Stepping up to a full Alpha...

[MtnMan]

*caution rambling ahead*

Recently I was dumped by my woman and fiance of 7 years. It sucked, but honestly not as bad as one might think. I've gone out, gotten some new clothes, started working out at home (i am really active anyway, but a few weights and crunches really makes a noticeable difference in my muscle tone and subsequent attitude)

I feel like I am really pretty boss in a lot of areas of my life. I have a kickass house and land, built my own workshop (I am a mechanic/fabricator as a hobby), built several insanely fast cars that got some national attention, raced dirt bikes successfully, taught myself to play guitar pretty well etc etc. Basically I have succeeded at pretty much all the things I daydreamed about as a kid, and that feels great.

But there is one area where I am lacking, and that is women (shocker).

I've been reading "The Rational Male". I only just begun yesterday, but its already getting my brain in gear. The forward of the book is basically a warning that the book may be offensive and challenge the readers beliefs to their core. I have been having the opposite reaction to it. If anything, its validating stuff that I already believe. I've always half jokingly stated that "I support traditional gender roles".

Anyways, as I was reading the alpha and beta chapters I really started thinking....I am pretty much an alpha, but I'm like 75% complete. In social situations where I know a few people I am often on fire. I can make the whole room laugh, chicks pay attention to me, dudes respect me. I was at a house party last night with a bunch of dudes that know me through the local car community, and know of the stuff I have built. This gives me inherent respect with those people, and their women instinctively show it to me. I find pretty much any time I have been killing it with the ladies has been where people know me from elsewhere and already have that inherent respect for me. It allows me to open up, be ****y and funny, give people $hit and basically not give a fvck. It feels awesome, and it has worked for me with women a few times.

The problem is, I have not figured out how to translate that into situations where I am not well known, or where I feel like I don't have any preconceived notions of dominance to ride on. I am basically a complete beta in a bar or club unless there is a group of people that already know me. The strangest thing is my friends girlfriends often flirt with me pretty hard. I think its because their dudes respect me for one of my talents and that is attractive.

So the question I pose, how the hell to I teach myself to exude this confidence in a room full of strangers? That will be my biggest challenge. I'm pretty shy at first, and find even little things eye contact with strangers of both sexes seems to be hard for me.

I have already figured out it helps to dress better, work out, and basically get more excited about the hobbies I already have. Just telling myself that I kick ass at a bunch of stuff instantly makes me feel more like an alpha. Its that first step of approaching a strange woman that stops me dead in my tracks. WTF? How can I harness my inner alpha and translate that into the rest of my life? I know its there, I've always been known as a badass, smart, independent, risktaker, funny, handsome dude. I've got 75% of what I need! How to I get the rest?

Sorry for the ramble, I tried to have this conversation last night with a good friend of mine, but his chick kept interrupting and trying to get me to analyze their relationship. She tries very hard to hold him down, and I can feel he is about to break the chains and move on. The talk of feminized culture was making her squirm!

 

[Tictac]

Learn the difference between rapport and attraction. They are very different things. It's a key distinction that many in the seduction community don't get. It sounds like you've got rapport pretty much handled.

You need both rapport and attraction. But attraction is what's needed to pull women and keep their attention. And it is very much learnable.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Tictac, would you care to elaborate? You make a great point, and since you're obviously very aware of the difference it may help others here to read your thoughts.

 

[Tictac]

Seems to me that many guys assume that if they're getting along with a woman that they're 'golden'. I've found that not to be the case. It's all well and good if you find things to talk about, she laughs at your jokes and such. But.... that's mostly rapport. You get along. So far, so good.

Attraction is when she's interested in you as a date or for a 'relationship' or even sex. Attraction seems to be related to rapport but is in no way dependent on it.

Using DJ theory, rapport works in the developed brain - civilized people relating to each other over drinks, talking, joking... relating. Meanwhile, attraction works from the 'lizard brain' - (what women all seem to call 'chemistry'). To be blunt, it's what gets her panties wet - and what everyone here wants to do with the women they target.

The signs that rapport is going okay are diffuse and social - smiles, comfort and so on.

The signs that attraction is going okay are direct but very subtle - body language and person-to-person seductive signaling that most good DJs write about.

I think I see this in most good writing here - Rollo, Pook, Jophil... And it's missing from most other writing here.

Just saying that rapport does not equal attraction (nor attraction rapport), they are two different things and that just because you're doing one, you may miss the other completely.

