Stood up, what went wrong?

[jonny 5ive]

Met a cute female around thanksgiving, she's into what little she knew of me and vice versa. I get her number and proceed to call her several days later.

Me: 'Sup calling to see if you want to kick it Monday
Her: Cool
Me: It's a MC Battle / Hip-Hop gathering.
Her: OMG, I would sooo love to do that, never been to anything like that before.
Me: Monday it is then.

Conversation = Short and simple

Next day (Monday) rolls by and I'm at work. I Keep my cell phone off at work every now and then, so it doesn't bother me. Anyway, She called and left an estatic message, kind of along the lines of "I can't wait/ so excited to go out tonight", "give me a call?, etc.. etc.. etc.. The message is no more than 2 hours old, before I get ready to call her back. As I get ready to call her, she calls me instead.

Me: I was just about to call you
Her: Yeah right!!!, no you weren't (she sounded serious, but I shrugged it off as if she was kidding)

Basically, she called and we discussed how/when/where we were going to meet, how she had to get ready, picking up some alcohol and she wanted to bring her friend along. Cool, I see no problem w/ that. Keep in mind she's really happy.

Since her friend was coming along, I figured I'd phone one of my boys so I can help him out in his "female situation". My homeboy comes over later, chillin, while I go off and handle some other business. Around a hour and half later I go back to get my cellphone which was with my homeboy and I see I missed my date's call, no v-mail or anything. I call back immediately to see what's up and I get no pick up. The time is starting to cut close to when we said we were going to meet, so I call again to see if everything is alright, still no pick up I just get v-mail, which I did leave messages. It's a little past the time when I was meeting her at my house, so I call and say "Kayla, don't know what's up with you and all, but i'll wait on you for about another 20 minutes and I'm leaving. If you come by and i'm gone, just call my cellphone and i'll tell you where i'm at". Time passes, still no sign of hope, so I leave and do what I had planned, only this time it's w/ my homeboy.

Next day, i'm confused as hell, so I call her, but no pick up. Later that evening I try 1 last time, but I get V-mail again. In the V-mail I just tell her that "I hope she's okay and not hurt, don't know what happened last night, but it's all good, talk to you later". That was 3 weeks ago, I haven't heard or spoken to her since (no I haven't called her at all within those 3 weeks as well, so it doesn't seem like i'm jocking her).

I've sort of moved on, but I say sort of because i've never been stood up before. It boggles my mind, of what could've possibly went wrong but the only thing I can think of is me not answering the phone immediately when she called. Because the first time I missed her call and talked to her several hours later, she sounded upset. I don't know if the second call I missed from her was my third strike, I most certainly wasn't trying to avoid her.

I kind of want to call her again, but somethings telling me not to. Just wonderin if should I pursue or just let it fly away in the breeze. (She was about an 9.0 on the scale, that's the only reason why I really care)

 

[Wong Fei Hung]

Dont call her anymore.

She is either testing you or was really stuck with something. She could have dropped her cell and didnt remembered your cell number. I dont know if you got her number is a home or cell so I asssumed it is a cell. If not cell, she has very little excuse to not call. It could have been family emergency. Who knows?

Dont act too desperate to call her. I made a mistake when I met a nice 5'6", HB 9.5 redhead. She didnt called me for a week and I left 3 messages in 3 days. 1 message a day.

Just wait, make her miss you and let her call you. Since it was 3 weeks ago, call again or forget about her for now. Call her on a private number or street phone so you can check if she is home and dont leave a message. That way you can tell if she is playing games with you.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by jonny 5ive
...It boggles my mind, of what could've possibly went wrong but the only thing I can think of is me not answering the phone immediately when she called.

That's all it took--??? If she's that touchy, you're lucky you missed that call, imo..

But follow that thought out. Let's say you answered every phone call from her before the first ring ended! You want a LTR with her conducted that way? Does "trained and whipped" mean anything to you?

Stop that line of thinking immediately.

Because the first time I missed her call and talked to her several hours later, she sounded upset.

And that's your problem? I used to assume so--it takes conscious effort to stop thinking this way.

I don't know if the second call I missed from her was my third strike, I most certainly wasn't trying to avoid her.

If the strikes come that fast and easy, you're lucky you struck out so soon so fast. It sounds like you've never encountered this before and now you're hooked, much like when a guy shows confidence and unconcern around a HB who's never really encountered that before--she comes running for it.

I kind of want to call her again, but somethings telling me not to.

Ignore that gut feeling and pay the price.

Just wonderin if should I pursue or just let it fly away in the breeze. (She was about an 9.0 on the scale, that's the only reason why I really care)

It's so hard to walk away from a tight tail and pert tyts attached to a divine face, isn't it. You have to, though..

 

[squirrels]

Just sleep on it, dude.

