Spinning Plates - sex talk vs action

[thirtyzDude]

Ok, so this year I decided to make a big change: I started working on myself, trying to become more well rounded, get out more, and lose weight. I also decided to date as many women as I could handle. I've used dating sites as well as meeting people "organically." It's been quite the eye-opener. In the past, one-itis has spelled disaster for me; I get infatuated with one girl and then am devastated later when she turns out to be boring, or frigid...etc...

I've been noticing an interesting trend with many of these women: the ones that are willing to have sex within 3-6 dates typically don't talk about it - when it happens it happens. When they talk about sex a lot, and try to convince me that they really like sex, it often doesn't happen. They begin to make excuses, they say they want me but they don't want to do anything they regret. My thoughts when this happens: wtf?

It doesn't bug me as much since I have other women I can go out with. I've nexted women before when I realized it wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't super interested in them anyway. However, what to do when it's someone I really like? All I can think to do is keep on finding other women to date (which helps a lot). However, mentally, I would just like to know how to frame this behavior in my mind. It seems to me that either a) she's a tease, b) she can maybe tell or sense that I'm seeing other women, or c) I've inadvertently done something AFC that turned her off. Just looking for a way to reconcile this in my mind I guess. Any advice or thoughts appreciated.

 

[PDubb75]

Just a thought of a possible reason. The ones that talk about it may be more unsure of themselves. Maybe they feel they need to talk about it to keep you interested, but at the same time are too nervous to go through with it that soon.

Where, on the contrary, the ones with the confidence or experience know to just let things happen.

Your method of dealing with it seems to be working for you. And congrats on making the big change with yourself.

 

[drak_ool]

Sometimes girls classify you as "boyfriend material." Then, they will withhold sex under the right assumption that no one will want to date a girl who gives it up too easily. However sex still is on her mind, and she feels the need to talk about it since you two are not doing it.

This is also the time where she will give you clues on the kind of girl she is. In my book there's only 2 kinds of girls who will withhold sex for a while: the good girls (exceedingly rare in Western countries these days), and the recovering wh0res, who want to pass for good girls. Again, pay attention to what she says, **** test her yourself about ONS and f-buddies and the truth WILL come out.

Btw, to me it's a huge turn off when a girl who I know has given it up easily in her past makes me wait for it. I still go for it because of the "chase" aspect, and everything that is harder to get makes me more excited in the short run, but after I tap that ass a couple times I'm good. Of course, no way I'm gonna get in a relationship with her, so in the long run her strategy falls short.

 

[thirtyzDude]

It doesn't even bother me when I have to wait a few dates - I enjoy the natural progression. The ones that give it up quickly don't garner my respect. However, once a chick brings it up - but then nothing happens for a while - it bothers me; once that happens it's on my mind and I'm left wondering "ok, then why the hell bring it up if you don't intend on following through?" Call me overly plan-oriented, but I need a mental strategy and frame to use when dealing with these types of girls. Or maybe I just keep doing what I'm doing and next them after I get irritated enough?

 

[Greasy Pig]

I've been out with a few chicks who talk a big game and then fold like an old newspaper when it's time to get it on.

This one chick I was seeing last year was even paying me out. Texting sh!t like: "I bet you only want to do it with the lights off", or, "I can't wait for tomorrow night. We're still catching up aren't we? Or are you scared?"

You know, that sort of sh!t.

So the first time we fvck, I leave the light on and throw her back , rip her panties off with my teeth and get ready to give her the pounding of her life and she says: "Can you turn the light off?"
Ha ha! WTF. Actions speak louder than words. Always.


I dunno why they do it but maybe Pdub75 is right. They're trying to keep you interested by telling you what they think will work without actually having to give up the tang.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

It's totally fine for the girl to sense you are seeing other women. The fact that you mentioned her getting the feeling that you are seeing other women is AFC. Most women can tell you are seeing other women without asking and this is generally to your advantage as that just makes you more attractive and harder to get. Just how we like a challenge they also like a challenge

If you really like a girl and want to start a relationship it's important that you withhold sex even if she wants to bang you. This shows you are a sexually responsible person, and can hold your frame.

Creating sexual frustration is important, she'll want you more and when you guys do have sex she'll rock your world. But remember there's a limit to withholding sex. If you cross that fine line your chances will be slim.

You're doing good, but you'll do better if you start reading more material and applying it.

