Startup business and social life not mixing well, what to do

Credos

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Hey guys,

I've been trying to take a swing at building a startup and am being quite agile, whereas I don't stick to my idea's if a multitude of my potential clients tell me they want something else, I adjust the product towards the general need of my clients.

It's pretty hard, because you get attached to the ideas but the trick for me is just self-reflecting and writing everything down.

The hardest part for me is actually my family and friends.
My family because they constantly tell me I'm wasting my time, money, life, ... They barely know what I'm doing but all they talk about is how I'm messing up. Honestly I feel a strong urge to just drop my family completely until everything is going well or has just failed... I don't understand how you can, as a parent, lecture your own son on a daily basis that he is messing up, while their son is just about to give the first swing? The only money this business is costing me is my rent, which is minimal. I've gained, in the last 2 months some really nice skills, such as writing HTML, bootstrap, css, c# and c++. I'm working 10 hours, 6 days out of 7, so I consider myself not lazy. I get soooo pissed off at the feeling that they want to just say: "see, we told you"...
My mom spams my mail with job applications, where I had to call her and had to tell her if she doesn't stop now I'm cutting her off, that I'm trying this business thing whether she likes it or not. She can't help but comment on it every single occasion we meet up though, as can't my father. He asked his boss's opinion, who has connections with the operations manager of a naval business, which is a different department of what my startup is busy with, I'm technical (I repair boats). Well this guy said my idea is bad.... Great dad, so a friend of yours has a friend who's heard of what my business is about and he thinks it's a bad idea? Thanks for that input...

Last weekend me and my brother went home, we were there for 4 hours, we talked 2 hours about playing card games (which I don't care about), this is a usual. Then they talk 10 minutes about how I'm fvcking up my life, even though I saved 60% of my wages the last 4 years, which I'm now trying to invest in my startup, trying to build a proper asset. Then they talk 2 hours about some tv show or some media bullsh!t, often including racial comments, even though they know I have made Muslim friends during my travels.
I don't have time to watch tv so I again am pretty much excluded. These family meetups have become a burden which I just don't feel like doing because I know I'll feel like sh!t afterwards.

As for my friends... Well before my startup I travelled the world for my profession for 3.5 years, and I feel we've grown apart so much that, well, we don't really fit anymore. Don't get me wrong, they're nice people, but they're just so... Boring?
- they complain about the job and their boss, yet do nothing
- they talk about the stories from 4 years ago, same ol stories, on a weekly basis...
- they settle in with their GFs and barely go out of their house...


Thinking about all these problems, I can only think that the problem is with me, considering I seem to have problems with 90% of the people of my passed life. Either I changed, or I have a fundamental problem...

Do I drop my family for a while? Do I drop my friends and get new ones? Anybody else been through these situations?
 
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Tictac

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For the first five years after a I started my firm, I had no social life. I can say (now) that it was worth it.

Such is risk.

You've simply got to choose what is most important to you.
 

FairShake

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You can't pick your family. Honestly they sound annoying but not horrendous. At least they care. I would be the dutiful son and brother and maintain a good relationship with them until you succeed and they start kissing your ass or, in the unlikely event that it doesn't work out, they are there to help pick you back up. Family, annoying as they may be, can be good for that. You'd miss them if they were gone.

Friends, on the other hand, come and go. If you are on a different path let the paths diverge naturally and find a couple guys or girls who are on your new level. You owe your best friend the utmost loyalty but dudes you hung out with are not afforded lifetime loyalty in my opinion. Find people who challenge you and interest you.

And, FWIW, you will soon be so busy you won't care about these guys at all.
 

ZTIME

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Quite frankly, you don't drop your friends or family. You just need to lower your personal need of validation from them.

You chose to start a business and your family probably is worried that you may not succeed, or they feel that it's safer for you to work for a stable company where you collect a salary and lose all the risk. This is a pretty natural occurrence in most families and nothing to be alarmed about.

As for your friends, choose them based on what they bring you in life. whether it's happiness, common interests, advice, or just found memories, choose them wisely.

Heck, I still have a fiend that runs a pizzeria. He makes a minimum salary yet he has an excellent personality. I've known him since high school. I don't frequently hang with him, but we stay in touch at least once a month.

It takes balls to start a new company, and you should be proud. Right now everyone will seem like they're against you, because if you succeed, on some level they will perceive you as better then themselves (ie. you're the one who is successful and they are not).

Good luck on your new venture, and I wish you much success. Be blessed.

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.” – Buddha
 

Tenacity

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Credos,

Can you tell me more information about the business? It can be through PM if you want. I have pretty extensive business experience (including an MBA).

A couple of things you need to realize as you move forward though:

1.) Starting, growing and developing a Start-up is very difficult and you only want to do it when you have a lot of passion for the area (so you put the hours in willingly), as well as if you have a adequate level of resources. When I say resources, I'm talking about proper levels of capital, proper levels of market research, proper levels of business planning, proper levels of networks, proper levels of accounting resources, proper levels of legal resources, and if you have developed a profitable model in terms of ROI. So if you invest $5,000 into the business for one year, how much revenue does that produce? If you have to live off of the profits from the Start-Up, you would have to be producing a lot of profit returns in the 300% - 500% at minimum levels.

