Starting a conversation

[Magnatolia]

Hi Guys,

I've got a question. I've discovered that my main fear seems to be actually starting a conversation with someone in public. I tend to freeze up and don't do anything. There's this girl that walks past me each day on the bus and I can't even bring myself to say hello. I've been reading that our inner voice is what stops us, and usually our mind provides negative visual images, however I have the problem with my inner voice but I actually receive positive visuals. I just can't bring myself to act on them.

With the example above, I picture myself saying hello then tapping the seat next to me and saying 'have a seat.' But I don't do it and then when she's walked past I end up cursing myself.

I've read posts where people say to just do it but I've tried that and I can't do it.

It seems to be starting a conversation with a stranger that gets me. Once I've been talking with someone for a while I relax a bit.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks
Jason

 

[everywomanshero]

Down Under Mate

Fly me to Australia. I'll help you first hand free of charge. I know exactly how to handle this. I went through it myself. We'll spend a weekend in the nearest large city.

 

[xblitz44x]

There are some guys who can just fire up conversations without thinking about it, and others who second guess themselves and the situation they are in (ie: "Wouldn't it be creepy to just starting talking to this person out of nowhere?") The best thing you can do is to put yourself in her situation. What approach could somebody make that would help YOU feel the most comfortable? Empathy goes a long way. Picture an attractive lady sitting across from you, what would you like her to say? Would you really be that concerned about *how* she started the conversation? Probably not. Most likely the people you want to talk to would be happy to speak to you if you went about it in a classy, non-intrusive fashion.

Blitz

 

[Docs]

Don't pat the seat..you're not experienced enough to pull that.

Convosations start somewhere, even saying hi can turn into a convo.

So next time you see her, say 'Hi there.'

Only a biatch would not answer back. From there, find a topic, who cares what it is...weather, food, coffee...her?

You go from there, we can't help you past that.

 

[bobbob]

Use an opener. Go to fastseduction.com. The stuff on this site absolutely sucks when it comes to conversation related topics.

I mean come on, the weather? Ya thats gonna spark her interest ...

 

[xblitz44x]

Originally posted by bobbob
Use an opener. Go to fastseduction.com. The stuff on this site absolutely sucks when it comes to conversation related topics.

I mean come on, the weather? Ya thats gonna spark her interest ...

The weather might not be the most interesting topic but he can transition that into other, more interesting topics. His difficulty is getting a thread started. And you can bet that the weather has less of a chance of creeping her out than a stranger trying to discuss "Elvis's blonde hair" right away.

 

[Docs]

I love the morons that can't see how things evolve. The weather...is so much more then..yea..it's cloudy out.

Yes...looks simplistic and gay to you, but to someone that knows how to properly carry a conversation, it's a stepping stone to the real thing. Not everything needs a canned line or some lame ass ****y comment to talk to someone.

 

[Q-Pid]

Accidently bump into her

"Oops sorry...why helloooooooooooo there!"

 

[BrotherAP]

Damn this website to hell

I typed a great response, took me 15 minutes, and all I got was that stupid screen of death about the database error... pfftt

Anyway, the gist of my post was that with practice you will grow more comfortable with conversations as you get more practice. The weather may seem like a boring topic, but the most interesting topic in the world is wasted if you don't start a conversation to begin with.

Practice and you will soon find much more interesting things to talk about, and after you have had many conversations you will learn how to be a great conversationalist.

About breaking the ice, I'll quote DirtyVibe "There is no ice"

You know that comfortable feeling that replaces the initial anxiety after the conversation has already started? Your goal should be to feel like that before you have said anything. Every since reading that tip, I have been able to squash my approach anxiety by simply telling myself "there is no ice". It reminds me, and makes me believe, that the only thing keeping me quiet is me.

I've realized that most girls are also nervous to talk to strangers. Don't assume she's not talking to you because she doesn't to. She may be just waiting for you to 'break the ice', so to speak.

 

[everywomanshero]

No fatties

I went out last night using the Pez opener, which isn't my favorite. I went to 2 department stores. The mistake I made was "warming" up on a fattie. Both her and her relative started stalking me, and kept talking to me everytime they'd see me.

