Still a bit awkward with GF of 3 months, should I bring this up?

[Fela Kuti]

Hello,

I've been with this girl for over 3 months and we care for each other so much. One thing that's been bothering me is that our conversations are sometimes awkward, with not-so-comfortable silences. Phone conversation is almost non-existent as I prefer texting. I'm a shy, quiet guy and not a good conversationalist. This makes me insecure because she's very talkative with her friends and I'm afraid she'll become bored in the long run. Do you think I should bring this up to her, like "does it bother you that our conversations are not as great as it should be?" Or would that make me look insecure and damage her interest?

 

[fastlife]

Don't bring it up--and never apologize for being who you are. She chose to be with you out of all the extroverted, talkative people out there.

There's no such thing as awkward silence--just people who feel awkward during silence. You need to make the effort to feel comfortable with yourself and to focus on whether a girl is a good fit for you instead of worrying whether or not you're being a good fit for them. If you make an effort to improve yourself as a conversationalist, do it because that's what you want for you and not because you think it'll keep some girl around longer.

 

[NSX-R]

Do what makes you feel good not the opposite.If she's not happy with your happiness ,she's not the one for you .

 

[dustmuffin]

Don't try to mold yourself into what you think she wants. That is a recepie for disaster. Be you. If you want to be more social just do it for you. Don't tell her anything.

 

[El Payaso]

Smh. Don't. Just don't.

 

[Fela Kuti]

Actually there's many things I'd like to talk about, like current affairs and some serious ****, but I know she's not into that, at least not yet. I'm afraid it'd lose her and kill the mood. Maybe I should just go ahead and talk about what I like?

 

[FCB]

Talk about what you like, and as long as you aren't always talkinga bout current affairs and serious **** and killing the fun you should be fine, that shows high value if its in doses. Read up on conversation skills and find ways to practice, but do it for yourself and don't force it that will come off worse.

 

[Trump]

Hello,

I've been with this girl for over 3 months and we care for each other so much. One thing that's been bothering me is that our conversations are sometimes awkward, with not-so-comfortable silences. Phone conversation is almost non-existent as I prefer texting. I'm a shy, quiet guy and not a good conversationalist. This makes me insecure because she's very talkative with her friends and I'm afraid she'll become bored in the long run. Do you think I should bring this up to her, like "does it bother you that our conversations are not as great as it should be?" Or would that make me look insecure and damage her interest?

LOL. That's like a comedian telling the audience "Why aren't you laughing, that joke was funny!"

Why don't you just figure out what she talks about with her friends, and talk about the same thing. Man, you guys make this like rocket science when you sleep with girls.

 

[PowerAbuse]

Apparently no one has asked this, but it's a super simple question that will reveal a lot about your relationship.

OP: Have you fvcked her brains out yet?

If no, then how is she your girlfriend... quit being a sissy and do it already. Personally I don't understand how you can be shy and insecure if you're fvcking her well. She would be the one insecure about losing you.

If yes, then stop making love and fvck her like a man.

Stop acting like you're being the woman in the relationship and following her every emotion, move etc.

Just do you, fvck her, and any awkwardness will be gone. Any time you feel awkward just kiss her.

 

[macallik]

Actually there's many things I'd like to talk about, like current affairs and some serious ****, but I know she's not into that, at least not yet. I'm afraid it'd lose her and kill the mood. Maybe I should just go ahead and talk about what I like?

If you want to talk about her about a lot of stuff you have to be genuinely curious about her and use her responses to lead the conversation. As an analogy, if you were trying to have a discussion on the Syrian refugee crisis, you wouldn't explain it based on what happened in the news today, because you know there is a history that creates a context that allows understanding. At the same time, your gf is not simply the person you see today... she is a person who was shaped and molded by decision, interactions, environments, etc. Just like there are layers to politics and the news, there are layers to her that make for great conversation. Being interested in explaining who she is as a person (even if you are just explaining it to yourself internally) should allow you to lead to more in-depth conversations and rapport.