 

[BeDJ]

Learn the difference between rapport and attraction. They are very different things. It's a key distinction that many in the seduction community don't get. It sounds like you've got rapport pretty much handled.

You need both rapport and attraction. But attraction is what's needed to pull women and keep their attention. And it is very much learnable.

Bingo. I need to improve on the Attraction phase.

Being on SoSuave, I had a negative perception of PUA and my mind was closed to their tactics. We can chuckle about these RSD guys 'going out 7 days a week,' but they can be doing the same with our in-depth 'Alpha Fux Betas Bux' discussion.

I would get lucky to have rapport transition to seduction, but it rarely happens. I recently had a friend summarize The Game by Neil Strauss for me and it made a lot of sense. In my recent exposure to my buddy's PUA mindset vs. my DJ mindset, it was almost night and day. Before, I would throw bait out to gauge her fvck-o-meter. I never understood the mechanics behind seduction. Being on SoSuave, you develop this mentality: If she wants to fvck, she will fvck. It's true. I may be a dreamer to think we can influence a neutral prospect to be interested via seduction. I'll test it out.

Back to the seduction/attraction phase to gain attention. I was telling my friend what I was doing and most of the time he would say "That's what Neil Strauss/Mystery/Durden talks about when he says....." Holy sh!t these PUA guys have a word for EVERYTHING.

Threading

This is the process of telling a story by 'get distracted' by something within the story to create another story. You replicate it, like Inception. What this does is makes your prospect wanting to know how the story ends because that's satisfying. Remember watching a movie that ends abruptly? You think WTF?

Inclusion

When I approach a group, I talk to the guys first. The fatties second. The ugly ones third. Bare with me man, I'm not a filthy gay fvcker. I usually ignore the ones I'm trying to go after. This works wonders where you have the attention of the group, you disarm their defenses and you make your prospects WANT attention. Simple enough for me. However, my friend bring a new light - Your prospect will feel comfortable being ISOLATED because you have just been validated by her entire group of friends. I did this last night, but my target was getting married. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? JUST REJECT ME SO I CAN HIT ON YOUR OTHER 3 FRIENDS. All of them Turn. Out. To Be. Single.

NLP

It works. I went to a NLP workshop a couple of years ago and the speaker had women crying through his words. My friend sums it up as - whenever you produce the wanted emotion from you prospect you do an action. Ask her a rhetorical 'yes' question and scratch you ear. Eventually you ask 'Let's go back to my place' while scratching your ear and she is more likely to say Yes.

Disqualification

I can see this working with the better looking women. My friend attests that it worked on all his sets last night. I may have used this technique subtly without knowing it. "Wow, I don't see this relationship working out." You plant this seed of doubt in her head and made her think "WHAT DID HE SAY?" It relates to NEGS where she has that "WDHS?" reaction, BUT you MUST follow up after a neg like it never happened. There is a difference between "WDHS?" and "What. Did. He. Say?" Don't let her think twice about it.

Your Reality

Basically women must buy into your world. I call it Dominance. We opened 3 chicks from the street and I asked them - should we go to X or Y bar? After one of them responded, I simply said "Let's go." They followed. They were buying into My Reality.

"Our World" Conspiracy

I don't know if this is the term, but my friend mentioned it. You basically create an Us VS. Them mentality with your prospect. One example - I told the chick, "It's a sausagefest in here, bet you are getting hit on all night." Some banter and I told her "I've been getting free drinks from granny cougars all night, gotta be careful not to catch Osteoporosis." THANK YOU JOPHIL. That line works amazingly too well, I always try to sneak it in every chance I get. So. You created a world where you and your prospect shares. Once you have that world, it is easy to run seduction on her.

I thought I was doing okay with women, but there is so much I can learn. There is so much I don't know. There is so much I want to know.

 

[MtnMan]

you guys are talking so far out of my league, its not even funny. Excellent information though. I am so far behind all of this stuff. I basically have to start at square 1 like I was in middle school all over again.

 

[BeDJ]

you guys are talking so far out of my league, its not even funny. Excellent information though. I am so far behind all of this stuff. I basically have to start at square 1 like I was in middle school all over again.

You are not as far behind as you think. In your original post, you seem to be the type to pick things up quick. My room mate has never made an approach with a stranger before meeting me. I took him out twice and he improved 50-fold.

Nobody is comfortable talking to strangers. Nobody wants to approach people they don't know. You fvcking just have to do it. There's no way around it. There's no easy way. Rejection's a b!tch, but make it your b!tch.