If she wants to get in touch, she will. In the meantime, explore some other prospects.

 

[MisterAl]

You mention that she wanted to bring a friend along. Come on, you tell her you're going to take her out somewhere, and she tells you she's bringing a friend? This makes me think that she never thought of your get-together as a date.

If something went wrong, other than just her lack of interest, it happened before she told you she was bringing a friend to your date.

I suppose this can be a reminder to be careful with your phone language to say things like "I'll pick _you_ up at..." or "I'll meet _you_ at...." when setting a date so she gets the right idea. "Kick it" doesn't have that you-and-me-alone sound.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I think your phonebehavior is lame and lack the touch of a gentleman...

first she reacted cause you used WAY too long time to call but that was okay but you should have noticed when she got worked up about it that you better show some more interest after that and you should have kept the damn cell on you...

You deserved what you got.

 

[jonny 5ive]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
I think your phonebehavior is lame and lack the touch of a gentleman...

first she reacted cause you used WAY too long time to call but that was okay but you should have noticed when she got worked up about it that you better show some more interest after that and you should have kept the damn cell on you...

You deserved what you got.

Ouch! please elaborate on how my conduct was ungentlemanlike and my phone behavior was lame. When in terms of lame, are you picking apart my use of "slang" words I used in the phone conversation. Keep in mind I just gave a generalization of the convo's and am not quoting verbatim. Also, I agree I need to be more attentive to my cellphone, but why should I have to chain myself to it for someone I barely even know, given she was fine as hell. And no I didn't wait "WAY too long" to call it was approx. 2 days.

BTW...... the friend deal was my idea when I first spoke w/ her, I kind of stated that we could hang out as a group. i.e. my friends and her friends. (My bad, I should've stated that earlier)

I appreciate the comments and advice, good looking out!!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I think you generally use that language nonetheless but what I was mainly refering to was your callback/answering after the first call when she was like "why the fvck haven't you called yet"... That should have warned you that you need to treat this girl a certain way. You should have called up faster, been abit more politer and you should have had your phone handy. She thought you were playing her.

 

[Monkey]

You didn't do a thing wrong jonny 5ive, if her interest level was anything above 1% for you she would have called back.

You just have to accept that some women are TOTALLY SCREWED UP in a way us guys could never imagine!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Wrong. I'm getting tired of that fvcked up attitude. Get it the FVCK INTO YOUR HEAD a girl with skyhigh IL won't friggin knock down your door or phone you for 1000$, she showed good IL in her reaction on the first call when she was irritated over him not having called yet...

I'm getting tired of all the socalled DJs here that don't understand how fvcked up neanderthal their behavior and views on female behavior is.

 

[Monkey]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
Wrong. I'm getting tired of that fvcked up attitude. Get it the FVCK INTO YOUR HEAD a girl with skyhigh IL won't friggin knock down your door or phone you for 1000$, she showed good IL in her reaction on the first call when she was irritated over him not having called yet...

I'm getting tired of all the socalled DJs here that don't understand how fvcked up neanderthal their behavior and views on female behavior is.

Sorry mate but I'm right about this.

Some people and especially women are simply messed up in the head. This is nothing to do with 'socalled' DJs saying this, (the title DJ means nothing to me btw) and its nothing to do with a fvcked up attitude.

Its simply that some girls can show massive interest one day, maybe they are putting it on because they enjoy the attention, then they can wake up the very next day and do a complete 180 and not give a **** about you.

Is this right? ofcourse its not but then again it happens all the time - 'one night stands' anyone?? and as I said it comes down to genuine interest.

If this girl jonny 5ive mentions had a genuine interest level in him then she would have called back, made sure she showed up, or at the very least called him the next day to apologise for the no show and arrange another date with him.

The fact hes not heard from her in 3 weeks is a clear signal that her interest in him, is/was in reality, non-existant and she was probably stringing him along all the time - it may come as a shock to you but there are women who live for this crap.

You have much to learn about women Kineti[C]harm

 

[iqqi]

i agree with the majority on this one.

Kcharm, you are setting up a pedestal for a HB, even painting it rose colored and all that sh!t. knock it off. that chic was way high maintenance, unreasonably. which probaly means pyschob!tch.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

that makes no sense at all. You aren't pedestaling her at ALL.

After the first time when she was like "why didn't you call me" how much work, energy or whatever does it take to phone her back later to make everything final. It takes NO work. Oh and btw making a girl feel good does NOT make her want you less, no it doesn't.

 

[MetalFortress]

Kinetic, are you insane? You're acting like a complete feminist lapdog telling this guy to supplicate and cater to her every whim. Whatever happened to moving on cuz she's just a nutjob and it's not fun to try with her anymore?

