Straight NC or what?

B-ri

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Ok so long story short, I've been seeing a girl for 6 months, and her ex has been pestering her to get back with him this whole time.

About a month ago she started acting distant, not texting and basically disappeared for a while. I asked her what was up but didn't want to push her. She said it's because her grandmum has been in hospital and only has a couple of weeks to live, and her and her mum have gotten really depressed over it. (She suffers from depression and her mum is worse). So she said she's just been antisocial. A few days ago I got her to meet up. This was the first time I'd seen her in a month. We went for a walk in the park, went for a drink, dinner and a movie. Thought things were back to normal. Then I walk her home, she goes for a hug and I go for a kiss. She stops me and says "I don't think it's a good idea... I'll tell you why later". So later she tells me that she doesn't think it's right for us to continue being intimate. Basically she's trying to LJBF me.

What's pissed me off is that when we were out, we took photos together, and usually she puts everything on Facebook. But they never went online. Then the day after she was out with her ex, and all the pictures they took together went up straight away.

This guy has made EVERY mistake in the book, constantly pestering/stalking her, getting angry at her for seeing me, breaking down in front of her and crying MULTIPLE times, saying he still loves her, and then flirting with other girls in front of her two seconds later. He basically intends to make her feel like **** every time they meet (which is 2 or 3 times a week) and she tells me about it every time, telling me how crap he's made her feel. I got bored hearing it. He's being doing this for 6 MONTHS, and she STILL chooses him over me?

So basically in the last texts she said:

"I dont know how to say it, I just don't think we can kiss etc. anymore"

I said: "Ok well in that case we're going to have to meet again to discuss it. It can wait til you're back from your mum's"

She said "Ok we can meet to talk about it. We are always fighting about it because I need to be alone and that isn't fair on you. I just don't think it was right for this to start, or continue"


So now my problem is, do I just go completely NC from here, or do I go round to her house and tell her that it's fine that she wants time alone, but I'm not sticking around to be her emotional tampon and I just don't have time for her anymore? Then tell her I need to get my stuff? She has my laptop and I kind of need it back...
 

john1234

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So now my problem is, do I just go completely NC from here, or do I go round to her house and tell her that it's fine that she wants time alone, but I'm not sticking around to be her emotional tampon and I just don't have time for her anymore? Then tell her I need to get my stuff? She has my laptop and I kind of need it back...
I think this is a clear case!
You need to dump her as* to the curb hard. Block her from Facebook and delete her from your life.

Get your laptop and Tell her she is a F**king sl*t!

She has no respect for you and is Damaged goods!
 

betheman

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OP, have you read any of the threads on this site? at what point will you acknowledge this girl is not worth one more second of your time or energy?
 

JumpOff

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I think this thread should be moved to Don Juan Discussion, however, I'll answer anyways.

B-ri said:
Ok so long story short, I've been seeing a girl for 6 months, and her ex has been pestering her to get back with him this whole time.
Have you had sex with her during this 6 month "seeing" period? If yes, continue reading below. If no, then you were in fact her emotional tampon, as you already mentioned. You were used. Get over it. Move on.

B-ri said:
About a month ago she started acting distant, not texting and basically disappeared for a while. I asked her what was up but didn't want to push her. She said it's because her grandmum has been in hospital and only has a couple of weeks to live, and her and her mum have gotten really depressed over it.
People respond differently to deaths in the family. Not knowing her personally, or how close she was with her grandma, I cannot with 100% certainty tell you if her going cold was "normal." I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

B-ri said:
Then I walk her home, she goes for a hug and I go for a kiss. She stops me and says "I don't think it's a good idea... I'll tell you why later". So later she tells me that she doesn't think it's right for us to continue being intimate. Basically she's trying to LJBF me.
This is what she basically said, "I don't think it's a good idea....I've been having sex with my ex for the past month"

B-ri said:
What's pissed me off is that when we were out, we took photos together, and usually she puts everything on Facebook. But they never went online. Then the day after she was out with her ex, and all the pictures they took together went up straight away.
It's because she is HIDING you. She doesn't want her ex to know that you exist or hangout together in fear that HE might get mad. She's worried about HIS feelings, not yours.

B-ri said:
This guy has made EVERY mistake in the book, constantly pestering/stalking her, getting angry at her for seeing me, breaking down in front of her and crying MULTIPLE times, saying he still loves her, and then flirting with other girls in front of her two seconds later.
Sh1t sucks doesn't it? We got you over here, buying her dinner, taking her on romantic walks, going to the movies. While he acts "AFC" and pisses her off. IT DOESN"T MATTER. You give her all the attention, while he gives her the d1ck.

B-ri said:
He basically intends to make her feel like **** every time they meet (which is 2 or 3 times a week) and she tells me about it every time, telling me how crap he's made her feel. I got bored hearing it. He's being doing this for 6 MONTHS, and she STILL chooses him over me?
See above

B-ri said:
So basically in the last texts she said:"I dont know how to say it, I just don't think we can kiss etc. anymore"
For not knowing how to say it, she basically did a pretty good job of telling you, for the 3rd time I might add, that she DOESN'T want to kiss you

B-ri said:
I said: "Ok well in that case we're going to have to meet again to discuss it. It can wait til you're back from your mum's"
WTF is there to discuss? How you wasted all your time and emotions on this one girl in hopes of her "falling" for you??? You were/are just a FRIEND to her. The sooner you accept this, the better.

B-ri said:
She said "Ok we can meet to talk about it. We are always fighting about it because I need to be alone and that isn't fair on you. I just don't think it was right for this to start, or continue"

Translation: "It's over. Please leave me the fvck alone"

B-ri said:
So now my problem is, do I just go completely NC from here, or do I go round to her house and tell her that it's fine that she wants time alone, but I'm not sticking around to be her emotional tampon and I just don't have time for her anymore? Then tell her I need to get my stuff? She has my laptop and I kind of need it back...

You go NC for yourself, in hopes to gain your manhood back. You're not doing it in hopes to make her jealous and take you back. You're done with this girl. You don't need her, she obviously doesn't need you. Send a friend or a mutual acquaintance over to get your stuff back. You, personally, don't need to go. All that is is an excuse to see her and get your "fix."
 

B-ri

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JumpOff,

Thanks for the detailed response, I appreciate it. There is however a few problems here. Me and her share alot of mutual friends (including her ex) and will no doubt bump into each other alot in the future. Also I really don't believe that she is having sex with her ex. (And yes I was for the whole 6 months, and it was great, dirty and she couldn't get enough). The reason I don't believe it is because this guy has gone against every rule in the book. Any other girl would have cut him out for good within a week of him acting that way. How could he have attracted her back like that? Is this guy just a complete exception? Honestly I would much prefer if she got back with her ex and not someone else.

But you're right, and I've been out and trying my best to start seeing other girls. (Preferably one of her friends just to make me feel extra better). I'm not quite there yet but I'm trying. My confidence has been shot and I'm still trying to regain it.
 
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