 

[thirtyzDude]

well, ultimately I f-ed up with this one chick - she's older than I am, and I became really attracted to her somehow (i.e. thinking about her a lot, etc). I started to think there was some magical connection and all that BS. The last time we went out, she flat-out told me she was dating another guy, without me asking. Apparently she's told friends and family about BOTH of us. She also displayed hypersensitivity to teasing - big red flag. When we went back to her place, I wasn't even sure I wanted to hang around. I told her I was tired and was going to leave, but the sprinklers were on so I had to stay until they turned off. That's when she jumped me. Things got hot and heavy just like the last time, but at the last minute she told me to get out; she wasn't going to sleep with me because she didn't know me very well (this was our 4th date). I made some joke and laughed it off, but now i'm starting to feel toyed with. I'm thinking I'm just going to back-burner her and move on, but is there a better way I should have handled it?

 

[AW1983]

well, ultimately I f-ed up with this one chick - she's older than I am, and I became really attracted to her somehow (i.e. thinking about her a lot, etc). I started to think there was some magical connection and all that BS. The last time we went out, she flat-out told me she was dating another guy, without me asking. Apparently she's told friends and family about BOTH of us. She also displayed hypersensitivity to teasing - big red flag. When we went back to her place, I wasn't even sure I wanted to hang around. I told her I was tired and was going to leave, but the sprinklers were on so I had to stay until they turned off. That's when she jumped me. Things got hot and heavy just like the last time, but at the last minute she told me to get out; she wasn't going to sleep with me because she didn't know me very well (this was our 4th date). I made some joke and laughed it off, but now i'm starting to feel toyed with. I'm thinking I'm just going to back-burner her and move on, but is there a better way I should have handled it?

Last minute resistance man. I probably would have just made a joke and said "whoa! I'm not that kind of guy, what were you THINKING!?" with a smile" and then tried again in a couple minutes. If she still resisted, then bounce and go NC for a while to drive her crazy.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

We've all been there before. Things get escalated then stops before the home run. She's probably not ready to be emotionally attached as some women get when they sleep with someone. She told you flat out that she was dating another guy, you should have said right away "That's cool, you're single, you should be dating other people (with a smile)". Saying this with confidence will let her know you're also dating other women ONLY if she asks. If she was interested in you at all she would ask. If she asks she now sees you as a challenge since she knows she has competition. You now can be in total control and be defensive in a ****y/funny way when she tries to make passes on you.

Be that smoother operator like James Bond knowing what to say, how to say it, and when to say it. That's exactly the way you should have handled it

But the game is not lost yet my friend, you have to start dating other women ASAP, and I do mean ASAP and keep your schedule booked with personal time, dating other women time. Don't contact her, but instead let her contact you, sooner than later she'll realize you're schedule got busier and when you guys meet up she'll know you're dating others. Keep her on the back burner and spin plates. Start working out and make yourself even more attractive to women.

Read this book Pimping for Dummies
http://issuu.com/togazer/docs/pimping_for_dummies

It sums up Pook, AntiDump, Style, Mystery, everything in one book. This should ensure you make no mistakes ever again.

 

[thirtyzDude]

oh, she asked how many other women I was seeing, and I told her a couple. She tried to get some more info about them, and I gave as few details as possible just because I don't like talking about other women when I'm with a chick I'm dating. She also gave me the "I'm not sleeping with you," line at one point earlier on when we were making out, and I told her ok - but then escalated it even further. Let's just say I could tell she was very excited, but she still held back. So maybe it's all good; I just want to feel a little more in control of the situation.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

You have to play ****y funny with these chicks. If she wants to get more info on the girls you are seeing, say something like, "You know.. I can always call one of the girls out on our next date if you're THAT interested ()...?(A bit of sarcasm with a semi-evil naughty smile)"

And don't be afraid of calling girls out like this, it just shows you have lots of women around you and you have options. Obviously don't set it up on purpose though But they should know you can if YOU want to.

I'm not sure if you read the book "The Game" but this reminds me of Neil Strauss aka "Style" how he was getting intimate with a girl in bed then she said she doesn't want to sleep with him. She wanted to cuddle instead. He didn't cuddle, instead he got out of bed and opened a book or turned on his laptop I think and started doing some work. She asked him to come back, he turned it around somehow and she ended up sleeping with him.

You could have turned the tables in the same way. I have the book but can't exactly remember what he did, but it was damn genius

Does anyone remember?