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by MetalFortress
Kinetic, are you insane? You're acting like a complete feminist lapdog telling this guy to supplicate and cater to her every whim. Whatever happened to moving on cuz she's just a nutjob and it's not fun to try with her anymore?

No I hate feminism... I'm just not a stupid git. I didn't tell him to keep trying with her or make her his focus. I just told him what he did wrong imo and he could still work her as a sideproject. It takes NO TIME AND NO ENERGY to get a girl interested or get her on a date. So why not?

 

[MetalFortress]

So it's his fault that she flaked like that? IMO, she would have done it anyways sooner or later even if he was "completely gentlemanly" or whatever.

 

[Walden]

From the sounds of things you had like a 30 sec convo with her and then waited a week and expected her to show up. Do you think this gves you worse odds or better odds than if you'd talked for ten minutes then arranged to meet her the day after next?

 

[Atratus]

Monkey is right: if she has high IL, she would call back.

She doesn't call back because:

1. She doesn't like how much time attention energy you've been willing to spend on her. Like walden says: 30 sec convo = no date after a week.

But that doesn't mean it's your fault. She has to communicate that to you, not flake. Her loss, not your mistake John 5. (how's your guitars lately? hehe )

2. Something went wrong at her side. That's nobody's fault. If she doesn't call - which like walden says needs only 30 sec, then things must have been REALLY hectic for her, or, again, she has low IL and/or is flakey.

Things to concern yourself with:

Are you spending too little time on girls than you want? That's the question your encounter with this girl asks you, telling from your reaction to her behaviour. Take a look at what you want, both in general AND with this particular chick. Is it ONS? LTR?

What do you use your cellphone for? If this chick expects it to be your ears away from home, and if for you it's just handy when you want/nonexistent when you want.... then there might be conflict right there. You've got to explain to her or anyone else that your cellphone is not your leash.

Kinetic:
"how much work, energy or whatever does it take to phone her back later to make everything final. It takes NO work."

That's good advice, but only if you WANT to WORK for it. So far i haven't seen any indication of that in Johnny 5's post, so i don't to think he actually WANTS to work for this girl ASIDE from what he ALREADY DID DO. And besides: if it takes NO work, she could've just cancelled --- Preferably, at a time Johnny 5ive is NOT AT WORK! So with that i'd like to offer this final piece of advice: NEXT!!!

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by Atratus
Monkey is right: if she has high IL, she would call back.

She doesn't call back because:

1. She doesn't like how much time attention energy you've been willing to spend on her. Like walden says: 30 sec convo = no date after a week.

But that doesn't mean it's your fault. She has to communicate that to you, not flake. Her loss, not your mistake John 5. (how's your guitars lately? hehe )

2. Something went wrong at her side. That's nobody's fault. If she doesn't call - which like walden says needs only 30 sec, then things must have been REALLY hectic for her, or, again, she has low IL and/or is flakey.

Things to concern yourself with:

Are you spending too little time on girls than you want? That's the question your encounter with this girl asks you, telling from your reaction to her behaviour. Take a look at what you want, both in general AND with this particular chick. Is it ONS? LTR?

What do you use your cellphone for? If this chick expects it to be your ears away from home, and if for you it's just handy when you want/nonexistent when you want.... then there might be conflict right there. You've got to explain to her or anyone else that your cellphone is not your leash.

Kinetic:
"how much work, energy or whatever does it take to phone her back later to make everything final. It takes NO work."

That's good advice, but only if you WANT to WORK for it. So far i haven't seen any indication of that in Johnny 5's post, so i don't to think he actually WANTS to work for this girl ASIDE from what he ALREADY DID DO. And besides: if it takes NO work, she could've just cancelled --- Preferably, at a time Johnny 5ive is NOT AT WORK! So with that i'd like to offer this final piece of advice: NEXT!!!

Yes he should next her now but if he wants to fvck her I'd try sending her some funny SMS in a week or two as a sideproject. The thing is that after the girl got irritated by waiting several days and thinking he would never call he should have called sooner after that which wouldn't have flaked her of most likely.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Jonny, you didn't do anything wrong so quit fretting -- this ho didn't get the "I'll call you back in two minutes after you call me" guy that she has gotten in the past (hb9's think like this) and felt disrespected that a man would neglect her for so long (being sarcastic 2 hours ain't shyt)). You didn't seem pvssy-whipped and desperate as other guys, so she saw this as a sign that you will be hard to control and was insulted by your cool. She now knows that you are too much of a man for her and one that could not be manipulated.

Personaly, i think you called her too much -- it was her duty to call you if she was late or not going to show and after 3 weeks she didn't call you? HUH? Don't you dare call her - have dignity - she is testing you to see if you cave in to her wishes as other many have done in the past. Don't give ger the satisfaction by succumbing to her beauty and losing your dignity!