Starting out, need advice.

[DonChino]

Hey guys I'm 100% new to this forum and just read through J0n's field report. Reading the number of times he got rejected and how he continued on really inspired me to really think about getting into this. I never approached a girl out of fear of rejection and therefor never have gotten rejected, but its foolish that I haven't even tried.

The problems I have at the moment (pretty big problems), is that I literally have no friends where I live and I still live with the parents. I'm 20 years old and I commute to community college. I have no friends at the moment due to the fact after high school they all either went straight to various universities or moved out of the state altogether. I actually do have one person that I did consider my best friend but I'm thinking lately that I am going to forget about him altogether. Reason being is that I feel that if he was such a good friend he would invite me into his social circle, which he doesn't.

Just by observing my "friend" his social circle consists all of people he got introduced to by his big family, mainly his two older sisters. My family consists of just me and my parents, that's it.. we don't even talk to relatives. Which I think partly developed some of my anti-social behavior.
I'm not going to use any of this as an excuse because I feel that I need to start right now absolutely fresh and be a new person.

With J0n he talks about his cousins ALL THE TIME, almost every report has something to do with a cousin. I see this as a big benefit to him. I am truly solo in every sense of the word when describing what I am starting from to try and meet people. Thats going to to make it all the much harder but if I can overcome it I will be better off than people that got their entire social circle from meeting them through friends and family.

Going back to my major "problem" of living with my parents, how big of a impact is this? Like I said I would like to be able to go all or nothing with the goal of bringing them back to my place, but that is not possible in this situation. It really dampens my mindset because I think to myself if I go out to talk to many girls as possible what if I do close and it escalates I'm not able to take them anywhere.

*For ease of answering/seeing these questions I will put them seperate out of this paragraph*
-I'm a literally up ****s creek in this regard? or can I still work with what I got
-Should I not even bother until I move out? Being the only child and living with parents is very beneficial but at the same time very hindering since I cannot go out and live it out the the fullest.
*Note: I WANT to move out asap but at the same time I am almost done with the associates and I would be shooting myself in the foot in terms of ease and comfort until I finish.*
-What can I do in this situation of living with parents and trying to go out and live it up with girls.

Next topic is location. J0n did a majority of his work via a route mall, target, forgot other. Should I just make rounds like this in a set path approaching any target? What surprises me a lot is J0n approaches 30+ year olds regularly ha ha. I think I might do this also just for laughs and experience with dialogue,etc.

A single target I feel I can approach with not too much forethought, but multiple people around the target (sets? I am not good with lingo yet) I just hesitate extremely and I'm not sure how to approach this. Going up and with a one on one interaction with target will result in failure as I need to interact with the group but I don't know how to go about that. Dialogue is a issue for me and I think I would drop the conversation ball pretty quickly.

I have a feeling I will be able to get down the not caring attitude when it comes to rejection with ease. That's because I'm nearly 21 and having not done a damn thing so far I realize time is NOT on my side and I need to kick it in gear. I'm not the type of person that would let a girl tell me what to do and how to do it. Watching this behavior in previous friends made me disgusted. I can also say I'm not looking for the romance/love/marry behavior, I want to play the field to the fullest.

 

[BongDuy]

you and me man, very similar boat.

 

[f283000]

I was in the same situation as you almost exactly (kinda scary) so i know how you feel. Do you know what changed my life?

after having wasted months and even a year reading PUA stuff but not having the balls to pick up on my own I decided to look in pua forums for a sarge buddy in my area. I found a sarge buddy, started sarging finally. It gives you great confidence having a sarge buddy there to watch your back and you knowing you got someone doing the same thing as you and you are not alone.

My recommendation is to find a sarge buddy thru the net. Both sarge buddies I met I became really close friends with. One of them introduced me to his social circle and the closest friends I have are my sarge buddy and the friends he introduced me to.

Not having a social circle sucks so you just need to build one from scratch pretty much. If your friend does not invite you to his social circle I wouldn't consider him that much of a good friend. He is basically using you for when he needs you.

living with parents? if you are asked by a girl just say you live in a room in a house. If you pick up a girl and she wants to do you know what just take her to a motel room tell her you live in a crowded house with older dudes who work in the morning and you can't make any noise (one of my friend's situation)

 

[DonChino]

Nice to see there are others in or was in similar circumstances.

f283000 few question for you: could you recommend sites to try and find a sarge buddy? I'm glad to see that your thoughts on my "friend" are the same as mine and he is definitely just using me when he needs me.. time to forget about him completely. I could definitely play off what you recommend for not living with parents response.

