Spending too much time together?

[cactus3178]

Quick background story:

My first LTR (3 years) was awesome. Long story short, I broke it off because of circumstances related to my moving 150 miles away. Stupid mistake. I was back a year later and I never contacted her again (too embarassed) until she contacted ME a couple weeks ago. We've talked alot in the last few days.

This was my first g/f. We did EVERYTHING together and managed to never get sick of each other......for 3 years. Our interests were the same, our goals in life, etc.

Ever since then, I've never been able to duplicate that level of connection.

Now my question:

How much time together is too much? Obviously you want to keep it fresh. I tell you, I can hang out with my buddies every day and it's no biggie. So why does it have to be different with a girl?

WTF?

 

[madgame]

because ure not romantically interested in your buddies. You shouldnt spend too much time together with your g/f because that makes you "too available" and youre being "less of a challenge"..At least thats what I read on here. On the other hand my sister used to be with a guy for 4 years and they saw each other every day until HE broke up (not her). Besides I know other couples who see each other every day and it seems to be working for them. Im not in a LTR, but I guess that when Im gonna enter one Im not gonna be the type of guy to see my girl every day. I think seeing each other every other day (lets say u dont see each other for like 2 maybe 3 days a week) instead of every day is a good thing to do because it makes sure the relationship wont get boring too soon...besides think about it this way: You see your girl on monday and on tuesday..u wanna see her on wednesday again but u dont..u wait till thursday..ull even want her more and be happier when u see her on thursday...and so on...(so will she by the way). Maybe u gonna marry this girl one day and move in with her and I guess u should still "not be too availabe" (Sorry I hate this whole "not too available" "playing hard to get" crap...but in MODERATON its a good thing..and after doing it for a while itll become part of your personality and u wont really have to do it intentionally anymore...). In other words your chances of keeping her will be better if ure an ambitioned guy who doesnt sit at home only waiting to spend time for her, etc.

I hope u get what I mean?
Maybe u can see each other every day (it really seems to be working for some couples) but I wouldnt do it, because u appreciate things more if theyre not availabe every now and then and the chances of her getting bored by you (or maybe the other way around) will be way smaller.

 

[jbbrain]

yet another helpful regurgitation, courtesy of DA BRAIN


From my point of view, you can really do 2 things to make a relationship fun again.

Challenge/Mystery-Challenge is necessary in a relationship. But its not what many ppl perceiveiy to actually be. It's not about playing games and "acting" to not see her/care about her. It's actually about being active pursuing your passions and the things in life that mean something to you. If you're ambitious and you're both interested and interesting, you'll just come across as a natural challenge. Which is what everyone should strive for btw. I'm not there yet. I ean sometimes, I catch myself pretending I'm busy when I'm not. In the end, just keep yourself busy, so you wont have to worry about lying.

Just finding fun things to do together-I like this method much more than the incorrect perception of what ppl here see as challenge (waiting to phone a few days in order to "up" her IL), keeping the phone call really short because you're acting lie your busy when really u have nothign to do)..The point is, instead of focusing solely on YOU, focus a bit on HER. Bring her to do fun stuff. Have amazing, varying sex, take her on action dates. Go on trips with her etc etc.

Another way to interpret challenge and mystery in my opinion anyways is not only to be "unavailabe" to talk or see eachother. That was the 1st type of challeneg and mystery I mentioned. Of course you can be that guy by actually having a life, like I also mentioned before.

But another helpful way of achieving mystery and challenege is not through the frequency in which you spend time togther, but ALSO by becoming a more interesting person altogether. You can achove this through self improvement and by LIVING LIFE. What you'll find is that the more you do this, the more layers you will have to your "man"hood and overall disposition. You become a challenege when you're not quickly figured out. This is not gained by faking being busy, but also by encouraging and manifesting your many "facets" into your personhood. I dont know if you understand what I'm saying. If you don't, drop me a line..

IMO, being amazing with women requires you to master the internal as well as the external.

It's the combination of these two things that makes you irresistible. By internal, I mean you have to learn to respect yourself and have confidence. This is achieved by living your life the way you want it and improving yourself every single day. It's funny that so many ppl have the misperception that having yourself mastered and "mastering" girls are in completely different realms. The point is, the better you become, the more you appreciate yourself and life in general..getting woman's attention because of this direct consequnce should be seen as icing on the cake..

Anyways, I'm rambling. In short, by focusing on yourself, not only are you making things more interesting for the women you encounter in everyday life, but you also become a better, happier person.

 

[madgame]

yet another helpful regurgitation, courtesy of DA BRAIN

Désolé mais j'ai pas tout à fait compris si c'était qu'une introduction de toi-même ou si tu voulais dire par ca que le conseil que ton précédent (moi) a donné était mauvais? (Parce qu'en fait on semble avoir la même opinion). Désolé mais je parle couramment ni l'anglais ni le francais mais j'espère que tu parles un peu francais parce que tu viens de Québec...alors..tu parles mieux le francais ou l'anglais?

 

[CLOONEY]

I think all this not seeing eachother too often is BULLSH*T on these boards. Of course it is true at first, but after a while for a great relationship u will naturally see eachother upto 6 times a week. Just make sure you still remain a challenge (i.e. flirt with her still), go on fun dates and do something out of the ordinary to surprise her ocassionaly. Dont just let things become a routine by just hanging out etc

good luck, it is very hard to come by someone you connect with on that level, as long as you dont get your heart broken in the process I say go for it. All this, NEVER GO BACK TO AN X is just from chumps on this board.