Standing Up To People Who Give You S**T

EverywhereMan

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2005
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Location
London, UK
When going to school, the number one philosophy that my family
told me to follow when dealing with bullies was to "just ignore them".
I followed this to a 'T', and of course, bullies quickly worked out
that I would take their sh** like a b*tch. Mostly verbal abuse, and some actions that they would do just to piss me off.

I would just pretend they weren't there, and that they weren't doing anything, and this is the worst part- KEEP ON SMILING AND JOKING!

Fast forward to today, and I'm an extremely together guy, but I still
indulge in this ***** behaviour occasionally.

There'll be some d**khead giving me sh**, and I'll automatically ignore
it. I end up coming off as a complete p**sy to everybody around me, and this definitely will hurt my game. (Everyone will agree that a very high priority for a female is a guy whose not afraid to stand up for himself. I would say that I'm not afraid, I just have a false belief that the best thing to do is to ignore them).

I'm not talking about random thugs in the street, but people who I KNOW, blatently disrespecting me infront of all my friends.

Say, for example, that this happens in a night out at the pub. For the next few days, I'll have quite low self-esteem. I cannot allow this to happen again!

Of course, I've repeated over and over again to myself that
next time it happens, I'll protect my honour, with words, and as a last resort, actions.

However it's not like being afraid to start a conversion with a female, because I can't decide *when* it will next happen. I'm not a jerk, so I won't initiate a conflict with someone, just so I can feel macho. I have no control over *when*, so I just have to be on my guard.

When the current term/semester ends, I'm going to enroll in some sort of martial art (Tae Kwon Doe, most likely). This is by far the weakest part of my character, and I'm only now starting to deal with it head on. I know I'll feel so much more confident when this is dealt with.

It would be helpful if guys who have experienced the same kind of thing as me could tell me how they dealt with it. I imagine that standing up for yourself is a basic thing that is self-taught in school for most guys, but I never went through this process!

cheers.
 

D'light

Don Juan
Joined
May 8, 2002
Messages
175
Reaction score
0
Age
39
i noticed in high school i got picked on a lot. in college i NEVER get picked on. it might be because the people here are simply more mature, or maybe because im pretty jacked now and carry myself a hell of a lot better. i think a lot of it has to do with how you carry yourself. ive never been in a fight, but most of my friends think i could kick their @sses and pretty much everyone elses just because of the above two reasons. you get this going for you, and people wont mess with you in the first place. thats how its been for me at least...
 

roguenoir

New Member
Joined
Feb 13, 2005
Messages
8
Reaction score
0
Avoid being near them in the first place if possible.

DON'T smile or joke if they piss you off.

If it's something minor, just try your best to ignore it without feeling bad about it. If it's more serious, then tell them you don't appreciate what they've said or done. They may physically hurt you but it'll still feel better than submitting to the **** they subject you to. Plus, your friends will see you as someone who stands up for themselves.
 

EverywhereMan

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2005
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Location
London, UK
Originally posted by D'light
you get this going for you, and people wont mess with you in the first place. thats how its been for me at least...
I do have confident body language, but I'm a little below average in build. I think people would judge me to be able to hold my own in a fight.

I consider myself to be an extremely confident and fun loving person, and I think that some people can't handle this and want to take me down a notch.

But your right, this type of thing will occur a lot less when I get "jacked" too.
 

earthshyne

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 23, 2005
Messages
210
Reaction score
0
Location
Waterloo Region, Ontario, Canada
Never argue with someone you don't know, because you don't know what kind of rage they're carrying.
 

Desdinova

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 15, 2004
Messages
11,640
Reaction score
4,717
It takes a while to recover from a stupid teaching you've learned from childhood. I was in the same boat. Now people are afraid of pissing me off.

The biggest thing to learn first is how to stand up for yourself in even the smallest situations. Start with people who are close to you such as family and friends. Even if you get nowhere with them, you'll be proud of yourself for standing up to them.
 

rgeere

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 25, 2003
Messages
1,930
Reaction score
1
Location
Fort Worth, Texas
You can do what I did in middle-school and high-school I guess.

Look around at the guys who are picking on you, and pick out a guy who is someone you think you can take, but treats enough people like sh;t that they would side with you for beating the crap out of him.

Hit him in the nerve that is centered right back between the jaw about where the teeth end, a direct hit to that area will knock him so silly that he will collapse to the ground and will whobble when he tries to get back up.

This way, you will not have to fight every single bully that makes fun of you and other people will respect you for standing up for yourself.

Atleast this is the way I handled bullies when I was younger and in school, safe to say I wasn't bothered a whole lot.
 

rgeere

Master Don Juan
Joined
May 25, 2003
Messages
1,930
Reaction score
1
Location
Fort Worth, Texas
I would like to note that I am not advocating adults to do this necessarily. It would be better for an adult to learn assertive verbal skills and talk things out. Violence is not tolerated very much in society even when it is for a just cause.
 

check_mate_kid_uk

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 27, 2004
Messages
2,083
Reaction score
4
Location
UK
Originally posted by EverywhereMan
When going to school, the number one philosophy that my family
told me to follow when dealing with bullies was to "just ignore them".
thats funny, my dad always told me to stand up to bullies and hit them back. He always always told me this and said, "if you get in trouble at school for doing so i wont mind, and you should not care either, if a teacher wants to put you in a detention for it tell them to talk to me"
 