This is another question directed at everyone. Mentioning I live with parents is that absolutely a unacceptable for me to say? will it be a automatic disqualify? or because I am full-time school will it be acceptable for the time being? f283000 brought a good potential excuse but if said girl was more than a one time thing the facade will bring itself to attention down the road, should I just tell the truth or make something up.

BTW I live in KY, just in case there happens to be others on here that live in the state.

 

[f283000]

f283000 few question for you: could you recommend sites to try and find a sarge buddy?

a google search for "pua forums" will bring up many pua forums like sosuave. Make accounts in as many as you can. Most forums have a "wingman" forum for people looking to meet other puas in their area. That is what i did i just made a bunch of threads in different sites till someone replied then I met that person in real life.

I'm glad to see that your thoughts on my "friend" are the same as mine and he is definitely just using me when he needs me.. time to forget about him completely. I could definitely play off what you recommend for not living with parents response.

The problem with your friend is that he doesn't think you are high status enough. If he really thought you were awesome and really cool don't you think he would have invited you to his social circle by now?

Some people are really greedy like that. Other people are generous and if they have something good they share it with friends, while others want to keep it to themselves. This is how you find out who your true friends are, those that really enjoy your company.

This is another question directed at everyone. Mentioning I live with parents is that absolutely a unacceptable for me to say? will it be a automatic disqualify? or because I am full-time school will it be acceptable for the time being? f283000 brought a good potential excuse but if said girl was more than a one time thing the facade will bring itself to attention down the road, should I just tell the truth or make something up.

Will being honest hurt you? it depends on the girl but for most it will unless they already like you (and are in the same situation as you). It might kill your chances with a girl you just met if she asks you and you answer truthfully, but for a girl that you already know and has seen you often it might not. The reason for that is that a girl that you know might look past superficial things like where you live and know more about your true qualities. A girl you just met doesn't know anything about you so the only things she can judge you on are the common things (looks, confidence, do you have a car, who you live with etc)

If you are hanging out and she asks you "who do you live with" obviously you can tell right there she is scoping you out to see if you still live with your parents. It ain't that difficult, just say "i rent a room in a house/apartment" period. Don't go over it in detail keep the answer short like if it doesn't matter to you/not important. You can play the game and not have to bring them to your place just take them somewhere else. Besides you don't really know where your interaction with a girl will take you so why kill your chances right away? better to play the game and see where your interaction with a girl takes you. Why kill her attraction for you by telling her you live with your parents when you can lie and who knows end up on a date or 2 with the girl.

 

[Warrior74]

Some food for thought. Don't hate your friend because he hasn't invited you into his social circle without first doing some self examining. I don't invite my business associates to the rave, I don't invite my raver friends to hang with my hiphop hood friends, etc. My best friend, I love him like a brother, but he's into drugs, he's not social, he thinks most people are stupid and won't do small talk and he says the most off the wall stuff in social settings. What would I look like taking him to some upscale bar where business people meet to socialize and network? Understand? Take a look at yourself and his circle and honestly decide if they are a good fit for you, before you judge him to harshly.

Take the time to build your own circle based around your interest, hobbies and career path. Good luck.

 

[DonChino]

Thanks for breaking it down f283000, so if I'm out there just going through the process of getting rejected and putting a good attempt at getting numbers I will just lie. Another question on that area f28 if you don't mind, so say if I get multiple dates out of a girl after telling that lie, how long can I hold that facade? If I make it clear that I don't like going there due to various reasons, like you gave me earlier will they pursue it or drop it (meaning will I constantly have to come back and revisit why we can't go back to my place).

Oh yeah another one for you f28, again on the same topic, should I ask first about the girls living conditions (to see if she lives with parents, etc) and depending on that response tailor mine to fit? Because if she lives with parents it might just be OK for me to say I do also? It might come off that I don't want to lie, which is true, but I will absolutely lie if I must.. I'm just making sure to know what situation is appropriate for what response.

