Sprung a leak... Advice Please!

[DangNammit]

I have been in a ltr with a woman for nearly 6 months now. Things had been going smoothly for the most part...

This past couple weeks, I've noticed some pulling away on her part. My gut is telling me this, and I'm trusting my gut. She has some trust issues that seem to be feeding this, though I have given her no reason to lack trust in me.

I have the urge to confront her head-on and get to the bottom of this - to try to fix what ever is going on. BUT I have not done so. I told myself the next time I encountered this type of feeling / issue, I would simply pull back twice as hard as she.

What do you think? Should I confront this or pull back and let her figure out her own 5hit?

 

[jophil28]

I have been in a ltr with a woman for nearly 6 months now. Things had been going smoothly for the most part...

This past couple weeks, I've noticed some pulling away on her part. My gut is telling me this, and I'm trusting my gut. She has some trust issues that seem to be feeding this, though I have given her no reason to lack trust in me.

I have the urge to confront her head-on and get to the bottom of this - to try to fix what ever is going on. BUT I have not done so. I told myself the next time I encountered this type of feeling / issue, I would simply pull back twice as hard as she.

What do you think? Should I confront this or pull back and let her figure out her own 5hit?

What is SOP in these situations ?
I think that you know.

 

[backbreaker]

sprung a leak? your condom broke?

 

[DangNammit]

@B/B - Oh dear god no!

@Jophil - I'm turning off my phone.

 

[Bluntmaster]

When she pulls away, you are supposed to pull away more.

 

[Iceberg]

When she pulls away, you are supposed to pull away more.

Sounds funny, but you're right.

If he has some big "Don't pull away from me, I care about you!" conversation, it'll just push her away more.

I think the only time girls pull away is when they're bored. She needs to see that he has other options in life, and that he's a high-value guy.

 

[ecko280]

if this happens and we pull away, do we have sex or go on dates? or just not contact the girl until she wants to "hangout"

 

[jophil28]

if this happens and we pull away, do we have sex or go on dates? or just not contact the girl until she wants to "hangout"

"NO Contact" is a break-up technique to allow you to breakup and separate PERMANENTLY. It is not a distancing ploy that we use to artificially inflate her flagging interest level .

If you want to play the "pull away" game then you do it subtly and gradually. A woman will sense tiny shifts in your behavior and hopefully she will get "the message" even though a lot probably won't .
Secondly, you cannot re-negotiate desire, so talking to her about her spiralling IL is useless.IN fact it will make the situation worse because you will come off as a frightened sissy who fears the loss of her "love".

General wisdom here would include paying attention to, and being friendly and flirting openly with other women , spending more time with your buds and less with your g/f.
Working harder at your career is wise, and then get along to the gym frequently. Join social classes ,dance, fishing , hunt, tennis and so on - you will meet new people ....and so on.

Act and live as if you are dating her, but NOT exclusive. Sex is OK. No need to deny yourself is there?.

She needs to be slapped with the reality that you are not "her's" unconditionally and she needs to be further reminded that a relationship with you needs to be earned . NO guarantees...You are not her pet , you are not her beta handbag and you are NEVER a sure thing.

Women want you the most when you create apprehension and fear in them that they may lose you to another woman. You do not actually need to have another woman on the side, or cheat . All that is required is that her anxiety rises and she 'feels' the possibility of losing you. You achieve this by having her observe your behavior over time.
RT refers to this as "competition anxiety" and he is correct when he suggests that women's attraction and desire is highest when she is somewhat UNCOMFORTABLE around you.
This concept is counterintuitive to most men- we seek to create a safe, secure, protective bubble around our women and cannot figure out why she turns cold or uninterested and even rejecting.

"Familiarity breeds contempt." It is true enough.

Be bold, be fearless and be indifferent and watch her switches flip to "on" .

 

[ecko280]

Thank you, that made a lot of sense. I now know what pulling away means.

 

[Drum&Bass]

Pulling away is such a rookie move. Your both adults and if you can't communicate like adults then whats the point of being in relationship.

How can you not see that you have the upper hand on things ??????

Women do things to get a reaction because by nature they don't react..men do.

Just because women act differently doesn't mean they have lost interest in you, women do things for a variety of reasons that could be big or small.

Sometimes its a matter of complimenting her more or doing something nice for her. Sometimes it could be waning attraction but don't be crazy and jump to conclusions thinking she is trying to break up with you. Talk to her about it like a man. How else are you gonna know whats wrong ??

 

[jonwon]

When she pulls away, you are supposed to pull away more.

It is pritty much this simple:

How you do it though is up to you OP.

Truly this bit of wisdom is golden, shame most, if not all men ignore it.

Personnally When a woman starts to act like yours does, it's more or less due to a flagging interest level, an interest level that has been dipped by the guy being a needy wuss bag beta boy.

If that is not you, then your woman is probably pulling away for other reasons, if that is so, then if your not the needy wuss boy, you'll probably start to think of it has an opportunity to move up the dating ladder without the added feeling of guilt.

I suspect the first, this girl has you and she knows it and her interest is flagging because your too available, like a puppy dog.

'never giving her the feeling of lacking trust in you' - such a beta play - My GF is obsessed with me and she pritty much knows if she fuc*s up, i have options - that creates interest in woman - believe it or not, not safe zones where she feels that she has you right where she wants you - woman love a challange, they love a little mystery, they cant help themselves - if she believes you can cheat on her, let her believe that, dont sway her either way - keep her in the 'what if' mode - worst thing you can do is communicate that you'll never leave her or cheat on her - hence just that little line, clues me into your frame of mind, and again I repeat your probably very much the 'needy guy'.

 

[squirrels]

To get to an honest answer to, "What should I do?", you need to first ask yourself, "What CAN I do??".

That's the real question at-hand. There are a million actions you may like to take in response, but how many of them would really result in anything? If she wants space from you, for whatever reason, any confrontation is likely to reinforce, not mitigate, that attitude.

You may want to confirm with her that nothing is outright "wrong" that she's not talking about. If she says there isn't, you pretty much have to take her word for it and leave it at that.

Too many guys are used to "being in charge of the situation". There are some things, though, that you can't control.

You may be over-reacting to something, honestly. Make sure you're not "up her ass" too much anyway.

But if there are "trust issues", maybe it's time to let go anyway. You don't need to deal with someone who can't develop a trust relationship with you.

 

[cavedweller]

Dang,

She is pulling away, because, she has lost interest in you..

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

If you are still in control and you think she is drifting away because of some sort of trust issues, then you responding by pushing her away even more will only serve to confirm however she was feeling (whether it was right or not).

Just have an adult conversation with her in a vague way saying that you've noticed her head in the clouds lately and ask her what's up. If you want, you can get more specific and say something like "if you're not feeling us anymore then we can break it off. I have no problem with that." I would suggest just sticking with something vague and getting a better feel for the situation before letting her know you're ready to quit when she is.