SoSuave virgins. Maybe your standards are too high?

[MrJibbles]

As many of you know, I am a 21 year old virgin. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. I'm turning 22 at the end of the summer. I feel that I've waited way too long. I'm getting sick of this sh**.

Approach anxiety and fear of girls, in general, has dominated my life just way too much. The only girl who ever gave me attention was some chick I randomly met on facebook halfway across the world. We exchanged messages and had a few video chats. I talked to her for hours, but I found out there was a catch. Why would this decently attractive girl be so obsessed with an AFC like me? I was so used to not getting attention from chicks, that when this chick started sending me sexual messages and when I woke up one morning with 16 missed calls from her, I knew something was up. Turns out she was a single mom with a baby. No wonder she'd talk to some chump like me. But I ended up expressing my emotions too soon and too intensely, and she "dumped" me. I have now deleted my facebook. Permanently.

Now I'm back at square one. I know you're obviously not supposed to show any signs of being desperate to girl, but at this point, I'm so deep in sexual debt that it's nearly impossible not to feel desperate. I can't just magically turn off some switch in my brain to make me not feel desperate. It's like telling a depressed person to just "be happy." It doesn't work that way. A 21-year dry spell can really get ya down.

Should I just lower my standards dramatically? I don't want to turn 22 and still be a virgin.

To all the virgins on this forum, have you ever considered going after a chick who is way below your standards? I'm thinking of going to the mall or something and just finding an UG or fat chick to get it over with. I mean, any of us could have sex whenever we want. We'd just have to lower our standards.

Seriously, virtually every pretty girl out there has had more sexual experience than me. This automatically makes me feel inferior to them. If I feel inferior to them, it follows that I won't have the confidence to attract and seduce them. This is my biggest hang-up. People tell me I'm good-looking, but I've got no game or swag, so a virgin I remain.

I contemplated the hooker idea once, but figured that I'd probably blow my load in two minutes and waste my money. Plus I'd still have approach anxiety with women and poor seduction skills by the end of the experience, not to mention that I don't have enough money for a hooker right now anyway.

Have any late bloomers out there had a "f*** it" moment and just went for an undesirable woman or took advantage of some drunken fat h0e at a club? I want to get this out of the way and have at least one notch under my belt. Being a level 21 wizard isn't cool anymore.

 

[ganda1f91]

20 year-old virgin checking in here. (Not quite on the never had a gf or kissed a girl level though.) You've summed up, in a nutshell, the root of most of my approach anxiety. I'm starting to give way to the notion though that I'll just have to plow through it...heh, no pun intended. I honestly feel kind of the same way you feel about turning 22, about turning 21. (October for me.) And yes, I have lowered my standards some in terms of who I would (at least consider) apporach(ing). It helps if you look more to live in the moment and don't worry about LTR's from the get-go (like I used to constantly do).

 

[switch]

i never lower my standards, i don't wanna sleep with a pig or a single mom(i hate kids,they are annoying)...i know my worth, im a genius, a dental student, from a good family, rich and fit..why the hell should i go for a girl who has a beard or a s!ut?
never lower yourself....

 

[Eternal_water]

The fat ones are even more suspicous

 

[dub_g]

I lost my virginity pretty late in my social circle (19) but no one outside of my close friends would believe I was a virgin, because in all other areas of my life I was confident and assertive but was basically scared of the pu**y haha. I imagine the longer this goes on the worse it gets so I feel your pain bro.

Anyway my advice is go out a lot, surround yourself with girls, alcohol and good times and it will happen bro.

If its the performance side you are worried about that can easily be explained by the alcohol and girls will be surprisingly understanding. You just need to become confident around women in general and once you hit it once you will wonder what you were worried about. Kissing and sex are natural human functions, once you are able to put yourself in front of a willing girl, thousands of years of genetic programming will kick in and you will do the deed, not perfectly at first but certainly satisfactorily.

In terms of trying to take down an ugly girl this will not work unless you are drunk and in this case you do actually gain a temporary level of attraction, even if that is taken back in the morning haha. Approaching ugly girls is actually harder as

a. she is just as aware as you are that she is ugly so she will be suspicious of your intentions.

b. you will not be in the zone unless you are attracted.

Good luck in your pursuit of glory. You will get there mate, just have fun - in my experience pu**ys tend to gravitate toward those who are having fun.

 

[jglide123]

Unless your standards are unrealistically high, you should NEVER lower them. If you're walking around thinking "I only bang 9's and above," then your standards are probably too high....

EVERY man should have standards. I never have been able to understand guys who will bang anything from an 89 lb anorexic chick to a 315 lb fatty...but we have some sick individuals in this world.