Warrior74 I see exactly what you are saying, his social circle is 100% Puerto Rican ha ha so that might just be a reason why. But still man I'm not a wilder beast in the looks department, I'm in shape and not obnoxious. It just comes off very very rude to me, I haven't even asked to meet his other friends (I probably should to see his response) but I just don't like that he automatically omits to even ask if I want to join them in going out. Honestly if I had a nice circle of friends I would have no problem calling him up every time we do something.. it would only seem right after having a best friend of 8 years.

 

[Warrior74]

Warrior74 I see exactly what you are saying, his social circle is 100% Puerto Rican ha ha so that might just be a reason why. But still man I'm not a wilder beast in the looks department, I'm in shape and not obnoxious. It just comes off very very rude to me, I haven't even asked to meet his other friends (I probably should to see his response) but I just don't like that he automatically omits to even ask if I want to join them in going out. Honestly if I had a nice circle of friends I would have no problem calling him up every time we do something.. it would only seem right after having a best friend of 8 years.

So now you have to look at what are you interest, hobbies and career goals. What organizations exist in you area for these and are you an active member in those groups? Meet people in those groups, go to events, go out for drinks or dinner. Or be the man and invite them out to drinks and dinner after events. To have a social group you have to be social.

 

[f283000]

Thanks for breaking it down f283000, so if I'm out there just going through the process of getting rejected and putting a good attempt at getting numbers I will just lie. Another question on that area f28 if you don't mind, so say if I get multiple dates out of a girl after telling that lie, how long can I hold that facade? If I make it clear that I don't like going there due to various reasons, like you gave me earlier will they pursue it or drop it (meaning will I constantly have to come back and revisit why we can't go back to my place).

You are looking too much into the future that you are complicating yourself!

If your reasoning for telling the truth about that to a girl from the beginning is to avoid this problem in the future you are looking too far ahead! how do you know a girl you approach will even end up on a date with you? or even end up as your gf where that scenario might occur? how do you know you might end up making out with her a few times but never even have sex thus the scenario of her wanting to go back to your place won't even occur.

If telling the truth at the beginning of who you live with will ruin your chances of even getting to a date with a girl, then it is not worth it. Take it 1 step at a time and don't start thinking about future problems.

When you are first getting to know her and the question comes up just say you rent a room in an apartment with a bunch of older guys. That will shut her up for some time and you will likely not get that question again. If that ever comes up again then tell her one of your roommates is a retired war vet who hates women. That will creep her out and save you again. If she asks about going to your place (for whatever reason) tell her the war vet is at the house usually at this time in the living room playing cards. Offer her other options.

Your problem is not living at your parent's house, your problem right now is approaching. When you have already gone on dates with girls and you already kissed and she is wanting sex, then you need to start thinking about this. Now you are at the beginning you have more important things to worry about.

Oh yeah another one for you f28, again on the same topic, should I ask first about the girls living conditions (to see if she lives with parents, etc) and depending on that response tailor mine to fit? Because if she lives with parents it might just be OK for me to say I do also? It might come off that I don't want to lie, which is true, but I will absolutely lie if I must.. I'm just making sure to know what situation is appropriate for what response.

I lie a lot about this but due to necessity since i have your same problem, there are different tactics I use. For example If I live in a suburb ill tell them I live in the town next to it. I usually tell them I live in an area next to where I actually live. I do this with everyone I hate telling people where I live. Not even my friends know where I live. Now if you ask them where they live you can then tailor your answer to theirs. If they say they live on the west side tell them you live on the east side. Telling them you don't live close to them will reduce their wish to visit you since they will have to go out of their way. If you tell them you live close it will make it very difficult not for them to want to go there.

If they also live with parents just tell them the truth. Girls in these situations won't mind as much however those that are already on their own will look down on you if you tell them you live with your parents. They will feel their status is above yours and you never want that.

The thing is when you don't have your own place you will most likely be doing a lot of hanging out at neutral venues or her place. It will make sex a lot more difficult to get because you won't have your own place to make your moves at as she will feel more empowered being in her own place. Just keep lying about it it is not a big deal. If a woman wants you she will have you at her place if she finds out your place is not a suitable place, or agree to go somewhere else with you (motel or even a car ha!). Worry first about approaching women the rest will come later.

 

[DonChino]

Thanks again f283000, yeah one of my issue's is over analyzing, I will fix that. Awesome response.