2.) As you grow into a competent business professional, you have to realize that you need to STOP sharing your business plans, ideas and investments with people that aren't either your partners (financial backers, accountants, employees, legal staff, etc.) or your prospective clients (the people you are selling to). If your mother, father, and "friends" have not a damn clue what "business" you are in or what market you are in, then how in the hell are they going to offer any type of recommendations on what you should or shouldn't do? So STOP letting people know your business that have nothing to do with your business.

3.) Next, how old are you? That's not in your profile. I'm asking because, why are your parents so involved in your day-to-day life like this almost in the form of micro-managing it? Are you staying with them or something? Why is it their business what the hell you do to generate income?

4.) Take this from a guy with first-hand experience, while you are in the startup and develop stage of your Start-Up, you are learning, tweaking, learning, tweaking, selling, tweaking some more, learning some more, tweaking some more, selling, etc. You WILL NOT have time for a significant social life. You might as well just do yourself a favor and tell your "friends" that you will catch up with them "whenever you can". This is if you are serious about this. Once you develop a profitable model on a recurring basis, then you can start to increase your social life again.

5.) Pook made a very good post about this situation, while it wasn't totally business related, I found that it related a lot to young entrepreneurs who are building something from the ground up and going totally AGAINST the grain to do so. Here's a link to it: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=60543
 

Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

ZTIME

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Tenacity said:
Credos,

Can you tell me more information about the business? It can be through PM if you want. I have pretty extensive business experience (including an MBA).

A couple of things you need to realize as you move forward though:

1.) Starting, growing and developing a Start-up is very difficult and you only want to do it when you have a lot of passion for the area (so you put the hours in willingly), as well as if you have a adequate level of resources. When I say resources, I'm talking about proper levels of capital, proper levels of market research, proper levels of business planning, proper levels of networks, proper levels of accounting resources, proper levels of legal resources, and if you have developed a profitable model in terms of ROI. So if you invest $5,000 into the business for one year, how much revenue does that produce? If you have to live off of the profits from the Start-Up, you would have to be producing a lot of profit returns in the 300% - 500% at minimum levels.

2.) As you grow into a competent business professional, you have to realize that you need to STOP sharing your business plans, ideas and investments with people that aren't either your partners (financial backers, accountants, employees, legal staff, etc.) or your prospective clients (the people you are selling to). If your mother, father, and "friends" have not a damn clue what "business" you are in or what market you are in, then how in the hell are they going to offer any type of recommendations on what you should or shouldn't do? So STOP letting people know your business that have nothing to do with your business.

3.) Next, how old are you? That's not in your profile. I'm asking because, why are your parents so involved in your day-to-day life like this almost in the form of micro-managing it? Are you staying with them or something? Why is it their business what the hell you do to generate income?

4.) Take this from a guy with first-hand experience, while you are in the startup and develop stage of your Start-Up, you are learning, tweaking, learning, tweaking, selling, tweaking some more, learning some more, tweaking some more, selling, etc. You WILL NOT have time for a significant social life. You might as well just do yourself a favor and tell your "friends" that you will catch up with them "whenever you can". This is if you are serious about this. Once you develop a profitable model on a recurring basis, then you can start to increase your social life again.

5.) Pook made a very good post about this situation, while it wasn't totally business related, I found that it related a lot to young entrepreneurs who are building something from the ground up and going totally AGAINST the grain to do so. Here's a link to it: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=60543
There's the Tenacity I know....well done!!!
 

sharkbeat

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Great advice by Tenacity.

Popular opinion isn't the best opinion. People only care of something that they can relate to.

Normal life includes: get a job, hangout on weekends, facebook photos, watch movies, get married, post baby photos, occasional vacation photos, and show strong support to the LGBT.

This is the normal life according to the New American Lifestyle Standard.

Working hard for your business is not normal. Working 9-5 is.
Learning new things is not normal. Vacation is.
Staying single is not normal. Getting married is.

Going against the current is always hard. It only takes special people that can do that.

FYI, I am also working on my startup. However, unlike you, I have already owned a house and a decent paycheck. Although I can see *some* disagreement from parents for jumping into a risky business that may only last for a few months, they couldn't complain much because I bought them a house.

My social life has also suffered since then. I didn't hang out as much as I wanted to. Although I was born an introvert, never have I felt the urge to socialize and party as much. Pretty sure it affects my social skills to some degree. What about my friends? Oh they are having a blast. Camping, party, getting married, baby pictures, vacations.
 

sodbuster

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Tenacity has it nailed. There is one thing an employee will NEVER understand.... the work and worry it takes to run a business.... They THINK they understand the rewards. But NO ONE who hasn't owned his own business will ever understand what you go through. THOSE are the people you will need to hang out with in the future. Chamber of Commerce type guys and gals. you may be able to ***** about employees with them... no one else get's it

Your parent's will NEVER get it, Don't worry about it, can't change it or them, but cut them back to a level you can handle. There's only so much parent's time I can handle...... and I don't go over it. Even at 56 yrs old
 

Slickster

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ZTIME said:
Quite frankly, you don't drop your friends or family. You just need to lower your personal need of validation from them.
This is a great comment right here. ^^^^^^^

Don't right off your family or your friends.

Be confident in yourself.
 

bob2007

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90% of people dont' want you to succeed.
When you succeed, it shows their lives are failures.

They are not in your future, just focus on the 10% that are.
I don't even waste time talking to people anymore.
I just sell my services all day every day.
Consulting makes money, giving free advice to friends doesn't.
 
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