Stop overthinking

[crashdietguy]

hey DJs

I'm a HS senior and I have a problem: I'm thinking too much. I just can't get out of my head. I'm getting involved with this girl and I know she's into me (smiles, eye contact, always where I am etc.) but we're both kinda shy. I always start the conversations, but they trail off quickly because I analyze everything I say. Outside I'm projecting that I'm chilled out (leaning back, slow breathing, no jerky movement) but inside my heart and mind is racing. I know you're supposed to focus on your surroundings, to live outside your head, but I don't know how to do it. It seems I'm too focused on the outcome, but daaaamn this girl is gorgeous, it's hard not thinking about getting it on.

tl;dr: How do you live in the present?

 

[Bodhi]

Just do it, It may sound vague or over used but you'll agree once you do it its the only way. Don't think about the outcome, think of it more as a experiment or experience and your just doing it to see what happens. Cause in the big picture none of it will matter.

 

[eaglez1177]

hey DJs

I'm a HS senior and I have a problem: I'm thinking too much. I just can't get out of my head. I'm getting involved with this girl and I know she's into me (smiles, eye contact, always where I am etc.) but we're both kinda shy. I always start the conversations, but they trail off quickly because I analyze everything I say. Outside I'm projecting that I'm chilled out (leaning back, slow breathing, no jerky movement) but inside my heart and mind is racing. I know you're supposed to focus on your surroundings, to live outside your head, but I don't know how to do it. It seems I'm too focused on the outcome, but daaaamn this girl is gorgeous, it's hard not thinking about getting it on.

tl;dr: How do you live in the present?

Well I think the main root to this whole problem is that you're putting this girl up on a pedestal, thus you're making yourself nervous. So what if shes gorgeous. Theres millions upon millions of more gorgeous girls out there. Shes not the only one, shes not special.

When youre talkin to a girl, you cant just be thinking in your head "Ohh i really hope I can get with her, I wanna bang her soo bad".

You gotta tell yourself that shes nothing special, and just another normal girl. If you can think like that, then you'll act like she really is just another normal girl, and you're nervousness will start to go away.

I know its tough, but you just gotta be all natural when youre talking to a girl. You can come across as a robot whos just spitting out everything hes learned on this forum.

 

[crashdietguy]

Thanks for the replies guys

Yeah I'm definitely putting her on a pedestal. It's funny how it all depends on how you think and view people. I can talk forever with girls I'm not attracted to, but when it comes to this chick I'm ****blocking myself. We're chatting on Facebook and it's pretty fly (she's very serious though, doesn't flirt and tease very much, seems inexperienced). In school we usually say "Hi" and that's that; the tension is there to talk further but my mind just freezes up. I keep getting glances, she blushes etc. but I'm not man enough to act on it, dammit :box:

What are your experiences of this? How did you change your mindset to take action? I just can't seem to act.

 

[eaglez1177]

Well first off, im guessing your new here, so I highly recommend that you start out by reading the DJ Bible, or if not that, at least read the HS Bible.

The question your asking comes onto these forums almost every single day, so i'll keep my answer a little more general since ive answered this question so many times.

Its pretty much all a matter of:

-You need to be more comfortable around girls
-You need to stop caring about what girls and others think of you
-You need to just throw yourself out there and go beyond your comfort level to establish newer, more vast comfort levels.
-You need to have more confidence
-You need to identify why its so easy for you to talk to the less attractive girls, and then apply that to every other girl
-You ned to apply and actually do everything you've learned on this site in real life, rather than just simply read it all and do nothing
-And theres more that could be added to this list, but like i said, these are prolly the most general and main points.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Crashdietguy, I know exactly where you're coming from. Intellectual men tend to over think a lot. Trust me, I do it all the time.

The first step to changing this is to realize that you over think things. So, next time she walks by and your heart starts beating insanely in your chest...just stop and relax. Tell yourself that you are overreacting. When you find yourself analyzing everything you say, tell yourself that you are over-thinking.

This is called insecurity. But I think this is fantastic, because now you are aware of it!

Before I answer your big question, I want to point something out to you:

I know you're supposed to focus on your surroundings, to live outside your head, but I don't know how to do it.

This is totally not true. If you were to live outside your head, you probably wouldn't have a personality at all!

Your surroundings aren't going to get up and walk away. They'll always be there, you don't need to focus on them. To notice your surroundings would be helpful, but focusing on them is a waste of your time and energy, and usually is counterproductive.

Get this belief out of your head. That way, maybe you won't focus so much on it!

How do you live in the present?

Now to answer your question, I'm going to teach you something I learned from Dr. Paul.
There are only three ways you can live: in the past, in the present, and in the future.

In order to live in the present, you have to STOP thinking about the past and the future. If you see her and you're thinking "Wow, she's beautiful! What should I say to her??" you're actually living in the future and not in the present moment. Sure if you're an intellectual guy, you like to think before you speak. You might think of what words to use, or what might make her laugh, or if you can think of anything better to say.

If you do this....STOP doing this! To live in the present moment, you need to turn the insecure part of your brain OFF and just let it happen. Asking yourself questions inside your head can be incredibly useful sometimes, but NOT when it comes to normal conversation with a woman.

So do not, I repeat DO NOT focus on WHAT to say. Instead, focus on making her feel something. Make your focus having a pleasant conversation, maybe finding something new out about her, making her laugh or smile.

Why not focus on having fun with her!
If you strive for fun, you're going to have LOTS of fun with her.

 

[taporsnap17]

Coming from someone who's dealt with anxiety (racing thoughts) for years. The best thing thats helped me is keeping a notebook with me and writing down my thoughts when I start thinking too hard. I think it helps transfer them from your mind to a piece of paper. Hope this helps u

 

[crashdietguy]

thank you very much for the advice guys! @ I'm in the Mood, :flowers: thanks man

 

[Senor Juan]

Meditate.

 

[schoolfights]

Not sure what those glances, smiles and looks mean? This will help you learn little things that will come in handy in the future. All girls are different, so be aware of the signs.