Standards and desperation..

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Ok. I'm making this thread because I'm worried about my "field-work" lately. My standards with women have always been very high. Maybe even unrealistic. I found the dreamgirl and was with her for 3,5 years. Like many other guys you always think you can do better or atleast find someone equally good when in a relationship with a beautiful girl. My confidence was sky-high and I took her for granted. I lost her over 1,5 years ago and this is not a thread of oneitis btw. I thought I could get a girl like that easily, but I have been single the whole time after the breakup and that's NOT due to lack of trying to pick up chicks. I'm constantly sarging and sometimes I feel like I have improved alot. I just still haven't found anyone that I like that likes me back in the same way.

Frustration and desperation is the result of all my failures. I don't give two ****s about being rejected. I don't care about that stuff anymore, I get right back on the horse and won't allow it to affect me. However I do get more and more desperate when I have dry-spells and this is where the problem lies. I lower my standards!! It only happens when I'm drunk and it's as far away from being a DJ as you can get! I always start out trying for the hottest ones, but when that fails I just sarge a UG or a HB4-5 because it's so easy. In the last 2 weeks i've fvcked 2 girls that I wouldn't even turn my head after, even if they were nude, if I were sober. This has become a problem for me. I regret it the next day, but I still wash, rinse, repeat!!
I have to add though, that I recently hooked up with a HB8.5 when I was abroad that was willing to come home with me for sex, but I had to catch a plane My alcohol level was perfect that day and the pick-up was textbook. Flawless. And then when i get home and go out drinking the next day, I make out with UG3. It's rediculous!! WHY do I do this?!? Please explain.

I've also had some problems when I'm on dates. I've dated a few really beautiful girls lately, but I fail to keep up the initial interest. I think I'm good at creating attraction initially, but very bad at creating rapport and making the girls feel emotionally close to me This is by far my biggest stickingpoint. I think I'm an interesting and fun dude, but somewhere along the lines I fail. I'm not the most handsome guy around, but fairly decent looking I think. Maybe a 7. Even though my picture on hotornot got 7.7. It's my "Best photo" lol. Guys think that I have good success with girls, but there might be something with my looks that appeal more to guys than to girls it seems.

What do you suggest I do? I certainly won't stop drinking and partying when I sarge, but I'll try to control it a bit better. But we all know THAT's easier said than done... It sucks being afraid to walk out in public just in case you meet one of those beasts that you charmed while pissed Gaaahhh!!!

 

[AngelusPUA]

Frustration and desperation is the result of all my failures.

No frustration and desperation is a contributing factor to all your failures.

The problem as I see it is you are still comparing every girl to your EX, your comparing every girl to a hot girl you were dating for 3.5 years, your comparing love to lust. I will bet my last dollar when you approach a girl and within 2 min you have already subconsciously concluded that she can in no way measure up to your ex, so you sleep with her or that she can measure up, so you sabotage yourself.

You got this perfect image up on a pedestal of how beautiful and perfect you ex was and your subconscious is not about to let another girl come in and take her place. It will fight you with all it has, it will fight you to the bloody end and so far it’s winning. Then on the other side your subconscious is also trying to protect you, it’s putting up its defenses in anticipation of getting hurt again. It doesn’t want another perfect girl coming into your life again taking you ex’s place and then possibly inflicting the pain of a breakup.

Of course you will get bad results if you subconsciously think like this, then we throw in the excess alcohol consumption and were does that leave you? In a dry spell waking up next to a UG3 because your mind is sabotaging you from getting anyone the least bit attractive. You’re in a downward spiral, you sabotage yourself, you drink, you sleep with ugly girls and you repeat the process.

You want to sleep with HB’s you say? Who are you trying to convince?

It time to convince yourself man, convince yourself beyond any shred of doubt that you want to succeed, convince yourself that you want to move on with your life, God know she probably has……..

 

[\O/]

No frustration and desperation is a contributing factor to all your failures.

The problem as I see it is you are still comparing every girl to your EX, your comparing every girl to a hot girl you were dating for 3.5 years, your comparing love to lust. I will bet my last dollar when you approach a girl and within 2 min you have already subconsciously concluded that she can in no way measure up to your ex, so you sleep with her or that she can measure up, so you sabotage yourself.

You got this perfect image up on a pedestal of how beautiful and perfect you ex was and your subconscious is not about to let another girl come in and take her place. It will fight you with all it has, it will fight you to the bloody end and so far it’s winning. Then on the other side your subconscious is also trying to protect you, it’s putting up its defenses in anticipation of getting hurt again. It doesn’t want another perfect girl coming into your life again taking you ex’s place and then possibly inflicting the pain of a breakup.

I think you are reading to much into the ex-gf part. I just mentioned that to establish that my standards used to be high, especially for a LTR. I don't compare girls to her. I probably will though if i'm on my way into a LTR with someone, but I think that's normal. I'll compare both good AND bad sides. I do NOT have a perfect or ideal image of my EX. I wouldn't want her back even if I could. I don't have oneitis. The problem here isn't the past, it's the presens. I don't let the past control my current state. I'm not afraid of having my heart broken again. I'm sure that will happen many more times in my life, but it would never stop me from pursuing what I want from a girl or a relationship.

Of course you will get bad results if you subconsciously think like this, then we throw in the excess alcohol consumption and were does that leave you? In a dry spell waking up next to a UG3 because your mind is sabotaging you from getting anyone the least bit attractive. You’re in a downward spiral, you sabotage yourself, you drink, you sleep with ugly girls and you repeat the process.

You want to sleep with HB’s you say? Who are you trying to convince?

It time to convince yourself man, convince yourself beyond any shred of doubt that you want to succeed, convince yourself that you want to move on with your life, God know she probably has……..

My mind isn't sabotaging me from getting an attractive girl. I've made out with plenty of good looking girls aswell. The problem occurs when I have failed hooking up with the hot ones and just go "fvck it...I'll just grab that warpig there so that I will atleast get laid.."

I DO want to succeed and I'm trying hard to do so. I'm playing the field, dating, flirting with the ones I really want. I just sometimes fvck up somewhere in rapport-fase! And then I go to the HB4 and go directly from attract to close, because they are so easy..

Thanks for the reply though

 

[AngelusPUA]

If your mind isn't sabotaging why haven't you gone anywhere serious with attractive women? You yourself said you haven’t gone past the first date. I still think you are sabotaging yourself SUBCONCIOUSLY which mean you don’t know you’re doing it….

 

[bigmil]

Hooking up with ugly chicks will lower your self-esteem big time. You'll subconsciously tell yourself that you are not worthy of the really hot girl you are on the first date with. Believe it or not -- I think women can sense this -- they can tell by your responses whether or not you **** ugly chicks. It throws your confidence all out of whack. My advice is to look at those ugly girls like they aren't even on the menu -- and if you do slip -- don't beat yourself up over it and immediatly reprogram the experience in your mind -- keep telling yourself that she was at least cute b/c otherwise it will be highly corrosive to your self-worth and that will be reflected in your personality when you talk to hot girls.