Speaking of which... no, you shouldn't change yourself just to please a girl. But with that said, being a poor conversationalist is something that is not a good trait to have in general. I do not like how a lot of posters suggest that being a better conversationalist is something that is only good for this individual woman and so you shouldn't do it at all. Someone suggested having good sex will resolve everything but they are wrong. If this is your girlfriend, one hour of good sex won't gloss over the 23 hours of the day where you guys have nothing to talk about. Here are some interesting threads that I have subscribed to over the years that stand out above the rest:

Seductive Conversation by xblitz44x
Eliciting Values by Awkward
How to be a good conversationalist by Poet

One other thing I want to point out is that if you have many topics that you are really interested in and would like to talk about but you know she isn't interested in, I would question how compatible you two are.

 

[Serenity]

If you've been like that the entire time you've been together she likes you as you are. That doesn't mean you can't talk more, but you don't HAVE to talk more. Talking without actually having anything worth talking about and being worried you're not talking enough will probably be more awkward than not saying anything.

In my relationship it's opposite, I talk more than my girlfriend in social situations. I don't become bored of her, she chooses how much she wants to talk and I don't want to pressure her. I don't expect her to entertain me with empty talk, often we can enjoy being together without saying anything. When we do talk it's mostly either to make plans, intimate conversations or generally important things to talk about when in a relationship.

Your girlfriend may not have the same perspective on your conversations that you have. You may be too caught up in how a conversation "should" be, think about how ridicoulous that actually is. Talking is one of several ways of expressing who you are and what you're about, don't try being someone you're not. She may actually like you for not having the need to endlessly talk, that sure is something I find relaxing with my girlfriend. She doesn't mind having some quiet time, often it even brings us closer as we start touching and cuddling instead of talking.

Simply stop worrying. It's also worth noting that people talking a lot can be really boring as well.

 

[RecoveringNiceGuy]

OP, do you really want to spend your entire life being someone you're not? Of course not. Just be yourself. Some people will like you and some won't. If you want to improve your social skills that's great, but do it because it's what you want. If you do it because you think she wants you to she will pick up on that, even if it's subconsciously. Women are not attracted to guys who try to please other people, they're attracted to confident and assertive guys who make their life what they want it to be.

If you feel the need to discuss your shortcomings and need for improvement, then that's what a best friend or mentor is for. Don't talk about that with your girlfriend unless it's something she is going to be a part of, like if you guys go to a social event or an improv class together. If you do talk about it, it should be in a confident and positive way. "I went to this improv class and it was a blast and I learned a lot, you should come" not "well I feel I'm terrible conversation and I wanted to get better at it so you'll be more attracted to me". See the difference?

 

[Julian]

3 months is still new...I had awkward moments even after 6 months (she wouldnt take a **** around me lol...alot of girls are like that).

Bro this is basic 101, just ask her questions. I have a set list I go through and honestly im in my own thoughts mostly anyway.

- how was your day
- oh did you like that?
- cool whats new in your world (my fave)
- yeah same here, whats on your mind about right now the most?
- how do you feel about that?
-blablabla

 

[Fela Kuti]

wow, I can't thank you guys enough for the replies. tremendous insights from everyone!

3 months is still new...I had awkward moments even after 6 months (she wouldnt take a **** around me lol...alot of girls are like that).

Bro this is basic 101, just ask her questions. I have a set list I go through and honestly im in my own thoughts mostly anyway.

- how was your day
- oh did you like that?
- cool whats new in your world (my fave)
- yeah same here, whats on your mind about right now the most?
- how do you feel about that?
-blablabla

Sure, those questions come up in my mind but I'm sometimes afraid they'd sound boring and/or stilted. I know, this is my flaw, I should realize that those kinds of questions could lead to deeper conversations. And I should know that not all conversations have to be about deep-ass ****. Thanks, man.

 

[dustmuffin]

wow, I can't thank you guys enough for the replies. tremendous insights from everyone!



Sure, those questions come up in my mind but I'm sometimes afraid they'd sound boring and/or stilted. I know, this is my flaw, I should realize that those kinds of questions could lead to deeper conversations. And I should know that not all conversations have to be about deep-ass ****. Thanks, man.

Women love to talk about themselves. They love the attention!