Starting a relationship

[Ballie]

As I have discussed before, I have met a woman around my age who really appeals to me. She is a quality woman with the minimum criteria I will accept from a woman i.e:

1) financially independent
2) Own car
3) Lives in her own apartment - dont want live in relationships for the moment
4) Good looking
5) Sane with a sense of humour.
6) Feeds fondles and fvcks me

She's all of the above and more. The only problem is that I'm not 100% sure since my last two relationships were with wacko women who went out their way to fvck me around and I don't want a repeat performance.

But I am willing to take a chance and with what I have learned from this forum is pure gold to attract and keep a quality women.

She wants excutivity and I dont want to develope onenitist. Do I keep other options like dating other women meeting for drinks etc - but only as friends?
I believe exclusitity means that you only fvck one women?

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi there Ballie,
Exclusivity....Yeah a big call....but so is finding someone compatible at your age.....there is a strong probability that she might turn out as your previous Ladies,but maybe you have become smart...Mate there is no need to jump in at the Deep end is there?just give her three maybe four nights a week and then date other chicks without rubbing her nose in the dirt on the other nights,if after six months she can still keep up her current persona,you might have struck it lucky,assuming that after say 18 months things are still good,then give her the exclusivity she wants,but moving in with them,is the kiss of death...Be Lucky Brother.

 

[jophil28]

She wants excutivity and I dont want to develope onenitist. Do I keep other options like dating other women meeting for drinks etc - but only as friends?
I believe exclusitity means that you only fvck one women?

What exactly do you want from this woman? You have written about what she wants from you , but ....?

Can you "feel" an LTR developing and you think that your 'wackjob detector' needs fresh batteries just in case this latest crush turns out like the last couple ?

 

[decades]

Be able and prepared to Walk. It's simple in concept but tough to do. But I don't think you need much more than that as a basis to go forward.

 

[Ballie]

Thanks for the replys. I have been in the single trenches for 2 years now and have not met a woman close to this one. A LTR would at this stage be good for me and she is a caring woman. It is not that I am short of options as I have moved to a new suburb and we only see each other on weekends.
I already have a date lined up for next week, was not sure to do so, but I trust my gut feel. Who knows what she is up to when I am not around? Especially now she has had sex again (Her husband died a year ago)

I do not trust any woman at this stage - so I will not commit to anything. Might as well enjoy the relationship while it lasts.

 

[sodbuster]

Maybe agree to sexual exclusivity,but not the rest of dating,until you know each other better.

 

[Ballie]

feedback

I started this thread and after last night I know the answer. I used to belong to a singles supper club and the guy who runs it knows that I am in a relationship - but as he says "I am single during the week". Anyway, he was short of guys to partner the woman so he asked me to join them for dinner.

My gf knows I go out during the week - she also knows that I can, easily pick up a bit of los "stray pvssy" if I wanted to, but I won't. So she does not make an issue of it.

There were about 12 people there, half men, half women. The women know that I have a gf some are OK about it as they blatently asked if we were having s*x. One did not approve of me going out and talking to women. I retorted that this was a supper club, not a dating service or a swingles scene (she ended up flirting with me lol). But the consenses was that it was OK as long as I didn't sleep with anyone else.

This is the DJ thing - have a LTR but keep the options open

 

[MisterMcGee]

No, thats the player thing.

 

[Ballie]

No, thats the player thing.

Thats exactly what the women said - just a shaming statement! I am a man who has options and women want to see you enslaved by pvssy.

I am rather confussed with this "plate spinning" mentality though, I rather only have s*x with one women at a time. Maybe I am too honest, I cannot keep up the deception of multiple partners - they do sense if their is someone else has been my experience when I was last single.

 

[MacAvoy]

Becoming exclusive with a woman means the both of you talk about not dating or seeing anyone else. The dating with others comes to an end.

Never ask a women to become exclusive. She must ask YOU. She must talk about it FIRST.
Why? If a woman hasn't asked you yet it means she is still open to seeing others. She still has DOUBTS about you. Highly interested women don't want you going out with other women.

A woman asking for exclusivity is like a 'marriage proposal'. She is cementing and laying the foundation for true intimacy.
She wants something that's lasting. It is the ULTIMATE test of interest, guys. She is 'proposing'.

If you ask first, you will never know her true interest level. Why didn't she bring it up? How come she is still letting you see others? Why isn't she CLOSING her options? Is she seeing someone else?

Think about it.

AD

in other words he said it like this:

You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to trap the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

 

[Mr. Me]

>> I cannot keep up the deception of multiple partners >>

A real DJ, a real man, doesn't need to resort to deceit to get what he wants. One uses deceit out of FEAR that honesty will backfire on them. "Honesty", BTW, doesn't mean coughing up details. I let them all know up front that we're all free agents. That's being honest.

