Source of Confidence...

[Cod3r]

If I have one problem its this...

The source of my confidence are things OUTSIDE of myself, but I can't be the only one right ?? My confidence at this point (being truthful) comes from the fact that I believe I look good and can compete for the hottest girls, when I get my hair lined up nice I'm borderline a narcissist...

Also comes from the fact i'm extremely smart (not bragging btw lol, well kinda)

Also comes from the fact that I've fvcked some of the hottest girls that i've seen. I've had gf's that sometimes I look at the pictures and am in disbelief that my dvck was actually in that, or think of nights where I just completely outshine everyone or hook up with girls that would reject most guys...

I am hardly ever intimidated by women because of this confidence, but is the fact that the sources are outside of my core-person bad ?? Anyone else ever have this problem... If I think I look average, my confidence dips about 50% and it can fluctuate hard sometimes, I can't just wake up throw on sweats and believe I can fvck the HB8 down the hall... i'm not there yet... maybe that's becoming a DJ ?? I think I finally realize the difference between PUA and DJ... i'm DEF. NOT a DJ, just realized it...


-Cod3r

 

[Demon]

Also comes from the fact i'm extremely smart (not bragging btw lol, well kinda)

Hey, I'm a genius, but I have a 1.8 GPA.

 

[JasonF]

haha you just posted on my thread. thought i might give you my 2 cents

to answer your question, i'm the exact same way. I base it on accomplishments. sports, looks, smarts.. those kinds of things.

however I've noticed that not everyone is quite this way... I've met some very succesful people that were always confident, even when they were at their lowest points.

personally, i think the temporary glimpses of insecurity can be very positive. why else would we feel them unless they were made to help us? remembering how ****ty you felt when things didnt go your way motivates you to work harder

 

[Last Man Standing]

Cod3r, your intelligence and good looks were given to you - you did nothing to earn them!!! Do not be proud of these fair and generous attributes - be proud of what you do and how you do it - these things are up to you and only you can take credit or blame for the outcome!!

 

[Cod3r]

personally, i think the temporary glimpses of insecurity can be very positive. why else would we feel them unless they were made to help us?

First thing I've ever read here that made me stop and think.... great insight bro

Cod3r, your intelligence and good looks were given to you - you did nothing to earn them!!! Do not be proud of these fair and generous attributes - be proud of what you do and how you do it - these things are up to you and only you can take credit or blame for the outcome!!

Also great insight, you're right of course. Tks.


-Cod3r

 

[Last Man Standing]

post a pic playboy!

 

[LA_Chico]

i got his myspace bro, maybe he can give it to you

 

[Last Man Standing]

i got his myspace bro,

How could you have his "myspace" if it is "his space"???

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Hahahahaha!!

 

[azanon]

If I have one problem its this...

The source of my confidence are things OUTSIDE of myself, but I can't be the only one right ?? My confidence at this point (being truthful) comes from the fact that I believe I look good and can compete for the hottest girls, when I get my hair lined up nice I'm borderline a narcissist...

Also comes from the fact i'm extremely smart (not bragging btw lol, well kinda)

Also comes from the fact that I've fvcked some of the hottest girls that i've seen. I've had gf's that sometimes I look at the pictures and am in disbelief that my dvck was actually in that, or think of nights where I just completely outshine everyone or hook up with girls that would reject most guys...

I am hardly ever intimidated by women because of this confidence, but is the fact that the sources are outside of my core-person bad ?? Anyone else ever have this problem... If I think I look average, my confidence dips about 50% and it can fluctuate hard sometimes, I can't just wake up throw on sweats and believe I can fvck the HB8 down the hall... i'm not there yet... maybe that's becoming a DJ ?? I think I finally realize the difference between PUA and DJ... i'm DEF. NOT a DJ, just realized it...


-Cod3r

Well, just take note that you've identified a problem that you have plenty of time to do something about. And that is to improve the substance of who you really are. Specifically, that means improving your standanding in the real world, education, jobs, stuff like that. I don't know your education/current occupation, but definitely strive to develop yourself into a more successful person along with the gaming women.

As time goes on Cod3r, you wont necessarily lose your looks anytime soon, but what will happen is that the women will naturally be more concerned about your actual social status, and how well you can take care of them, and less so about the "externals". Sure, you might always be able to get the ONS while they are ignorant about your real worth, but eventually that has to be a bit empty for you and lacking substance.

Azanon

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ Good point...