 

[thirtyzDude]

seems like that would only work with girls with low self-esteem, I could see some girls getting pissed off at the obvious diss. What I'm wishing I had done was once I heard the sprinklers turn off, push her off me and say "well, time for me to go"...but I didn't obviously, 'cause my d**k was in control. Oh well, next time

And also, I'm not psyched about the idea of having to "turn things around" to get sex. I've been with chicks where there was the progression, we didn't talk about why we weren't having sex at the time - it was just understood that it would happen when it happened. I'm in no hurry, BUT - when a girl starts talking about it, and puts out the vibe, but ultimately comes up with some reason why she doesn't want to just yet, it just irritates me. To me it's either insecurity or a power trip, and I'm not down with either. But hey, enlighten me please. I'm still new to the spinning plates thing, so I'm open to new info.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Not necessarily, they just need to know you are serious and you're not just saying that to get in her pants. Because really if you're not gonna get what you want, why even bother. There's always another chick waiting. The AFC move would be to continue with what she wants knowing you won't get what you want. You'll get there slowly if you keep applying knowledge which will in turn give you the power to control the situation. Hopefully next time the ball will be in your park, then she'll make you her A plate.

When relationships are the topic, I sometimes tell female friends and co-workers, "only 1 out of 10 guys actually knows what they are doing".

I then confidently say I'm 1 out of those 10 guys. They don't question me, even if guys in our conversation.

Something tells me you haven't looked too far into the whole PUA stuff and/or have not exhausted yourself with reading material yet have you?

It's so critical for helping you with your game.

 

[thirtyzDude]

not necessarily...a power play? If that's the case, then cool...how can I tell though if she is trying to use sex as a weapon?

 

[Greasy Pig]

not necessarily...a power play? If that's the case, then cool...how can I tell though if she is trying to use sex as a weapon?

I think she's definitely just wanting to keep you around until she gets sick of fvcking the other dude.

Hey, at least she's been honest with you and she may not be a cvm-hungry slvt after all and only wants to cop one dyck at a time.

It's up to you how you handle it. If you're happy to stay in orbit and hope she gives it up one night, then go ahead.
But I'd be more proud than that. Leave it up to her to contact you when she's ready to fvck.
At the moment, you're just an ego boost for her when her A guy brushes her off.
I'd go NC and date other chicks.

 

[thirtyzDude]

not saying you're wrong or right, but why is it the assumption that if the woman is dating more than one guy, she must be sleeping with at least one of them?

 

[Zarky]

Never tell a chick outright you're seeing other chicks.

 

[thirtyzDude]

I don't. But some of them can't help but ask. Lately my reply has been "nothing serious."

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Congratulations thirtyzDude, you made the blog today:

https://rationalmale.wordpress.com/

 

[backbreaker]

As stupid as I know this is going to sound, I would go so far that the women that are talking about sex all the time are not attracted to you.

I'm not a shrink or anytihng but I know how people tick. From my experience, when a person lies, or is being deceitful, their natural instinct is always to over exaggerate what they do not have do not intend to do.

For instance, I have a client I am dealing with now, we programmed a site for him at the end of may, the guy still has not paid for it, yet he goes out of his way to tell me every other day how many clients he has and how much money he has or what not. What he is attempting to try to get over for I don't know but i do know he's trying to get over and cover the fact that he can't afford to pay the balance of the bill he is owed, even after I told him dude, it's cool just be honest and tell me when you will be able to pay the bill.

It's like, my oneitis, we used to talk about sex fvcking every night, and she had no intention of having sex with me in retrospect, at least at that point in time she did not. But it was the sex talk that kept me around. She did not like me enough to actually want to have sex with me but knew i wanted to have sex with her and knew that if she was going to get anything out of me she had to dangle the carrot of sex in front of me some how.

My take on any situtation like tihs is to run the other way. I know this sounds very very stupid but this is just from mye xperience, womenw ho want to fvck you well they fvck you. there is no need to talk about it. they show you that they are interested in you they don't talk about how interested they are in you.

IMHO a woman like that, she sees qualities in you that she likes, i.e a sholder to cry on, a free dinner now and then, whatever the fvck, but she does not actually have physical feelings for you tot he point where she wants to have sex with you; it may be you, it could be another dude in the picture, but something is keeping her from preforming the act of sex and she is making up with it by leading you on and talking about sex.

i mean, let's put it in perspective. let's say you are a big video game fan and you enjoy playing video games. let's say there is a new game out today and everyone wants it. it is guaranteed to be sold out for a month after today. are you going to go online and look at reviews of the game and sit and debate if you want to buy the game and risk not being able to get a copy or are you going to go and get your ass in line and get the game at midnight before it sales out?

people do not wait for things they want. It's really just that simple. I mean, it's one thing to just not have time or have a busy schedule but to purposely put a dude off, or talk about something yet provide no actions, that's just being purposely deceitful