Starting / Maintaining Multiple Relationships

[888]

So this is something I tried recently, and I must be honest, it failed SPECTACULARLY.



I made plans with both of them (at different times, obviously), and everything was just dandy, but then both girls found out about one another through some third party, and then both of them proceeded to throw a b*tchfit and get all pissed off at me. Grrrr :cuss:


But then I realized something. If an AFC guy were to find out that the girl he likes has been dating other guys, what would he do? He'd be upset, but not at the GIRL, he'd be upset at HIMSELF and try to win over the girl.

A lot of girls have multiple de facto relationships. They have the main guy, their "boyfriend," the one that they hookup with most of the time, and then some emotional tampons, the "friends," who occasionally get a hookup (with some stupid excuse attached like "it was a moment of weakness" or some sh*t like that)



So I, with my insatiable ego, got to wondering. How do I do that? When a girl leads on a bunch of guys, its totally normal, accepted; when a guy leads on girls, he's a ****.

F*CK! *I* want some hookup-with-able emotional tampons, who I would go out with "as friends," in addition to having a main girlfriend.


My question to you is: How many of you guys have had experiences with this kind of stuff? What have you done that is successful/unsuccessful?
And finally, given my situation, after being "caught*," what is the best course of action? How can I spin it so they try to compete with each other FOR me, rather than unify AGAINST me?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

*I put caught in quotations because its total bullsh*t, their reaction right now is basically that I've been cheating on them, even though neither of the two have gone on an official date with me

 

[Cockynfunny]

Occuse them of not trusting you.

Say that its a good job you found out about that as early as possible, besides you are free you dont have a gf so you can date and see whoever and whenever you want.

Who knows, maybe its a good thing that you were caught, now word will spread of you being a player and all those hb 8-10 will try to cage you like a bird into long term relationship so be picky my friend

 

[JerryFl08]

Who knows, maybe its a good thing that you were caught, now word will spread of you being a player and all those hb 8-10 will try to cage you like a bird into long term relationship so be picky my friend

That's true in a way your situation can actually be a good thing, because word can spread out and the hot girls will try to get your attention and hook up with you.
Also if you're trying to hook up with those two girls, i would suggest you turn the situation around, and do like what ****ynfunny said. Accuse each of them of not trusting you, and tell them that you don't know if it would work out between you guys.. I would definately think that this will confuse each of them, and it'll turn around and they'll go after you instead. They'll forget about what happened and they'll chase after you.

 

[Razor Sharp]

I went through a phase where I was juggling 4 at once. What worked best for me was to pre-emptively LJBF a bunch of really hot chicks. Basically let em know that I think they are hot, but that they don't have a chance with me. This, of course after flirting with them excessively and sending lots of mixed signals. Pretty soon I had a nice circle of HBs, who introduced me to their HB friends.

After that its shooting fish in a barrel. You plant seeds in their minds and see what flourishes. After a while you learn to read the buying signals (women are really blatant about it, especially with body language) and capitalize on the opportunities

Random tips:

- Stay organized and keep an agenda!
- Keep at least one day of the week just for yourself, another for friends and fams
- Don't let them pry to much info about the other girls. Be honest but discrete
- Keep an open mind - do not judge lest ye be judged!
- Have a solid workout regimen, you will need to be in top form to tap that much ass.
- Eat "slow" food. anything homecooked with loads of veggies/ proteins will give you much more energy than the empty calories of fast food.
- Daytime powernaps are your friend (no more than 30 min!)
- Keep your home neat and eliminate any traces of other women - they are very territorial, lol
- WEAR PROTECTION (should be obvious I know but worth mentioning)

Good luck man, its a wild ride and lots of fun if you can handle it

ps - Whatever you do, don't fall into the lying/cheating trap because that saps way more energy than you can imagine. Being straightforward eliminates the possibility of getting "caught"

 

[888]

@ jerry and ****y, yeah, a bunch of girls came up to me filled up with indignation and self-righteousness, ready to tell me just HOW MUCH of a **** I was, and I just sort of acted adorably rakeish and non-repentant, which disarmed them and I then ran some C&F on them.

i didn't accuse them of not trusting me though, and I don't think that would have worked: to try to turn it around and accuse them of something, when in their eyes I was still CLEARLY at fault, that would have looked like a huge d*ck move on my part and made them even more pissed off at me. What I ended up doing was just apologizing eek: ) for making it not clear enough that it would have just been as friends.

