I remember when I began dating, having a GF was the coolest thing. You were the man if you scored a girl, especially a hot, popular one. It gave societal validation at a time when you were quite unsure. As you get older though, or at least age, more and more of life has it's way of getting in the way.
-School
-Self Employment
-Growing
-Moving
-Family
-Friends
-Sports
-Hobbies, interests
-And even private, alone time to unwind
You get to college, and it's semi-easy to maintain a relationship because you put in a few hours of classes, and maybe a part-time job, and have another 5-10 hours of free time for a mate. If you're an athlete, maybe you date another athlete and your schedules match well. At my college this worked out well because my GF was a cheerleader and while I worked, she practiced. When the games were on, I could see her on the court. And when the games were over, we could party, or even relax together because our priorities were different.
At the same time, you have the converse. College presents LOTS of opportunities to be with MANY people. In no other place (except perhaps Cancun and South Beach) do so many horny, drunkin young adults. In what other place do you go to class, if at all, finish, visit friends, play XBOX, do some work, crack a beer, and have a chance to hook up with girls entering their prime, as well as most liberal stage of development? Unless you live at the playboy mansion, NOWHERE.
With that said, few girls will turn into relationship material, if that's even what you want. It takes about 5-10 girls, in rotation, of varying degrees of hotness, to yield a date or two. Maybe you get a number and she flakes. Or maybe you have no chemistry on the phone and would despise her more in person. Perhaps it was just a reason to say "no" but she had no balls to do it in person. Whatever the case maybe, it also has to fit for you, and you won't know that until you get a few girls there and realize IT ISN'T YOU, IT'S THEM.
If a relationship is going to happen, it will happen. But that will only come from a successful period of dating. If you're not chill enough to enjoy the beginning, why rush ahead to the end? See, if you're game is to get a relationship right up front, then you're strategy is WAY OFF. The type of thinking and strategy for a woman in a relationship is far different than dating or a hookup.
In a relationship:
-You want 50/50
-A woman with a level head
-Not a druggy
-W/out children, generally
-Has direction in life (i.e. job)
-Can be a friend, too, so you can chill
In dating/fawking:
-She has to be fun, upbeat, period
-Cute/Hot
-May accept a girl who does drugs/smokes
-Can work part-time
In dating, you're experimenting, i.e., tasting the buffet. You're getting a flavor of what's out there, to get acustom to personalities, conversation, sex, and ultimately what you want. As men, and that's a big role, we stand out uniquely special because we improve with age. Not just from an aging/maturity standpoint, but also economically, from a wisdom standpoint, and so forth.
It is said to go anywhere, you must have a destination. You can't just get in your car and drive until you know where it is you want to go, or you may end up driving in the wrong direction. Well, the same applies to a relationship.
1. How can you know WHAT you want of a relationship, without first finding what the dating market has to offer?
Sometimes we tend to idolize the 'perfect' women so much in our minds, that when it comes time to date, we bend our rules to the one we're dating, OR accept what she has to offer, even if it's less than we should get. Moreover, unless we ARE the type of man a great woman would want, how can we artificially say we're a prize if we're not?
You know why a woman goes for an older guy, aside from economic reasons and possibly maturity?
Because, he's already established himself as a man of his word, he has a track record, he's been there, done that. A young guy might DO what an older one will, but all things equal, a woman will take the proof in the pudding. Meaning, even if you have big dreams and big goals, and workout 8x/week, she'll take the guy who's got there already. Yes, it's a crappy deal, but it's how it is.
I remember seeing a quote by a woman who was asked why she didn't go for guys her age, but guys 5 years older or more. Her answer was something like "well, he may be a great guy who WILL do a lot, but why should I wait to find out, whether he may or may not become something, when I can find someone who I flow with as good, and is already there?"
2. Psychologists state that it takes 3 years to consider someone a friend.
If you've known someone only a few weeks, or even months, that's not a relationship, it's still a fling. And to me, even a week or 2 of dating could be a ONS. In the first few months, nearly nothing of importance surfaces by which you can judge someone.
As previously mentioned by Seizing the Day, up to age 23, women are into clubbing, and if they still are heavily into (i.e. 2 nights/week, everyweek), then the likelihood is she won't grow out of it. Unless you want to be a club/bar rat, move on.
Best thing I heard from the hot wife of my boss: "Why marry young? Why committ young? Shack up if want to, but don't marry until mids 30's. For young girls, they love the allure of a wedding, but once it's over, it's like, THAT'S IT! Date, live together if you want, have sex, play marriage, but find out the flaws and test drive the car. When you committ, it's companionship, she'll respect you, care for you, do small, nice things for you. But if you're making someone do what they aren't naturally doing, there's no relationship.
Bottom line: If you're heated enough together, where you enjoy anything, from a simple movie to clubbing, then you KNOW it's there. The true term is more EXCLUSIVITY, than "Will you be my BF/GF?" In that way, it's left that you HAVE been dating but have selected each other as the best party for now.
On the flip side, you can TELL if there is any future with her. That becomes as natural as blinking and breathing. The best way to approach it is with no expectation of anything, because any relationship works 50/50, if it isn't 50/50, then it's slave to master, boss to employee, owner to pet, and so forth. You can't resuscitate a corpse, nor make her desire a relationship she doesn't want to have.
Any relationship worth having, will just happen, no joke, no philosophy. When you bump into someone, having fun isn't effort, it's natural. Part of the process is develop the person so that all else is natural. When it's natural, then success seems simple. But quite frankly, the process to that point is always an uphill battle, and an ongoing process. It's like sales, anyone can do it once they adopt the attitudes and beliefs of top sales people, but getting there is hardwork. Once you start knocking it off like it's a habit, then you'll wonder where it has been all this time. In the end, you'll be happier with yourself and your life, because while 1 woman can please you for a short-time, having that skill will please you for a lifetime.
