Strange "girlfriend". Need some DJ help.

[Guoy Darko]

Well, let this be my first post. I’m having trouble trying to figure out what to do with this girl I’m seeing. As being the former King of Nice Guys I’m having trouble handling this situation.

Here’s the story: There is this girl I really liked for the past couple of months. I didn’t really know what to do so I read the DJ boot camp….. Learned a lot….. And I asked her to go out with me. (This was two and a half weeks ago.) We went to a nice quiet bar and talked for hours. Turns out she is 18…. And I’m 24. I don’t really mind, but so you know. After a while I said I had to go because I had another appointment (didn’t really had one, but okay). I was wondering if I should send her a text message tomorrow or the day after that, but only three hours after our first date she send me a text message asking how I was doing and telling me what a nice time she had. We ended up sending a lot of text messages that weekend, but I always kept a few hours between them. She always sends one immediately and even called me.

The date in the bar was on a Friday and we had our second date on a Monday. We went ice skating that Monday which was maybe too romantic! Kissed her on the ice and went to my place to cook. Well, I loved being with her and she wanted to be with me all the time, so she came to my place that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday (to sleep) and almost the whole weekend. Last week was pretty much the same. By the way, we didn’t had sex because that was too soon for her. And oh, before I forget, she told me she loved me after only 4 days!!! I don’t know what you think but you shouldn’t say those words after only 4 days. Wait a few weeks. But okay. She wanted to be with me all the time and as I liked being with her I thought it was okay.

She was so into me that when I told her I was looking for a bigger apartment for me and my brother she told me I should look for an apartment for me and her!! When I told her I’m going to the Philippines in April she asked me if she could come with me. When I told her I’m maybe going with some friends to Russia for a holiday this summer she asked if she could come with me! And we only knew each other for barely two weeks.

And by the way, she had a boyfriend of more then a year just recently. She broke up with him in early December. When I asked her if she wanted to have a new boyfriend so soon she told me she really wanted to have a relationship with me and that she really loved me. Well, I know most guys would be freaked out, but the Nice Guy in me loved it!

Well she’s really insecure and asks me all the time to call her when I can’t see her, and when I don’t call she almost gets upset about it. (she’s kind of a ‘nice girl’) Last weekend I couldn’t see her because I had things to do for class. And I needed some kind of pause in us seeing each other all the time. She didn’t like it and her last words before the weekend where “Please call me. I love it when you call me.” Well I called her once, but I had things to do so I didn’t call her all the time.

Now Tuesday, only two weeks of us being girl- and boyfriend and having the feeling of almost being married things are suddenly different. She came for dinner to my place tonight and suddenly told me after a long time of kissing, she didn’t want to sleep at my place this night because things where moving too fast. She wasn’t really sure if she wanted a long term relationship so soon after the other one. I was really surprised because she was the one wanting everything to move so fast. She wanted to meet my parents and wanting to drag me to her parents. And now all of a sudden everything is going to fast! :S I stayed cool telling her it’s not a big deal (mostly talking to myself) and told her to be relaxed. After dinner we went climbing in some kind of hall which is the sport she practices. She’s really good at it and for me it was my first time so I sucked. She didn’t really gave me a lot of attention and let me pay the stuff. Usually all she does is wants to hold hands and kiss but now she was almost ignoring me. But in the subway home she suddenly gave me a lot of attention and started kissing again.

Well that’s it. I don’t know what to do now. In the past I let my Nice Guy side mess these situations up. She obviously has second doubts and I don’t know how to act. If I should ignore her, or call her, get pissed, stay cool, etcetera. I need some DJ advice in things I should absolutely do or absolutely should not do.

Remember, I’m still learning!

Cheers,

Guoy

ps. English is not my first language, so maybe some sentences are a bit weird.

 

[Maurizio 2.0]

She's right, you two WERE moving way too fast. Take it easy mate, there's no need to attach titles like 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' so soon.

Girls fresh out of relationships are bound to have slightly cold feet, but that's not a bad thing. I've dealt with it myself in the past. There's not much you can do to get her over her ex except just be cool yourself... which judging by how much she was tripping over you at the begining, you were doing a fine job of.

I don't care what others may say in the forum, but you don't need to rush to have sex with her. Two and a half weeks is damn quick frankly, and you may have scared her a bit.

It'll take a while for thoughts of her ex to disappear from her mind, but just take it easy and don't stress it. Keep doing what you're doing, but try and do a little less of it.

By the way, that age gap is pretty serious... but hey, whatever man...

 

[Last Man Standing]

This little hor is a psycho and is trying to act like she has restraint - she is playing an act - she had many dycks in her orifices and now is trying to play "nice girl" - treat her like any other hor!!!

Don't spend too much money on her...and quit trying to romance a hor - you are wasting your time --- you didn't cook for her - did you?? This makes you look weak and over pleasing!

you are the leader - if she doesn't want to follow then move on -- you should pursue other women in the meantime - I got a feeling this isn't going to last long!!!

 

[Guoy Darko]

broke up

Maurizio & Last Man Standing, thanks for your replies. Both very different but both held some part of the truth.

