn some sex tips, then after her would has healed show her what sex with a real lover is like, and she should crave for it afterwards.

 

[English_Bloke]

Its sad because its getting so common. Its both girls and guys causing it; cause there are more AFCs jacking off over porno and more girls posing with serious sex appeal when they arent gonna give it and that just blows the little AFC's brain. Ill be honest, I get turned on when she bends over wearing a skirt to reveal a thong - id be gay if I didnt get interested very quickly.

Anyways back onto topic - I think that im going to help her out; not by bringing it up everyday but easing into it. Its the right thing to do even if it isnt instant *****. If things get beyond my control than I will get her to someone who can help her out - but Im way way against drugs and that sort of therapy.

Anyway thanks for the serious responses guys. Its feels good to know there are some great DJs on these forums!

 

[kev me723]

well, you know what you want, sex. You know it's attainable if you say/do the right things. She only has a bed memory of sex. She needs to mature and experience love and what it feels like to be a part of and have another person. You, sir, can show her that.