@ razor...I'm still in high school, and girls this age have a really silly notion of relationships being about ideal love and loyalty and all that phooey. I don't think any of them would be okay if I just outright stated that I was dating other people.

However, preemptively friend-zoning them might work; they'd all try to fight to win me over.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think what happened here was that I got a little bit ahead of myself; I became a little overconfident and a little too excited that there were suddenly TWO girls who were interested in going out with me. I should definitely have managed my resources better rather than trying to go all out.

meh.

Ironically, its not actually the hookups that concern me the most, its that I want to avoid becoming to emotionally invested in one person and getting all clingy and AFC-ish.

 

[eaglez1177]

Well first off, what I can tell you is this: NEVER try to pull this sh*t with girls from the SAME school!!! Im going to guess that you probably got "caught" because of this. Its literally 10x easier if your doing this kind of thing to girls from different schools, because then its much easier to manage and theres no worry/risk/drama of the girls talking to each other.

Secondly, whats the situation your in now? Have you screwed yourself over and are just friends now with these girls or what? Regardless, if your trying to get them to "compete" for you, that is going to be a very tough task. Right now these girls have you all figured out and they know what your up to.

On top of that, if you ever made any advances with one or both of them, they would check back once again with their friend to make sure they werent being played as before.

 

[khamulee]

Well I am from a little town. And here maintaining Multiple Relationships in school is bit tough. coz everyone know everyone. So if any of your friends saw you with any girl, then he shall pass that message with someone else, and that’s how everyone will know about your relationship.

 

[888]

I actually did try to play it smart and try to do it with girls from different schools; what was dumb was that, despite going to different schools, they still had a few really close common friends, and thats what ended up screwing me. I live near the city, its not exactly a small-town environment, and one of the girls actually lives in a different STATE than I do, so it wasn't so much the proximity that got me as it was their friends who can't keep their mouths shut

:/

Anyway, situation update: Things are going pretty well actually with both of them. I have retained "different-state-girl" as a jealous friend, who wants to hook up but doesn't want to show any interest because she doesn't want to get messed with again (I've pulled sh*t like this on her at least 3 or 4 times now, idk why she puts up with it lol)

aaaaaaaaaand I went out with the other one as planned this weekend.

Despite it being a first date, and despite her living almost an HOUR away from where we went, SOMEHOW we made it back to her house and SOMEHOW I ended up making out with her in her room until somewhere around 11 or 12ish (I may or may not have been a DJ in a past life ).

The only issue I have with this girl are that her interest levels in me are unnaturally high (like near-crush level). Normally, this would be GREAT, as it would give me a lot of leeway and a lot of wiggle room in case I screw up. However, that is EXACTLY the problem: I'm still getting the hang of this DJ thing, and on my own, I'm probably not going to notice if I start reverting back to AFC habits. I'd rather have a girl who will keep me on my toes and give me immediate negative responses when I do something contrary to DJ principles, so I'll KNOW when and where I f*cked up, rather than have a girl who will be willing to overlook my mistakes. I find that when I'm with her I don't need to run a whole lot of routines or C&F lines, and my fear is that eventually I will stop trying to entirely.

So the question now is, how do I avoid becoming dulled by the security of a relationship? Now that I have a girlfriend (which, apparently, I do, after one date. I know, I know, I did it wrong, I'm not supposed to commit that easily), I have a bad feeling that I'm going to think I know everything there is about DJing (which I know I don't), or that I'm just going to stop caring about it, and that ultimately, I'll get completely screwed over and have to re-learn everything later on. How do I keep learning and developing as a DJ, despite these two hindrances (1: overly forgiving girl. 2: sense of security brought on by a relationship)

I haven't talked to her since going to her house (less than 6 hours ago, I got up at 6 this morning to type this up :yawn: ), so its not too late for me to back out if thats what I need to do; however, I don't know if that will continue to be the case once we start holding hands in school and I start to get those warm tingly emotions swelling up inside me.

