Stood up by girl last night and I'm getting burnt out

Glassguy

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No offense but when this happens with every single women you interact with is say the problem isnt with them. Just my opinion.

@Glassguy, Would you continue to see the women as the issue if this happened to you with every woman you interacted with?
No. If it happens frequently then the problem isn't the woman.

At that point you have to peel the layers back on the onion. Are you getting phone numbers? Responses? Dates? 2nd dates? Sex?

Where do they pull back? Maybe the approach isnt great but looks get the digits. Maybe the guy is too available and kills her interest. Etc etc.

Flakes WILL happen if you are talking to enough women. But if they are happening frequently, it's you and not them. Something needs work.
 

marmel75

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No. If it happens frequently then the problem isn't the woman.

At that point you have to peel the layers back on the onion. Are you getting phone numbers? Responses? Dates? 2nd dates? Sex?

Where do they pull back? Maybe the approach isnt great but looks get the digits. Maybe the guy is too available and kills her interest. Etc etc.

Flakes WILL happen if you are talking to enough women. But if they are happening frequently, it's you and not them. Something needs work.
Exactly my point. OP keeps having these incidents happen but is completely unwilling to view himself as the problem. Its always the woman's fault because he is all of these great things they should want.
 

sangheilios

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Exactly my point. OP keeps having these incidents happen but is completely unwilling to view himself as the problem. Its always the woman's fault because he is all of these great things they should want.
It's my fault that a girl, who wanted to go out on a date and was texting me readily, decided to cancel a date at the very last minute?
 

marmel75

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It's my fault that a girl, who wanted to go out on a date and was texting me readily, decided to cancel a date at the very last minute?
No, it's your fault this type of thing continues to happen with every single woman you try to date. It will happen from time to time. When it happens EVERY time thats when ypu know its something you are doing that is causing it.
 

sangheilios

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No, it's your fault this type of thing continues to happen with every single woman you try to date. It will happen from time to time. When it happens EVERY time thats when ypu know its something you are doing that is causing it.
This is some woman I had spoken to for a bit and got her number from. I texted her, she texted back, we exchange a few messages, make a plan to meet at a certain place....only for her to cancel at the last minute.

I didn't do anything to cause that, and anyone who says otherwise is trolling.
 

marmel75

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This is some woman I had spoken to for a bit and got her number from. I texted her, she texted back, we exchange a few messages, make a plan to meet at a certain place....only for her to cancel at the last minute.

I didn't do anything to cause that, and anyone who says otherwise is trolling.
Individually, yes that is true. Collectively when this happens with every woman you come in contact with, that signals a problem because it shouldn't happen.

So let me ask you a question. How many times does this have to happen before you start accepting that you are the main problem in these scenarios? 100? 200? 500? 1000?

Because I can let you know this is not a normal experience for most guys. You can keep your head in the sand like an ostrich as long as you want...at some point you will have to face the cold hard facts, like it or not.
 

sangheilios

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Individually, yes that is true. Collectively when this happens with every woman you come in contact with, that signals a problem because it shouldn't happen.

So let me ask you a question. How many times does this have to happen before you start accepting that you are the main problem in these scenarios? 100? 200? 500? 1000?

Because I can let you know this is not a normal experience for most guys. You can keep your head in the sand like an ostrich as long as you want...at some point you will have to face the cold hard facts, like it or not.
I've gotten numbers that lead to no response, and others where we texted back and forth but no date was arranged. I've been ghosted before after going out on dates, getting numbers, etc. But I have never gotten a number from a woman, exchanged texts with her, easily set up a date with an arranged time and place.....only for her to cancel at the very last minute with no attempt to reschedule. This is the first time I have had that happen to me.
 

sangheilios

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Flakey behavior is often the result of an individual who has an abundance of options with little investment made in obtaining any of them. This is just as true for men as it would be for women.

Imagine a woman who has an unbelievable hankering for a piece of chocolate. In front of her is an entire bowl of M&Ms. As she grabs a few M&Ms, one drops to the floor. That woman will make no effort to invest in the energy to bend over to get that M&M because there are plenty more in the bowl right in front of her. But, if you take away that abundance, and there were only 1 M&M left in the bowl, that women just might put forth the effort to chase after that dropped M&M because there are no others so easily within reach to satisfy the craving.

Now, obviously we cannot make other men disappear to eliminate abundance in so that a woman will be enticed to put more effort into pursuing that single treat (you). However, when it comes to pick up, cold approach situations, etc., there is one element that is so often lacking in these situations. Call it the "there is something different about this guy" factor.

