Stay mysterious.. riite... but how?

[arq-dj1]

I mean, it's easy to keep the mystery when it's all new and fresh (hehe) with a new girl..
my point is, when u get a gf and start talking about stuff (any), inevitably u will talk about yourself...

so, the major aspect of being mysterious is being unpredictable?

ty for the replys =)

 

[Jack McCrack]

Just avoid revealing too much about yourself.

Give broad answers, or some ****y and funny ones.

If she asks a question, throw her a curve and say "I don't know.....you might be a stalker" etc.

 

[guittarjedi]

That's what I don't understand. How are we supposed to carry on a conversation and create rapport without revealing anything about ourselves. Talking about ourselves can provide alot of conversational fuel.

 

[Desdinova]

Being mysterious is great STRs and attracting women in general. However, when you enter a LTR, the mysterious thing doesn't work anymore. Replace being mysterious with being spontaneous.

Being spontaneous in a LTR will give you the same results as being mysterious in a STR.

 

[Kaine]

1) Don't give a straight answer

2) Don't give out information without been asked

3) Don't go into details

4) If you don't want to talk about something, say so

5) Be selective on the information you divulge about yourself

Work flexibly around these guidelines

Kaine

 

[Tha Realnezz]

Nah man.

Mystery doesn't work cuz most women are prima-donnas who need to be the object of your desires.

Notice how being myseterious will get you more signals but less actual approaches from women.

I say keep your mouth shut when there's comp around.

 

[Disconnect]

Originally posted by Kaine
1) Don't give a straight answer

2) Don't give out information without been asked

3) Don't go into details

4) If you don't want to talk about something, say so

5) Be selective on the information you divulge about yourself

Work flexibly around these guidelines

Kaine

Paraphrasing the bible?

This stuff works on a first few dates, but you cant stick to this if you are dating this girl for a while. I am assuming that is the basis of your question, arq.

Actions speak louder than words. Thus, you are correct in a way. Unpredictability creates mystery. Also, lack of contact creates mystery. Go without calling or seeing her for a week. She ll wonder what you ve been up to. Does she have to know your friends? No. My gf of 6 months doesnt know most of my friends or girlfriends. All she knows is that they're hot Keeps her on her toes lol

Yeah, be spontaneous. I find that in an LTR, it's not as much a matter of mystery as it is of variation. It's too easy to fall into a routine. I mean the places you go to, the things you do, the food you eat; hell, the positions in which you do her! Variation is the key. Otherwise, things get stale.

my point is, when u get a gf and start talking about stuff (any), inevitably u will talk about yourself...

So what? Don't be afraid of talking about yourself. Just make sure you have stuff to talk about (read: Have a life 8)) There are no set rules on how to behave. You're right, you need to identify with her somehow, create rapport, and you have to do that by talking about yourself. Its impossible not to. Also, the more she knows you, the more comfortable she feels around you.

I'm assuming you have a gf. If the girl in question is not your gf, then all I written does not apply. Either make a move fast, or stop giving out too much info about yourself. I made this mistake: I was djing this chick from 2 grades below. But I did not make any moves on her because I was in an ltr. She was head over heels into me for a few weeks, but then got bored and moved on.

 

[Panda 2000]

Wear a cylinder hat at all times and refuse to explain why you're doing so. It drives the chicks crazy.

 

[MetalFortress]

Don't get so caught up in mystery. Just do what you feel like.

 

[arq-dj1]

great replys, they really cleared some things for me...
im not in a LTR yet... but hey, 3 days ago i asked myself why shouldn't I date her more seriously, and i couldn't come up with any subject that can awnser the question...

My life is very filled, i live in Brazil, im takin' economics and working (trainee, internal).. im learning some guitar and im trying to keep my kung fu up to date ..

I think i know what I want, so following the advices from the biblie, i guess im in the right track...


I've dated her 2 times, but it felt more like 4, dun know why... things are moving fast, still im gonna slow down and have fun until it gets more LTR...

thx for the replys guys, very helpful indeed

one more thing, should i call her on new years eve? i know, do what u feel like doin', yet i would like some comments on that...

