Still not over an ex, half a year later

[Egoist]

Here is the kicker: I am the one who dumped her after 6 years of a relationship because she wanted to get married and I wasn't really ready yet.

How messed up is that? I'm the one who left, and I still miss her like crazy. I've been dating, screwing, pursuing other women, but it doesnt help that much. I just realize more and more that pu$$y is just pu$$y, but quality companions are hard to find.

What makes it harder is that I don't have anything to blame her for, except wanting to get married, etc. I mean after spending all that time with me, I'd want some reassurance too if i was her. But other than that, she didnt really have any faults. Hot, smart, educated, outgoing, extremely loyal, good job, hobbies, cleans, cooks, would make a great wife/mother but at the same time takes care of herself as well.

But I didn't feel like it's time for me to settle down. I felt like it was time for me to go out and conquer the world, meet new people, find myself, all that stuff. And I'm still in process of doing all that, but I still can't get over how great she was.

So basically, I feel that I did the right thing, but at the same time feel a little sad over having to do it. I'm not scared about getting new women, but scared that I might not find someone else like that, especially in our f-d up country. Every other chick is just a potential FB to me, I haven't met any that would even come close to a relationship candidate. WTF is up with that?

And I know that FBs are great, but I just miss quality female companionship as well.

 

[Egoist]

P.S. I am still going out and meeting other women, hanging out with friends and all that too. Just doesnt seem to change things. Most women just annoy the hell out of me with their stupidity once I get past the horny part.

 

[NewMan]

But I didn't feel like it's time for me to settle down. I felt like it was time for me to go out and conquer the world, meet new people, find myself, all that stuff. And I'm still in process of doing all th

and that has not changed....

so you made the right decision.

It's time for you to accept that - and not to look back on what was or could have been - because at the end of the day - that is just a fantasy that you make up.

If you would have got married would you be happier? no.

Be a man and accept your decision and destiny.

 

[speedo_meme]

sounds to me like:

1) she was gonna dump you, you beat her to it
2) dumping a girl because she wants to get married and "you weren't ready" is the biggest load of bs i've ever heard

Did you REALLY dump her? or was her IL waning and you beat her to the punch line? I mean, will she not go out with you now? She wanted to get married but now you're wallowing in misery because you don't have her? Well, go get her....unless of course she won't take you back, like I suspected

I'm not hating man, but this situation is all too familiar with guys who don't want to admit they got dumped.

Bottom line, I've NEVER missed a girl that I dumped.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
sounds to me like:

1) she was gonna dump you, you beat her to it
2) dumping a girl because she wants to get married and "you weren't ready" is the biggest load of bs i've ever heard

Did you REALLY dump her? or was her IL waning and you beat her to the punch line? I mean, will she not go out with you now? She wanted to get married but now you're wallowing in misery because you don't have her? Well, go get her....unless of course she won't take you back, like I suspected

I'm not hating man, but this situation is all too familiar with guys who don't want to admit they got dumped.

Bottom line, I've NEVER missed a girl that I dumped.

i DUMPED her. As a matter of fact, we broke up like 2 times before that, and I was always the initiator.

Would she dump me? Maybe in a year or so. I could stretch out the whole "wait for me to make up my mind about marriage" thing almost forever. She was just sad over it, and I did not want to lead her on.

I think that I actually cared about her enough to let her go and be happy with someone else instead of leading her on when I ultimately knew that we wouldn't last if we married in our current situation.

I think thats the key here - I still think that she is almost perfect (even after all those years) and want to marry her, just AFTER i figure all my own **** out. Fun, isn't it? Yeah I know, im a little ****ed in the head like that.

Can i get her back? I don't doubt it for a second. But nothing has changed yet. It's still not time. I doubt it would work out now, for the same reasons as before. I still need to get stuff done, become more independent, etc.

Thats what makes it hard I guess. Knowing that I can have her back, but not letting myself do it.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by NewMan
and that has not changed....

so you made the right decision.

It's time for you to accept that - and not to look back on what was or could have been - because at the end of the day - that is just a fantasy that you make up.

If you would have got married would you be happier? no.

Be a man and accept your decision and destiny.

Yes, ok, on all that.

The only problem is that I still believe that she would be the ideal wife for me. And I still love her and probably always will. And I realize that now is not the tie for us to get married or anything.

So how the hell does all of that make sense?

 

[WestCoaster]

If you believe she's great

... and maybe I'm being an AFC here, approach the subject with her. If you hung around your apartment just watching Nick at Nite and not doing anything, I'd say go out and date/screw, etc., but you've DONE that.

