Staying away

[becker]

What do you all think is too much time to be around a girl? This girl I've been hanging out with who has a BF just spent some time with me today, and I was thinking about hanging out with her again tomorrow, although it seems like it would be too much to see each other twice in 2 days. I don't mind, but as far as the way attraction works, it seems like it would be better if she didn't see me that much.

It's difficult to follow any of these types of guidelines since I feel that you should be able to see a girl as many times as you want in as little time as you'd like. I really enjoy this girl's company, and she'll be gone for 2 weeks after tomorrow. I can still stop by her place tomorrow, but I also don't want to seem like some stalker or something.

How long do you guys normally stay away before seeing a girl again?

 

[tiburon]

READ THE BIBLE

man you need to see her atmost once per week if you dont have a foot in yet...thats atmost..but what are you doing with a girl with a BF. Man lets say you get her...and you save that man from marrying a slut..are you going to marry her..realize that what she does to him she wil do to you..and what comes around goes around.

Tiburon

 

[becker]

Tiburon, I totally understand what you're saying and it's a good point.

However, in this situation, this girl is shy and as far as her cheating on her BF, I don't see it happening. The only way I see her going to someone else is if she breaks it off with the BF.

To me, there's nothing wrong with a girl breaking up with her BF if she finds someone better than him. I think it would be naive to think that even if a girl is with her BF for 5 years, she should be with him for the rest of her life even though she has found someone who is more compatible with her. Even if she were married, that's probably why people divorce. The only exception I could think of is when children are in the picture, because then the decision to break up doesn't only affect you and her.

For example, my last GF and I had nothing in common yet we went out for a year. It was a crappy relationship based a lot on physical attraction perhaps more than anything. Trying to keep the relationship was like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. We were like oil and water, yet we were together for over a year. We made the best move by breaking up, and I was the one who broke it off. Part of the reason why I was motivated to break up with her was that I knew other women as friends who I got along better with and had much more to talk about than I did with my own GF. I never cheated on my GF, but I started wondering why we were together at all. There's something wrong with that picture and I think you just have to get out.

Anyways, I think that girls w/ BFs are not automatically out of the picture, and not all of these girls will just jump on every guy they like. There has to be many good reasons to leave their current relationship, and if there are such reasons, I actually think it's smarter that they leave their BFs. Even if I were the BF being dumped, I'd agree, and it's also a reason why it's so difficult to look for other girls just because a girl you found that has a ton in common with you has a BF, since it is so much easier to know a girl with such interests than it is to search for one. Having time to do it is also a problem.

 

[NewMan]

You serious..?

Becker,

I have to say this.


Any woman thats in an LTR, that then spends her time hanging out with a single guy, on a regular basis is not worth your time.

Let's say she is unhappy in her relationship - then she should get the hell out. Otherwise, she's just looking for some other shmuck to hook up tom so that she will not be alone.

LEt's say you are more fun than her current BF. Is the fun going to last? no. You will have up's and down's in your relationship - do you want to be with a girl, that is going to hang out with single guy's, on a regualr basis? as soon as you and this girl go through a bad patch (and you will) - what will happen? chances are she'll run off with this other guy - why? for the same reason she ran off with you.

I have no idea why guys want to take another'a GF. Do you really want a girl like that? Do you want a girl that will so easily dump a current boyfriend for another guy? Perhaps if you just want to fvck her? but what comes around, goes around

 

[becker]

Re: You serious..?

Originally posted by NewMan
Becker,

I have to say this.


Any woman thats in an LTR, that then spends her time hanging out with a single guy, on a regular basis is not worth your time.

Let's say she is unhappy in her relationship - then she should get the hell out. Otherwise, she's just looking for some other shmuck to hook up tom so that she will not be alone.

LEt's say you are more fun than her current BF. Is the fun going to last? no. You will have up's and down's in your relationship - do you want to be with a girl, that is going to hang out with single guy's, on a regualr basis? as soon as you and this girl go through a bad patch (and you will) - what will happen? chances are she'll run off with this other guy - why? for the same reason she ran off with you.

I have no idea why guys want to take another'a GF. Do you really want a girl like that? Do you want a girl that will so easily dump a current boyfriend for another guy? Perhaps if you just want to fvck her? but what comes around, goes around

NewMan, you and tiburon have the exact same views, it's amazing I understand the whole "what goes around, comes around" thing, but this is not one of those situations.

Anyways, I appreciate the post. The thing is that this girl does not hang around other guys except for me, and even with me, it's not like she and I hang out everyday. I saw her once in the last 3 weeks, and spoke on the phone a few times, that's it. Before that, I saw her 5 times a week because of class and she sat next to me. I have known her for 3 years and she is a very loyal, and definitely not the type to have guy friends left and right. In the last 3 years I knew her, she had like 1 female friend she hung around with constantly, and no guys. I think this situation isn't as bad as you might be thinking, since it seems like you are visualizing this girl as one of those girls who has a BF then has like 3 guys over at her house when he's not around, all who she calls "friends". That's not the case here.

 

[echo1212]

But the question remains why are you spending such time and effort on a girl-no matter how attractive you find her to be-when as of right now she has no intention of leaving her guy and being with you? Why when there are lots and lots of single attractive woman out there to date? You have been writing about this girl quite a lot lately, so its obvious you are oneitising on her-be a friend to her if need be and MAYBEEEE someday when /if they break up you can then date. But dont obsess over this one girl, trust me things like hardly ever work out.

 

[NewMan]

Becker,

Does it matter if your seeing her once a week or 5 times a week.

No matter, the fact of the matter is, she has a BF. Move on, be her friend if you must, but stop it. I know it's not something your going to do, but something that starts like this is only trouble for you.

If it wasn't you it would be some other guy.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by NewMan
Becker,

Does it matter if your seeing her once a week or 5 times a week.

No matter, the fact of the matter is, she has a BF. Move on, be her friend if you must, but stop it. I know it's not something your going to do, but something that starts like this is only trouble for you.

If it wasn't you it would be some other guy.

NewMan and echo1212, thanks for the advice, you guys are most likely right, and I'm just stuck in semi-one-itis stage right now, although I'm not cutting off contact with other women because of this girl. I just want to keep her in my life and not lose touch, that's all. You know how people tend to drift apart if there is not enough contact for a long period. That's mainly what I'd like to avoid. Whether it becomes more is another story to be told later if it is ever told at all.

As long as I don't get one-itis, I should be ok, but I definitely understand the possible consequences of what I'm doing. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. What do you think I should do to stay in contact then? All I can do is call her, because I won't see her otherwise.

 

[Reto]

This is a case of one-itis brewing. You'll become her emotional tampon and never get any...What a good friend you'll be...

Don't do it....Run!!!

 

[becker]

I know what you guys are saying, and I've been in this situation before, so I know how bad it can be. This situation is not as bad since I've learned my lesson from the last time this has happened (if you saw the crap that I went through before with my last one-itis, you'd want to shoot me to put me out of my misery).

Anyways, this whole thing is not going to happen at all and I'm not going to even know if she's truly interested in me and that she's just holding back unless I'm around her a bit more (by a bit more, I mean as compared to never being around her at all). Once a week is fine, but never is not going to get me anywhere.

I have to say that this girl is definitely everything I'd look for in a girl, and to not even try to see if she's interested in me would be a total crime. I have met girls like her in the past and just as hot, but not quite the same in terms of how we see things eye-to-eye.

We'll see. I have 2 weeks of no contact with her, and after she gets back, I'm likely only going to see her once a week or so. In the meantime, I'll certainly be looking at other women, but I'm a bit tired of the dating scene.