I've always valued education over women. Right now I'm just graduating and seeing all of these opportunities coming at me and concentrated on building my future career. My lady understands that (i think she knows i'm going to be rich lol) and is very supportive...

Just want the confidence where I wake up all nasty and lookin terrible and still feel the same as if I spent 1 hour getting ready for a night on the town !

post a pic playboy!

While ago, but not much changed

-Cod3r

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ I just learned how to add to reputation and I just did for you btw

If your successful as your say you are, you shouldn't have a problem being confident it should flow out of your naturally but the main issue you have is that you haven't accepted yourself for who you are YET. That is the key to ultimate confidence, accept yourself for who you are and KNOW your abilities and what you CAN and cannot do. Everyone has unlimited potential inside of them but you have to find it to be truly successful, fear is the greatest obstacle you have finish it before it holds you back even more.

The thing is though is that everyone always tell me that i look very confident. I remember last week I walked into my Diff Equ. final and just sat down listening to my ipod while everyone else was frantically studying or asking last minute questions and this guy just looked at me and said, "wow dude you're always so confident" and well I didn't particularly feel confident...

When I really put myself together physically and think I look great, that feeling of confidence is VERY strong. But during the test, I was just regular and yet people around me noticed this confidence... are there differences in confidence ?? I believe I have confidence that just exudes out of me that people notice, but it isn't like when its something that i'm REALLY confident about like looks or my ability with female.... does that make sense ??

Also I take no offense to what you say (please be specific, i'm looking to change not to protect my ego), but you are right I need CONSTANT assurance about myself, mostly looks. Education level and career success I believe are deeply engrained because I don't need validation their, I know i'm the shvt when it comes to smarts, even on my worst day those things are constants...

BUT looks (the source of that VERY strong confidence) it fluctuates. If I feel i'm average or just nothing special my confidence can REALLY sink and I don't even want people to see me, its very bad sometimes and I won't even go out the room... ur right i'm almost like a female... how sad...

So I guess what i'm asking or trying to ask is why can't get the CONFIDENCE HIGH from internal things like education or past achievements or just from being me ?? I'm definitely confident about those things because outside people tell me I exude confidence, but its not that SUPER CONFIDENCE... get what i'm saying ??

Is it possible to have this super confidence outside of validation of my looks ?? I want to be able to not have my hair-cut or dressed in expensive clothes and have that feeling of confidence I have... some reason I don't think its possible... do you have it ?? What are the first steps to getting there ?? I do like myself and accept myself (my girl is helping me speed it along) I have no problems with myself, no hangups that I consiously know of... where do I start ??



Any help is appreciated tks...




-Cod3r

 

[BustedKnucks]

I derive my confidence from compliments, successes, and avoided failures.

But I've never been depressed, so I guess my inner fire is doing alright on its own.

 

[Last Man Standing]

^ ^ I just learned how to add to reputation and I just did for you btw

Don't add reputation points to me!!! Girls like men with bad reps!

So I guess what i'm asking or trying to ask is why can't get the CONFIDENCE HIGH from internal things like education or past achievements or just from being me ?? I'm definitely confident about those things because outside people tell me I exude confidence, but its not that SUPER CONFIDENCE... get what i'm saying ??

Is it possible to have this super confidence outside of validation of my looks ?? ... where do I start ??

Any help is appreciated tks...-Cod3r

Ok kid, I read your thread in the anything else forum and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and your present and future looks great!

A quick answer to your question is because YOU put a higher value on looks than you do on education or past achievements or just from being you - and you are not completely satisfied with your looks and thus you will never have super confidence!!

To answer your question more in depth - most of us have inner insecurities about our looks - this is common and natural - and we are psychologically affected by our physical insecurities and how others perceive us, and thus we lose confidence in ourselves and our abilities!

Your problem is a psychological one and so it stands that the solution is also psychological! There is no such thing as “super-confidence” --- I imagine, from the concern you have receiving validation of your looks that you want to impress others more than you want to impress yourself. Your value does not come from what others think about you – it comes from what you think about yourself! You are seeking as much validation for your looks as you are receiving for your other attributes and achievements – don’t compare apples and oranges!

Don’t let others set the parameters for your confidence – you must set them. Here is my take on your psychological state – you exceed in all areas of your life and you can see the tangible results of this success that has been the fruits of your mental prowess through external rewards -- but when you look in the mirror – you are internalizing a mental projection of your physical self and it does not meet the standard that you want it to be!!