I don't believe there's really ONE person, but millions. However, I think I blew it on a few that were marriage material, it's just I was in my 20's at the time and in no way, shape, or form ready to be married. You're still very young so I'd advise against getting married.

HOWEVER, if you truly, truly believe in your heart she would make an outstanding wife (you never know, she could change down the road), I'd approach the subject with her. If she's not willing to listen, she's not wife material.

Also, don't apologize to her, just say when you dumped her you were going in a different direction. You've gathered your thoughts -- which wouldn't have happened had you not dumped her -- and thought about you two as a couple. (Repeat: Do NOT apologize for dumping her, even when she turns on the water works.)

Compliment her on her good qualities, tell her you've done some deep thinking. If she cries, screams, and *****es at you, you've found out she's not the right one.

Might as well give it a shot instead of wondering what could be. This isn't being AFC, but checking things out. Go down the path again, call her and set a meeting time, don't tell her what you're going to talk about, she'll freeze up, just say you want to talk to her, crack a few jokes, make her relax.

Give it a shot, why not? You only live once.

* Personally I'm not for getting back together, in this instance might as well explore it ... but don't turn AFC!

 

[Egoist]

Re: If you believe she's great

Originally posted by WestCoaster
... and maybe I'm being an AFC here, approach the subject with her. If you hung around your apartment just watching Nick at Nite and not doing anything, I'd say go out and date/screw, etc., but you've DONE that.

I don't believe there's really ONE person, but millions. However, I think I blew it on a few that were marriage material, it's just I was in my 20's at the time and in no way, shape, or form ready to be married. You're still very young so I'd advise against getting married.

HOWEVER, if you truly, truly believe in your heart she would make an outstanding wife (you never know, she could change down the road), I'd approach the subject with her. If she's not willing to listen, she's not wife material.

Also, don't apologize to her, just say when you dumped her you were going in a different direction. You've gathered your thoughts -- which wouldn't have happened had you not dumped her -- and thought about you two as a couple. (Repeat: Do NOT apologize for dumping her, even when she turns on the water works.)

Compliment her on her good qualities, tell her you've done some deep thinking. If she cries, screams, and *****es at you, you've found out she's not the right one.

Might as well give it a shot instead of wondering what could be. This isn't being AFC, but checking things out. Go down the path again, call her and set a meeting time, don't tell her what you're going to talk about, she'll freeze up, just say you want to talk to her, crack a few jokes, make her relax.

Give it a shot, why not? You only live once.

* Personally I'm not for getting back together, in this instance might as well explore it ... but don't turn AFC!

Well, like i said, regardless, as much as I miss her, its not the time for us to get back together. I have completely cut off contact with her as well, otherwise we would have been back in a week.

I am pretty sure I'm just gonna hold off any contact with her as i've been doing, and keep doing my own thing. Yes I'm probably going to think about her once in a while, but thats life.

It's just funny how sometimes you're just a little screwed either way.

 

[NewMan]

Well, like i said, regardless, as much as I miss her, its not the time for us to get back together. I have completely cut off contact with her as well, otherwise we would have been back in a week

as you said - you know it is not right - and this goes a long long way to pulling you through.

the difference between the AFC and DJ - is that the DJ will follow the path because he knows it's the right thing - EVEN THOUGH IT'S PAINFULL.

Your only course of action is to suffer through - and keep moving forward.

believe me there will come a day when she is a distant (but fond) memory - and your time will come.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by NewMan


believe me there will come a day when she is a distant (but fond) memory - and your time will come.

well i sure do hope its that and not regret.

 

[NewMan]

well i sure do hope its that and not regret.

Why would you regret something you have to do?

You said it yourself.

To many guys on this board look back at their ex's (including me at one time by the way) - and see them as some kind of savior - that this chick was somehow above all other women.

What BS.

Regret would be getting married to this chick - and 10 yrs down the line - when you have 2 kids, 2 cars, and a mortgage that your trying you best to pay off - and not getting any satisfaction from your life. That's one of the reasons you left right? to discover to sow some oats - to live.

Forget this regret stuff. There are plenty of other chicks out there for you to pine over.