Imagine now that a woman has a craving for a big, fat, peanut M&M, but there is only one peanut M&M in that bowl full of regular little M&Ms. She reaches for it and it accidentally drops into her lap in between her legs. That woman is going to take a little more effort to shift herself a little to reach for and find that peanut M&M because she knows it's the only M&M from that bowl with a peanut in it.

Technically, you may be doing all of the right things to strike up rapport, get the number and set up the date, but because you are merely just another M&M in the bowl, the effort for a woman to follow through on these things will always be at a minimal level. Women in such a mindset might flake simply because their feet hurt and they don't feel like going out, or they are just having a bad hair day... stupid little things.

Maybe all you need to do is add that little peanut into your interactions.

Personality. Passion. Chemistry. Something that can give a woman the impression that "there is something different about this guy" compared to 100 other guys who are out there doing exactly the same small talk > number > date routine you are doing.

You could be sitting here on the verge of giving up when in reality you might be so close to taking things to a new level with this one small fix.

I think that's worth pursuing.
It could be that, but based upon my observations most women aren't cold approached all that often, so just by doing that it sets you apart from other guys. A good point you mentioned is that maybe at that last minute she's not really feeling like going out, so she cancels the date. Now, after interacting with the guy for a few minutes she could easily write him off, as she doesn't know all that much about him. She could say to herself that he is a player that does this with tons of other women, maybe he is creepy or weird, etc.

In this particular scenario she might have just gotten cold feet for whatever reason and just decided not to follow through. A lot of people are super flaky I've noticed so this doesn't really surprise me all that much, now that I'm more detached.
 

marmel75

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I've gotten numbers that lead to no response, and others where we texted back and forth but no date was arranged. I've been ghosted before after going out on dates, getting numbers, etc. But I have never gotten a number from a woman, exchanged texts with her, easily set up a date with an arranged time and place.....only for her to cancel at the very last minute with no attempt to reschedule. This is the first time I have had that happen to me.
This behaviour is all grouped together under the same umbrella coming from the same place.
 

sangheilios

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This behaviour is all grouped together under the same umbrella coming from the same place.
No it isn't. Cancelling a date at the very last minute is very different from just ghosting. At this point you must be trolling.
 

marmel75

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No it isn't. Cancelling a date at the very last minute is very different from just ghosting. At this point you must be trolling.
Haha...OK bro...look...all that matters is the end result of the interactions with these women. You trying to stroke your ego by saying all of these behaviours are different is ridiculous.

What is the end result that happens with these women? It seems to always be the same end result...they disappear after 0-3 interactions with you and no sex occurs.
 

sangheilios

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Haha...OK bro...look...all that matters is the end result of the interactions with these women. You trying to stroke your ego by saying all of these behaviours are different is ridiculous.

What is the end result that happens with these women? It seems to always be the same end result...they disappear after 0-3 interactions with you and no sex occurs.
How is it my fault that some woman decided to cancel the last minute when we hadn't even gone out lol.

-By chance had to interact with cute girl at lowe's, talk for a bit and decide to get her number.
- text her later, get a response, and exchange a few messages back and forth, asking what she likes to do for fun, etc.
- make plans to meet at a certain place at a certain time and mention I'll get in touch with her later that evening before I leave
- I get home, send a text saying I'll be heading out soon, start to get ready, etc.
- receive text saying she won't be able to make it out
- send text saying ok, no problem you know where to reach me

Sounds pretty normal to me, not sure where you are reading into all this.
 

sangheilios

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Your perception is not her reality.

I can assure you, any woman worth her weight in salt has been approached many times in her life.

Do you honestly think you're the only man who has ever done this with her?




You are only setting yourself apart from guys who don't approach women. Yes, you've won the day against every man who sits alone playing video games in his dark basement; against every man who looks away and keeps walking... but what are you doing to set yourself apart from every guy who approached her exactly the same way you did? That's what you're dealing with. Not the guys who shy away.
What I'm saying is not women are not necessarily approached as often as some would think, and when they are it's often done in a very poor manner. Almost every cold approach I have witnessed from other men was almost painfully awkward, creepy or bordered on literal harassment.

However, I do get what you are saying about needing to separate yourself from other men, which is why OLD is just a waste of time for the most part.
 

sangheilios

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Boring and routine can also be a nail in the coffin for a cold approach. It doesn't have to be awful.
I think being creepy or harassing a woman is far worse, but maybe that's just me.

You act as if women are cold approached constantly, it's really not as common as you think it is.
 

Trump

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You texted back and forth and asked what she does for fun.

Boring.

A million women have been asked that very question a million times.
What should he have texted her instead?
 
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