A good rule-of-thumb is to only attempt to game chicks who you're genuinely attracted to. They don't have to be the most attractive girls you've ever seen, but there should be some level of physical attraction there.

 

[PlentyOfLove]

Warning! Personal opinions and general views on world/manhood lie ahead. Proceed with caution.

That's not a good way to think my good man. Being a virgin as well, I know what you're going through. I also struggled with it for quite some time, thinking about when it was going to happen, with whom it is going to happen, and IF it's going to happen.

I've always had big ambitions for general success in life. Always had a big confidence, always was physically attractive, funny and just a guy people want to be like/with. But I was a horrible AFC, which is probably why it never happened. I never had the balls to escalate.

Then I moved to another town, and met a lot of new people. The one I want to compare myself to is a guy my age. An up and coming hip-hop artist, with whom I got along great from the get-go, even though we're pretty much opposites in personality. He was and is always looking for new women to sleep with, and that is what basically defines how he lives. No real ambitions, no real attachments or feelings towards anything, besides getting drunk and bedding women. A fun guy to be with (occasionally), but not a guy I would like to be, despite the fact that he gets laid several times a week.

You see, he is defined by how many women he sleeps with. If he doesn't sleep around, he doesn't feel like a man. A lot of men are like this: *****whipped. They think manhood equals getting laid, so in essence, their manhood depends on women. And frankly, I don't find that manly at all. It's no different from AFC's who want girlfriends because they can't be happy without one.

My time to step up to the plate is coming soon. Probably next weekend. Like you said, getting laid is not about skill. It's a numbers game, and any random chump or fatty can get laid if they just go for it enough many times. So why is it such a big deal? Personally, I put pride on my work, on my music, on my hobbies, on my personality, on what I've accomplished and will accomplish etc. Not on how many times I've blown my load on or in someone.

Getting laid is not what makes me a man. Shouldn't be that for you, either. It will happen, so take your time and enjoy the journey. I sure have.

 

[goodfoot]

I think it is possible for some guys to have their standards too high. They disqualify all these girls. Then when you find the one-in-a-million chick you're looking for, you don't have the game to bed her. So what if she has a kid, or only 8 fingers? You're not proposing marriage, just trying to get your first nut. Stop putting the pu$$y up on a pedastal.

 

[Mr Wright]

Dude I hope you're not saving yourself for "that perfect girl" because more likely than not, it wont happen. She doesnt have to be stunning, like i'd say most guys lose their virginity to average girls...no one's banging models from the get go.

How about you try and kiss a girl before wondering about losing your virginity, take baby steps. You're looking to score a home run when you cant even hit the ball...from my experience getting a girl to kiss you is quite easy, to get a girl to sleep with you, when you have little game, you have a put the groundwork in.


But I wouldnt go near the whales, I mean, imagine if the condom broke...or whatever and you'd have to give her money for some ugly kid. That's how my standards work.

 

[LiveFreeX]

waited till I was 25, bestfriend waited till 30.

Who fvcking cares... dont rush into this, noone is gonna hand you some reward at the end, its not as wonderful and fulfilling as you think.. my first time was awful, regret it completely...just greatful I didn't get a disease or worse a baby.

WAIT for christsakes... WAIT till you have some money in the bank and your head screwed on straight. Sex can get you into some MAJOR fvcking trouble. I was working here in China with a guy in NJ... sat right beside me... first week he arrived, shagged this chinese girl... nice girl 26, he's 31. PREGNANT.

Luckily she turned out to be really nice, cleans the house, cooks the meals and works as a software dev bringing in half the bacon. What the fvck are you going to get out of some stupid drunk ho or some fat slob? AND don't think it won't happen to you. Condoms are not 100%... oh and my friend...man he made it out easy..some nice innocent guys shag and get AIDS/HEPITITIS C ... read about it.

Thought I had hep c for awhile... so glad when my blood cleared... I did a fvcking dance on the spot, did a summersault on the ground, kissed my brother and promised god I would marry the next girl I intended to shag. I still plan to make good on that promise.

Bottom Line: Don't rush this.

 

[Nicholas]

Woah very nice thread!

Jibbles I'm kinda in a same situation as you. 22 in three weeks.

That same thought 'PlentyOfLove' wrote about manhood is interesting. 'If he doesn't sleep around, he doesn't feel like a man.' I kept repeating that until I finaly realised that every snob could get a lay one way or another. I know it's not a matter of looks or character because of what I'm not getting laid. It's just inactivity. I'm waiting for it, more than going for it.