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by Desdinova
Being mysterious is great STRs and attracting women in general. However, when you enter a LTR, the mysterious thing doesn't work anymore. Replace being mysterious with being spontaneous.

Being spontaneous in a LTR will give you the same results as being mysterious in a STR.

great point bro...

 

[myfriendblu]

Here is the thing - I don't believe you can truly "fake" being mysterious. You gotta kinda be, well, mysterious. Only way to do that is well, become it. And what is mysterious really about? I think it basically boils down to having a life outside of women. Hobbies,activities, a job, other places to go and other people to see, ya know? Its being proactive in life and making the most of your time OUTSIDE of women. And thats something not even the greatest actor can fake. You just have to DO IT

 

[arq-dj1]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Here is the thing - I don't believe you can truly "fake" being mysterious. You gotta kinda be, well, mysterious. Only way to do that is well, become it. And what is mysterious really about? I think it basically boils down to having a life outside of women. Hobbies,activities, a job, other places to go and other people to see, ya know? Its being proactive in life and making the most of your time OUTSIDE of women. And thats something not even the greatest actor can fake. You just have to DO IT

wow nice reply
ty

wut about callin' her on new years eve? hope i get some replys about that before it happens haha =P

 

[DeathDealer]

I wouldn't say be mysterious from the start. Just reveal things slowly like layers of an onion or a lettuce.

 

[SpeedRunner]

just dont awnser any questions she hasnt asked.

 

[xiola]

Originally posted by Desdinova
Being mysterious is great STRs and attracting women in general. However, when you enter a LTR, the mysterious thing doesn't work anymore. Replace being mysterious with being spontaneous.

Being spontaneous in a LTR will give you the same results as being mysterious in a STR.

this says it all. Thread closed


b

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by arq-dj1
I mean, it's easy to keep the mystery when it's all new and fresh (hehe) with a new girl..
my point is, when u get a gf and start talking about stuff (any), inevitably u will talk about yourself...

so, the major aspect of being mysterious is being unpredictable?

ty for the replys =)

Talk about yourself, yes, but mostly in response to her inquisitiveness, and even then, don't just start running your mouth.

Speak when you have something worth saying.

 

[diplomatic_lie]

Hey this is just an observation, but from what I've seen, people in general are simply curious by "mystery". Most of it comes from the media (those movies where the nerdy-looking guy is secretly a Russian spy or something). Or else its the silent guy in the jacket at the bar whose a bounty hunter or something (again, from the media/movies).

 

[Kaine]

Incorrect's post has some great observations which I also subscribe to. I highly recommend anyone to read it for LTR and initial dating phases with some brief caveats.

Paraphrasing the bible?

Have I? I don't know, it's been a while since I've read it. This is what I do.

My points I mentioned only address the verbal communication aspect. As I pointed out before these are general guidelines and the length of the relationship is a large factor. Maintaining mystery over the longer term is difficult as you tend to fall into a much deeper state of rapport with the girl.

Also mystery does not mean you don't discuss interesting topics, or are any less entertaining and unpredictable.


Comfort/Rapport Vs Unpredictability

you need to identify with her somehow, create rapport, and you have to do that by talking about yourself. Its impossible not to. Also, the more she knows you, the more comfortable she feels around you.

This is quite an intriguing dictomy:

Unpredictability equals :: Excitement, Uncertainty
This means that she doesn't get too comfortable with you. This is especially true in the initial stages of dating. She should be a little confused and wonder whether you really like her or not. This is an ingredient in fun.

Comfort :: Safety, Predictability, Rapport
Rapport is more important and tends to happen natural once you begin to hit LTR territory. Here she feels like you are her rock and that you both have the same view of the world. You are predictable to her.

These are opposites and mystery falls within the unpredictability area. Both are important, but the amount you add depends on your stage in the relationship with the girl, dating or LTR.

Kaine

 

[majumbo]

Is it important to avoid creating deep rapport with a female on a first date? (Friendship territory??) What if a female somehow alludes to a need for creating rapport. Then what could a guy do except but to play ball and lose an air of mystery about him?