Stay married or get divorced....?

[Desdinova]

So I've been with my husband for almost 3 yrs now and married for 10months. We're basically like roommates now with nointerest in intamcy or even emotional connection for that matter.

Wow. 10 months of marriage and it's turned to 5hit. You might be able to get it annulled.

During the break up I explored my options sexually

Of course you did.

We got back together and hewanted a tell all...so I told him everything hewanted to know..every little detail he asked for I gave. ( does that make me insensitive,stupid, or both? I didn't want to lie to him. Bigmistake right?!)

Nope. He wanted it, you gave it to him.

There are two big mistakes here...

#1: Getting married. You can't tell me that things were 100% fantastic, or even 70% fantastic when you married him 10 months ago. It sounds like the marriage was more about fixing the relationship than celebrating it.

#2: Getting back together after the "break up". It also wasn't clear to him that it was a break up instead of a "break".

Fast forward to being married....everything has changed he won't work or even attempt to keep a job. He's always throwing up the past in face when he wants sex and I'm not available or even inthe mood for it. I handle everything financially and feel like he's purposely sabotaging our relationship because of his own insecurities, but what if it's really me doing the damage to our relationship? How do I fix this?

I honestly believe your relationship is beyond repair. Get it annulled or get divorced. You two don't have kids together (correct?) and there is no purpose of continuing the marriage.

 

[exhausted]

He thought it was a break and stayed faithful you thought it was a breakup and had sexual relations with other men. This has ruined him and ruin the relationship. And no matter what he asked you should have never told him anything other than it was horrible and you felt horrible. Even if you have to lie telling him details of your enjoyment has ruined his soul. He will never move on from what happened

 

[highSpeed]

So I've been with my husband for almost 3 yrs now and married for 10months. We're basically like roommates now with nointerest in intamcy or even emotional connection for that matter. We went thru abreak up thinking we should just be friends only to realize that we wanted more thanfriendship. During the break up I explored my options sexually ( he says in his mind we were still together and that he remainedfaithful) and while my expectations were surpassed I still wanted to be with myhusband. We got back together and hewanted a tell all...so I told him everything hewanted to know..every little detail he asked for I gave. ( does that make me insensitive,stupid, or both? I didn't want to lie to him. Bigmistake right?!) Fast forward to being married....everything has changed he won't work or even attempt to keep a job. He's always throwing up the past in face when he wants sex and I'm not available or even inthe mood for it. I handle everything financially and feel like he's purposely sabotaging our relationship because of his own insecurities, but what if it's really me doing the damage to our relationship? How do I fix this? He says that I can't, so if it can't be fixed what do I? It's clear that he's miserably unhappy but refuses to end the marriage because he doesn't believe in divorce. Any suggestions?

So let's get this straight, you wanted a break, he reluctantly went along with it, you went out and had sex with multiple partners and then wonder why he is bitter? You turn him down for sex (probably were before the "break" too) and wonder why he throws it up in your face? You've ruined his confidence and wonder why he's having a tough time in the career department? Man, it would take a unbelievably strong man to be with you. You'd better be dam hot to have anyone even consider putting up with your arrogant and entitled ways.

Now I suppose that since he's upset at your riding the c*ck carousel while you were apart, you want to go back to that again. But darn it, he doesn't cuck up and say "garsh honey, do whatever you want, I'll be right here waiting for you." Wow, and this gentlemen, is exactly why many modern men don't want to go within a million miles of marriage. Exhibit A gentlemen, exhibit a.

 

[XFORCE]

During the break up I explored my options sexually

This is the big mistake when stuff goes bad in a relationship. How long were you broken up for? You were in a damaged emotional state and I completely understand why you did it but breaking up does not necessitate exploring your options sexually with others. Fix what's wrong emotionally before jumping into exploration.

He doesn't want to end the marriage but he keeps throwing stuff in your face and you're not in the mood for sex. Your communication channels are shot and there's a ton of resentment going both ways. Cut out the BS and your stress, get divorced and if it's really something you want, eventually find someone who's more compatible for you. Neither of you should be going through this kind of emotional trauma.

 

[penkitten]

So I've been with my husband for almost 3 yrs now and married for 10months. We're basically like roommates now with nointerest in intamcy or even emotional connection for that matter. We went thru abreak up thinking we should just be friends only to realize that we wanted more thanfriendship. During the break up I explored my options sexually ( he says in his mind we were still together and that he remainedfaithful) and while my expectations were surpassed I still wanted to be with myhusband. We got back together and hewanted a tell all...so I told him everything hewanted to know..every little detail he asked for I gave. ( does that make me insensitive,stupid, or both? I didn't want to lie to him. Bigmistake right?!) Fast forward to being married....everything has changed he won't work or even attempt to keep a job. He's always throwing up the past in face when he wants sex and I'm not available or even inthe mood for it. I handle everything financially and feel like he's purposely sabotaging our relationship because of his own insecurities, but what if it's really me doing the damage to our relationship? How do I fix this? He says that I can't, so if it can't be fixed what do I? It's clear that he's miserably unhappy but refuses to end the marriage because he doesn't believe in divorce. Any suggestions?