Honestly, I'm disgusted by sluts or ugly, ignorant, shallow *****es. I would never-ever give my time to any physicaly unattractive female. Especially just for the sake of getting laid. Oh there is so much to life than that. There are no shortcuts to success.

I don't have a car, I live with my parents, few bucks here and there. Can this stop me from getting laid? Yes. Can this stop me from getting laid EVER? No. So what's stopping me? Like some guy said - 50% excuses; 50% nerd.

And standards. Standars are too damn high! I definitely have to lower them, considering I'm not the best looking guy out there, because of above factors and because it takes time to get all muscular and independent. I should lower my unrealistic criteria up until the moment I'm a made man. And how was I supposed to get some hotties if I have no experience, it's just an unreal expectation.

There are chicks who want me. They are not ugly or disgusting. It's just that I'm picky as hell. I think binary scale is appropriate for us, wanna fvck that? - Yes? go for it.

I'm sick and tired of being alone. My friends date freaking UGs for 2-3 freaking years. They are disgusting. It's the easiest way to get some pvssy.

I'm feeling incomplete. Like there is a hole in my life.

I work on my body. I work on my education. I have friends and go out. Everything is going very well. I have a bright future before me. But this missing puzzle is what I need to be a better, happier man.

 

[123456789]

Why not pay to have high class escort break your duck and make your first time memorable?

Its not like you have to tell anyone thats how you did it.

You can say it was some drunken one night stand or something else.

Point is it will no longer be hanging over you, holding you back.

 

[Voice]

My first few times weren't with the best looking chicks. I did lower my standards a bit purely for experience. I eventually filtered out the less attractive ones and made my way up to the better looking chicks. That got me to realize that sex wasn't really something I should have been obsessed about in the first place. You are obviously obsessing over losing your virginity as I was. It's really not going to be the life-changing event you think it's gonna be. After you throw that used condom in the trash, you are going to be the same exact person as you are now.

I think the whole 'make the first time memorable' is a bit overrated. It really puts the act of sex on a huge pedestal. The more you think of sex as some super sacred act, the more you are going to obsess over losing your virginity. Who really cares if it's your first time or 237th time? Memorable sex is memorable because it's good. TBH the first time you are probably going to suck at it, I know I did. It might actually be an experience you'd rather forget then remember. Sex gets better the more experience you have.

So don't worry about it too much. If you want to lower your standards to get the experience then go for it. You can always work you way up the looks scale. If you want to make the first time with a hb9 then by all means go for that.

 

[MisterD]

Sex is not a big deal. That's first.

Second, I don't think I could ever lower my standards, no matter how desperate I got.

Some guys can do it, I can't. If I'm planning on banging a girl, there has to be some level of attraction there. I have to be able to smile when I picture her naked, not shudder in repulsion.

I think lowering your standards is a defeatist attitude. Wouldn't you much rather look back on your first time with the satisfaction that you banged a girl you actually wanted to bang and not feel shame that you just lowered your standards for some nasty vag?

 

[Gray The Prince]

Man, you guys are pathetic.

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

Man, you guys are pathetic.

People come to this forum to share all sorts of thoughts regarding girls, so as to improve this area of their lives. Don't go around telling them that they are pathetic, especially because they are smarter than you.

Honestly, by reading their posts, one can tell that they are smart guys, whereas by reading your posts one gets the impression that you are yet another stupid 20y.o. dud.

Have some respect, okay?

 

[snake2]

my first time experience was on 17 with a girl that was older from me and she was just hanging with my brother's (he is older) friends, no one dated her, she was not good-looking and had some extra pounds.

One night we were drunk and we started making out at a friend's house. I did not even think about it...now i can say that she seduced me, not me, i was dizzy enough not to care about performance or first time or whatever...it just happened...we had a good relationship and she learned me many things...

my suggestion; start with the older and not the younger, they shall want you more and like you more and they will show you how to...without you caring much about it, the last point is good because without anxiety you shall enjoy the first time more. At least for me it turned out to be a non stressful experience.

Sometimes i wish that i could find a girl with her ways...:crackup: no way!

 

[ganda1f91]

Repped, Chalenge.

By the way, I guess I should be a little more clear. Most of the standards I lowered relate to personality. I'm VERY picky about personality when thinking of something like an LTR. So the solution, stop thinking so much about LTR's all the time. I'm still not going in for people I just find unattractive. Didn't mean it to come across that way.