Dunno if anyone cares, but we broke up. She told me in the beginning of this week things were moving to fast. So I gave her space and only called her once to tell her that IF she wanted to talk or come and stay at my place she should give me a call. So I didn't call her the rest of the week. She sends me a text message this evening that she didn't liked it I didn't gave her a call this week. I told her that was exactly what she wanted. She gets emotional and stuff. Called for half an hour and then broke up. I told her I thought it was very charming not to tell it to my face. Well that's it! Going to pick myself up and start fresh tomorrow.

 

[md3sign]

Good job letting her go. I think you not being aggressive has a lot to do with the breakup, not just the rebound part of it. She wants sex just as bad as you do, but you have to make the move. By spending so much time together so early on (and her SLEEPING at your place without sex!??!), you made her lose interest. You have to be more scarce and show through your actions what your intentions are. You have a lot to learn but I'm glad you found this site and took the initiative to figure things out.

Basically all the time you spent together comes off way more as being friends than anything else. "Talked at the bar for hours". That's what friends do, not lovers. So she sees you as a friend.

Glad you called it off. Don't be surprised if she gets a hold of you, but don't expect it and don't go back to her, at least not right away. Make her work for you (i.e. take you out/give it up) if she does get in touch with you again. If not, chalk it up to experience. There's plenty of b!tches out there who need a good lay. :box:

 

[Guoy Darko]

Love your advice! But she really didn't want any sex. I made moves. A couple of times. But she thought it was too soon. Well, I can't do anything to her with the feeling I'm sort of raping her. I'm still sort of a nice guy who puts the girl above himself.

But to be honest, I feel quite relaxed now. I'm in a totally different time zone as most of you guys. Here it's 3 am. I'm still awake, quite relaxed, but full of energy. Listening to the most happy songs of the Beach Boys and reading sosuave articles.

 

[Desdinova]

There's a few things that sent red flags up while reading your post:

Turns out she is 18. And I’m 24.

The younger the woman, the more stupid, immature, and flakey she's going to be. Sorry man, it the truth. Women at age 18 usually end up going into "party" mode where they want to experience their new found freedom to visit bars, party all night, get drunk, etc. Which is why the next item doesn't surprise me:

And by the way, she had a boyfriend of more then a year just recently. She broke up with him in early December.

My guess is she wanted to go out and "experience life". But she found herself missing the convenient sex and companionship of a LTR. That's where you came in - you were the rebound guy. Rebound relationships almost NEVER last.

She was so into me that when I told her I was looking for a bigger apartment for me and my brother she told me I should look for an apartment for me and her!! When I told her I’m going to the Philippines in April she asked me if she could come with me. When I told her I’m maybe going with some friends to Russia for a holiday this summer she asked if she could come with me! And we only knew each other for barely two weeks.

This is a MAJOR red flag. A woman who is making all these plans with you in a STR is either crazy, or she's just uttering senseless "lovespeak" where she's talking based on pure emotion. Also, this is still a fairly young girl, and she's still got the girly romance fantasy in her head that Disney and Harlequin were nice enough to implant. It usually disappears when they hit their mid-twenties and they start hearing the faint ticking of their biological clocks.

Younger women are lousy LTR material. You'd be much better off dating women who are closer to your age if a LTR is what you're looking for.

But, I must say you handled the breakup very well. You didn't go into the "she is my soulmate" bull**** that a lot of other new guys post about here.

Keep reading, keep practicing, and keep learning...

 

[Guoy Darko]

Desdinova, you're absolutely right. I just found those red flags you pointed out pretty funny in the beginning. Didn't know they were going to be such a big deal. But hey, I feel more relaxed than I thought I would be. I'm in my final year of university, so I need time to study. And I have more time now to spend with my friends and go workout/do some sports. And also study sosuave.com. And in barely two months I'm going to the Philippines for a few weeks. When I come back she's going to Spain for a few weeks. It would've only lasted if we were REALLY strong together.

This is a bit painfull now but it is the best thing and the most realistic.

By the way, if you or anybody else know any articles that guys like me should really read then I'm open for advice. I'm going to read your signature post anyway. :yes:

she's still got the girly romance fantasy in her head that Disney and Harlequin were nice enough to implant.

Good one. I hate Disney.

 

[Guoy Darko]

Guys, I must say I'm having a lot of fun! The girl I talked about above dumped me a few weeks ago. I saw her again after a week. I send her a text message saying I thought she still looked pretty. It doesn't hurt being nice I thought, because when she broke up with me I acted as if I couldn't care less if she were dead or not. I expected to get a reply saying "please leave me alone" or something like that. Instead of that she called me up later that night. Asked me how I was doing and stuff like that. We talked a while but later she said she still wasn't ready for something with me. I said OK and bye and ended the conversation. Since then I didn't do anything.

A few days after that she started again sending me text messages asking me if I wanted to go out with her and ended the messages with kisses. I replied hours later with "no" and that I had other things to do. She kept on sending messages asking me how I'm doing and where I was and stuff like that. Always ending with kisses. Yesterday she send me another one asking me what I was doing and telling me what she was doing. I just send her a very short message in which I only told I was having fun and "see ya". What happens next? She calls me to tell me she wanted to go out with me. Haha! It's so funny. The ignoring really works! I just told her I was busy this week and maybe next week.

I owe you guys so much. When you run after a girl she will run away. When you ignore her she wants attention. I'm actually starting to have fun playing these games.