Mojo604

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 18, 2005
Messages
224
Reaction score
0
Age
39
Location
Vancouver
Learn to throw a good body shot (I box :D). When it comes to friends or acquaintances talkin **** down on you, just hit em with a mean shot to the gut that'll suck the air out of them (solar plexes)...theyll be in fetal position begging for mercy in a matter of seconds.-- Then just play if off as simply 'play fighting' lol...and while hes on the floor like a bytch, remind him never to say anything to you like that again, then just laugh it off and continue calmly doing what you were doing before. lol I dont recommend doing this anywhere in public. Ive done this twice in my house- worked like a charm... first it was my cousin, then a friend of a friend... They are all the more friendlier with me now. as a matter of fact, were more friends than we were before.
not recommended for the older people of course :cool: .
 

earthshyne

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 23, 2005
Messages
210
Reaction score
0
Location
Waterloo Region, Ontario, Canada
Originally posted by Mojo604
Learn to throw a good body shot (I box :D). When it comes to friends or acquaintances talkin **** down on you, just hit em with a mean shot to the gut that'll suck the air out of them (solar plexes)
Oh, fer GAWD's sake... You're kidding, right? A real man never strikes the first blow. It takes far more courage to resist the urge to hit somebody in the belly than it does to just wind up and whack them. The instinct is strike is based on pure emotion, nothing more, and as men we control our emotions, they do not control us.

Now, if they strike you first, that's different. But to thud someone because - in your perception - they dissed you is an invitation to a well-deserved beating, possibly arrest and so forth.

Grow up. And if you try one of those body shots to me I'll break your arm at the elbow. It takes less than 1/3 of a second.
 

Fatality

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 20, 2004
Messages
1,010
Reaction score
3
Also you should realize that these people disrespecting and picking on you are probably very insecure and unhappy with their lives.
 

Don_Joffe

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Dec 25, 2004
Messages
338
Reaction score
0
Age
38
Location
Cape Town
If someone tuned me Id hit them. Until they know not to tune me again. Ive done that twice, and they havent said a word after that.
 

EverywhereMan

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 17, 2005
Messages
24
Reaction score
0
Location
London, UK
I think martial arts is definitely the way to go. I've got this friend, who's so into Tae-Kwon Do, he promotes it to everyone in the same way as a Jehovas witness promotes the Lord (well, he doesn't go door to door, but he's one step away!).

It would be nice to have the supreme confidence of those martial arts types. Of course, it would take a lot of commitment. Is it possible to do this stuff for, say, a year? Then, when i have the basic self-defense material under my thumb, I could stop going to classes?

I would guess not, in the same way that if you wanted to play the guitar, you couldn't give up practicing, and then suddenly do a concert.
 

Capt.Jack Sparrow

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 3, 2003
Messages
857
Reaction score
8
Age
35
Location
Fontana, California
hey i didnt read your post but:

I see that you only get bullied if you look dorky for example, dorky haircut, dorky clothing, glasses and all that.

Maybe thats the problem?

I'm only 135 lbs, 5'7 and noone bothers me.

Also people say I look like I'm cut and think I can fight. Ofcourse I used to box and taken down my bigger friends in boxing matches or going body shots with them (blows only to the body)

Some guy thats about 3-4 inches taller and weighs like 30-40 more pounds is scared of me.

All I can say is dont take **** from anyone or if your not a fighter than you can just simply go on ignoring them..
 

Mojo604

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Feb 18, 2005
Messages
224
Reaction score
0
Age
39
Location
Vancouver
Originally posted by earthshyne
Oh, fer GAWD's sake... You're kidding, right? A real man never strikes the first blow. It takes far more courage to resist the urge to hit somebody in the belly than it does to just wind up and whack them. The instinct is strike is based on pure emotion, nothing more, and as men we control our emotions, they do not control us.

Now, if they strike you first, that's different. But to thud someone because - in your perception - they dissed you is an invitation to a well-deserved beating, possibly arrest and so forth.

I did that when i was like 17, man. And I wasnt reacting on emotion, or instinct.


Grow up. And if you try one of those body shots to me I'll break your arm at the elbow. It takes less than 1/3 of a second.
lol ooh nnoooo... spare me.:D

A real man never strikes the first blow. It takes far more courage to resist the urge to hit somebody in the belly than it does to just wind up and whack them
...and wtf is this? ...a real man? hah... its not like this was a street fight... in a real fght, your a fool to give up the initiative.
Ive resisted hitting so many deserving idiots my whole life- looking back, I was wrong to hold back in many occasions.
And why would I want to wind up and wack the dude in the face? ...im not really tryin to hurt the guy.
 

Engetsu

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 3, 2002
Messages
471
Reaction score
0
Age
38
Location
Montreal
Originally posted by earthshyne
Never argue with someone you don't know, because you don't know what kind of rage they're carrying.
That's faggot advice. Sorry. You should ALWAYS stand up for yourself, more preferably with a joke.
 

BxPrince24

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Mar 5, 2005
Messages
421
Reaction score
1
I've never been in a fight nor have I ever been picked on or bullied. Maybe it's my look, maybe it's because I'm cool with a lot of ppl, or because I'm not desrespectful to ppl and I don't hang with the thugs or whatever. But I'm sure that if I was being bullied I'd stand up for myself, whether we fight or not, and if we do fight, i don't care if i can't physicaly take the guy, i'm gonna go to town on their a$$. I'm gonna punch them in the neck or hit them behind the head and knock them out. I know a little dim mak, and i know how to knock a guy out on spot or make them unable to think correctly or kill them with a hit. In a fight i can't come in like some expert martial artist because that crap just isn't real in a real fight, but i guarantee you, i'll get to one of those vulnerable areas and knock him out. I don't play nor do I start trouble so I shouldn't be bothered and I'm not.
 

California Love

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2004
Messages
659
Reaction score
0
Location
The Bay Area
Earthshyne,

I'm sorry to say, but you've given terrible advice in this thread. It is not noble nor dignified to take the first blow or to fear "pent up rage." Landing the first blow is crucial, putting yourself on the offensive and giving you the upper hand in stability and control of the fight.
 
Top