I'm finding myself now in a similar position. One girl I'm seeing, I like a lot (a Marisa Tomei resemblance, can you blame me?), And I have two other women. Okay, so, the first gal wants to be my Number One. She doesn't how many others I may be seeing, she doesn't know what I'm doing with them, how often I may see them, no details are given. Oh, she asks, for sure, and I answer with "Why are you asking? Do you want to join us?" and I keep deflecting with humor and she laughs and stops her asking.

And you know what? Them knowing there are other women does NOT deter them from going out with me. If anything, Kitty Kats Kompete.

 

[Ballie]

feedback

I started this thread in the begining of the year and it's been some time now, you could call this a LTR by now I suppose. Though I would let the boys know what I learned:

1) Don't move in together. We live in different suburbs about 15 Km apart
and only see each on weekends. One day at my place, the next at hers
2) Make the time you are together fun - you have build up steam during the
week so you can shag like bunnies.
3) Vary the sex so that she looks forward to seeing you again. You will be
surprised on what an older woman is prepared to do!
4) Phone every second day during the week to keep in touch.
5) Go out during the week with your buddies or alone and do what you want.
6) Make sure she knows that you will not marry again since you too old for
kids and that is the only reason to get married.
7) Both parties need to trust each other so don't cheat - you have a GF why
risk losing her for some Ho.
8) Make her know that you are in charge and you will walk if she is
disrespectful.

This is working for me - If it sounds macho, tuff girls. - A real lady want's a real man

 

[Warrior74]

in other words he said it like this:

You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to trap the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

when i can rep you for this, i will. spot on.

 

[zekko]

Exclusivity....Yeah a big call....but so is finding someone compatible at your age....

Why should finding someone compatible be difficult at the OP's age (52)? I always thought it should get easier as you get older. Men don't live as long as women, so theoretically the available dating pool should get larger and larger the longer a man lives. Also, a lot of guys want younger women (I'm guilty of this myself), so if you like ladies your own age you should have a large selection, who should appreciate the attention.

 

[jophil28]

Why should finding someone compatible be difficult at the OP's age (52)? I always thought it should get easier as you get older. Men don't live as long as women, so theoretically the available dating pool should get larger and larger the longer a man lives. Also, a lot of guys want younger women (I'm guilty of this myself), so if you like ladies your own age you should have a large selection, who should appreciate the attention.

You make some interesting points. Its true that there are many more single and available women in the over 50 age group. However there are very good reasons why they are still single at that age. (leave out the widows)
Someone pointed to this in a recent post. These woman have mostly been in a few LTRs after their marriage broke up. You have to wonder why they keep getting tossed back on the single pile...

 

[realsmoothie]

Someone pointed to this in a recent post. These woman have mostly been in a few LTRs after their marriage broke up. You have to wonder why they keep getting tossed back on the single pile...

Yeah. I'm only 35, but it feels to me like a lot of the single women out there in their 30's or higher are seriously damaged goods. My parents are always like "why don't you date someone your own age... young girls are crazy!". My response is that they're all crazy, it's just a matter of which kind.

 

[zekko]

These woman have mostly been in a few LTRs after their marriage broke up. You have to wonder why they keep getting tossed back on the single pile...

One reason is that keeping together a LTR or marriage is not an easy thing in this day an age. There are a lot of pressures to bear from society that want to tear you apart. Anyway, if you're on the single pile yourself at this age, you might ask yourself the same question (not sure why I'm sticking up for the older gals since I like women in their 30s. But I would definitely date a woman my age if she appealed to me).

Another plus for these women, by this time if they have any kids they're probably old enough to have moved out.

 

[Tictac]

Ballie,

I'm a bit older than you. And I've been single for a while now. Like you, I find it confusing to be sexually involved with a number of women (chalk that up to a 24-year marriage). Not that it isn't fun and an ego boost.

I am involved with two fine women at the moment with a third in the mix. That will likely dwindle as either of the two I am most involved with meet my very high standards - physically, sexually, personally and socially. They are very different but both fine women.

As for being 'thrown back on the pile', one was married to a covert alcoholic, the other's husband went wack at 40 and took up with his secretary. Sometimes it not the woman who's the reason.

I live near New York and there is no shortage of eligible women to date, bed and maybe get involved with. I prefer a short list and maybe, eventually just one woman. I am in no hurry to get to monogamy but am drifting that way.

Oneitis may be bad for high school and college kids. But if you develop good DJ instincts and practices, you can find one woman that is good for you. It just takes time to choose well. So take that time.

Tictac

 

[jophil28]

Another plus for these women, by this time if they have any kids they're probably old enough to have moved out.

Another minus for these women -
Even if their children have moved out, it is common for these women to have recruited their children in their younger years to be her companions,comforters and confidantes.
Divorced woman with young children have no problem using their children as their primary sounce of emotional intimacy. These kids are compelled to "be there for mom", to listen to her emotional dumps about their Dad and how awful he is, and to provide for her emotional emptiness.
She explains it to outsiders, "We are a very close family" or "..My children are my life " Which means that she expects them to devote their lives to her.

This clingy need of her children does not suddenly stop when they move out into their first dorm. The pattern is set.