Stopped contact need advise and feedback

[killuminaty]

I started talkin to this girl that i met through a mutual friend about a month ago,
i started dating her regularly like once a week sometimes twice but i neva felt like i had the chance to make a move she gave me so many mixed signals and i am such an AFC sometimes when it comes to closing with a kiss on a date unless the girl shows plenty of IOIs.
Regardless of that we sort of had a relationship going of some sort we used to talk regularly everyday pretty much and sometimes i'd just ignore her for a day and she'd hit me up sayin she missed me.
this past couple of days she has been actin really strange we stopped talkin on the phone so much and when i call her she always seems busy and says she going to call me back i felt like i was developing a oneitis for this girl.
Today I addressed her about why she has been acting that way and she said that she was going through stuff with her family which i know is a fact but still i dont see it being an excuse i told her that if she was going through something i thought we were supposed to talk about it because we had each other's back she used to always talk to me about her stuff with her mother that she was going through, i told her that i felt like we were being distant from eachother now and our relationship was movin backwards so is better off that we stop talking i deleted her phone number, deleted her from faceboook and deleted her from twitter...i really wanna talk to her though do u guys feellike i did the right thing? i am talking to other girls but i feel like this girl is who i truely wanna be with and i feel like i ****ed everything up from the begining by actin like an AFC and not kissing her but idk what to do now please help

 

[Aaron B]

when you focus on one girl you make it extremely difficult on yourself and very much lower the chances of "getting her"

when you chase something, it runs away

ignore her long enough that she chases you, then play hard to get

develop your strength of character by recognizing that although your emotions compel you to contact her, your logic and reasoning have determined that the best course of action for both you and her is to not contact her for a period of time

 

[killuminaty]

man im still wondering if i did the right thing by stopping contact, i dont know if she will contact me back at this point and i really jus want to speak to her right about now i have a serious oneitis i cant stop thinking about it

 

[Jariel]

You did right by ceasing contact, but deleting her from Facebook and Twitter was not so good as it looks like attention seeking. I did the same thing only a few weeks ago (similar situation to yours actually) and realised how dumb I'd been.

I developed oneitis too and I felt like crap. I just wanted to talk to her and get some answers from her, even though the logical part of my mind knew it was the wrong thing to do. I contacted her and confronted her and I blew it. She basically felt things were getting too serious and needed a cool off period, but instead of acting cool and showing her I could handle being casual, I made myself look needy and I scared her off.

Basically, you just have to accept girls blow hot and cold. The moment you feel them pulling away, you have to pull away too and act like it doesn't matter. In fact, start looking for other girls to date if you can. It won't help immediately, but it will help you move on much quicker and get things in perspective.

 

[st_99]

i told her that if she was going through something i thought we were supposed to talk about it because we had each other's back she used to always talk to me about her stuff with her mother that she was going through, i told her that i felt like we were being distant from eachother

see, this is all bad. You got all serious and thats scary to a girl. Heck, thats scary to me when even a friend starts getting emotional about why i havn't called them or picked up the phone! Its just plain creepy. But you might say "well, she was the one getting
serious with ME so I just assumed its ok" nope, doesn't matter.

you CANT get like that unless you're in a full blown commited LTR. OR she is REALLY REALLY into you. Too much Too soon.
All you can do now is back off and let her do the contact and just act casual, treat her as just a friend even.


But, admittedly, i've made that mistake also and am embarrased for it.

 

[Jariel]

. But you might say "well, she was the one getting
serious with ME so I just assumed its ok" nope, doesn't matter.

This is so true and is one of those essential lessons that should be inscribed into all of our minds.

I've lost count of the amount of times I've been caught out by this, having women obsessed with me, get real serious real soon, but as soon as I reciprocate they pull back and its game over.

During the early stages you just need to focus on having a good time, dating and sex, and remain a slight challenge.