Have a strong self image. Look in the mirror. It's YOU. It's that fvcker looking back at you. That is your self image. Whatever you see, you feel, you think, you express to the world.

:rockon::rockon::rockon:

 

[MtnMan]

thanks for the kind words of advice. I know that I can figure this one out. I think the reality is I started trying to jump into it a bit ahead. I still am not over my ex, although making good progress. I started working out more and getting more exercise which also helps with the self confidence as does a new wardrobe. But I know to really start learning I must get out there and try it out (and fail too). Should be fun though, its pretty exciting.

 

[Tictac]

PPRF,

Initiate, isolate, escalate is the game to be sure. As is gently pushing and pulling interactions, playful 'negging' and the full bag of tricks.

I liked your visualization - take it by taking charge.

 

[Colossus]

MtnMan:

You are a "situational alpha". That is not the same as a personality alpha, but I think you are getting too caught up in these labels. Most guys do and I think it hamstrings their game because they end up obsessing about what looks alpha/what looks beta....which just puts off a transparent and insecure vibe.

You just aren't comfortable around strangers and with going out beyond your comfort group. You have no natural confidence in this area. Personally I don't think that going out to bars and such is the best way to meet quality women, but it can help with approach skills, which will in turn help with your confidence and general presence.

I'd suggest getting on an approach plan (like 5 a week, or 1 a day), and stick to it no matter how uncomfortable.

 

[MtnMan]

MtnMan:

You are a "situational alpha". That is not the same as a personality alpha, but I think you are getting too caught up in these labels. Most guys do and I think it hamstrings their game because they end up obsessing about what looks alpha/what looks beta....which just puts off a transparent and insecure vibe.

You just aren't comfortable around strangers and with going out beyond your comfort group. You have no natural confidence in this area. Personally I don't think that going out to bars and such is the best way to meet quality women, but it can help with approach skills, which will in turn help with your confidence and general presence.

I'd suggest getting on an approach plan (like 5 a week, or 1 a day), and stick to it no matter how uncomfortable.

Excellent advise. You are right, I am not comfortable around strangers, but I have had instances of "fake it til you make it" that worked out well. I used to travel for work all over the carribean and I would just eat at a little bar and strike up conversation with whoever.
I do need an approach plan for sure. I have started by simply being more friendly to the normal people I interact with (waitresses, store clerks etc). I have been forcing myself to make real eye contact and smile and it always produces results. Next step is a big one, and that is an approach plan like you said.

 

[potato]

…The problem is, I have not figured out how to translate that into situations where I am not well known, or where I feel like I don't have any preconceived notions of dominance to ride on….
… I'm pretty shy at first, and find even little things eye contact with strangers of both sexes seems to be hard for me…

Eye contact is very important – something that you should work on. Here is an exercise that you might try. Go out for a walk, at a place where other people go. As you pass others look them in the eyes and say “hi”. The more you do this the easier it becomes. Get comfortable doing this with random people you pass on your walks and then move to social settings where the people aren't just passing by but staying put. Work at this long enough and you’ll find that by looking people in the eye with a little smile most of the reactions will be positive – even with total strangers.

 

[MtnMan]

Excellent idea. I think I am going to go into town this weekend bring my dogs and just walk down the bike path where there are always tons of people and try this out. Bonus, dogs are also good convo starters.

 

[Don_Dom]

You're going to be fine, bro. Sounds like you have a lot going for you and are a smart, self aware guy. Just a matter of getting your head around game and practice.

What ever happened with the horse?

 

[MtnMan]

You're going to be fine, bro. Sounds like you have a lot going for you and are a smart, self aware guy. Just a matter of getting your head around game and practice.

What ever happened with the horse?

My ex actually found a place for them and her cat without me being a **** about it. Horses are moving out February 1st (have to wait for a spot to open in a boarding barn). So that is good.

The problem is I have been trying to go as much NC as I can but since there is logistics to work out with the animals, she contacts me once or twice a week. Since I turned off the emotional tap, she has gotten more needy. Its actually kind of fun to watch, but I would rather she just went away!
For example, she sends me an email that is all business, related to when the horses are going to be moved out, but ends it with "P.S. I really miss talking to you."

 

[MtnMan]

I was so close to responding
P.S. "I really miss fvcking you"

 

[Julian]

Thats awesome stuff just remember to COME ORIGINAL...dont be copy and pasting lines you read online...it just comes off rehearsed I guess...I always try to freestyle off the top whatever is going on, never use a pre thought out line. I speak in the moment always.