 

[penkitten]

if you go to her and try to get back together after six months has passed, how do you think she will react?
do you think she has moved on?
will she be sitting there watching a movie with her new "fiance" or bf when you get there to confess these feelings?
will your feelings come between them and start some big fight that bickers on for the next eleven months?

sometimes its best to remember the good memories and leave things alone and move on.

on the other hand, if she was really meant to be your girl, you could end up together again. will breaking up with her due to not wanting to committ to her make her hesistant to want to get back together with you, even if you are willing to committ this time?

none of us know what is going to happen. lots of people get second chances, and lots of women never let go of what you did to them that hurt them in the past.
i believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and i also believe that even if she was a great woman and did everything right, the timing wasnt right for you then, however i honestly dont think the timing will be right for her now. lots of souls pass other souls that could have been perfect matches however the circumstances in life keep them from truely finding out.
if you give it a go and try one more time, please keep my message in your heart so you dont get hurt if things dont work out. it wont mean shes a selfish witch who wouldnt try, it means the oppurtunity has passed. understanding that will keep away major disappointment.

just thoughts from lady whos been there and done that twice!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

For fvck sake, you're 24. You made the correct decision. You have far too much to accomplish without the burden of marital responsibilities and all of the accountability that goes with it too, much less a girlfriend. You went with your gut and you pulled the plug, good. Rid your head of this ONEitis mentality. There is no ONE, there are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Even if you bailed out of this One there are many more Ones to choose from.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
For fvck sake, you're 24. You made the correct decision. You have far too much to accomplish without the burden of marital responsibilities and all of the accountability that goes with it too, much less a girlfriend. You went with your gut and you pulled the plug, good. Rid your head of this ONEitis mentality. There is no ONE, there are some good Ones and some bad Ones, but there is no ONE. Even if you bailed out of this One there are many more Ones to choose from.

yeah, i understand it. Its just that i know that she was a really really really good one. Im sure there are other ones like her, but not that many.

**** it, like i said, im just a little sad over it now, thats all.

No change in plans, im living the **** out of my life as i was.

its just that a friend showed me a pic of her in a halloween costume and that reminded me of how unbelievably hot she was in addition to all the other BS.

Oh well. I should go **** someone just because tonight.

 

[Egoist]

Originally posted by penkitten
if you go to her and try to get back together after six months has passed, how do you think she will react?
do you think she has moved on?
will she be sitting there watching a movie with her new "fiance" or bf when you get there to confess these feelings?
will your feelings come between them and start some big fight that bickers on for the next eleven months?

sometimes its best to remember the good memories and leave things alone and move on.

on the other hand, if she was really meant to be your girl, you could end up together again. will breaking up with her due to not wanting to committ to her make her hesistant to want to get back together with you, even if you are willing to committ this time?

none of us know what is going to happen. lots of people get second chances, and lots of women never let go of what you did to them that hurt them in the past.
i believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and i also believe that even if she was a great woman and did everything right, the timing wasnt right for you then, however i honestly dont think the timing will be right for her now. lots of souls pass other souls that could have been perfect matches however the circumstances in life keep them from truely finding out.
if you give it a go and try one more time, please keep my message in your heart so you dont get hurt if things dont work out. it wont mean shes a selfish witch who wouldnt try, it means the oppurtunity has passed. understanding that will keep away major disappointment.

just thoughts from lady whos been there and done that twice!

yeah, you just reiterated my feelings again in terms of timing and all that.

but yeah, if i wanted to have her back, i could have her back, i don't care if she was getting ready to be married, it would be over in a second.

and no, im not ****y at all.

 

[penkitten]

Originally posted by Egoist
yeah, you just reiterated my feelings again in terms of timing and all that.

but yeah, if i wanted to have her back, i could have her back, i don't care if she was getting ready to be married, it would be over in a second.

and no, im not ****y at all.

i never called you ****y, i just wanted you to really question if that is what you really wanted to do or just a moment that would pass. thats all.

 

[Egoist]

good job missing the joke

 

[penkitten]

hahaha i wasnt sure
sometimes its hard to catch them online hahahaha

 

[PRMoon]

Don't question it.

Just pictuing yourself married to someone isn't enough to warrent such deep regret and remorse. If you broke up with her then there has to be a reason for it, maybe you haven't done enough self discovery and need to find out exactly who you are as well before you commit to share your life with someone else.

Acknowledge your feelings but also realize that we live in a relatively large and open world and there are things out there that may change your mind about things that you thought were set in stone. Conversely there are also things in the world that can sure up your views on other other topics.

It sounds to me that some where along the line your emotional attachment to this girl built itself to a point where it's very safe an familier so new things (that are doubtlessly as nice if not better) don't really get a chance because of these ties. I'm all for emotion but I also know that sometimes it becomes necessary for you to fight your emotions and use your head.