Get out of there honey. It's never getting better. It will always be thrown in your face. Do you like it when he rubs your nose in it?

 

[highSpeed]

Get out of there honey. It's never getting better. It will always be thrown in your face. Do you like it when he rubs your nose in it?

You mean thrown in her face when she says "break" but really means screwing around? Tell you what, if she had said, "Hey honey, let's break up for a bit and I'm going to explore sexually. Then, when we get back together, I'm going to clue you in on it when you ask and then wonder why you're upset", that would be better than saying break. Break has the connotation that you're going away to think about things, not sleep around. Imagine his surprise when he goes away upset, thinking that she's thinking about things and then finds that out. He's thinking about things, obviously hoping for the relationship to work out and she's only coming back probably because she got rejected and now he's the only option for her romantic relationship prospects. You actually think that if things had worked out with one of her numerous flings she'd be going back to him? Hell no, she'd be off and down the road with the new guy, happy as a lark. She went back probably because he pumped and dumped, yet you're giving the you go girl advice. Typical, smh, modern western woman.

 

[penkitten]

You mean thrown in her face when she says "break" but really means screwing around? Tell you what, if she had said, "Hey honey, let's break up for a bit and I'm going to explore sexually. Then, when we get back together, I'm going to clue you in on it when you ask and then wonder why you're upset", that would be better than saying break. Break has the connotation that you're going away to think about things, not sleep around. Imagine his surprise when he goes away upset, thinking that she's thinking about things and then finds that out. He's thinking about things, obviously hoping for the relationship to work out and she's only coming back probably because she got rejected and now he's the only option for her romantic relationship prospects. You actually think that if things had worked out with one of her numerous flings she'd be going back to him? Hell no, she'd be off and down the road with the new guy, happy as a lark. She went back probably because he pumped and dumped, yet you're giving the you go girl advice. Typical, smh, modern western woman.

It's already over. Someone bad a bad choice. There's no going back. Why relive it everyday?
Whether you word it nicely or pointed... it's not fair to anyone living in the current situation. Is it?

 

[highSpeed]

It's already over. Someone bad a bad choice. There's no going back. Why relive it everyday?
Whether you word it nicely or pointed... it's not fair to anyone living in the current situation. Is it?

how about just being honest? why be dishonest and say break? why not just say, "I want to explore my options, bye!" That way, if he chooses to stay around and wait to see if she changes her mind, that's on him. At least he's making that decision with eyes open. All that break crap is used to do is have someone hang on while you go have fun. All she would have done in my mind is expose what a sh*tty person she actually is. Besides a few choice names here and there as I make my way out the door or kick her out it, is all she would hear or see from me at that point.

 

[penkitten]

how about just being honest? why be dishonest and say break? why not just say, "I want to explore my options, bye!" That way, if he chooses to stay around and wait to see if she changes her mind, that's on him. At least he's making that decision with eyes open. All that break crap is used to do is have someone hang on while you go have fun. All she would have done in my mind is expose what a sh*tty person she actually is. Besides a few choice names here and there as I make my way out the door or kick her out it, is all she would hear or see from me at that point.

It's in the past.
Her past self said she wanted a break.
I bet her future self learns to word things more clearly and honestly.
We don't have time machines. There is no going back to correct ourselves.
We learn from our mistakes and move forward.

 

[highSpeed]

It's in the past.
Her past self said she wanted a break.
I bet her future self learns to word things more clearly and honestly.
We don't have time machines. There is no going back to correct ourselves.
We learn from our mistakes and move forward.

that's complete bs and you know it. past self, future self, is that how you are attempting to justify sh*tty behavior on the part of your sisterhood? look, she knew before she even said "break" that she intended to explore her options and/or just go screw around for awhile. and you know what, it's working for her, so she'll do it again.

 

[penkitten]

that's complete bs and you know it. past self, future self, is that how you are attempting to justify sh*tty behavior on the part of your sisterhood? look, she knew before she even said "break" that she intended to explore her options and/or just go screw around for awhile. and you know what, it's working for her, so she'll do it again.

Just another reason that it's over.