You want your physical appearance to be at the same level of confidence that you receive from your external success from your mental pursuits! You say people compliment you but yet you are unsatisfied still – you seem to be a perfectionist!! As a perfectionist, you will never be satisfied with everything all the time and this will eventually lead to mental anguish.

Here is the solution – don’t look at yourself as separate parts – mental, physical, spiritual – rather look at yourself as an entire package, as a whole unit made of different attributes - and ask yourself, “How is the total package of my being?” You then judge the parts separately and give each major area a rating – but then give your self a total overall score – is that score acceptable to live a happy, healthy and successful life? If so, then you passed and don’t think of it further! No one gets a perfect score by the way – so don’t try to get one!

 

[Cod3r]

^ ^ Be careful before you get another bout of positive rep points !

The thing is though, when I spend some time on myself to put myself physically together, I'm 100% happy about the results. Like I'm going out tommorow night and I guarantee I'll have super confidence because well in my mind I'll know I look good (because i'll spend hours preparing). Once finished preparing I look in the mirror and say "you are perfect"

It's just if something dosen't look right, i'm fvcked... it will ruin my night...

I do believe you're right in what you say though and I'll start to work on it. It's hard when the problem is rather intangible. I always want people to be impressed by me, I can't stop that feeling. When I walk out of the door into the world, I've got to be PERFECT. I've got to be smelling right, looking right and know what i'm going to do, any deviation and I fall into myself and won't speak to anyone... it's actually sad when I think about it....

I'll continue to work on it... we'll see tks for advice


-Cod3r

 

[Spartibus]

^ ^ Be careful before you get another bout of positive rep points !

The thing is though, when I spend some time on myself to put myself physically together, I'm 100% happy about the results. Like I'm going out tommorow night and I guarantee I'll have super confidence because well in my mind I'll know I look good (because i'll spend hours preparing). Once finished preparing I look in the mirror and say "you are perfect"

It's just if something dosen't look right, i'm fvcked... it will ruin my night...

I do believe you're right in what you say though and I'll start to work on it. It's hard when the problem is rather intangible. I always want people to be impressed by me, I can't stop that feeling. When I walk out of the door into the world, I've got to be PERFECT. I've got to be smelling right, looking right and know what i'm going to do, any deviation and I fall into myself and won't speak to anyone... it's actually sad when I think about it....

I'll continue to work on it... we'll see tks for advice


-Cod3r

Why did you send me your pic in my private email?

Keep working man.. you have a LONG way to go.. your birdchest and acne isn't going to get you far.

 

[Nexxus]

don't be takin' no advice from a 44 year old virgin... I doubt he knows what true confidence is

that would be not giving a ****, well honestly I don't really know what true confidence is neither but people do call me confident.

I'm confident because I've done something so many times that eventually it becomes something completely normal. I used to be scared as **** just goin' up and starting a conversation with a girl, now I love talkin' to them and more. Same goes with tests and presentations, if I study and rehearse then I'm full of confidence if I don't I fail and stutter. Same for sports, if I suck at taking a shot why would I even attempt to take a shot in a match? Shaq doesn't take three's because we all know he'd miss.

Obviously there are external factors such as how good you look and how smart you are, and well I'm kind of blessed with everything which is I find kind of lucky, but I'd only actually lose confidence if I knew I couldn't look any worse on that day (which happens around one day a week and if it's on a weekend I hate it). But honestly I don't give a **** how I look, I just take my shower get out, put clothes that fit and everything just seems to come together, if I take too much time thinking about how I look then I end up thinking that I could have looked better and that just gets rid of my confidence.

You can set up yourself to have high or low confidence basically, based on what you eat and do in life, based on how you do things and how you walk and talk. Confidence shows, everyone has a different level and the levels of confidence keep changing, right now my confidence is at a high, but say... errmmm a long time ago my confidence was low.

I like my consistency levels this year though, I been havin' fun and life is great, confidence is high and every person I know likes me.

 

[Last Man Standing]

don't be takin' no advice from a 44 year old virgin... I doubt he knows what true confidence is.

Damn, I got a 17 year old Ethiopian kid sweating my balls!!

 

[Spartibus]

Damn, I got a 17 year old Ethiopian kid sweating my balls!!

LOL!

 

[Last Man Standing]

don't be takin' no advice from a 44 year old virgin... I doubt he knows what true confidence is.

Damn, I got a 17 year old Ethiopian kid sweating my balls!! I think I just hit rock bottom!!!