 

[SoSuave666]

I lost my virginity at 17. I wasn't AFC at all back then, but believed that my first time should mean something to me. It was with a girl I was seeing and had worked very hard to "game." I thought it was the right time, so I did it. I would never want to have lost it to someone that didn't matter to me. I still believe that to this day. Don't really know why that is, honestly. Nowadays I don't really mind hittin a girl from the club I just met, but back then I had a feeling that the first time should be "special." Call me whatever you want, but that's just the way I saw it. Women are different though.

Story Time:

I was interested in a girl for quite some time a couple years back. Not oneitis or anything, but she was mad cool and I had known her for years but nothing ever amounted to anything because she always had a boyfriend. She dated this beta kid for a little over two years. She never banged him and was a virgin. When they broke up she was 21. A 21 year old female virgin...kinda rare. She is also an 8 or 8.5, which makes it probably even more rare. Anyway, she broke up with this chump whom she "loved" and went to study abroad. While over there she met a bartender at a local bar near her school and banged him almost instantly.

She continued to have secks with him while overseas and came back four months later. A month after that she gave me a call and we hung out. I banged her the second time we hung out (I am older than her and always had higher value than her). I continued to bang her for a while. She would say things like "I don't normally do this" and "You just make me feel so secure." Same BS I'm sure she said to the guy overseas. She got real vulnerable on me and started calling and texting more and more. Then one day she was gone. I didn't care, I knew the game she was playing...but she literally just stopped talking to me. I'm sure she has since banged more dudes, playing the same game.

Point of the story is this: women aren't the ones who believe in "true love" or a "romantic first time." They will lose it to whomever they want to--the man that makes them drip. Men on the other hand are the true lovers. We work all these things out in our head that convince us that these pretty innocent little women are really what they claim to be. Trust me, even the most innocent ones are NOT the angels you perceive.

My own integrity and pride forced me to have a meaningful first time. If you don't share those views, I completely understand. What will happen though after your first time, whether you built it up or you didn't, is that eventually sex will just become sex. A hole is a hole, my brother. It's really nothing that special, I promise. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will let go of the control other people (women especially) can have on you. Good luck bro, and report back when you do finally lose it. Something tells me you will be very underwhelmed.

 

[OC Speedball]

Should I just lower my standards dramatically? I don't want to turn 22 and still be a virgin.

No.

Well actually, it's up to you. But I would never lower my standards for sex.

To all the virgins on this forum, have you ever considered going after a chick who is way below your standards? I'm thinking of going to the mall or something and just finding an UG or fat chick to get it over with. I mean, any of us could have sex whenever we want. We'd just have to lower our standards..

Hell no. It's true that any of us could go pull a UG, but why would we? You say you're good looking; how good looking are you? If you are good looking then hold out for a 7 or an 8. You've had your virginity for 21 years, why would you blow it on a girl that isn't worthy?

Seriously, virtually every pretty girl out there has had more sexual experience than me. This automatically makes me feel inferior to them. If I feel inferior to them, it follows that I won't have the confidence to attract and seduce them. This is my biggest hang-up. People tell me I'm good-looking, but I've got no game or swag, so a virgin I remain.

Why in the world would you feel inferior to them? You seriously need to change your mindset if you want to start making progress. The only thing they have on you is that they've had a penis inserted into their vagina. WOW! Mind=blown. Big deal. And you should never feel inferior to guys either. Like I said, all they did was put their penis in a vagina, it makes no difference on your character. And besides, most guys I know have only had sex with 6's and below.

You can't think of yourself as inferior because you will get nowhere with girls if you do. I see every girl 8 and below as inferior to me. I don't want to sound sexist here, but I really do. They are physically weaker than me, and I am smarter than the majority of them. Most of them don't do much and are pretty boring.

Have any late bloomers out there had a "f*** it" moment and just went for an undesirable woman or took advantage of some drunken fat h0e at a club? I want to get this out of the way and have at least one notch under my belt. Being a level 21 wizard isn't cool anymore.

No. My first kiss was a 6, and my second kiss was a 5.5...in the same night. My first kiss wasn't with some girl I really liked, but it was badaas! (Because I got two in the same night). So as long as your first kiss is cool then it doesn't matter. I didn't care at all, it was fun.

As for your virginity, save that chit. You CAN control the urges! I know it sounds cliche, but go out there and approach girls and get plates. You won't be thinking about sex. You will have options and you will feel very confident that sex is around the corner, therefore you will have no trouble holding out. I am on week 3 of no fap and I just went out with two girls this weekend- one of which involved heavy making out and feel-ups, yet I did not have a strong urge to have sex with her. I was in some kind of zen zone, it was really cool.

Seriously, when you know you can have sex you won't care about waiting it out.