 

[highSpeed]

Just another reason that it's over.

and another reason for men to never consider serious, committed relationships with entitled, selfish, vapid little princesses like this person and yourself.

 

[penkitten]

and another reason for men to never consider serious, committed relationships with entitled, selfish, vapid little princesses like this person and yourself.

Stop being ridiculous. If the op was a guy, my advice would have been the same.

 

[highSpeed]

Stop being ridiculous. If the op was a guy, my advice would have been the same.

doubtful, doubtful, you don't like being caught for giving one-sided, idiotic advice. careful, your bias is showing

 

[CMNILS87]

This is the big mistake when stuff goes bad in a relationship. How long were you broken up for? You were in a damaged emotional state and I completely understand why you did it but breaking up does not necessitate exploring your options sexually with others. Fix what's wrong emotionally before jumping into exploration.

He doesn't want to end the marriage but he keeps throwing stuff in your face and you're not in the mood for sex. Your communication channels are shot and there's a ton of resentment going both ways. Cut out the BS and your stress, get divorced and if it's really something you want, eventually find someone who's more compatible for you. Neither of you should be going through this kind of emotional trauma.

I just don’t get it. When people want a break, they really want to just **** other people. It’s like “oh hey I’m sick of seeing you 24/7, I want to be alone and just fuvk random guys cause I have a slit between my legs”. My guys that go on break, they don’t cheat because they have no options, but more importantly it’d thst “if I do better then she’ll come back”.

 

[penkitten]

doubtful, doubtful, you don't like being caught for giving one-sided, idiotic advice. careful, your bias is showing

Oh newbie, I would so tell a man "next".
Go look through all my previous posts.

 

[highSpeed]

Oh newbie, I would so tell a man "next".
Go look through all my previous posts.

newbie, wow, I'm mortally wounded. Look, 8k plus messages and only 200+ likes, yep, sounds like your advice is something everyone is really down for. Lol, western women, smh... bat sh*t crazy and too stupid to realize it.

 

[Asasione]

newbie, wow, I'm mortally wounded. Look, 8k plus messages and only 200+ likes, yep, sounds like your advice is something everyone is really down for. Lol, western women, smh... bat sh*t crazy and too stupid to realize it.

No one really paid attention to likes back in the day. I've been visiting this site way before I ever joined and some of the best and most influential posters don't have a like ratio that reflects their value. She has been a good poster for years not sure why newer guys feel the need to attack female posters. I see it in every thread, state your differing views to the relevant person and move on, I find such behavior really weak and reflect very poorly on you.

 

[highSpeed]

No one really paid attention to likes back in the day. I've been visiting this site way before I ever joined and some of the best and most influential posters don't have a like ratio that reflects their value. She has been a good poster for years not sure why newer guys feel the need to attack female posters. I see it in every thread, state your differing views to the relevant person and move on, I find such behavior really weak and reflect very poorly on you.

because female posters don't get it. there really isn't much of a purpose to female posters being on here because they have no idea the struggles and stressers that modern men face in a highly feminized society. their advice is tainted and largely uninformed, as they do not often take the time to step back and realize how much their "cause" is ruining society. and thanks for your advice on the likes and the "feedback" on me, I'm sure I will take it to heart. remember, state your opinion and move on, aren't you doing exactly what you just accused me of? oh wait, is your calling me weak and a poor reflection, is that constructive criticism? good God, are you a woman? I'm not sure, this "advice" came off as really womanly. if you're a man, please, I beg you, go get your testosterone levels checked immediately.

 

[Asasione]

because female posters don't get it. there really isn't much of a purpose to female posters being on here because they have no idea the struggles and stressers that modern men face in a highly feminized society. their advice is tainted and largely uninformed, as they do not often take the time to step back and realize how much their "cause" is ruining society. and thanks for your advice on the likes and the "feedback" on me, I'm sure I will take it to heart. remember, state your opinion and move on, aren't you doing exactly what you just accused me of? oh wait, is your calling me weak and a poor reflection, is that constructive criticism? good God, are you a woman? I'm not sure, this "advice" came off as really womanly. if you're a man, please, I beg you, go get your testosterone levels checked immediately.

It's a public forum, there will be women and they will contribute and their advice has its purposes. Yes it's constructive criticism pointing out that your behavior of attacking others is really low. What cause are you referring to lol? Society is feminized? Why does that matter to you? You can't fix it, all you can do is live by your own terms and find your own happiness so your stances seem silly to me. I don't care what women have done to society neither do I care what women are doing on this forum. I come here to extract what value I can from this place. Just got irked by your behavior and pointed it out, lay off the blame games and attacking others, it's beneath you.