WHEW. anyway. thats about it.

 

[eaglez1177]

I actually did try to play it smart and try to do it with girls from different schools; what was dumb was that, despite going to different schools, they still had a few really close common friends, and thats what ended up screwing me. I live near the city, its not exactly a small-town environment, and one of the girls actually lives in a different STATE than I do, so it wasn't so much the proximity that got me as it was their friends who can't keep their mouths shutAhh okk I see what happened. If you knew these girls had "close common friends", you must have at least had some feeling like "Hmm. Theres a chance im gonna get caught with this". But heck, the fact that they all know you have multiple girls in your life gives you social proof, which helps increase their attraction for you. (If a girl sees or knows a guy is spinning a few different plates, shes gonna feel more initial attraction to him than a guy who gets no ass whatsoever)

:/

Anyway, situation update: Things are going pretty well actually with both of them. I have retained "different-state-girl" as a jealous friend, who wants to hook up but doesn't want to show any interest because she doesn't want to get messed with again (I've pulled sh*t like this on her at least 3 or 4 times now, idk why she puts up with it lol)Hahah good. As long as your enjoying yourself, keep doin what your doin.

aaaaaaaaaand I went out with the other one as planned this weekend.

Despite it being a first date, and despite her living almost an HOUR away from where we went, SOMEHOW we made it back to her house and SOMEHOW I ended up making out with her in her room until somewhere around 11 or 12ish (I may or may not have been a DJ in a past life ). Be more confident in yourself. You make it sound like it was a miracle that you hooked up with her. And you drove an hour away just to see her? Or did she drive an hour to meet up and see you? I hope she drove to you.

The only issue I have with this girl are that her interest levels in me are unnaturally high (like near-crush level). Normally, this would be GREAT, as it would give me a lot of leeway and a lot of wiggle room in case I screw up. However, that is EXACTLY the problem: I'm still getting the hang of this DJ thing, and on my own, I'm probably not going to notice if I start reverting back to AFC habits. I'd rather have a girl who will keep me on my toes and give me immediate negative responses when I do something contrary to DJ principles, so I'll KNOW when and where I f*cked up, rather than have a girl who will be willing to overlook my mistakes. I find that when I'm with her I don't need to run a whole lot of routines or C&F lines, and my fear is that eventually I will stop trying to entirely.You have to understand that your going to encounter a bunch of girls like this in your lifetime. On top of that, you cant just expect them to act all exactly the same (Im referring to how you said you wanted a certain type of girl).

Yea sure, on the inside most girls are usually the same. They think with their feelings and usually have the same or similar ideas/notions about themselves and other guys. But on the surface (such as conversations), theyre pretty different. Some will be so into you that they wont care if you say or do anything AFCish, some will play really hard to get, and some will do both. Its all different.

That being said, you cant rely on the girl and how she acts to be the deciding factor of whether or not you go back to AFC habits. You cant say "ohh I want a girl like this" because often times you may or may not get that girl because theyre all different. Also, YOU have to maintain the change yourself. YOU need to continue and maintain the inner change that is inside you. Dont rely on the girl.

So the question now is, how do I avoid becoming dulled by the security of a relationship? Now that I have a girlfriend (which, apparently, I do, after one date. I know, I know, I did it wrong, I'm not supposed to commit that easily)HUH?! Why the hell would you make this girl your gf after goin out on one date!? WTF lol. You messed up bigtime here. Your rushing into things too fast, and you got caught in a relationship because this girl was really into you and you fell for it., I have a bad feeling that I'm going to think I know everything there is about DJing (which I know I don't)Hey, its really really hard to know every single thing about DJing and be a perfect "DJ". Im not perfect, and I dont know everything, but I dont let that bring my confidence down., or that I'm just going to stop caring about it, and that ultimately, I'll get completely screwed over and have to re-learn everything later on. How do I keep learning and developing as a DJ, despite these two hindrances (1: overly forgiving girl. 2: sense of security brought on by a relationship)If your hanging with this girl, and you get any sense that your reverting back to old AFC habits, just dont hang out with her as much and limit your time. Heck, that goes true for any person (guy or girl). If they have a bad influence on you, why would you still hang around and spend more time with them?

