So here goes my first entry (kind of a summary of where I am now).
This girl and I have been seeing each other for about 4 months now, but I've known her for over 2 years. About eight months ago we really started talking and hanging out and made out a couple times when we were drunk. Then summer started and I went home for the summer while she stayed at school. I knew she liked me and that I was starting to like her but I thought things would slowly die when I went home for the summer. Instead we ended up talking every day and eventually telling each other that we liked each other. I made her tell me first and I didn't tell her until 2 weeks later. After 2 months of being home I returned to school and we had decided to be basically date without the title. We were hanging out all the time, hooking up, and things were good and we both really liked each other.
Then one night I got drunk and hooked up with another girl. This is where I first think I began to lose the control in the relationship. The next day before I could tell her what had happened her friend who happened to be at the party had broken the news to her. She called me crying and told me we were done. After a couple days of me apologizing and basically begging for a second chance she told me she was willing to work on things and start over but that it would take her a while and we weren't together anymore for the time being. About a week later she got drunk and went out and hooked up with a friend. As soon as it was over she called me crying and telling me what she did and asking me to forgive her. After a couple days, I basically told her the same thing she told me when I hooked up with the other girl (this was another time I think I lost a lot of control and respect from her).
After this incident it took us about a month to get to where we had been before but eventually we were hanging out and hooking up again. Things were good again until we went on a road trip together. On the trip I was supposed to meet her mom one night. Before meeting her and her mom at a college football game, I went out with some friends and got black out drunk and ended up having her and her mom find me being questioned by the police. They helped me get home but you can imagine she wasn't happy with me the next morning. She told me we were done and that we could still be friends but after I had ****ed up again like this that we were just friends from now on. After me basically begging again (bad I know) she said that we could work on things but she still thought we should take a break.
This is where I really lost control in the relationship. After a week of working on things and not making much progress I told her I loved her. She hadn't told me yet but I had known for a couple weeks that I really did and I had a feeling that she did too. When I told her she told me she did too and it seemed as if me telling her had fixed things between us for the most part. We began hanging out and acting like a couple again but she was witholding sex from me saying she didn't want to have sex again until she felt like I really had everything together and things were good between us. After a month we still hadn't had sex again and it was almost time for winter break. I told myself that if things didn't change in the week before break that when I went home for break I was going to make a serious effort to change things in our relationship.
As you can guess they didn't change and so when I got home for break I started reading doclove's book and I also eventually found this forum. I began using what I was learning and we ended up hanging out over break and when we did we had sex. Since then I think I've slowly started to gain some control back as I've started following what I have learned. I especially noticed today when she said it seems like I'm not crazy like I used to be and that it drives her crazy and frustrates her but I can tell that her interest level is starting to climb again.
Anyways, I started this journal because tomorrow her and I return to school and I want to make sure that I stay focused and do not stray from the system once I am seeing her on an every day basis again.
