Stage Fright

[DonutMan]

Alright I'm hitting my stride right now with my ability to meet girls and attract them. It's something that is actually a lot easier than I ever thought it would be once it clicked. I'm not playing the numbers game or running lines etc... I just go out and have fun (with or without meeting women) and be myself and the women have been coming through pretty steadily. Were not talking huge numbers here, but enough to keep me busy.

The problem is this. I have never had what I consider to be good sex outside of a long term relationship. So since I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago I have dated 8 women. Out of 8 of them I have kissed all of them, made out with 7, been naked in bed with 4 of them and successfully had bad sex with 1 of them. Basically I'm finding that I get in bed and at times my **** doesn't work or it does and when I go to put the condom on I lose it. I know it's mental but I'm having trouble getting over it and am looking for constructive advice. One of the girls I was with blew me and my **** was working fine but she refused to let me have intercourse with her so in my mind that wasn't a total failure.

I went out with a girl last night and wanted her so bad, but I left it on the table cause I got nervous. I could have gone home with her, no doubt, but I let it rest. I am gonna go out with her again so will have a chance at it. I liked her and don't want to **** it up by performing poorly though.

A few months ago I went to a Dr. and he tested my testosterone to make sure that wasn't the problem. He said it was fine I forgot exactly what it was but it was like 450 ng/dl I think. The ways I have thought of getting over this are: drinking less alcohol, getting into top notch physical condition again, perhaps trying a pill to get me passed the first time with new girls (I would prefer not to have to do this option).

OKAY....Please share your similar experiences and what you have done. This kind of **** is not easy to talk about, so I'm looking for constructive advice. Thanks fellas.

 

[Lexington]

It sounds like a purely psychological problem. Do you have any trouble gettin hard when you spank it to porn? If you don't, then it's not a physiological issue. This is a common thing and you'll see many threads about it.

It can be quite nerve wracking to have sex with someone for the first time. We have been conditioned to have lots of insecurities (is my d*ck big enough, is my technique right, will I last long enough, how am I compared to other dudes she's fvcked?).

The key is learning to focus on having fun. We must realize that we are responsible for the fun we have in bed. The more you focus on enjoying the experience for yourself, the more you will both enjoy it.

 

[Zarky]

4 naked women in bed in 4 months after a breakup? Impressive!

Yeah it's all in your head buddy. Drink more (but not too much) or do what I do when I think I may be in a situation that's not 100% "boner inducing"... order some sildenafil online. That's right, give it 3 weeks for delivery. You won't need more than 50mg.

Sure it's a crutch, but when you're boning multiple chicks -- and new ones -- you don't always get to do it where and when you feel most comfortable and you aren't always with the hottest of the hot. So in those circumstances I pop a sildenafil and it's one fewer thing I have to worry about.

With an hour's notice I could bone an 80 year old grandma on the 50 yard line at a Raiders game, no problem.

 

[Gro0ver]

I had a similar problem, in Jan I got out of a 9 year LTR (started at age 17) where my ex was on the pill. Didn't use condoms at all, and all of the sudden i had to use them again having never had good sex when using them.

I started stressing a bit about it as just like you I wasn't having problems attracting women, but i was concerned about performance particularly using condoms.

However I recently started seeing a girl who is on the pill and am now having great sex again.

On reflection I think my body (specifically my c&*k) has been "conditioned" to not use condoms over my LTR, therefore if i do use them i can't feel anything at all. Therefore I don't think I will ever have good sex out of a relationship, but that's not bothering me at the moment as i'm happy with my new lady.

My advice would be accept mentally that great sex comes with commitment to a girl, which will happen to you at some point and you need to just be patient until then. You're certainly not alone here, but the more relaxed and not giving a svit about it the better. There's nothing wrong with you physically so you just need to chill out about it and realise that a) it's not the most important thing and b) it will come with time.

If you take the above mindset it will help you more than anything else.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Donut,
look it's all in your mind....You are going really well in pulling the Birds,just having a few probs sealing the deal.....First thing,don't drink ANY alcohol....OK Claytons,or a 1% Beer....until you get into your stride,booze is out....Next,as you are leaving the Rendezvous,pop about a third of a Viagra,or half a Cialis ....usually Guys go to the little Boys,as they are leaving....Look that stuff would put lead in a Plaster Saints Pride and joy....I find even two or three standard drinks,or a very late night can make things difficult...Warning though...Be aware that,your sensitivity already down by using a condom,will be further diminished by the pill,as soon as she has come,if you think you aren't,then fake it.....This is a passing phase,as soon as you build up your confidence you will be right!

 

[Greasy Pig]

I've been there.
Here's what I did.
Cut back on masturbation. Seriously. One or two times a week at most.
Stop watching porn. I think it desensitises you to the real thing.

With no whacking off, you'll be one horny mutha and you'll be cracking hard ons all day. When you get with a chick, you might blow quicker than you'd like but at least you'll be hard and this will bring your confidence back.
Besides, her satisfaction is no concern of mine.

Also, don't be afraid to grab her hand to give you a bit of a crank just before you put the condom on. You could even get her to put it on, make it part of the foreplay.

I had that same testosterone test after suffering for years from stage fright. I'd wake up in the mornings with a hard on a cat couldn't scratch but when it came to sex, I'd lose it.

Try to relax and just let your mind and body do what it's supposed to do.

 

[blueeyedgent]

I agree wholeheartedly.

My issue isn't getting it up so much as getting to "full completion". Especially if its with someone I've been with for a while, whereas new girls I generally get excited as hell over.

I've been there.
Here's what I did.
Cut back on masturbation. Seriously. One or two times a week at most.
Stop watching porn. I think it desensitises you to the real thing.

With no whacking off, you'll be one horny mutha and you'll be cracking hard ons all day. When you get with a chick, you might blow quicker than you'd like but at least you'll be hard and this will bring your confidence back.
Besides, her satisfaction is no concern of mine.

Also, don't be afraid to grab her hand to give you a bit of a crank just before you put the condom on. You could even get her to put it on, make it part of the foreplay.

I had that same testosterone test after suffering for years from stage fright. I'd wake up in the mornings with a hard on a cat couldn't scratch but when it came to sex, I'd lose it.

Try to relax and just let your mind and body do what it's supposed to do.