Usually guys revert back to old AFC habits when they get too attached to a girl, so just try to avoid that and spin other plates at the same fine. Know inside you that your going to continue to change yourself, but in a positive way, not change back to an AFC.

I haven't talked to her since going to her house (less than 6 hours ago, I got up at 6 this morning to type this up :yawn: ), so its not too late for me to back out if thats what I need to do; however, I don't know if that will continue to be the case once we start holding hands in school and I start to get those warm tingly emotions swelling up inside me.Oh and just to go back to how you made this girl your gf already. I would highly recommend you go to her and say "Look its nothing against you, but weve only went out once together and I want to get to know a girl better before I make her my gf." Dont say crap like "Ohh i still like you blah blah". No "feelings talk". Say something along the lines of what I told you, so that your not chained down to one girl and can still continue spinning other plates (without having to deal with all that drama about cheating on your gf)

WHEW. anyway. thats about it.

I know EXACTLY how this feels. Been through it a bunch of times.

 

[888]

lol

she drove to meet me, she drove me to her house, and then she drove me home. come on eaglez, give me SOME credit, i know better than to drive an hour away to see a girl!

and whoops about making it seem like i was putting her on a pedestal for hooking up with me. I thought I was being witty and sarcastic with the way i wrote that passage, but that apparently doesn't transmit very well over the internets. What I MEANT to imply was that it must have looked like it occurred through MAGIC, when really said "magic" was really just the result of how wonderfully smoooooooth i was haha. anyway.


I'll give her the whole "lets get to know each other first" speech. silly me, amateur mistake. I jumped at the opportunity without thinking.

and what do you mean "I still like you" ??? I never told her i liked her in the first place!

 

[eaglez1177]

lol

she drove to meet me, she drove me to her house, and then she drove me home. come on eaglez, give me SOME credit, i know better than to drive an hour away to see a girl!

and whoops about making it seem like i was putting her on a pedestal for hooking up with me. I thought I was being witty and sarcastic with the way i wrote that passage, but that apparently doesn't transmit very well over the internets. What I MEANT to imply was that it must have looked like it occurred through MAGIC, when really said "magic" was really just the result of how wonderfully smoooooooth i was haha. anyway.


I'll give her the whole "lets get to know each other first" speech. silly me, amateur mistake. I jumped at the opportunity without thinking.

and what do you mean "I still like you" ??? I never told her i liked her in the first place!

Hahaha k good just makin sure

And sometimes guys will say this cuz they dont want the girl to get the wrong impression if they decide to take a break from things. Ex: Guy tells girl they rushed into things, girl takes it the wrong way and thinks something is wrong, girl then wants confirmation from guy that hes still interested, then guy turns bigtime AFC and confesses that he "still likes her" to make the girl happy

 

[MrP]

I would suggest "casual dating". No LTR, no problems. And you still get the variety.

 

[888]

:/

we're not big on "casual dating" where i'm from; either you're hooking up with someone you're going out exclusively with or you're not hooking up at all. The one exception to this are drunken hookups at parties, but those don't really count anyway.

TBH, i don't even care for hookups that much. I just really enjoy being around women; I feel like I'm the absolute MAN when I'm talking to girls, and its just a HUGE ego trip for me . I have no misguided moral righteousness preventing me from trying to hook up with a bunch of girls; its just that right now I don't see any pragmatic reason in having more than one "official" girlfriend, aside from bragging rights.

i WILL however, continue to set up dates with multiple girls, "as friends." MUHAHAHAHAH

 

[MrP]

You should read Nine Ball by Jeff Allen. He had the same exact problem!

 

[samaste.march]

Multiple abusive relationships are a classic example of not expecting change without doing anything different. One thing I've seen is people leaving one abusive relationship for their rescuer, who in turn becomes abusive and so on. One way to avoid this is to take some time after ending a relationship to rediscover yourself. Even so, it is easy to miss red flags of new people who come into your life.

 

[888]

lol samaste...

completely off the mark. not at allllllllll what we're talking about in this thread

good try though. it would be pretty legit advice if we actually WERE discussing abusive relationships (which we aren't, lol)