End.
A-Unit
-School
-Self Employment
-Growing
-Moving
-Family
-Friends
-Sports
-Hobbies, interests
-And even private, alone time to unwind
You get to college, and it's semi-easy to maintain a relationship because you put in a few hours of classes, and maybe a part-time job, and have another 5-10 hours of free time for a mate. If you're an athlete, maybe you date another athlete and your schedules match well. At my college this worked out well because my GF was a cheerleader and while I worked, she practiced. When the games were on, I could see her on the court. And when the games were over, we could party, or even relax together because our priorities were different.
At the same time, you have the converse. College presents LOTS of opportunities to be with MANY people. In no other place (except perhaps Cancun and South Beach) do so many horny, drunkin young adults. In what other place do you go to class, if at all, finish, visit friends, play XBOX, do some work, crack a beer, and have a chance to hook up with girls entering their prime, as well as most liberal stage of development? Unless you live at the playboy mansion, NOWHERE.
With that said, few girls will turn into relationship material, if that's even what you want. It takes about 5-10 girls, in rotation, of varying degrees of hotness, to yield a date or two. Maybe you get a number and she flakes. Or maybe you have no chemistry on the phone and would despise her more in person. Perhaps it was just a reason to say "no" but she had no balls to do it in person. Whatever the case maybe, it also has to fit for you, and you won't know that until you get a few girls there and realize IT ISN'T YOU, IT'S THEM.
If a relationship is going to happen, it will happen. But that will only come from a successful period of dating. If you're not chill enough to enjoy the beginning, why rush ahead to the end? See, if you're game is to get a relationship right up front, then you're strategy is WAY OFF. The type of thinking and strategy for a woman in a relationship is far different than dating or a hookup.
In a relationship:
-You want 50/50
-A woman with a level head
-Not a druggy
-W/out children, generally
-Has direction in life (i.e. job)
-Can be a friend, too, so you can chill
In dating/fawking:
-She has to be fun, upbeat, period
-Cute/Hot
-May accept a girl who does drugs/smokes
-Can work part-time
In dating, you're experimenting, i.e., tasting the buffet. You're getting a flavor of what's out there, to get acustom to personalities, conversation, sex, and ultimately what you want. As men, and that's a big role, we stand out uniquely special because we improve with age. Not just from an aging/maturity standpoint, but also economically, from a wisdom standpoint, and so forth.
It is said to go anywhere, you must have a destination. You can't just get in your car and drive until you know where it is you want to go, or you may end up driving in the wrong direction. Well, the same applies to a relationship.
1. How can you know WHAT you want of a relationship, without first finding what the dating market has to offer?
Sometimes we tend to idolize the 'perfect' women so much in our minds, that when it comes time to date, we bend our rules to the one we're dating, OR accept what she has to offer, even if it's less than we should get. Moreover, unless we ARE the type of man a great woman would want, how can we artificially say we're a prize if we're not?
You know why a woman goes for an older guy, aside from economic reasons and possibly maturity?
Because, he's already established himself as a man of his word, he has a track record, he's been there, done that. A young guy might DO what an older one will, but all things equal, a woman will take the proof in the pudding. Meaning, even if you have big dreams and big goals, and workout 8x/week, she'll take the guy who's got there already. Yes, it's a crappy deal, but it's how it is.
I remember seeing a quote by a woman who was asked why she didn't go for guys her age, but guys 5 years older or more. Her answer was something like "well, he may be a great guy who WILL do a lot, but why should I wait to find out, whether he may or may not become something, when I can find someone who I flow with as good, and is already there?"
2. Psychologists state that it takes 3 years to consider someone a friend.
If you've known someone only a few weeks, or even months, that's not a relationship, it's still a fling. And to me, even a week or 2 of dating could be a ONS. In the first few months, nearly nothing of importance surfaces by which you can judge someone.
As previously mentioned by Seizing the Day, up to age 23, women are into clubbing, and if they still are heavily into (i.e. 2 nights/week, everyweek), then the likelihood is she won't grow out of it. Unless you want to be a club/bar rat, move on.
Best thing I heard from the hot wife of my boss: "Why marry young? Why committ young? Shack up if want to, but don't marry until mids 30's. For young girls, they love the allure of a wedding, but once it's over, it's like, THAT'S IT! Date, live together if you want, have sex, play marriage, but find out the flaws and test drive the car. When you committ, it's companionship, she'll respect you, care for you, do small, nice things for you. But if you're making someone do what they aren't naturally doing, there's no relationship.
Bottom line: If you're heated enough together, where you enjoy anything, from a simple movie to clubbing, then you KNOW it's there. The true term is more EXCLUSIVITY, than "Will you be my BF/GF?" In that way, it's left that you HAVE been dating but have selected each other as the best party for now.
On the flip side, you can TELL if there is any future with her. That becomes as natural as blinking and breathing. The best way to approach it is with no expectation of anything, because any relationship works 50/50, if it isn't 50/50, then it's slave to master, boss to employee, owner to pet, and so forth. You can't resuscitate a corpse, nor make her desire a relationship she doesn't want to have.
Any relationship worth having, will just happen, no joke, no philosophy. When you bump into someone, having fun isn't effort, it's natural. Part of the process is develop the person so that all else is natural. When it's natural, then success seems simple. But quite frankly, the process to that point is always an uphill battle, and an ongoing process. It's like sales, anyone can do it once they adopt the attitudes and beliefs of top sales people, but getting there is hardwork. Once you start knocking it off like it's a habit, then you'll wonder where it has been all this time. In the end, you'll be happier with yourself and your life, because while 1 woman can please you for a short-time, having that skill will please you for a lifetime.
End.
A-Unit