It's really quite simple... you turn your mind totally off and go on autopilot. The less thinking you fo the better.

I tried NLP and different "fear management" techniques, I tried anchoring positive feelings with rubber bands, and to be honest I think all of these things are total crap. If you believe strongly enough that *anything* will work then it will. Might as well give yourself the placebo sugar pill.

It comes down to this: Do you want to get good with women or not? Do you want to get laid by the hottest chicks possible? If the answer is yes then you must learn these skills. You must have the balls to meet new women in bars, bookstores, and other venues.

You will make excuses saying your hair isn't perfect, shirt isn't the right color, or your friend canceled. None of those are acceptable excuses. You are alone in this pursuit. Try to get a good support system, but ultimately you will be approaching girls alone. You will suffer the consequences of your choices all by yourself.

Another to bear in mind is that once you get good with women you will learn some nasty secrets. Will you be able to get married after taking numbers from fiances while her man is in the bathroom, after having bedded a dozen or more married women while the husbands are sleeping? Some guys might prefer to live in ignorance to what is going on every single day with hundreds of thousands of guys who are either naturally good with women or have developed game by studying.

 

[silverfox]

Try this

You - Excuse me, can I ask you a question?
Her - OK
You - Do you know how much the average polar bear weighs?
Her - Um...no.
You - Me either, but I bet it's enough to break the ice. My name's Magnatolia...

Well OK, you'd need ballz of steel and cast iron self confidence to pull that cheese off.

I've been in the same situation as you and long before I found this site. I completely disregarded the 3 second rule (more like the 3 month rule.)

I was quaking about all the things that could go wrong but as long as you act natural you can say pretty much anything within reason. As long as you don't come across as a drooling perv who was just got out of some secure facility she will probably talk to you.

FWIW - I was convinced my approach would go badly wrong. I opened naturally, she was friendly (From my limited approach experience I think most girls will be.) We chatted, I got to know her a little more, found out that she had a BF and that I wasn't as attracted to the real her as I had been to my idealised version of her when I was admiring from afar. I was just pleased that I finally grew a pair and talked to her.

If you act natural and she cuts you down and is rude then that says more about her than you. But at least you'll know for sure. Right now you are just wondering. You want to be wondering in 10, 15, 50 years time?

What could happen?

Worst case - She rips you apart. I bet in a few weeks you will be telling your friends about how this girl tore you a new one and you'll be laughing about it harder than anyone. "When cold approaches go bad - coming soon to DVD"

Best case - use your imagination.

Whatever happens you will feel pleased that you found the guts to do something.

Ok I've said enough. Let us know how you get on.

 

[eLMac]

Decircumcise and you will be more motivated to approach.

 

[The Nice Guy is Gone]

I didn't even get through all of this

I just started my new job last month, but two weeks ago, this hb started. I have just recently been crossing her path often, though not by design, it just happened that way.

Well, anyway, I figured I'd get her number yesterday; no opportunities there, so today, it was my mission.

I knew we would be crossing each other's paths, so each time, I just said a little more. It started out with how her day was going, because we were both very busy, and I knew it.

Basically, you can start with how is your day going? If they say bad, ask them why. What this does is get them talking and they will start thinkg about you and quit thinking about the bad day they had. You can go from there to show you are listeneing, but make little humourous remarks here and there, but not too often.

Basically, all you have to do is tell yourself that you have nothing to fear, because you really don't.

 

[Reagan]

Originally posted by bobbob
Use an opener. Go to fastseduction.com. The stuff on this site absolutely sucks when it comes to conversation related topics.

I mean come on, the weather? Ya thats gonna spark her interest ...

:crackup: Man, you just owned Docs like the World Trade center. Oh god that was such a burn. He probably fell down.

 

[Docs]

Yea, I was lighting a cigarette with a BBQ torch when I read that. I started to laugh and started hitting the desk with the damn thing still on..and it caught on some papers. I fell backwards after noticing, holy ****, that was entertaining.