Serg897 said:
The problem with this "plate spinning" mentality is that it doesn't solve the underlying problem. If you really like a girl and don't want to get too invested, ****ing 2 or 3 other women you don't like as much wont help you. You have to find another quality woman you like just as much as the first, and these don't come everyday.
The real way to keep yourself in check and in control is to be self-aware, and with experience. I.e., becoming a zen master
this is a good post but you have to put it in the correct context.
first of all, say you are seeing sally and sue. they are okay but nothign great. good in bed, good girls to have on your arm if you want to go somewhere but nothing serious. now amy comes along.
2 things
1. assuming amy is heads and shoulders better than the other 2, you now have 2 pawns so to speak to help you set the correct frame with amy.
2. at least, you have 2 women that you can compare amy to.
I say it's a good post because you are actually correct. I spun plates, from the time i was 21 and 24 and within 30 minutes of meeting my now wife, I knew she was different. I'm not going to say I knew she would be my wife, because i didn't but i knew she was different at least to me from my other plates.
But, that is not me giving you a hallmark sappy love story about how the magic was in the air. That's me, going on date after date for years with different women and having a pretty big database to compare this woman to and knowing from an almost factual standpoint that she was the best fit I had seen for me in some time if not ever.
But even then, I did not settle down. Part of getting in a serious LTR is being able to identify the right girl which I believe I did. It did not take long for her to become my fav plate. not long at all actually. The other part is being able to set the frame for a long lasting relationship.
had i met her, went on a few dates with her, and asked her to be my GF within a week or two of meeting her, there is no way in hell she would feel te way she feels about me today, regardless of how great she is. While she was great, she had to prove to me that she was worth being in a relationship with. Give me a reason to settle down with you in other words, and I will do so.
At that point, the "plates" switch utilities from being ways to weed out women and find women to honestly and quite bluntly, used as a way to keep me busy so i'm not calling every day, to keep me from falling "head over heels in love with her" so quickly.. to keep me from making a rash decision. durning that time, when it became apparant I had other female friends and when she started seriously catching feelings for me, and she tried to lay down the guantet with the ultimatium, and she tried at one point to force mt to stop seeing other women and iw asn't ready yet, she tired shaming me and calling me a jerk and heartless, tried complaining to her other orbiters how I was a being such a jerk (yet still continued to see me)... she eventually tried to to do her own little version of NC. this went on for like a week and a half. honestly at onne point i thought she was gone, but even then, oh well. those other plates kept me busy. had i given in then, i might have won the battle but i would have most assuredly lost the war. I wanted to date her but i wanted to date her on my terms. I mean I really liked her alot, had i not had any other plates I would have done something very stupid very quickly and would have completely blown the framework of the relationship. Over the next 3 or so months I used the other girls to help me successful negotiate the correct frame work with the girl I actually wanted to date. Once I was satisfied that she was ready I dropped the other plates and settled down.
could i have done that without other plates? I don't know. probably. hell we are married and she still feels the same way about me i know how to keep myself busy without women. but plates also show a woman that you are deserible by other women and that if she doesn't play by your rules you can take the ball and go play with someone else.
What if you were invested in a relationship, and your woman secretly believed in "spinning plates" and was still talking to multiple guys while you were seeing, and in love with her?
women are natural plate spinners. they just don't call the plates.
i would not be in lov with a woman who was with other guys.
actually, that exact same thing happened with m first real GF. she had mutliple guys she was seeing when I met her including her ex of 6 years. I had mutlipole girls I was seeing. From June to November she would ask me did i want to be her BF, and i would tell her not until I was sure she was ready to be committed and i couldn't do that while she was fvcking other guys. she would tell me that she would stop fvcking other guys when I stopped fvcking other girls. we went back and forth with this until she made the first move and cut off her guys. when I was 100% convinced, which took a few months that she was serious, i cut off the other girls. honesty really wasn't all that big of a deal, becuase well i was fvckign other girls. I did not allow my self to get emotional over her. plus I knew she liked me. we dated for about a year and a half exclusively. she eventually blinked first though.
it's not so much a game it's just.. men take women here way too seriously. a woman has to earn you being serious. until a woman proves otherwise she should just be considered a source of entertainment.
ps- let me expand on something. the difference between thinking someone is "different" and knowing someone is "different". The cycle that a guy will fall into when he has no plates is that he will see a girl, probably a few times, fantiaze about her, imginage the conversations he will have with her, imagine her personality, imagine her tastes.. he will basically build her up in his mind as to how she will be. I know this beucase I did it time and time again. then the first time she opens her mouth and isn't a crack***** or just have obvious red flags (and hell sometimes even then). you are going to think of her as "different" or "the one" not because she is, because you've already determined what she is before she let you show you what she is. don't let her mess around and actually reciprocate some interest in you, it's over then. plates prevent this.
